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User Topic: Pictures Down
LostSamurai
Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, February 28th (Friday)

I took my pictures down of my wife and I together. Then when I thought about reconciliation I brought them back up, but lately, I find myself staring at them thinking I should take them down and leave them down.

Has anyone else had this dilemma and if you R, did you leave them down still.


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1036 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
rachelc
Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, February 28th (Friday)

We had intimate couples pictures taken of us the DAY before he embarked on an affair. I can hardly stand to look at them. We look at each other so lovingly and yet I guess it was a farce...I love them and hate them at the same time.


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me: 48
him: 52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4696 | Registered: Dec 2010
LostSamurai
Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, February 28th (Friday)

It's hard for me stare at them, because of lot of them I notice, she is wearing a necklace that he gave her in it.


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1036 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
Pass
Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, February 28th (Friday)

she is wearing a necklace that he gave her in it.

Those pictures belong in the fire, my friend, but not until you''ve explained why to her. Otherwise, she''ll just mark it down as "He''s crazy and jealous".


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1803 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
fst86411
Member
Member # 41644
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, February 28th (Friday)

I agree with Pass on this one.


Met 1997
Married 2002
D-Day July 8, 2012

Who knows what went on?


Posts: 61 | Registered: Dec 2013
Mack9512
Member
Member # 38619
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, February 28th (Friday)

After false R #3 I began to slowly take down all of the pictures with my fWH in them. By DDay #5 there was only one large family portrait left and it was only there because my dd wanted it to stay. We are almost 1 year into true R and we have replaced the majority of the pictures with new ones. My fWH did ask if I would be okay if he hung our wedding picture back up and I agreed but said we had to replace it with a picture from our recommitment or vow renewal ceremony. As of right now, said ceremony is not for at least another year or so.


"If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello." - Paulo Coehlo

Posts: 384 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
LostSamurai
Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, February 28th (Friday)

I think I will take them down when I get home. I am so very disturbed by them.


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1036 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
LivinginLimbo
Member
Member # 35004
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, February 28th (Friday)

I have some vacation pics out, but our wedding pic remains tucked in a drawer.


BS - 62
FWH - 60
Married 34 years
D-Day 2/12/12
Doing well with R

Posts: 1014 | Registered: Mar 2012
sodamnlost
Member
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, February 28th (Friday)

After the first Dday, I took all pics of SAWH down taken during his "one and only affair". Now that I know he is a SA and has cheated our entire relationship, I can't look at ANY old pictures of him/us/family without wanting to hurl. I leave them up because my 2 youngest don't know there are any issues other than his one affair. I did however rip my wedding album to pieces and there that out along with several bigger/sentimental gifts has given me.


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 766 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
Bikingguy
Member
Member # 38103
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, February 28th (Friday)

I have a hard time looking at any and wondering what was going on in WW's head at the time. Plus seeing someone I never thought capible of not only an A but the shitty stuff she did in it. I actually ignore them now. Clearly this is what WW did of our wedding photos all over our bedroom as she screwed OM in that room

For V day WW gave me a photo frame made into the word "love" She did try and pick photos from after d day and before it started - but that would mean no photos of our kids. I would just prefer to through that gift in the trash. Fortunately it is sitting in a corner of the room and won't be put up any time soon.

Slight T/J. I have the same issues with my wedding room. I took it off several months ago and have been feeling like it was time to get a new one and start wearing it - will never wear current one. But then two days later I feel completely different and change my mind. Buying cards is the same - I buy two, one generic and one romantic. I choice the card on the day I give it based on how I feel at that time.


Me: BH, 44
Her: WW, 43
D day. January 12, 2013

Posts: 670 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Socal
Hosea
Member
Member # 42422
Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, February 28th (Friday)

LostSamurai:

Hey bro.

I triggered for a long time on our wedding and honeymoon photos. My wife keeps a wedding photo by the front door. It grieved me to look at, and in my spite, I kept thinking, "If this was so damn special, why did you throw it away?"

I saw myself in my wedding tux, smiling like the luckiest guy in the world, standing next to my beautiful bride. I just wanted to go back in time and slap the happy right off his face.

But recently, I started seeing it differently. Because my wife wants that photo by the door to tell people she's proud to be married to me, she's thankful for me, and she's grateful that our marriage has survived the worst of trials.

Having said that, you have every right and reason to get rid of any photos which include triggers. That necklace from your wife's Affair Partner? I would put those in a box, move them to the attic, and plan on burning them down the road.

It's not quite clear where y'all are in the Reconciliation process. I know it's hard to gauge when your wife's mind and heart are still not clearly known by you. And you've already endured one False Reconciliation. So be patient with this one.

If true Reconciliation continues, and the emotional and spiritual bonds between you and your wife strengthen, I would one day ask her to round up every single item, gift, memento she has from her AP.

Because those need to burn (or be trashed) eventually, too. With your wife glad to light the match and consign it to ash.


John 8:10-11: "Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Did they not condemn you?”

“No, Lord,” she said.

