SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Okay, I think I have the guts to file, just need help
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, March 17th (Monday)

Wh went out Friday, and I think it was with his XAP. I feel that something is up. I asked him about it and he said he text her regarding why she was on our DD's twitter account.
So I am upset, here I thought he didn't want me because all we do is fight, but we fight because I always felt left out sense I moved back home. He never asks me to do anything on the weekends while he gets cleaned up and heads out the door. I never really know who he is with or what he does.
So I said I think he was with her Friday and he said "OMG, I am not going to go thru this with you".
This bitch will not go away. And I guess he would rather have a homewrecking, immature, slutty person instead of his wife, he can have her! I am so tired and worn out. 5 fucking years this has been going on and I was played like a fiddle. He can have his FRIEND and fuck her all her wants. Hope they are happy together. But the his CAKE EATING IS FUCKING OVER! I trusted him again when he promised me that he would have nothing to do with her. Why won't he leave her the fuck alone. Is she that important to him? Cause I know I am NOT!

I want to throw up! What hurts the most is he chooses her and him over me and I never ever hurt him. He would rather have someone like that.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)37
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2652 | Registered: Aug 2011
2goodannie
New Member
Member # 41967
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, March 17th (Monday)

How much more are you going to take?? You don't deserve this and he doesn't deserve you! File, serve him and move on with your life!!

Posts: 41 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Midwest
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, March 17th (Monday)

You can do it! See a lawyer and gather your troops. ((((hugs)))))


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 3708 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
ButterflyGirl
Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, March 17th (Monday)

From a response in general: Unleash your inner Bitch.

FTG dude.

Whether he was with her or not, he don't get to fucking talk to you like that.

[This message edited by ButterflyGirl at 9:49 AM, March 17th (Monday)]


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2000 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, March 17th (Monday)

This isn't about YOU. You KNOW this.

This isn't about XAP/AP or any other woman for that matter. You KNOW this.

None of this is about anything other than his selfishness. YOU KNOW THIS!

File and free yourself from this toxic asshole. ((((FwL))))


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24434 | Registered: Aug 2011
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, March 17th (Monday)

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!

Hamlet Act 1, Scene 3


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9277 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Jennifer99
Member
Member # 39551
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, March 17th (Monday)

What do you need help with Faithful?

Posts: 556 | Registered: Jun 2013
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, March 17th (Monday)

I know it isn't about me but I feel like it is.
" He text me... Thats why I have learned to live a lie". WTF does that mean?

Guy's I know I deserve better, that is no question but it burns my soul that he screwed me over again with that BITCH!

So what happens when I file? I don't want the house so that is not going to be a problem, our son can come and go as he is 15 and we always agreed that he will not be put in middle. Daughter is grown and lives on her own. Can I make this cheap? I don't have a lot of money. Just want to be done.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)37
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2652 | Registered: Aug 2011
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, March 17th (Monday)

I need help with being strong, I always get suckered back with the cake eating charm. URRGGHHH.

Do you all think I should move out first before I file or file before I move out? I am trying to find a house to rent for now and everything is so pricey. UURRGGGHHHH.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)37
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2652 | Registered: Aug 2011
TrustedHer
Member
Member # 23328
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, March 17th (Monday)

Do you all think I should move out first before I file or file before I move out?

Don't ask us. Ask your lawyer. We don't know the laws of your state, or the damage you might do to your case if you "abandon" him.

Please re-read your first post on this thread.

You are not describing a marriage. It sure sounds like you're a servant or employee.


Take care of yourself. There's a great future out there. It won't come to you; you have to go to it.

Posts: 5115 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
Leia
Member
Member # 42510
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, March 17th (Monday)

What TrustedHer said. See the lawyer first and find out what is the best course of action in your case. Go for it! The feeling of being free and moving on is the best!


"Somebody get this walking carpet out of my way." Princess Leia, Star Wars

Posts: 296 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Kansas
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, March 17th (Monday)

You are not describing a marriage. It sure sounds like you're a servant or employee.

