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Reconciliation
User Topic: Now I know why I had to...
jjsr
Member
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 10:39 PM, March 4th (Tuesday)

move to hell. Its so we could find this one MC. FWH is Army and he had his ONS when he was here in 2008 at a school the Army has. I didn't find out till 2011 and then the Army stationed us here in 2011 about 3 weeks after he told me. We have been here 2 and a half years and about 2 weeks ago we got orders and we are leaving here. I am so happy about that but I am scared because we are going to be leaving the MC. As we talked tonight the MC said a couple of things to us, and me specifically when I said I was scared about not seeing him anymore. He told us that we are not the same people who walked into his office in Oct of 2011. We are much different people now mentally and in our marriage. When I expressed concern over the fact that I still have resentment over all of this even though I have made my choice to R, he asked me a question. His question was what does FWH get out of staying with me? He loves me and proves it by sticking with MC for over 2 years, he has expressed regret and remorse and has been open, honest and trust worthy in the last 2 and a half years. He wanted to know why I thought FWH would stay with me, if he really didn't want to. He also asked me what hanging on to the resentments brings to my life and to what kind of M FWH and I are trying to have now and if I don't let go of the resentments what kind of M will we have going forward. It has got me thinking. He also suggested to me that after we get settled, that I do some IC as I am still traumatized over what has happened in our marriage, death and serious illnesses in my family, and other life altering things that have happened in the last decade of my life.
I am thinking a lot of what he said. We have 3 more sessions with him and then we are done. We are going to work something out with him so that if we feel we are in a tough spot, we can web cam or conference call him if we feel we need to. I hate it here. Seriously I do but when we leave in the at the end of May, beginning of June the one thing I will miss is our MC.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1647 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
ItsaClimb
Member
Member # 37107
Default  Posted: 10:51 PM, March 4th (Tuesday)

I can understand how torn you must be feeling!

In Nov last year we moved to the city where my fWH had the A. I hate living near all the reminders, all the triggery places and worst of all.....10 mins drive from OW's house, where the A happened. I hate it. But there are good reasons for us being here, so - like you have had to - I suck it up.

Seems to me that your life is going through seasons. You've had the season of living in "hell" and having the great MC and now it's time to move into a different season - one where you don't have to live in "hell" (lucky you!) but where your more mature marriage has to cope without your MC. Just reading what you have written and knowing that you have had so much time building on your marriage with this brilliant MC, I feel such confidence that you will do fine.


BS 46
Together 29 yrs, M 25 years
2 daughters 24yo(married with a brand new little daughter) & 19yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later

Posts: 1022 | Registered: Oct 2012
Topic Posts: 2