And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”


Posts: 106 | Registered: Feb 2014
sisoon
Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, February 28th (Friday)

I had a hard time looking at photos of my W during the early stages of R. If I had photos in which something of ow's show up, those photos would be shredded, R or not. (My W wouldn't want to keep them, either.)

One of our first activities after D-Day was discarding gifts ow gave my W. I actually took some pleasure in the pain that caused my W.

LS, Taking down the photos is a good step for you. I'm glad you're doing it.


fBH (me) - 70, fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9940 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
steadfast1973
Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, February 28th (Friday)

I was never allowed to have them up. In fact, there are few pictures of us together, aside from wedding pictures...


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2256 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
stunnedin12
Member
Member # 38141
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, February 28th (Friday)

Any pictures of wh and I or wh/family during the affair have been destroyed. I know my extended family has them if my children ever ask and want them. A few pictures from before the affair have also been destroyed.

Some of the pictures had been put into scrapbooking pages. Those pages cost me upwards of $10.00 each (what can I say, I scrap expensive!). I gave the pictures and pages to wh to destroy.

As far as pictures on the wall/dresser etc. Nothing of us. The children are on the wall but that's it.


ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Not sure, but trying I guess.

Posts: 450 | Registered: Jan 2013
justjim
Member
Member # 41150
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, February 28th (Friday)

I've just about purged my house of memories of her. occasionally I find something in a drawer or something, but I just toss it. I try not to think about her, and when I do, it is with disgust and revulsion.

She stole 12 years of my life.

NOT. ONE. MORE. DAY!


Follow your BRAIN.
Your HEART is stupid as shit.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Oct 2013
Ivyivy
Member
Member # 42110
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, February 28th (Friday)

I don't have any pictures of WH up around the house. I destroyed the one picture of "the two of us" that he had in his office (cut it in half). He was really upset about that - so sad. I have been meaning to put pictures of me and the kids up. I am sure that WH will take that as an insult since any pictures I put up will clearly exclude him. I have not destroyed pictures of us as a family - I think that kids will want them when they grow up but at this point I have no use for them. We are still together - not sure for how long or if we will try to R or D. I guess I should be happy that we never got around to putting up lots of pictures in the first place.


Me -BW
Him - WH
LTA
DS - 11 and DD - 15

Posts: 178 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast
LostSamurai
Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 9:52 PM, February 28th (Friday)

The sad part that is really going to hurt, is I am going to have to destroy our wedding video. My relative she had the affair with is the piano player at our wedding.


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1036 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
keptmyword
Member
Member # 35526
Default  Posted: 10:48 PM, February 28th (Friday)

I've been divorced now for several months and have our kids every other week. I've actually left pictures of us together and of our family together up for some time now only for the sake of our kids having some normalcy.

I'll soon be taking them down and replacing them with pictures of me and the kids, the kids with members of my family, or just them.

All wedding photos will be going into a box and I'm going to give them to her. She can do with them as she wishes.

I also have dozens and dozens of cards and letters she gave me exclaiming how I was the love of her life, that she was going to love me forever, and how our love can get us through anything. All the same hollow shit that she told and wrote to her adultery partner. She can then recycle them to give to whoever is latest on the forever-my-love list.

I am going to remove any and all trace of her from this home.

It's a sad statement but she is not a part of my life and I actually want my children to see that. They have to know that you DO NOT accept this toxic shit in your life. They need to see ONE parent live an authentic life and one who holds fast to his values and sense of morality.


I Divorced Her.

Posts: 359 | Registered: May 2012
Ascendant
Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, March 1st (Saturday)

So, I took mine down like a month and a half or so after DDAY. It felt as though every smiling photo with my wife and I, or my wife, son, and I was just fake, just pure bullshit.

Every time I looked at a wedding photo all I could think was "I meant my vows, she didn't mean hers."

Every so often I'd put them back up mentally and see what the emotional reaction was...until very recently it was still anger at them.

As I was cleaning the house the other day, I felt like something on the wall was missing; indeed, there was a clock where we used to hang out wedding day photo. I pulled it out of the closet and put it back up, and there was no sense of anger or revulsion at it. So there it hangs.

It looks right again.

[This message edited by FacePunched at 10:34 AM, March 1st (Saturday)]


"The thing that always seems to be shocking to wayward wives is the simple fact that the man you choose to reconcile with is not the same man you cheated on." - a friend.

Posts: 2006 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
painfulpast
Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, March 1st (Saturday)

LS, please, destroy the ones with her in that necklace. That's nothing but a constant trigger. How terrible.

And you don't need to destroy the wedding video. Bring it to a video editor and ask that they remove ALL scenes that include the piano player. If for nothing else, your kids might enjoy seeing the wedding of their parents.

I'm sorry you're going through this. This all hurts.


(((((hugs)))))


It's so easy to believe someone when they're telling you exactly what you want to hear.....

Posts: 1861 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
LostSamurai
Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, March 9th (Sunday)

I found one picture in the house that was bothering me. I took it down. My wife came over and said why you take that picture down. I said you are wearing a necklace that another person gave you in that picture.

I told her what it made me feel and this is when she is about to leave. She said I am not sure if I want to hug you or not.

I said Ok.


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1036 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
Topic Posts: 21