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Reconciliation
User Topic: Ahhhh! I'm trying so hard and getting no where!
RyanCL
New Member
Member # 41959
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, March 3rd (Monday)

We are doing intensive marriage counseling, and he's participating. Through out this whole thing his being a workaholic has been a very very big deal and is almost starting to be a deal breaker. I realize his job is big and important. I also realize he's the one that pays the bills. But he promised to start making more time for us, me, our kids. And for about a week he did. Now it's almost like I should just stop trying. Why spend money on counseling and time on fixing something he doesn't seem to be trying to fix. I'm frustrated, exhausted, and scared. I don't know if I'm just looking for an easy way to blame him and run or if I'm in the right.


BS: me 28 female
WH: 30 male
Married 6 years together 8
Two amazing boys and a perfect princess!
Dday 1: September 21st 2010
Dday 2: January 2nd 2014

Posts: 50 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: arizona
peoplepleaser
Member
Member # 41535
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, March 3rd (Monday)

RyanCL,

I've read in some posts that the AP is an addiction or a form of escape or both. It has been compared to being a workaholic at times, too. From what you posted I'm concerned that his new A is the job. He's avoiding something, which could be problems in the M or taking a long look at himself.

Is he in IC? I read your back story and this seems to be a pattern for him, which might mean he needs to take some time to gain some insight into why he does this...drunk or not.

What else is he doing for R? Is there NC, transparency and remorse?


WS: 39--2 EAs
BS: 39--me, faithful
DS: 6
9 year relationship in R.
DDay #1: September 6, 2013 EA for 5 weeks August 2013.
DDay #2: January 2, 2014 EA for 6 weeks summer 2011.
"I am still learning." -Michelangelo

Posts: 701 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Midwest
RyanCL
New Member
Member # 41959
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, March 3rd (Monday)

Peoplepleaser,
No he isn't in IC but that's because we don't have insurance and are paying out of pocket for MC. Yes there is nc, transparency, and lots of remorse. I feel like he's avoiding himself and how all this makes him feel like a bad person. He's told me himself he has days when he's embarrassed and ashamed to be out in public because he feels like everyone is starring at him and looking at him like he's scum. I want to be here to help him with his recovery as well as have him help me with mine, but I'm tried of fighting so hard.


BS: me 28 female
WH: 30 male
Married 6 years together 8
Two amazing boys and a perfect princess!
Dday 1: September 21st 2010
Dday 2: January 2nd 2014

Posts: 50 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: arizona
Topic Posts: 3