Just Found Out
User Topic: Physical symptoms
New Member
Member # 42624
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, March 5th (Wednesday)

How Long do the physical symptoms last after finding out about the betrayal? I am so sick of trembeling, being hot and sweaty one minute, freezing cold the next, and always feeling the need to vomit!

Psalms 147:3
Married 19 years, 9 months and 1 day. The day my marriage died.
5 fabulous kids with tragically broken hearts

Posts: 43 | Registered: Mar 2014
Member # 41922
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, March 5th (Wednesday)

Look , it is going to get better,I mean physically.There's no one rule: the betrayals differ, we differ in our bodies, minds.I can only speak to my case: the worst of the physical stuff had really lessened and steadily, by four-six weeks: the no sleep,the no appetite,the nausea, the fatigue like a million pounds. After that,physically I was fine. Hang in there- you are stronger than this. Honest honest-You will get better.Your sick time may be shorter.

Posts: 183 | Registered: Jan 2014
Member # 42140
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, March 5th (Wednesday)

I cant tell how long they last but i have fared much better with anti anxiety meds personally.

BH-46 (me)
First Dday-2/09
Sec Dday-1/14
Married 17 yrs. Together 26

Posts: 58 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NJ
Member # 42486
Default  Posted: 1:45 AM, March 6th (Thursday)

my sick time is slowly going, but i still tremble around my heart ..actually can feel it aching,maybe as the OW lives u the road and i have to see her when she drives up and down to work etc, but it is getting easier, the shakes are less, but inwardly they are there and raise their ugly head still. it does ease as time goes by but when it will stop who knows, we are all different, but all here for each other

me BS 56yr
Him WS 55yr
Married 34 years 2 sons 4 grandchildren

Posts: 131 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: France
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, March 6th (Thursday)

My symptoms were not making daily life possible. I got anxiety meds and sleeping pills. They helped me get a jump start in the right direction. I took the anxiety meds for several months and the sleeping pill (ambien)for almost a year.

The only thing I take now is trazadone for sleep. It's an AD med that given at a low dose makes you drowsy approx. 20 minutes after taking it, then that wears off. It does not help keep you asleep. I'm much more comfortable with it than with the ambien.

I think the main symptoms slowly fade and take a different time for each person. They will all remain, however, even in just the background, until the reasons they happened are no longer a threat. Sometimes this part takes years.

Mommas need to be able to focus some time for the kids. Get whatever you think you need for now. It doesn't have to be forever.

DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.

Posts: 1873 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, March 6th (Thursday)

The initial panic symptoms left after about 3 months. I still cannot sleep without meds, I feel panicked when I leave my house alone, and I have no energy. I did lose weight at first and then it came back on, plus. Now I am dealing with hair loss as I have lost at least half of my hair. I used to have really good hair. My face has aged 10 years in 3 and I feel 80 years old.

Me 52
WH 52
Married 30+ years
Together trying to R

I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.

Posts: 1526 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, bless your heart
Long Gone
Member # 32587
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, March 6th (Thursday)

Mine lasted 4 months in some form or the other.

The killers lasted a month (weight loss, sleeplessness, sweats etc)

The one that I will never forget is the fake cell phone buzz around my abdomen and waist. It was so weird.....It felt like my cell was on me and on vibrate.....turns out....its a stress reaction....freaky as anything. I googled it and was scared to death because it also is a precursor symptom to I was...buzzing like a damn cell phone...worried about having MS....and having to eat an A....

it went away at the 7 month mark.....turns out stress does shit to your body you cant make up

D-Day 11/26/10

Posts: 772 | Registered: Jun 2011
Member # 42365
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, March 6th (Thursday)

I'm very worried about WH. He has chest pains every time I have have a meltdown. I'm sure it is stress, but chest pains always worry me. I can't wait for him to go to the doctor. He is just waiting for his insurance card.

Posts: 109 | Registered: Feb 2014
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, March 7th (Friday)

You just have to let them ride over you. Go with them, donít fight it. If you can, sit quietly and just concentrate on breathing slowly and gently. Have a green tea or sip a glass of water. Let the symptoms subside, sit for a bit longer and then get on with your day.

You may find other side effects from the trauma. Remember this IS a trauma and bereavement and so the symptoms will be similar. Your hair may dull, become brittle and fall out. Your skin may be affected and look dull and blotchy. It may become dry. Make sure you visit the dentist. I had cavities in the months afterwards Ė the dentist gently suggested bulimia or a short term illness involving vomiting as the erosion was the sort caused by stomach acid (being sick). Your nails might change too. You might lose weight at an alarming rate. All these crazy things are normal.

