New Beginnings
User Topic: sigh..ex was himself.
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 7:16 AM, February 27th (Thursday)

I don't even know how to vent about this, and not sure it belongs in NB's…but I'll say it here.

My ex. I sat in meeting about my son's learning disability yesterday, and he sat there and cried. I kept looking at him, trying to listen to the Intervention Team, and thinking…"yup. Doesn't surprise me." I've been to every meeting, done all of the pushing, and have been pushing for a year to get my son extra help. Now officially dx with a learning disability yesterday and the ball is now rolling to get him the help he needs. This was the first meeting ex showed up to (go figure…the "big one"…he shows) and proceeds to make a scene and basically, well, look like a wuss.

I think what really bothered me is that, as usual, I feel like I'm always the "strong one". No matter what, he will never, ever change. I was the one taking notes, asking questions, listening, engaged..while he sat in the corner and either pontificated about how grateful he was for the teacher(which I mentioned to him when we were walking in), or cried.

I tried to muster a little sympathy while we were walking out, or…maybe I just wanted to see if he would be honest…and asked why he was upset. He just said, "It was hard to listen to…".

I started grieving back in September when I realized there was a problem. I'm ready to just help my kid and move forward. He seems to just now understand there is a real problem.

Yesterday, I felt angry for always being the "strong one". I never get to just…break down. But, today, I feel better. No anger left, still kinda numb.

I wonder how I was ever married to that man. Then, I also noted that I felt absolutely nothing for him. It was like hovering over and watching a stranger. No pull toward him at all, and slightly repulsed.

It feels so good to be completely detached. I also realized that my 4 year antiversary is next weekish. I guess that 3-5 year healing timeline is spot on.

me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings

Posts: 4186 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:26 AM, February 27th (Thursday)

I SO understand this. Just went through DD15's annual IEP meeting and had a similar reaction to wasband and how he acted during the meeting. Attention seeking? Needy? Or something. Anyway.

((((cmego)))) Continuing to send you strength, honey.

You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25777 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, February 27th (Thursday)

Are you kidding me? What is his problem? It's not like he just heard news that his child has a terminal disease! I don't get it!

D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.

Posts: 3416 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Member # 37089
Default  Posted: 10:24 AM, February 27th (Thursday)

Made it all about him, eh? Shocking..

I'm sorry you have so much on your plate... without a strong stand up father figure to take on some of that load.

Me:BW, 34/Him:BH, 34/ 3 boys, 5,8,12
4ddays, now Divorced
We are not in Kansas anymore

Posts: 304 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: NC
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, February 27th (Thursday)

You are a good mom, Cmego.

He is an adequate (maybe, barely adequate) dad.

DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52

Posts: 3213 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, February 27th (Thursday)

You did an awesome job.

He's just an ass. There's no accounting for idiots.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7773 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 10:53 PM, February 27th (Thursday)

You did what you do - be the strong parent, because that's what your kids need. It sounds like that you've always held that role, and the good news is that you are accustomed to this role, and it's beneficial to your kids.

Him? Well, as you said, it wasn't unexpected and it won't change. Thank goodness your kids have you to stabilize them. Is it fair? Of course not, but there is no other option for your kids' sake. You are an awesome mom lady. ((Hugs))

Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling

Posts: 4614 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 7