I don't even know how to vent about this, and not sure it belongs in NB's…but I'll say it here.
My ex. I sat in meeting about my son's learning disability yesterday, and he sat there and cried. I kept looking at him, trying to listen to the Intervention Team, and thinking…"yup. Doesn't surprise me." I've been to every meeting, done all of the pushing, and have been pushing for a year to get my son extra help. Now officially dx with a learning disability yesterday and the ball is now rolling to get him the help he needs. This was the first meeting ex showed up to (go figure…the "big one"…he shows) and proceeds to make a scene and basically, well, look like a wuss.
I think what really bothered me is that, as usual, I feel like I'm always the "strong one". No matter what, he will never, ever change. I was the one taking notes, asking questions, listening, engaged..while he sat in the corner and either pontificated about how grateful he was for the teacher(which I mentioned to him when we were walking in), or cried.
I tried to muster a little sympathy while we were walking out, or…maybe I just wanted to see if he would be honest…and asked why he was upset. He just said, "It was hard to listen to…".
I started grieving back in September when I realized there was a problem. I'm ready to just help my kid and move forward. He seems to just now understand there is a real problem.
Yesterday, I felt angry for always being the "strong one". I never get to just…break down. But, today, I feel better. No anger left, still kinda numb.
I wonder how I was ever married to that man. Then, I also noted that I felt absolutely nothing for him. It was like hovering over and watching a stranger. No pull toward him at all, and slightly repulsed.
It feels so good to be completely detached. I also realized that my 4 year antiversary is next weekish. I guess that 3-5 year healing timeline is spot on.
me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings