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Reconciliation
User Topic: Why did i feel like the baddie
joannie
Member
Member # 42486
Default  Posted: 2:14 AM, March 3rd (Monday)

We had a good weekend, went for dinner and then stayed to dance to 80's music ! BUT in came the OW's daughter and her boyfriend.....I started to shake inside, my husband said he hoped the boyfriend did not get drunk as he can be a bit loud etc. They ignored us, even though last year the boyfriend worked for my husband and son until my husband found out he was the Ow's daughters boyfriend. He even ate here...................I saw her daughter texting and maybe i am paranoid but just get the feeling she was texting her mum about us all being there...felt so uncomfortable> my husband said no one should push us to leave so we stayed maybe half an hour than i told him i could not take anymore , had done well to last so long and we left, he was ok about it.
This will happen again as we live in a small village..how do i cope , will the feelings of fear and nerves we get better,,,, yesterday we were out and i saw him read a text.. but have no proof...do others get so paranoid about the mobiles...it could have been innocent...maybe maybe not....just want to feel more secure, 6 months down the line . Wish the OW bitch would move........we can't...sorry to rant but how do you cope..


me BS 56yr
Him WS 55yr
Married 34 years 2 sons 4 grandchildren

Posts: 126 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: France
lastdance
Member
Member # 42401
Default  Posted: 2:28 AM, March 3rd (Monday)

can you go to another village or nearby town, where you won't see any of them-------but do not feel afraid ---you did nothing wrong---you have nothing to hide, be cool and do not let them ruin your life---- why would you be afraid of them4?---have you ever considered a keylogger ,var in car and home,mobile spysoftware on his mobile that also include GPS tracking------why are you stressing ,,there is so much technology out there that you can use and find out things you want to know-------if you monitor his phone you would know who calls and texts him -----you can do it----these gadgets are not expensive----

Posts: 152 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: orlando, fl
joannie
Member
Member # 42486
Default  Posted: 6:33 AM, March 3rd (Monday)

Ok so I can do it but don't i have to get onto his phone...passworded etc...
Picture a small village in the country, small villages nearby, winter..not much on...not may places to go yet. There are other bars but as yet at this one we were lucky !
Thanks


me BS 56yr
Him WS 55yr
Married 34 years 2 sons 4 grandchildren

Posts: 126 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: France
idiot85
Member
Member # 38934
Default  Posted: 7:37 AM, March 3rd (Monday)

Although I always felt like going to other places- and I probs should've- I never did/do.

I personally will not go further afield when I've done nothing wrong- BUT it could be because I'm stubborn and from an outside point of view, if it is detrimental I can see that maybe you should.

For me it's got better and by steadily moving on and being happy if anyone is going to be the baddie/embarrassed it's them not me.

I've also always *tried* to resist the phone checking etc. BUT I haven't always succeeded. Ive always thought that if I get into that sort of habit I wouldn't trust whereas the longer I go without checking and crucially without anything happening then I'm more on the road to trust. If I always checked the wife's phone/emails then I'm not sure I would ever reach a sturdy trust again I might even develop a habit of checking/worrying.

Not sure if I've helped but the intentions there!!!


BH-29 (me)
WW-28

Multi famam, conscientiam, pauci verentur.


Posts: 575 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Old Blighty
joannie
Member
Member # 42486
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, March 3rd (Monday)

You are right it is not normal behaviour to check the phone..do not want to stick devices on my husbands phone..won't actually.
If things go down hill will just face the music but heres hoping we are on the way, you do help all of you


me BS 56yr
Him WS 55yr
Married 34 years 2 sons 4 grandchildren

Posts: 126 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: France
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Red  Posted: 1:29 PM, March 3rd (Monday)

Joannie,
You have a PM.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 36601 | Registered: Sep 2007
Morhurt
Member
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, March 3rd (Monday)

This
Ok so I can do it but don't i have to get onto his phone...passworded etc...
is not transparency. He has a password on his phone that you don't know?? Not OK. Period. How can you ever feel safe and trust without complete transparency? I mean even with it, it takes years, but if he's actively hiding stuff from you... that's not really R I'm afraid.

Has he read "How to Help Your Spouse Heal from your Affair".

He has a lot more work to do.

((hugs))


Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 883 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
joannie
Member
Member # 42486
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, March 4th (Tuesday)

He does not believe in books, C or anyhting like that


me BS 56yr
Him WS 55yr
Married 34 years 2 sons 4 grandchildren

Posts: 126 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: France
BtraydWife
Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, March 4th (Tuesday)

He does not believe in books, C or anyhting like that

Then he doesn't believe in healing and reconciliation. He believes in rug sweeping.

You are 6 months out from your first dday but his affair behavior hasn't stopped. He 's not actually seeing her anymore but the important part is he is not reconciling with you.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson


Posts: 700 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 9