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User Topic: Let me know
TattoodChinaDoll
Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 8:08 AM, March 13th (Thursday)

I can't go into details on here but I just need some support and reminders that it will all be ok. That your survived this. That there are tens of thousands of you on SI that are going through the same thing, feel the same way, and are living proof that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. You guys are the ones who get it...I wish you were all here in my living room right now.


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 3, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011


Posts: 1727 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
Chrysalis123
Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 8:12 AM, March 13th (Thursday)

(((((TCD)))))

It will be OK, it will.

What is happening?


Don’t get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well. 

Posts: 2708 | Registered: Jan 2010
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, March 13th (Thursday)

((((TCD))))


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25746 | Registered: Aug 2011
5454real
Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 8:18 AM, March 13th (Thursday)

TCD, we've got your back.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2992 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, March 13th (Thursday)

(((TCD)))

Please remember that you ARE strong. You WILL make it through this. It may not seem like it, but there are better days ahead. Sending you hope, hugs, and warmth (good grief it's cold by us).


Posts: 35904 | Registered: Mar 2011
somanyyears
Member
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, March 13th (Thursday)

..

..You must have a helluva BIG living room!!!

..stay strong..have faith in a better tomorrow..

smy

[This message edited by somanyyears at 8:21 AM, March 13th (Thursday)]


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4129 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
Flourgirl
Member
Member # 40937
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, March 13th (Thursday)

We're here we will get through it. I still take it minute by minute one breath at a time.


BS me 39
WH him 40
Dd 7/1/13. TT 7/22/13
SAHM with 4 wonderful kids

Posts: 190 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Kansas City
joannie
Member
Member # 42486
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, March 13th (Thursday)

wish i was in your living room right now, could do with a hug and the same reassurance hugs to you


me BS 56yr
Him WS 55yr
Married 34 years 2 sons 4 grandchildren

Posts: 131 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: France
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, March 13th (Thursday)

((((((((TCD))))))


Im worried that you said you can't go into details..this following your thread about TTMU not wanting you to post/read SI.

Has he taken your safe place from you?


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7688 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
AML04
Member
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, March 13th (Thursday)

(((TCD)))


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 875 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
stunnedin12
Member
Member # 38141
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, March 13th (Thursday)

We (collectively) are stronger than anything the wayward spouse can thrown our way. It will get better - one way or another.

Be safe.


ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Not sure, but trying I guess.

Posts: 477 | Registered: Jan 2013
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, March 13th (Thursday)

Got your back sister....((((TCD))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8714 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Neverwudaguessed
Member
Member # 41884
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, March 13th (Thursday)

We are all here for you. Remember; they don't call it a roller coaster for nothing, which means that yes, there are REALLY low lows, but that also follow with the highs too. It will get better <3


BW: 44 Me
WH:48
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 13
DD 11

Posts: 642 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
ExposedNiblet
Member
Member # 30803
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, March 13th (Thursday)

(((TCD))))

This too shall pass.

Hang in there.


Divorced
Me ($39.95 plus S & H)
DS1(17), DS2(15)

Enjoying this chapter in my life.
Learning that being alone does not mean being lonely.
Discovering that where I've been is not as important as where I'm going.


Posts: 355 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Right Here, Canada
FindMyselfAgain
Member
Member # 36969
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, March 13th (Thursday)

((TCD))

"Promise me you'll always remember: you're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." A.A.Milne


DDay: October 7, 2011
R finally started in earnest: April 2014

Posts: 202 | Registered: Sep 2012
4everfaithful83
Member
Member # 41761
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, March 13th (Thursday)

Hugs to you TCD - You WILL be ok. Just take it one day at a time. Don't forget to eat! And get plenty of sleep. You are not alone, you have come to the right place!


Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze...

ME: 31
WBF: 27
Together 7 years
1 doggie
DDay: June 24, 2013
IN R...


Posts: 565 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, March 13th (Thursday)

Hey there, I brought my own chair because I''m betting your living room is getting a bit full. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4935 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
gypsybird87
Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, March 13th (Thursday)

(((TCD)))

Whatever it is, it's no match for you, sister. You are strong, brave, and surrounded by love and support here.

Hang in there.


Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin


Posts: 915 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, March 13th (Thursday)

You will be MORE than okay!


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
sisoon
Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, March 13th (Thursday)

TCD, You have so much going for you. You've got a long, productive, joyful life to live. You're a loving, lovable, capable human being, and you will get through this.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10378 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
MissesJai
Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, March 13th (Thursday)

TCD, You have so much going for you. You've got a long, productive, joyful life to live. You're a loving, lovable, capable human being, and you will get through this.
DITTO!!!!! (((TCD)))


FWW - 41
"Don't think first about the risks of speaking up. Think first about the risks of not speaking up." ~ Kerry Patterson

Posts: 5977 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
RidingHealingRd
Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, March 13th (Thursday)

Count me in as one that did get through it despite the fact that there were many days that I questioned whether I could.