Ensure you look after yourself physically. Eat little and often. Drink plenty (but not too much alcohol!). Exercise, especially in the fresh air. If you can, have some massage to relieve the stress. If you need to, see your doctor for something to help you through these early days.

There is no time frame. Take one hour, one day at a time. All I can say is it will get better and that the most important thing is to take care of yourself. You canít look after others unless you do.

D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 57 y/o Him, WS, 58 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 19 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3470 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
Member # 42356
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, March 7th (Friday)

I am going on 10 months of physical symptoms, granted they have decreased in frequency, meaning its not constant anymore, but they are still there and come and go. I am sorry for "bad news" but on the bright side everyone is different.

"A tree falls the way it careful which way you lean"

Posts: 172 | Registered: Feb 2014
Member # 42691
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, March 7th (Friday)

Wow! The replies really helped me. Thanks for asking this question!
I'm sorry you are hurting... it's crazy how the emotions & physical stuff tie together so deeply.
I was doing a bit better most days. When my husband first left I couldn't even get through a quick grocery store trip without crying.
Sadly I'm back to that after my recent Dday.
Physically I have chronic pain, but it worsens each time I have big emotional upsets. 2 days after my recent Dday my Dad was taken to the ER & placed in ICU ( he's home now). The night sweats, repeated waking, inability to eat, rubbery legs, hot/cold flashes & panic attacks all came back with a vengeance. I still sit & shake with this horrible hot flag feeling every time H brings you something like bills/things I know relate to OW/ future. It's basically terror that I'm trying to stuff.
I'm at 1.5 years separated, but with a reality new D day.
I'm still navigating this new reality. .. but before the recent A confirmation I was getting through most days better.
DON'T feel pressured to feel any certain way at any certain time. That's the last of your worries. We are all individuals. ((( hugs)))

Definitely seek antidepressants if you can. I had to go off mine due to finances, & now a layoff. .. otherwise they REALLY helped me with my pain ( RA & fibromyalgia) & mood...
.I'd go back on if I could!

Unremorseful WH-48
M 26+ years
DS 26, DD 23
H moved out 10/3/12
IN House S, H lost job 2/7/14→now
Dday 1- 3/2002 short EA/PA w-COW
Dday 2- 2/12/14→LTA, H STILL seeing "Bi"MfCOW (OW now S too)!

Posts: 121 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: CA
Member # 42365
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, March 7th (Friday)

I can't sleep, have hot flashes, can't eat much, physical aches and pains, and a very dry mouth. My fingernails and hair are suddenly dry and break off easily. I also picked up some habits such as biting my nails and cuticles, bouncing my leg when I sit, and other basic anxiety type stuff.

Posts: 109 | Registered: Feb 2014
Member # 41575
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, March 7th (Friday)

I am at 3 months since d-day and I still cant sleep. I still cry at random times that I can't control and have anxiety as well. I look like I have aged 5 years in the past 3 months. I am not as consumed with it as in the beginning. I can go a few hours without thinking about it. Also I have become very good at hiding it in front of the kids.
I dont have the shakes anymore or the gut wrenching stomach pains. And the headaches are not as often either.

Together 18 years
Married 7 years
2 kids
D-day 12-7-13
Both currently in counseling
Trying to R

I am a warrior!
I will survive and thrive!

Posts: 101 | Registered: Dec 2013
Member # 42510
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, March 7th (Friday)

I'm 5 weeks out from my DDay. I'm playing "antidepressant roulette" trying to figure out what works best for me. That is helping with the shakes and the sweats. If you can, see your doctor or an IC to help with all of this stuff.

"Somebody get this walking carpet out of my way." Princess Leia, Star Wars

Posts: 296 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Kansas
Member # 40287
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, March 7th (Friday)

A few people here said 3-4 months and I agree. Mine was about around that time. It is all part of the grieving process. It may not feel like it now, but you will get past the denial and get into the next step.

I wish I could give you a big hug right now. I know it hurts and understand the "internal" pain that you are feeling. Please just breathe through it and you WILL make it through every breath.

Keep reaching out here and know that we are all here for you. Ugh.....I remember this part and how hard it was and wish I had a time machine to pull those of you who just found out into the bright future you all have in front of you!!!! HUGS!!!!!!

BW - Me 43
WH - Cheating Swine 43
Dday - February 12, 2013....a week before I was to give birth to the child I miscarried and 12 days before our 5th anniversary.

Posts: 316 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: DFW
New Member
Member # 42710
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, March 8th (Saturday)

It has been 10 months since I found out. I've lost 50 pounds and I don't sleep well. I now can't lift my left arm above my shoulder because of extreme stress. My physical therapist says the pain is strictly emotional - he doesn't know about the affair. I am a wreck and can't seem to heal. I hope you do, this is merciless.

