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Reconciliation
User Topic: Evaluation of risk
musiclovingmom
Member
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, February 28th (Friday)

I had a lightbulb moment of sorts tonight while my H and I were having a regular conversation. He has to leave tomorrow morning, early, and drive several hundred miles. He will be bobtail, but another guy leaving at the same time will be oversize. There are several different routes they can take to get there. The two most common they have annual oversize load passes to run, but there is the possibility of inclement weather on the mountain passes. The third route goes well south of the weather, but includes a stretch of highway through a state they do not have oversize load permits for. My H said, at first, that the other guy couldn't go that way because he lacked the permits. Then he said, 'well, he could. And considering that it's Saturday' they aren't likely to run into DOT. I immediately responded that I would be unwilling to take that risk. My H replied back that he would. And that's when it hit me. He and I evaluate risk VERY differently. I wouldn't go. It's illegal. Even the slightest risk of getting caught and having to face the consequences is enough to deter me. My H sees that there is a minimal risk of getting caught and weighs that against the benefits of that route. Possible consequences arent factored in because of the very low liklihood of being cught. It was this kind of thinking that made his A's ok at the time - very minimal risk of getting caught, high immediate benefit. The consequences of those actions honestly didn't occur to him because they just aren't part of his risk evaluation process.

Posts: 1115 | Registered: Jan 2013
Undone1
Member
Member # 37683
Default  Posted: 10:55 PM, February 28th (Friday)

Very interesting discovery! Perhaps he needs to evaluate his moral compass. It's not only risky but not the right thing to do. I hope he is open to the ongoing self discovery.


Undone1
Married 10+ years to my high school sweetheart
DDAY 10/27/12
Me 55
WH 55
Blended Family: 25, 21, and 20
Married 10 years
"The Universe Unfolds as it Should"

Posts: 301 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Missouri
AML04
Member
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 6:53 AM, March 1st (Saturday)

I've never heard it described like that. I think my WH felt (feels??) the same. Thank you for sharing!


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 875 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
ItsaClimb
Member
Member # 37107
Default  Posted: 8:29 AM, March 1st (Saturday)

Interesting. My fWH and I also have very different attitudes towards risk. I am very cautious by nature, he is a risk taker.


BS 46
Together 29 yrs, M 25 years
2 daughters 24yo(married with a brand new little daughter) & 19yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later

Posts: 1024 | Registered: Oct 2012
Morhurt
Member
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, March 1st (Saturday)

Very good insight! And I would concur, sounds like us as well.


Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 960 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
Zayda1
Member
Member # 35387
Default  Posted: 4:04 AM, March 2nd (Sunday)

Good example of how WS might vary their thinking vs how a BS might think. I see this in my WS a lot. He texts and drives. He says he can multi-task well, so continues to do so. He drives a company car and knows a ticket for distracted driving would likely cost him his job, yet he still does it. I simply do not understand his thought process. In a way I relate it to the highschool kid who thinks he is untouchable. Makes me sad that my 38 year old husband has the mentality of a 16 year old. I understand that I can't change him...but I really wish he would wake up.

Musiclovingmom: I work for a trucking company so understand and see your WH's thought process on a daily basis. Is he under pressure from dispatch to get to his destination at a specific time? The new rules for hours of service have certainly made it harder for drivers to please dispatch. Is it a make the appointment or lose your job situation?


Married 9 years, together for 11 years
2 children (7 years & 4 years)
Discovery of PA 04/15/12 (It only lasted a "couple of weeks" but it still shattered my world.)

Posts: 468 | Registered: Apr 2012
musiclovingmom
Member
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, March 2nd (Sunday)

Zayada - thankfully, no. He doesn't drive OTR. He drives rig up for and oilfield company. The trip to this particular location, they leave an entire day before they have to be on location to move a rig. He left at 3am yesterday to be on location by 8am today. The oilfield exemptions make it much easier to stay within DOT regulations.

Posts: 1115 | Registered: Jan 2013
Topic Posts: 7