Hope that you are feeling stronger soon.

(((TCD)))


ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 4 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 2123 | Registered: Nov 2011
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, March 13th (Thursday)

(((TCD)))

I am here with you.

You WILL be ok, better than ok.

Stand tall and know you are a strong, beautiful, smart woman who deserves to find her happiness.

And you will.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3846 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
TattoodChinaDoll
Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, March 13th (Thursday)

Thank you everyone. I wish I could say more but I don't want to risk getting hurt any more than I am (emotionally not physically so don't worry). There are so many strong people here. I wish you could get paid to be our life coaches.


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 3, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011


Posts: 1727 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
Shattered-Heart
Member
Member # 32165
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, March 13th (Thursday)

(((TCD)))
Do you live in a warehouse? There a lot of support here!

Sorry it's sucky right now, but know there's a lot of love and support thinking and rooting for you. Whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger, I guess... and makes us really appreciate the good stuff!


Me BW
Him WH
"The trick is to keep breathing." - Garbage

Posts: 180 | Registered: May 2011
Truly
Member
Member # 40715
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, March 13th (Thursday)

Just gonna take a wild stab in the dark (wouldn't that be fun?!) and guess that MrTCD is reading SI and being less that supportive.
^^^^^Understatement of the year

Feeling that the lounge is getting a little crowded I've brought my camping chair and I'm sitting just outside your window, out under the big sky. I hear your warm voices and feel your smiles, needed those today.

What an awesome SI party! if only it was IRL xxx

((((((((((((((((((TCD)))))))))))))))))))

Kia kaha
xxx


There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast.
Charles Dickens


Posts: 257 | Registered: Sep 2013
StillGoing
Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, March 13th (Thursday)

Hope you feel better soon.


"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7484 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
k94ever
Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 5:59 PM, March 13th (Thursday)

TCD, unleash your inner Bitch.

We'z all gots our popcorn and camping chairs and beer/wine drinking hats on and are ready for the throw-down.

Mr. Slithers is here somewhere. Want me to see if he will bite him?


k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6581 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
MissMouseMo
Member
Member # 38562
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, March 13th (Thursday)

If there's safety in numbers, count me in (even if I have to sit on someone's lap - man, this place is crowded!)


It is the gut-wrenching, down-to-your-soul honesty that helps so much. ~paraphrased from CancunCrushed
"I edit, therefore I am." -BionicGal

Posts: 360 | Registered: Feb 2013
CantLoseHope
Member
Member # 42356
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, March 13th (Thursday)

TCD, I wish we were all your living room too...

seriously everyone how fun would that be?

We are definitely here for you, and I for one am definitely in pain as well, but I have to say ...... I am 10 months into separation and I can honestly say I DO feel stronger, but it doesnt hurt any less unfortunately.

TCD, I can't say that the pain will ever go away but I can say that you will and are becoming stronger..... Just be sure to always confront your feelings, don't become bitter, you need to still love life. Becoming stronger does NOT mean your heart turns to stone.

AIR HUGS, rather, WEB HUGS!!!


"A tree falls the way it leans.....be careful which way you lean"


Posts: 172 | Registered: Feb 2014
LosferWords
Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 6:58 PM, March 13th (Thursday)

Sending good thoughts your way. You will get through this, and come out stronger on the other side.

Posts: 7542 | Registered: Dec 2010
FixYou71
Member
Member # 42654
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, March 13th (Thursday)

(((TTCD))


BS: 43
H: 49
Dday #1 Oct 2007 (Porn for 2 yrs)
Dday #2 May 2013 (Porn for 5 more yrs))
Dday#3 May 2014 (finally admitted to drunk kissing OW in 1994: the 2nd drunken kiss with another woman during our M)
DD 21 and DS 17
Married 1993

Posts: 451 | Registered: Mar 2014
StillStanding1
Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, March 13th (Thursday)

Looks like it's standing room only in there...

Thought I'd just drop by with a couple of good thoughts (from the mouths of those wiser than I):

If you’re going through hell, keep going . - Winston Churchill

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. - Confucious

Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life’s about creating yourself. - George Bernard Shaw

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. - Winston Churchill

((((TCD))))


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 715 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
scaredyKat
Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, March 13th (Thursday)

You know, I AM almost literally in your backyard. If you need RL support, I can get to you. PM me.


Me-BS-60
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3663 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
solus sto
Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, March 13th (Thursday)

((TCD)) no matter what the outcome, you will survive. You will thrive.

I did not believe this, but it's true. I, too, had a remorseless husband. I, too, stayed for a very long time. I, too, was isolated and felt alone. I wasn't--many more cared for me than I knew. And I've met many more since then.

