Just Found Out
User Topic: Question about WS
Member # 42458
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, February 27th (Thursday)

What reasons do WS give to not answer questions? WW had an EA.

Is it because they think they saving me from pain? Is it because they feel they didn't do anything wrong? Is it because they have something to hide? Is it because they don't want to let go of the "Fake Reality" they had with OP?

DD: 12/18/2013
Status: R

Happiness is a choice.

Posts: 141 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: USA
Member # 32943
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, February 27th (Thursday)

The "reasons" WS give for not answering questions don't really matter. The real reason is not wanting to face themselves.

My WH said the hardest thing for him was admitting to himself that he was "that person," who everyone despises. Weak. Liar. Coward.

Me: BS, 40's.

Posts: 1797 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: West Coast
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, February 27th (Thursday)

Over the years I've seen thousands of flimsy "reasons" (excuses). They are all just extentions of the original lie.

It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)

Posts: 8032 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
Member # 27673
Default  Posted: 9:00 AM, February 27th (Thursday)

The answer to all your questions is---"YES".

None of those, however, are acceptable. Even if it was done with *good intent*, it is not a healthy choice.

[This message edited by jb3199 at 9:00 AM, February 27th (Thursday)]

2 boys-17 & 20(special needs)
Married 21yrs.(together 27yrs.)

All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary Puckett
D-Day: 9/18/09 D-Day#2: 2/19/10 The Marriage Killer: 6/6/11
Heading for D

Posts: 2071 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: northeast
Member # 55
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, February 27th (Thursday)

I have heard them all, I didnít want to hurt you is one. To that I say, if you didnít want to hurt me, than why did you have an affair in the first place. To that, the answer can be I never thought you would find out. And that response gets the question, then why did the affair continue after I found out. And then you get that dumb look from the WS.

The dumb look is always a give-a-way they are out of excuses, at least for the time being.

What reason do WS give for not answering questions?

The reason I have gotten more than any other is the I donít know and the I donít remember answers.

And those make me the most ill of all, because only someone suffering from severe dementia could forget so many big things in their life. I can remember forgetting some things like the exact date or what color socks they were wearing that day, but not the answer to major questions.

Posts: 4101 | Registered: Jun 2002
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, February 27th (Thursday)

Because they can't face the monster in the mirror.


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6579 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
Member # 42458
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, February 27th (Thursday)

I think you are right about the monster in the mirror. The only answer is why do we have to do this every night. Because you shutdown and can't get past one question.

DD: 12/18/2013
Status: R

Happiness is a choice.

Posts: 141 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: USA
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 1:59 PM, February 27th (Thursday)

What reasons do WS give to not answer questions?
Could be any of the things you mentioned but the one that we never see coming is because you don't know the entire story. Answering your questions leads to more questions and if she knows the story won't add up to what you know already she will NEVER answer your questions. That's the thing about liars. The longer you lie the more stories you have to keep straight in your head. I hope it's not true but don't be surprised if there is more to the story that you dont know.

D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1910 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, February 27th (Thursday)

My WH said the hardest thing for him was admitting to himself that he was "that person," who everyone despises. Weak. Liar. Coward.


Oh at first it was to not hurt me, it was to save me more pain, it was to protect the OW, blah, blah, blah.

But the real answer is as stated above. They can't face themselves.

Indian wisdom says our lives are rivers. We are born somewhere small and quiet and we move toward a place we cannot see, but only imagine. From Tending Roses

Posts: 6547 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
Member # 32232
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, February 27th (Thursday)

The Constanza Theory. "It's not a lie........if you believe it." Some of them eventually believe all of the lies that they tell you. Then they can switch to the I've already told you everything defense.

Posts: 718 | Registered: May 2011
New Member
Member # 41790
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, February 27th (Thursday)

Several excuses can be generated I would guess.

But most probably have to do with selfishness and a lack of concern for the betrayed partner.

Posts: 16 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: United States
New Member
Member # 42516
Default  Posted: 8:43 PM, February 27th (Thursday)

I hate hearing "I don't know." and "I was stupid." They are complete fall back excuses to hide away from the true reasons they can not face.

They are afraid of further and more severe consequences because usually what you don't know is worse than what you already do.
They like to pick through and only tell the bare minimum of the things least likely to get them the opposite outcome they hope to get in the end.

Posts: 14 | Registered: Feb 2014
Topic Posts: 12