New Beginnings
User Topic: thoughtful moments
Member # 37089
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, March 11th (Tuesday)

I posted before with my internal struggles with the whole "bar scene" thing and in how I felt a bit triggery with any future partner going out to bars alone... my personal history was basically my dad cheating on my mom (while out drinking at bars... and this is where my EX and OW met up and their getting together basically evolved). It was more about what are fair but healthy boundaries to expect from one's partner on the subject of going out alone or late at night, etc...anywho..just some background.

So, I trust my SO completely... we have discussed stuff like this. I have never told him he could not go out or put limitations on him, but I have been honest that I still have a bit of a struggle with the going out alone thing. He just recently moved in state so doesn't really know many people. He totally gets it and we've discussed what boundaries we as a couple feel are good, healthy, protect-the-relationship type.

SO likes to go to local pubs or restaurants to play little poker tournaments. Its fun, its something social to do, whatever..since moving here he has only done this once. Its cool. I trust him. They are held at like Applebee's. Its been a stressful week for me battling with my EX over some things and he has lashed out and been verbally abusive in his correspondence. I have a 5 year old healing from surgery and 3 extra kids I am responsible for in addition to my own 3 as their mother is traveling for work this week and I am their babysitter... so exhausted...

SO decides since we are not getting together last night with me working, he would join in on the poker tournament..but texts me his plans and tells me that he knows I am fine with it, but he doesn't want to add any further anxiety on me right now, I've dealt with enough this week and if I rather he skipped it, he would do that. I thought that was sweet, but just said, no, I trust you. Have a good time.

A few hours later, with no prompting, I get a picture text of random old people (literally someone on oxygen, lol) from him....

He wanted to ease any concerns I might possibly have, even though I had said I was good... he texted me a pic to show me the crowd he was hanging with and just said "I love you. I'm hanging with Darth Vader (oxygen man) and Samuel l Jackson, lol".

I feel very blessed. He did not have to take the time to do that. I have never asked him to and would NOT unless he proved unfaithful to me and gave me reason. He has not. He just knew my weak point and took the initiative to be sure I felt comfortable no matter that I had said I was fine. These little acts of thoughtfulness, totally unnecessary and not required from him are things I never would have gotten from EX... not without a fight or being made to feel like I was forcing him to live like a child or prisoner.

I am very much better off. Very much loved. Very much blessed

Me:BW, 34/Him:BH, 34/ 3 boys, 5,8,12
4ddays, now Divorced
We are not in Kansas anymore

Posts: 304 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: NC
Member # 13515
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, March 11th (Tuesday)

Wow! That's one great guy you have there!

Posts: 1127 | Registered: Feb 2007
Member # 37089
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, March 11th (Tuesday)

lol, yes he sure is...

Although by midnight I finally told him if he was bored to go home and go to bed. I was getting play by plays the whole time! Who knew one could be so present in the social situation and stay in their jammies with unbrushed hair all day!
Next time I am getting a sitter and going with him...

Me:BW, 34/Him:BH, 34/ 3 boys, 5,8,12
4ddays, now Divorced
We are not in Kansas anymore

Posts: 304 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: NC
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, March 11th (Tuesday)


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7739 | Registered: Aug 2005
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, March 11th (Tuesday)

awww that's great!

Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 2:10 AM, March 12th (Wednesday)

Wow. Can't even imagine...

Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011

Posts: 9824 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 5:55 AM, March 12th (Wednesday)

I'm currently in a LDR, and my SO and I give each other play by play (and photos) of a ton of outings we do via text. On one level, it's silly and my friends tease me about constantly texting him, but at the same time, it makes it a lot easier to be apart.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13798 | Registered: Jul 2011
Topic Posts: 7