I thought it would never be better. But OMG, it is. So, so much better. It can be for you, too.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8848 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
SI Staff
Moderator
Member # 10
Red  Posted: 1:13 PM, March 14th (Friday)

Truly,

Please remember the following guideline:

FLAMING & ATTACKING: Please refrain from attacking another member, publicly or by using the SI.com Private Message feature. Do not bait or call out others. This includes members and non-members.

Thank you.


Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
itainteasy
Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, March 14th (Friday)

TCD, we ARE all in your living room.

Hang in there. Put yourself first this time.

((((((TCD))))))))

I hope today finds you feeling better.


Posts: 3419 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, March 14th (Friday)

How are you doing today,TCD?


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7688 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Truly
Member
Member # 40715
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, March 17th (Monday)

Huge apologies to all,

Comment made as a jest. Clearly didn't think that one through.

Sorry (((((TCD))))) Hope things are better today x


There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast.
Charles Dickens


Posts: 257 | Registered: Sep 2013
lastdance
Member
Member # 42401
Default  Posted: 6:21 PM, March 17th (Monday)

I'm a JERSEY GIRL too...love new jersey but it is toooooooo coldddddd for me....I now go between texas and florida.......searching for the sun....im sending you lots of sunshine your way..lots of hugs....and lots of love.....be strong,but love yourself jersey girl......sending smiles to you jerseygirl from this jerseygirl in texas

Posts: 153 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: orlando, fl
betrayedfriend
Member
Member # 19785
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, March 17th (Monday)

Make room for one more, I'm here too. You're going to be ok. I promise you. You are strong. You can do this. Just breathe in and out and know that we're all here. We'll catch you.


I originally joined SI as a way to help my best friends find ways of coping with infidelity, but now infidelity has touched my family much closer to home.

Posts: 868 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Midwest USA
Shayna71
Member
Member # 42105
Default  Posted: 7:09 AM, March 19th (Wednesday)

Something I realized recently, and tell myself often, "Far weaker people than me have survived far worse." So I may not know what it looks like, but I know that no matter what happens, I will be fine.


Me: BW 46
Him: WH 42
3 month EA and PA w/a mutual friend
DDay 09/20/2013
Married over 20 years
DS 26, DS, 19 DD, 18
Currently in R

Posts: 130 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Indiana
Edie
Member
Member # 26133
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, March 19th (Wednesday)

Surviving, and even thriving some days (its not infidelity that means I am not some days just health or other stuff)

I really don't agree with this quote " that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". It feels like rather an empty platitude (to me anyway) and rather a judgemental stick to beat people with. IMO


Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 DDs 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) Feb 09 16 other OW confessed. OW17 tried her unedifying hardest until Aug 09. R'd.

Posts: 5123 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
TattoodChinaDoll
Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, March 19th (Wednesday)

I wish I could say more. I wish I could get your advice. But I can't. And right now I'm in need. I have no where to go. Please please please make this stop. I need a miracle but I just keep getting crapped on.


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 3, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011


Posts: 1727 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
devasted30
Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, March 19th (Wednesday)

It. Is. Going. To. Be. Okay!!!!!!!
It. Is. Going. To. Be. Okay!!!!!!!
Hang in there.
It. Is. Going. To. Be. Okay!!!!!!
Coming over for tea. Do you have any cookies?


And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!

Posts: 1323 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
sisoon
Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, March 19th (Wednesday)

(((TattooedChinaDoll)))


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10378 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
k94ever
Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, March 19th (Wednesday)

TCD, you've got to tell us what's going on so we can help.

And as hard as it is, you know you have to go through this; and you also know you will survive this.


{{{{{hugs}}}}}

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6581 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
Neverwudaguessed
Member
Member # 41884
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, March 19th (Wednesday)

Is there no one that you can speak to privately? Even on here ? someone who you trust to P.M.? or if you are religious, a clergy person? We are all routing for you!!!!!! You can get through it, and you will. You haven't gotten this far for nothing!


BW: 44 Me
WH:48
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 13
DD 11

Posts: 642 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
ItsaClimb
Member
Member # 37107
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, March 19th (Wednesday)

{{TCD}}


BS 46
Together 29 yrs, M 25 years
2 daughters 24yo(married with a brand new little daughter) & 19yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later

Posts: 1022 | Registered: Oct 2012
Truly
Member
Member # 40715
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, March 19th (Wednesday)

(((TCD))))

We're worried about you. I hope us just being here and caring makes it feel a little easier.

I wish I could take some of your pain away.

Arohanui xxx


There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast.
Charles Dickens


Posts: 257 | Registered: Sep 2013
ButterflyGirl
Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, March 21st (Friday)

Hey girl. I imagine TTMU doesn't like SI, or especially me in particular all that much, because I think I can seem him for exactly who he is and because I am divorcing a man just like him. I'm trying to show you who I really think he is, his motives, and how you ABSOLUTELY don't deserve the treatment he dishes out at you.

