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User Topic: Am I just paranoid? How can I tell the difference?
soconfusednow
Member
Member # 40078
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, March 8th (Saturday)

There’s a place my WS goes a few times a year to sell junk he’s collected, always without out me. I was ok with that. He was getting ready to go there again & I decided to tag along so we could have a little extra time together.

When we were finished & checking out, the girl stated she was new & needed help. After she got the help from a coworker as she was finishing our paperwork, my H asked, “Where did you work before.” He continued to make light conversation with her, based on the stuff he was selling. She mentioned that knowledge of her H job, helped her with this job. So he asked what her H did, did it pay well, blah blah blah …… questions that intertwined business & personal information.

In the past I would have just saw that as friendly conversation, but now I’m wondering if he was fishing right before my eyes. Am I just paranoid? How can I tell the difference?


D-Day January 2013
prior EA in the 90's
me 50
WH 52
NC-several
last broken NC 7/2013 (hopefully)
Married 29 years
2 kids
Want to believe it's over, but is it really? Will I ever trust again?

Posts: 318 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
cancuncrushed
Member
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, March 8th (Saturday)

It could be either..Only you know your H. I am also very paranoid..Having said that, I love junking... Its very normal and common to stand around and talk. We are friendly. Love to chat....I never feel creeped out or like someone is crossing the line of boundaries...If they did, I would talk to someone else....WE like to discuss ,where we found it, the history, what would you do with it, where are you from, how far did you travel.....This is about boundaries...If your uncomfortable, talk about it..If it feels wrong, inconsiderate and rude, talk about it..Its part of the fall out of an A. I talk to alot of people. I never flirt..I am uncomfortable with H talking to any women....Because he had A. I did not. Ask for what you need..There are no rules. Paranoid or gut feeling? Both are uncomfortable.. I say adjust it, and risk is less.. H should understand..


a trigger yesterday

Posts: 977 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
hear-me-roar
Member
Member # 17962
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, March 8th (Saturday)

To tell the difference is the part that drives you nutty. It could be either for this instance: She could already be an AP and they are putting a scam on you) yes, he could be fishing in front of you) or, he could be just getting the scope of the place now for future business and he has no interest in her. If this woman was more in charge of the place where he sells stuff, maybe he wondered her knowledge of the items he brings there? My husband buys and sells from people all his life. He has always made it a point to talk personal with people as it makes them more comfortable to open-up to things they have to sell/buy. Did she seem flirty with him at the time? Did they already seem familiar with each other? Did you notice an inner smile between them?

So many ways to go on this one. Do you feel this way always when he speaks to women? Is it more so when you know it is a woman that is attractive? Do you actually notice a difference in how he speaks to different women? And, lastly, did your gut tell you something is up?


Posts: 77 | Registered: Jan 2008
OutoftheDeep
Member
Member # 42601
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, March 8th (Saturday)

Sounds normal to me but, idk, this stuff can make us so batty.

I think the fact that she mentioned her husband a few times was a good thing probably. Surely a woman hoping to get baited into a conversation wouldn't mention her husband. But what do I know about being an AP, nothing so take that with a grain of salt. It doesn't sound like it was flirty though from what you've described. That's without the benefit of me being able to see the body language.


Me - maybe BW 40s
He - maybe WH 40s
My mother was always the OW
ExWH in first M had lta.
Current marriage:
2/'13 out all night with an ow
2/'13 busted at strip club
4/'14-? bad boundaries w/howorker

Posts: 377 | Registered: Feb 2014
jpumpkin
Member
Member # 42148
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, March 8th (Saturday)

From what I've seen of my family and friends who do the whole buying and selling thing, they tend to talk A LOT about everything. That's how they get leads, find deals and buyers.

But I completely understand where you are coming from. I still analyze conversations. "Are they too friendly?" "Are they joking or flirting?" It's maddening.


Posts: 62 | Registered: Jan 2014
Topic Posts: 5