Posts: 5 | Registered: Mar 2014
Member # 35813
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, March 8th (Saturday)

The first six months was the worst for me. I couldn't eat and lost thirty pounds very quickly. My hair also changed and went from straight to curly. After about six or seven months my hair started falling out and I became scared enough to see the doctor. He said it was stress alopecia and that it would come back. I lost at least half of my volume of hair. I had terror dreams for a good year, once my exH moved away they lessened, then he moved back and I suddenly started getting them again. A lot happened between Dday and now including a long winded conversation where he begged me back and I found the strength to tell him no. I also found it in my heart to forgive him but I will never forget the hell he put me through.

This June will be two years post Dday. I would say its been about nine months since the last terror dream (coincides with the big conversation day mentioned above). I have taken no antidepressants, just sleeping pills on occasion and numerous IC sessions. I walked daily last summer which was extremely therapeutic and i believe it really helped me.

This winter i have put about 15 lbs back on, bit I think I still look much better than when i was in the hell marriage.
Unlike the others though I look younger now by about ten years. My hair has come back thick, healthy and straight as it always has been! I am amazed at how much that sort of stress impacts the body!! And to add some hope, I can honestly say that my life now is better than ever. I haven't dated in nearly a year and I have focused on myself. I have travelled lots this year and I feel so free. There is life after all this. I hope you feel better soon.

Me: BW 38, Him: WH 37
M: 07/07/07
DDay: 06/09/12
Divorce Granted on December 5, 2012 - fasted divorce ever (thanks to my good lawyer) and I am not looking back with ANY regrets!!

"And this above all else, to thine own self be true"

Posts: 253 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Alberta
Member # 42563
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, March 8th (Saturday)

It has been 4 weeks for me since I found out. The physical stuff has gotten a little better I guess. I can eat more (lost 20 lbs). Sleep is much better. Don't get through the night but better.
It all depends how strong you can be. I haven't been strong at all but I am realizing I have to be. For my own health and to have a chance to work to save my marriage.
Good luck.

Posts: 56 | Registered: Feb 2014
Member # 42605
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, March 8th (Saturday)

I just recently found out that my wife was having a sexual relationship with a guy the day I proposed to her. This happened a number of years ago but the recent revelation by her to me has hit me very hard. I have lost weight since Iím not eating, and sleep, itís almost nonexistent. Having posted on this sight has been helpful. This is something I have no one to talk to regarding the emotional stress Iím under. So I strongly urge you to vent here. The suggestions given are very insightful. It has been almost 3 months and I'm as angry and physically sick now as the day I learned all the details. People at work have no idea what is going on in my life, except that I don't look good physically. I try to keep up appearances, but the days I don't shave or iron my cloths, its clear something is happening to me. Please try and stay as strong as you can.

Posts: 127 | Registered: Feb 2014
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, March 9th (Sunday)

At 16 months out, I still don't sleep well. I startle awake many times during the night.

For the last few months I have been able to talk about the A without shaking.

Please try to take care of yourself. It will make permanent damage less likely.

Hang in there....

D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1083 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, March 9th (Sunday)

Most of the acute stuff was over in about 3 months for me, but I still have digestive issues 9 months out.

me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is a personal crisis, not a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.

Posts: 2058 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Member # 42765
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, March 31st (Monday)

I'm still in the midst of physical symptoms. Lost 13 pounds in the last 9 days (even though I'm eating), my skin is breaking out (I've always had perfect skin), I'm having panic episodes (when I think about WH talking to OW), my hands shake all the time, I get a dull ringing in my ears and dizziness at random times, my stomach churns most of the time, and it's hard to focus for more than a few minutes unless I'm doing something mindless like playing a game on my phone. It really sucks, but I'm hoping some of these things will go away soon.

Me: BS
Him: WH (3 month OEA)
Known each other all our lives, Together 5.5 yrs, Married 4 yrs.
D-day: 3/8/14
Separated 3/8/14 and currently seeking IC

Posts: 56 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: USA
Member # 42399
Default  Posted: 10:16 PM, March 31st (Monday)

My hands shake every day. My eye twitches. My right leg bounces. I have diarrhea quite often. I don't always eat. I have thrown up. I had a period of about the first 3 months with a dull headache (probably dehydration from crying). My expression must be awful because people keep asking me if I am ok.

"My heart was broken and my head was just barely inhabitable. " - Anne Lamont

Posts: 128 | Registered: Feb 2014
Member # 38803
Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, April 1st (Tuesday)

I can't believe someone else has experienced the cell phone buzzing! I have that sometimes too!