I don't think the BS has to provide transparency, especially to an unremorseful spouse, so please, pretty please with a cherry on top, change your passwords and feel free to PM me anytime.

But honestly, I'm SOOOOO much more worried about you than TTMU. I want you to take some personal responsibility and stop letting his bullcrap give you excuses for your actions or how you feel. It sucks but YOU control YOU.

This could be out of line and have nothing to do with you, but I will admit I was not as focused on my kids as I should have been during in the beginning of this hell hole.. I was suffering my own turmoil, trying to fix my marriage, and trying to "fix" him, and my kids fell by the wayside. Please take a long hard look on how the children are being affected by all this crap. They learn by example, and I think the best example you can give them is how to treat someone like him. I try show my kids every day that I am honest, patient, responsible loving parent, who doesn't fly off the handle when she is mad or go into prolonged depressions. It was so very difficult to do that when dealing with my issues, but after leaving him, my relationship with my kids has increased exponentially. Please get them out of that hell hole.. They are learning the kind of treatment they can and should deserve from a future spouse RIGHT NOW.

I have extra rooms in my house in Florida, and I so wish I could bring you and the kiddos here. I can't keep feeding you fish, and not that I know how to fish all that great, but I can show you what I have learned already. I keep getting the feeling that you have all the classic signs of a battered woman, emotionally, physically, and sexually, and I bet you feel stuck, and it's so frustrating to convince battered women that it is NOT normal!! So many battered woman stay because they think they have no options, money, hope, etc., but you have so many options girl!! You just need to find them.

STOP LISTENING TO HIS BULLSHIT EXCUSES AND PROMISES TO CHANGE. HE IS ONLY TRYING TO MANIPULATE YOU LONGER, AND YOUR LOVE AND CARING FOR HIM IS ALLOWING HIM TO DO IT!!!

If you don't think you can post here, try taking some advice from Gonnabe. She has had some FABULOUS posts, knowing full well the Sultan might be reading them. You know why? Cause that guy has NO control over here. And guess what? TTMU has NO control over you.

What is the worst TTMU can do to you for posting here? Hurt you? Well then you get the police on speed dial and put a restraining order in place. Stop letting him bash you for your posts and isolate you from one of your places of healing. He has no control over SI... This is where NO CONTACT comes in. No matter what he says about your posts does NOT matter. He gets no control of your feelings anymore. (just maybe don't post anything illegal, lol)

The saddest part is I think you think he just might change one day. You have hope. You think if you do XYZ, things will get better and he will stop treating you the way he does and hurt you. You HAVE TO let this go. You MUST let this go. What you do or don't do is NOT going to fix this man. It is his choice whether to stop hurting you or not, and he needs to fix that himself. He waited over a year to even mention counseling? Well that tells me he doesn't give a shit about listening to your feelings and your need to express things, and OF COURSE there is nothing wrong with him that needs to be fixed (hence the gaslighting that something is wrong with YOU and not HIM).

Marriage counseling would be so very fucking far away from helpful right now. This starts with him going to IC and learning to respect people, which he has almost never done given your posts. When you give up the notion that you are somehow the cause of his disrespect, have deserved it any way, or have any control over it if you do things differently, you will be so much better off. Stop tying your self worth to how he treats you..

Please, anything I can do, let me. I worry about you girl. Maybe I'm projecting because I've been through this hell, but I want you to realize that you have no power over this guy, and I want you to embrace your own power.

I'm sending you the biggest strength and hugs that I can. Please, if you need anything, PM me... I don't mean to be a crazy stalker, but I love you to tears, and I wish to the high heavens I could give you some peace and trust in yourself


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2330 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, March 21st (Friday)

^^^^This. Every.Single.Word.^^^^^

As always, you can PM me too. Im really worried about you...we all are.

Are you safe,TCD?


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7688 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
SI Staff
Moderator
Member # 10
Red  Posted: 6:01 PM, March 21st (Friday)

TTMU is still a member here. Please try to support TCD without attacking TTMU. It serves no purpose other than to push him away. SI does not condone attacking members or non members.

Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
FightingBack
Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, March 21st (Friday)

Even six months ago, I wouldn't have believed that this could get better. know what? It has. I know that it is slow with plenty of bumps and set backs, but slowly, slowly, it has become better. And it will for you too, no matter what the outcome.

We are all together with you on this. feel it.


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 785 | Registered: Feb 2012
gahurts
Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, March 22nd (Saturday)

Hey TCD. I just read this thread for the first time yesterday and I just want to say that I hope you are doing better. If you can't post any details here can you reach out through some PM's or e-mails with close friends IRL? Please take care of yourself. You deserve peace and your girls need their mom to be healthy.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3432 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
Topic Posts: 55