User Topic: found videos of wife cheating
New Member
Member # 42623
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, March 8th (Saturday)

Has anyone else found videos of your wife cheating

Posts: 15 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Iowa
Member # 24746
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, March 8th (Saturday)

No, but I am so, so sorry. I do not want to even imagine what it mist be like for you. I did find a bunch of graphic self-made videos that the FOW sent to my FWH. I know that doesn't even compare. (((Friendincrisis)))

Me- 40
FWH- 40 recovering SA

Her- 43, a self-centered bitch concerned with no one but herself

DDay- July 13, 2013

Back off man- I'm a scientist!
~ Dr. Peter Venkman

Posts: 720 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Southeastern PA
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, March 8th (Saturday)

Welcome to SI, friendincrisis.

Yes - there have been stories posted by members that include them seeing images/videos of their partners engaged "in the act" with an affair partner, prostitute, etc. If you have experienced this also, you have my deepest sympathies.

You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25742 | Registered: Aug 2011
New Member
Member # 42623
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, March 8th (Saturday)

I found videos of my wife cheating with a douchebag I know
I don't know how to deal with this it is tearing me up
I am a strong well educated man I dote on her and love her with all my heart I want to get past this she says it is over betwen them but I'm not so sure
Any advice would be appreciated I don't want to leave her but I am Considering it
My world use to revolve around her and now It feels like it has stopped

Posts: 15 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Iowa
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 4:59 PM, March 8th (Saturday), thank God !! ..aren't the mind movies already bad enough??

..sorry you had to find those.. I had a cassette tape way back in 1987 of their phone conversation that was the proof of their betrayal.

..after I confronted her with the first few minutes of it, she managed to get it and destroy it. I don't think I would have wanted to listen to it more than once anyway.

..lock it up just in case you need it for legal purposes. Otherwise, don't look at it any will only bring back more pain.

..keep well


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf

Posts: 4129 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
New Member
Member # 42623
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, March 8th (Saturday)

Thank you all for responding I have no one to vent to I feel like Just beating the crap out of this guy we were not friends but he did come to our family picnic Inwas unaware at the time but looking back I should've seen the signs him and her sat out on the front porch long after I went to bed and then she was pissed at me the next day although I had to work at 3 am I should've stayed up

Posts: 15 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Iowa
New Member
Member # 42623
Default  Posted: 5:03 PM, March 8th (Saturday)

And those videos are burnt into my brain I see and hear her and him responding to each other and keep seeing him trying to stick his limp penis into her butt

Posts: 15 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Iowa
New Member
Member # 42623
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, March 8th (Saturday)

My life sucks right now

Posts: 15 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Iowa
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, March 8th (Saturday)

No videos, but I found deleted naked pics they had sent each other on his phone. The worst part? He had sent the same dick pic to me too. He got an "lol" from me that day. He got a twat pic back from her that day. Really could have gone my whole life without seeing that..

When I found out about the A, he told me "It's over, and it has been over for months," which turned out to be the furthest thing from the truth..

I don't know how you start trusting again, but I would do some detective work if I were you. She should be giving you full transparency to earn your trust back (all phone and computer passwords, etc.), and I think her reaction to having to do that will give you a lot of what you need to know. If she's not hiding anything, she will let you invade her privacy as much as you want so you can start believing her again. If she scoffs at it or says she has a right to privacy or doesn't want you reassuring yourself by checking up on her, then I would say she still has something to hide. There is no venom in R..

Big hugs to you. Sending you some mental eye bleach..

xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2326 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 5:11 PM, March 8th (Saturday)

I am sorry for your pain. I didn't see but got to hear (via tape recorder) my WH and his ho "together". Have PTSD from it.
It this Om married? If so please tell his BS.

Who the hell video tapes that crap?

Do you think she knew she was being taped?

That is just wrong on so many levels.

[This message edited by shiloe at 5:12 PM, March 8th (Saturday)]

But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with yet another married ho-worker. Kicked h

Posts: 615 | Registered: Mar 2003
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, March 8th (Saturday)

Hi, friendincrisis, welcome to SI. I am so sorry you found those damn videos, just knowing they cheated and the mind movies that play in our heads without the visuals is devastating enough...I cannot even imagine.

What I suggest is you mozy on down to the I Can Relate forum...there's a thread there for Betrayed Men Only. Weekends are a bit slow, but you will get a great deal of support from a great bunch of guys who have walked in the path you are now walking. Stories different, the pain just as excruciating.

I also suggest you get yourself tested for STDs. Meet with your doctor for some temporary medications, I cannot imagine how you are coping. Many, many of us here have had to take something, even just to get a good night's sleep.

Right now just breathe. Take it one hour at a time. Focus on you. Eat as best as you can and be sure to stay hydrated. Get out of your environment and EXERCISE some of the anxiety away.

