SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Reconciliation
User Topic: They can help if you let them
ShatteredPagan
Member
Member # 35475
Default  Posted: 6:00 AM, February 26th (Wednesday)

This is why Im in reconcilliation.  After triggering so hard yesterday morning, I left work early to go home and cry myself to sleep.  I arranged for my mother to bring the kids home  after school so I wouldnt have to move out of the bed once I crawled into it.  

FWS knew I was having a hard time but was stuck at work himself.  He kept in constant contact with me, checking on me every chance he got, sending messages of love and remorse.  When I told him I was headed home, he did everything he could to get out early and come home to me even though all I thought I wanted was to be left alone.

He found right where I said I would be... curled up in a ball, a sobbing mess, wishing to sleep so I could escape if just for a couple.  He immediately got into bed and held me while I cried all the pain out.  His focus was me and helping me.  He never tried to twist it to be about him.  Only me.  And that in itself was the most precious gift he could have given.


WS (him) 48
BS (me) 39
Together since 5/13/2005
Married 10/13/2012
No kids together. 3 total between us (17, 15, 13)
Affair started: 12/19/2011
Sobriety birthday: 1/11/2012
D-day: 2/17/2012
R-day: 3/1/2012
"The next time you think you a

Posts: 56 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Leicester, North Carolina
blakesteele
Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 7:32 AM, February 26th (Wednesday)

Touching post ShatteredPagan.

19 months out and I have only had to take 3 such leaves of absence from my work.

Great that your fWS is able to work through his guilt and shame to attempt to repair the damage his affair caused you and his M to you.

Great that you recognize his actions.

God be with us all.


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3971 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
SorrowBhindSmile
Member
Member # 38139
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, February 26th (Wednesday)


His focus was me and helping me. He never tried to twist it to be about him. Only me. And that in itself was the most precious gift he could have given.

agreed. i think that is one of the best things a WS can do for a BS. No matter how hard we cry, no matter how much we yell, scream, get angry, call them names, whatever......IMO, when a WS can find it in them to do that despite the tornado of emotions from us...then thats a true sign of remorse and wanting to R.

hugs to you!


Me: BW
Him: WH
OW: My former "dear friend"/neighbor
Married 20+
Kids: 3
D-Day 12/2012
Committed to R 7/8/2013
"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle"

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2013
BtraydWife
Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, February 26th (Wednesday)

He immediately got into bed and held me while I cried all the pain out. His focus was me and helping me. He never tried to twist it to be about him. Only me. And that in itself was the most precious gift he could have given.

Absolutely wonderful. I bet many BSs wish their WS were capable of this. It means so much and helps heal the marriage.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 1889 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 4