User Topic: Amazing quote I just read
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, March 14th (Friday)

My marriage used to be a shiny, fancy house built on sand.

The sand shifted, as it does, and my shiny fancy marriage crumbled. All my beautiful things were strewn all over the ground. Everything I had and thought I loved was busted and broken. All gone. Everything gone. Nothing Whole Anymore. It was very sad. So sad.

18 months later my marriage is a teeny tiny shack. Itís not much to look at yet, nothing fancy, because weíve just started rebuilding. We havenít filled it up yet- because we are being really careful about what weíll allow in our space this time. Weíve got expert builders helping us and even so, itís slow going. We have to rest a lot. But weíre on solid ground this time. So no matter how long it takes us to rebuild- itís okay because weíre building something thatíll last. We are not shiny anymore but we are strong.

Tonight Iím grateful that my marriage fell the hell apart so Craig and I could rebuild it stronger and better and realer.

Broken is the beginning.

Just wow.

Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2776 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, March 14th (Friday)

Broken is the beginning.

Certainly true in our case. Thanks for sharing.

me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is a personal crisis, not a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.

Posts: 2055 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, March 14th (Friday)

agree, very nice sentiment

D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1908 | Registered: Nov 2010
Member # 41884
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, March 14th (Friday)

LOVE IT! Thank you for sharing it with us...

BW: 44 Me
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 13
DD 11

Posts: 642 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, March 14th (Friday)

Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 943 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, March 14th (Friday)

Love this!

Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 875 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
Member # 40462
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, March 14th (Friday)

me, BW: 34
FWH: 35
Dday: Feb 2013
LTA for 2+years
children: 2 boys age 3 and 6

Posts: 380 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nova Scotia, Canada
New Member
Member # 36110
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, March 20th (Thursday)

Wonderful! Thanks for sharing

You've got to let your soul shine

Dday- May and June, 2012

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jul 2012
Member # 39008
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, March 20th (Thursday)

I like the analogy but couldn't disagree any more with the conclusion. My marriage may be rebuilt. Parts of it may be improved. But let's be clear, it will never be BETTER.

It will always be stained and tainted. Am I supposed to thank my wife for fucking another dude for 3 years so that we had a chance to fix our marriage. Absurd.

The choices we make reveal the true nature of our character

Posts: 160 | Registered: Apr 2013
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 2:51 PM, March 20th (Thursday)

That is awesome.

I believe it and am living in the same little shack.

I don't ever want shiny and pretty again.

I want real.

Thank you for posting it.

ďAnd the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossomĒ
AnaÔs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3845 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
New Member
Member # 42534
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, March 20th (Thursday)

OMGosh! I love this post! Thank you for sharing!!!

Married: 13 years, Together: 15 years
Kids: daughter 12, son 9
Dday: January 10, 2014
Trying to reconcile!

Posts: 25 | Registered: Feb 2014
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, March 20th (Thursday)

slater13, I'm sorry that this hit you in a negative way. That's the one thing that I've learned more than anything else on this journey...there is no one way that we heal, no one way that this is experienced. What works for me will not necessarily work for anyone else, but I am SO glad we have this place where we can share.

I think it must be really, really hard for a BS who felt completely content and happy in their pre-A M to be able to see R as anything "better" than before. For me and my H, things were never right. We looked flashy and pretty from the outside but never had a strong foundation. What we have today is exactly like the quote describes, only we have begun building a beautiful home where our little shack once stood. The foundation is strong, and true and pure. Do I wish we could have found our way here without all the pain? Absolutely. But I also know both of us well enough to know that was pretty unlikely to happen until we both felt enough pain to make the changes that needed to happen.

Peace and strength to all of us.


Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2776 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, March 20th (Thursday)

Spot on.....thanks for posting.

ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3959 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
Topic Posts: 13