Get yourself into individual counseling. Pronto if you can. A GOOD counselor who is well-trained in infidelity.

In the meantime, post, post, post and read, read, read here. Have you checked out the Healing Library?

You do not have to make any decisions right now. Give yourself time to process all of this.

Is your wife remorseful or just sorry she got caught?

Sending mojo and prayers and positive thoughts your way.


Posts: 7591 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
Member # 32943
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, March 8th (Saturday)

I am so sorry you are here. It can be a bit slow here on weekends, but please keep posting - you will find lots of support.

My advice is to realize 1) you do not have to make a decision right now and 2) this is not about you in any way - it is a problem/defect in your wife.

The only thing you need to do now is take care of yourself. Betrayal is a serious trauma. First order: make sure you are getting enough water. see a doctor for anti-depressants or something to sleep if you need to (and get tested for STD's, as your wife must do as well). find someone to talk to - counselor, religious advisor, friend, family, or here. You will get through this.

Read in the Healing Library (yellow box at left) and go to the Just Found Out forum and read everything with a bull's-eye next to it. This will help you start putting things in context and suggest how to proceed. There is also a forum for men who have been betrayed, under the I Can Relate heading.

Wishing you strength. It is a minute-to-minute struggle in the immediate aftermath of discovery. I remember it all too well and wish there were some way to spare you the pain of it. All I can promise is you will find your way and better days are ahead.

Me: BS, 40's.

Posts: 1797 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: West Coast
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 5:39 PM, March 8th (Saturday)

I caught the live show. Are you in IC? EMDR therapy helped me a lot with this... it's almost too much to get over though...

his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”

Posts: 5271 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
Member # 21183
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, March 8th (Saturday)


Is your wife aware that you found the videos?

Is the Other Man - she had sex with in the videos married?

If this man is married - Personally, I'd be inviting his wife over for a bit of "Show and Tell"....but I'm sort of mean, like that!

Me BS 59
WH 58
Married 19 years
D-Day Nov 3, 2005
Child: Adopted Daughter 21 College Student now

I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.

Posts: 6133 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
New Member
Member # 42623
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, March 8th (Saturday)

No he is not married and I have found out through some friends that he is responsible for at least 3 other marriage failures plus I have found out hebwas also screwing 2 other women I have gotten myself checked for std and also learned he has no job and I think she gave him some money to help pay his bills this is too much for me to deal with I think it will have to be over but I'm not ready for that
And yes she knew it was being filmed he used her phone
i found 5 videos all together but two of them were her masterbating for him alone and she sent them to him th were taken at 8:30 am the other videos were taken at around 11:30 at night when she was suppose to be out of town working thats the worst part she drove about 90 miles and right past me to get a motel and screw him all night

Posts: 15 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Iowa
New Member
Member # 42623
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, March 8th (Saturday)

When I confronted her she tried accusing me of cheating and then she said she never meant to hurt me realistically she never meant to get caught !
We are getting along ok now but every little thing makes me wonder
The real problem is I have a very keen sense of smell and can tell when her hormones are different like when she got pregnant with our child I told her before she knew
I can smell when she has had an orgasmn and that really messes with me because she does masterbate and I always know but What I don't know is if she has been with someone else or if she just diddled herself

Posts: 15 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Iowa
New Member
Member # 42623
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, March 8th (Saturday)

And once again thank you all

Posts: 15 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Iowa
Member # 40392
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, March 8th (Saturday)

Damnit man, I sure hate this for you. I didn't have videos but I had pictures to look at. I can only imagine what you're going through. I have no advice but am offering my support for you brother.

Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 616 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, March 8th (Saturday)

I think the weirdest pic I found was OM with his cock on his kids teddy bear.

I mean there was a lot of brutal shit to look at but that was the "What the shit is this fuck?" moment.

"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7483 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, March 8th (Saturday)

I, too, found a dick picture. Fucking horrifying.

I have no great advice for you, friendincrisis. Sorry... I'm sure you're hurting right now.

I keep my mind on my future/and my eyes on the sky/I don't really smile much/If you were there you'd know why.

Posts: 2168 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: City in the Midwest/Best In The Whole Wide World
Getting to Happy
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, March 8th (Saturday)

I have no words except that I am sorry that you had to look at that video. Really sorry.

I found a pic of Mr. Happy and his ho-worker post fuck...the worst day of my life!

And like you, I found it on HIS phone, why would he save something like that...

I hope that you are doing a little better with some support from the SI Menz. They are a great group of guys.

Take care friendincrisis.

WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.

Posts: 1140 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, March 8th (Saturday)

I think accusing you of cheating is typical unremorseful wayward behavior. My STBX accused me as well. It's a blame shift, trying to justify her actions. I'm not sure how long ago D-day was for you, maybe she's just in shock from being caught, but if she has any hope for reconciling, she needs to stop with the bullshit immediately and own up to the CHOICES she made. It wasn't some "oops," and she doesn't get to justify it with any excuses about you or the marriage. She made a choice to do those things, to lie to you and manipulate you, and she can't put that on anyone else or anything else except herself..