It took me about ten months to feel a bit normal again, and that was with meds. My WH had a two year affair so I don't know if the length changes how long you feel out of sorts.
He broke NC about two weeks ago and within three days of me finding out I woke up in excruciating pain and could not move my back. I've been to the chiropractor every other day and they're working on getting my back into better shape. It turned out I had two herniated disks. I think the stress from what my husband did just finally sent it all over the edge. Yay.

Me: BS 39
Him: WH 41
2 Kids
D-Day: 2/3/13
Broke NC 3/14
Very skeptically in R for now...

Posts: 269 | Registered: Mar 2013
New Member
Member # 42958
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, April 1st (Tuesday)

well this is probably going to sound so morbid to some. BUT... I live in the country, outside of one of the little towns is a small country church tucked into a grove of trees and across the little country road is a graveyard. There is a place to park there, and I usually park the car and get out and walk in the cemetary. It calms my nerves because it's quite and it's out in the middle of nowhere, so if I want to scream at the top of my lungs, I can do that without anyone worrying. the anxiety attacks that I was having, have somewhat lessened since I have been going to be by myself. Time heals all wounds I have heard... I guess we shall see.

Posts: 2 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Ohio
Member # 42107
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, April 1st (Tuesday)

Wow reading all the replies I cannot believe how we can all have the same symptoms. If it wasn't for this site I would never know, I thought it was only me. Headache, crazy dreams, waking up 3+ times at night all sweaty. Mine lasted a month

Posts: 137 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Los Angeles
Member # 40879
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, April 1st (Tuesday)

The worst of mine lasted about two months and it was some awful stuff. Some of it included extreme forgetfulness, confusion, zero appetite, no sleep, trembling, eye twitching, bad stomach issues,etc. But by far the worst was what ran constantly through my head non-stop every day from the moment I woke up until I finally fell to sleep each night. I am doing much better now thank goodness eleven months after D-day. Still have some anxiety problems from time to time but it is nothing I can not handle.

Posts: 255 | Registered: Oct 2013
Member # 39334
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, April 1st (Tuesday)

I'm just over a week from DDay 2, and all the physical stuff is back. Some of it even seems worse. Inability to sleep, general lack of concentration, loss of appetite, nausea, anxiety, panic attacks (thankfully not as bad as the first one I ever had, 2 days after DDay 1), that leg bounce thing, and headaches. I don't remember how long it lasted last time, I just want it to go away.

DDays - 1/26/2013 | 3/23/14
Divorced 7/10/2014

Posts: 84 | Registered: May 2013 | From: TX
New Member
Member # 42180
Default  Posted: 11:49 PM, April 17th (Thursday)

Had 2 full blown panic attack, it was scary. dry mouth, black-out, no appetite, still crying. headaches, sleep less, I think I'm gonna go crazy. Reading some posts on this site help a lot knowing I'm not alone on this. Things will get better for us, I know.

Posts: 4 | Registered: Jan 2014
Member # 42856
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, April 18th (Friday)

While it's not fun for any of us, it is comforting to know that we are all experiencing similar things - that we are not crazy after all.

I'm a little over a month since my dday and I've just started experiencing panic attacks over the past two weeks. I also wake up two to three times a night in a terror and when I am sleeping, it's usually nightmares. I'm afraid to go to sleep and I'm afraid to wake up. I have lost 20 pounds since dday and I also experience times of physical pains - around my heart and in my stomach. I get tremors at times too.

I'm trying to overcome it on my own, but I can't take this not sleeping for much longer. Unfortunately, I am trying alcohol to help me stay asleep. I don't want to become dependent on it but I also don't want to become dependent on pills either.

I feel for everyone here. It sucks that any of us have to experience this hell on earth.

Me - 42
WH - 40
Dday - 3/6/14
Married 5yrs, together 11yrs
Status - Headed towards Divorce

Posts: 332 | Registered: Mar 2014
Member # 42970
Default  Posted: 11:10 PM, April 18th (Friday)

I have lost 55 pounds since D-day six months ago. I needed to lose the weight, but this wasn't the way I wanted to go about it.

I have PTSD from a traumatic childhood so I have always had the nightmares, trouble sleeping, and panic attacks, but this has surprisingly gotten better the more I stand up for myself in all areas of my life. I am still extremely hypervigilent, but my IC tells me that this is normal with all I've been through.

I still go days before I realize that I haven't eaten. I have noticed that I am getting a furrow between my brows and I've been thinking about getting botox for it.

BW (me): 41 WH (him): 49
Married 18 years. SD: 26 from his 1st. M. DS: 21 from 1st M. DD: 17 (autistic)
D-day: 10/4/13 with ongoing TT (last TT was 10/2/14).
2 OC with 2 different OW. 15 year A with my sister.

Posts: 322 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 31