I know it's hard, but try to be strong and take care of yourself. It's back to basics right now. Eat and sleep and get some exercise.


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2326 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Member # 41961
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, March 8th (Saturday)

My WH has a video library of his exploits and his enjoyment of pics on his phone - yes I have seen the first few seconds of the vids he made and received. And I at them.

BS: Me 44 WH: 50 Kids: 13, 15, 17, 28 DD: every yr Ow: tons Status: fed-up. A woman should never invest in a relationship she wouldn't want for her daughter, nor should she allow any man to treat her in a way she would scold her son for

Posts: 417 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Midwest
Member # 41745
Default  Posted: 11:03 PM, March 8th (Saturday)

No but I think if I actually saw it in person (my situation happened out of state) it would be a deal breaker I can imagine visual is 10 times worse than hearing about it...totally doesn't make sense does it!

"The grass is greener on the other side because of all the shit that is used to fertilize it"
Him: WH after 8 yrs to think he held my hand during labor twice
Me: thought I was a cool loving wife
D Day: 7 mos ago RIP soul

Posts: 212 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Dante's Inferno
New Member
Member # 40861
Default  Posted: 11:19 PM, March 8th (Saturday)

Hello friendincrisis,

I discovered my partner's cheating by finding movies of him having sex with OW on his computer desktop.

I was completely traumatised. It was about 6 months ago.

I can completely empathise with how you are feeling right now.

Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, we went for a drive to the ocean the day after because I couldn't bear to be in bed any longer sobbing. I can remember, as we sat near the sea, all I could imagine was wishing for a massive tsunami to come and swallow my partner whole. I told him this. He understood.

It was a dark time.

My partner has, in the past six months made a complete turnaround and has "done the work" to regain my trust and prove himself to be worthy.

I'm still consumed with rage occasionally, but I can honestly say, it does get better. Six months out, I feel almost normal and I can honestly say that our relationship is stronger than it ever was.

Of course, I still haven't regained trust completely and I don't know what the future holds, but it does get better.

Sending you strength in what has probably been the worst time of your life.

Posts: 32 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Across the pond.
New Member
Member # 42623
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, March 9th (Sunday)

Thank you all
I am trying to make sense of it all
I Love Her witha ll my heart and soul before her no one really meant anything serious to me I am so in tune with her that I can't be around her without being aroused she is my everything and until this I thought I was hers can't get the videos and what transpired on them out of my mind
Jan.24 2014 is definately the worst day of my life
I need this outlet so I appreciate all of your support
My family is about 400 miles away and I don't want to tell them because it wouldn't be pretty and there would be no hope for us at all if they knew I come from a large family and they wouldn't let it go if we visited all my brothers and sisters are nosey which is the biggest reason i moved away I like to keep tomyself and I know none of you know who I am so that makes it easier to confide in you all so this really does help I feel somewhat better already and hope to make progress as far as me mand my wife it may get better it may not but one thing I can tell you is from now on I will not let my feelings just eat me up she will know when I have a problem I asked her today if she was having sex or masterbating because when I got home I could smell her and she said she didn't but she was very turned on so maybe that could be the cause of it she had cleaned the house and she was here with my daughter all day so who knows but I won't be a patsy thats for sure

Posts: 15 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Iowa
New Member
Member # 42623
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, March 9th (Sunday)

Is anyone else fom the midwest

Posts: 15 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Iowa
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 5:13 PM, March 9th (Sunday)

Me. From your state.

his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”

Posts: 5271 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
New Member
Member # 42623
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, March 9th (Sunday)

Sweet nice to meet you I was beginning to think I was the only one

[This message edited by friendincrisis at 5:20 PM, March 9th (Sunday)]

Posts: 15 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Iowa
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 6:18 PM, March 9th (Sunday)

Friend...good Lord, I cannot imagine how you must feel. I have no advice. Just wanted to welcome you. I'm so sorry, no one should have to have those images burnt in their brain. That's a tough situation your in as you know. Just keep.posting as much as you need, for support, or just to vent. Peace to you.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5133 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 6:34 PM, March 9th (Sunday)


I'm so sorry. Mind movies of the crap they describe to each other in text's is bad enough. I can't imagine if I actually saw it.

Truly awful. I'm sorry you experienced it. Definitely lock it away in case you need it in the future.

Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 41837
Default  Posted: 6:40 PM, March 9th (Sunday)

I can't even imagine that kind of devastation. I am so sorry.

Me- BS 44 Always faithfull
Him- WS 44
2 mo. EA/PA with 25 yr. old slut that stroked his ego, online profiles, CL ads
Married 8 years-No kids together
False R many different times fromJan/13 till Dec/13

Posts: 151 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Northern Indiana
Member # 30707
Default  Posted: 7:27 PM, March 9th (Sunday)

I saw a video of a "chat" where my ex was masturbating for his OW. It was disgusting.

After I got over the shock (close to a year, seriously) It helped me move on. I knew I would never ever be able to love him again in any romantic sense. The thought of that video, and the planning that went on between them to set those chats up makes me laugh now. They were truly pathetic.

No thanks, I'll go find myself a grown up to spend the rest of my life with.

Don't rush into any decisions right now. "I don't know" is a perfectly reasonable answer to any question.

I'm so sorry you're going through this!

What doesn't kill us makes us smaller. - Mario

Posts: 270 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Canada
Member # 25949
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, March 9th (Sunday)


i'm sorry to welcome you to the club.

Me - BS
Her - WS
affair length - 6 months with MM
married since 7/92
d-day 4/2002
NC violated 4/02, 6/02, 8/02

Posts: 136 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Massachusetts
New Member
Member # 42623
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, March 10th (Monday)

Has anyone used spokeo does it work
I would like to see her texts

Posts: 15 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Iowa
Member # 35128
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, March 10th (Monday)

Yep! To add insult to injury, she was wearing lingerie/outfits that she made me buy several years prior but refused to wear them for me.

For me, I'm kinda glad since I could see minute man, basement dweller that is hung like a gnat in his full glory. Pure comedy with a big boost in self-esteem for me to boot... really put things into perspective.

BS (ME): 44
WS(HER): 42
9 years
OM#1- 20-something loser, stole bunch of my things after she had sex with him in our bed (no condoms, STDs)
OM#2- 24 year old, unemployed loser, lives with mom & dad
DDay 1/2012
NC 3/20/2012
SGASDay 4/1/2012

Posts: 721 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: California
New Member
Member # 42623
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, March 14th (Friday)

I have decide to start packing my things
My wife doesn't understand why I'm leaving
But I don't understand why she thinks it's ok to still have contact with him
Thank you to everyone in here don't knoe if I'll be back I need alot of time to process

Posts: 15 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Iowa
Member # 41884
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, March 14th (Friday)

I am so sorry that you have been put in this position. I know that you are devastated by what she has done. PLEASE do NOT stop reaching out to the people here on SI; it real does provide support that one cannot get anywhere else. We are all here for you. In addition, please look for a good counselor to help you process what has been done to you. someone who has experience with infidelity since it a unique trauma. (((HUGS)))

BW: 44 Me
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 13
DD 11

Posts: 642 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
Member # 37777
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, March 14th (Friday)

FTS. Pack her bags. If she won't stop contacting him then she can leave. You stay put.

ME 44
WW 50
DDay 6/13/12
Married 17 years, together 27 yrs.
Its a deal breaker!

Posts: 167 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: NY
New Member
Member # 42778
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, March 14th (Friday)

I agree with Up in the Air.
It should be her who packs her cloths.

Posts: 5 | Registered: Mar 2014
Member # 30905
Default  Posted: 11:06 AM, March 14th (Friday)

I've got pictures of them in bed, OW1 wanted to email me the video, I should have let her. I look at them once in a while when I feel I need to be reminded about how deceitful he really is.

Posts: 234 | Registered: Jan 2011
Member # 42551
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, March 14th (Friday)

Oh, how awful for all of you! I don't have any advice. We need one of those men in black memory erasers. Just to stop seeing things we should never have had to see. Because your mind doesn't forget the things that hurt that much.

Never looking back with longing. Always looking forward with hope.

Posts: 58 | Registered: Feb 2014
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 1:24 PM, March 14th (Friday)

This is something I worried about greatly. What if she ended up on one of those sites or something. Such a stupid thing to do with someone who is not your spouse.

They are begging for it to be leaked on a website.

I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1041 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
New Member
Member # 42623
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, March 29th (Saturday)

Now the other day i got a phone call from her while she was at work (she owns her own business)she was suppose to be on her way to a clients I answered and heard a rustling noise and then I heard him talking to her (wanting to borrow money) she lent it to him and I listened for a few minutes ( supposedly she had broken it off) so I texted her and let her know we were done she didn't understand why until I explained it to her I am really sick of his bullshit I think he actually called me on her phone and stuck it back in her purse when she wasn't looking
Anyway he knows me well enough to avoid me personally and has moved because of fear I no longer care we are done thank you all for all of your support if I can ever help look me up I'll have alot of free time soon and to answer a question I asked Spokeo doesn't really work I located more on google than spokeo gave out what a joke it was didn't even list her on anything but I found her on meetme and a few other sites xdate etc, so I wouldn't waste the time with spokeo

Posts: 15 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Iowa
Topic Posts: 44