BINGO!!!


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)37
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2652 | Registered: Aug 2011
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, March 17th (Monday)

Get thee to a lawyer for a consult ASAP. Knowledge is power and gives confidence. Once you have an idea of what you can expect given your state's laws you can start thinking and planning strategically, which is precisely what you need to do.


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 972 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
ButterflyGirl
Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, March 17th (Monday)

I left the marital home in the beginning. The important thing to the judge in my case was that I took the kids with me.. And now I got the house back with exclusive use.. And he has EOW visitation.

I agree to talk to your lawyer ASAP, but your health and sanity come first. If you need to get out, go...


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2000 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
sparkysable
Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 11:38 AM, March 17th (Monday)

If you want to give him the house, that's fine, but he HAS to buy you out for your half of the equity, and then refinance and take your name off. Don't just give him the house for free.

Nobody wants to pay for a lawyer, but unless you qualify for legal aid, you're going to have to make it work. Many people here on SI used credit to pay for their lawyer, or borrowed from family.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3169 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, March 17th (Monday)

Oh he can have the house but yes, he will have to pay me out my part. And yes, he would have to get my name off the house so I could eventually buy my own.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)37
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2652 | Registered: Aug 2011
twillett333
Member
Member # 42121
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, March 17th (Monday)

My WH would say the same things to me when she would call his phone back to back when he supposedly ended things with her. He would say im not going through this again and you dont trust be blah blah blah. Turns out he was still in the affair. I just found out Saturday through and email and instagram pics :(


BS (me) 28
WH (him) 28
D-day January 14 ,2014
D-day #2 March 15, 2014
Married 8 1\2 years
Together for 10 1\2
Two children ages 7&2
Reconciling

*Finding my strength*


Posts: 73 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Louisiana
Nomorestrength
New Member
Member # 42257
Default  Posted: 12:08 PM, March 17th (Monday)

Call several attorneys today and set up 2-3 consultations. In my state there are several non-profit divorce support groups and they can help provide a list of attorneys offering free consultations. A lot offer free first consultation anyway.

Even if he were to be a completely different husband tomorrow (which we all hope for but is unlikely in most cases), you need to get advice TODAY to help with your future. You deserve so much more. He isn't looking out for your best interest, so you have to.

Our situations are similar in that my WH will not stop seeing his "friend" but doesn't want divorce either. And I've had several DD's. Luckily we aren't living together so I don't have his disrespectful actions quite as much in my face as you do.

I am almost 7 months pregnant with my first child and I finally signed the divorce complaint today, he should get papers this week. I'm scared as hell, as I know you are too, of the unknown future and would give anything to not be getting divorced, but no one should have to live with ongoing betrayal. I know you are stronger than you believe. Find out your options.


Posts: 44 | Registered: Jan 2014
Tearsoflove
Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, March 17th (Monday)

Even if he isn't seeing her, why would you stay married to someone who gets cleaned up on the weekends and then takes off without you, not letting you know where he's going or who with? Seriously, see a lawyer. Whoever said he treats you like a servant is dead on.


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 3961 | Registered: Sep 2005
one2ndchance
Member
Member # 14759
Default  Posted: 2:05 PM, March 17th (Monday)

After you make your appts with a L, go to your state's website and read up on divorce laws. They are written in layman's terms. It will help you understand the process. My state even has the legal forms necessary if you're eligible for a DIY divorce. Print out the disclosure forms (Assets & Debts) and start filling them out. The more you learn, the more appropriate questions you can ask when you have your appointments.

Once you become pro active, you won't feel so helpless. Taking steps to end this hell you're living in will make you feel more in control.


Me: BW 59
Him: STBXWH 61
Married: 25 years
DDay1: 2/2002; DDay2: 6/2012
Gave him his second chance and he blew it.
Divorcing

Posts: 479 | Registered: May 2007 | From: California
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, March 17th (Monday)

Go See a Lawyer. Don't guess as to how this will happen, and think that just because someone else here did it a specific way that will work in your situation. Each situation is different, and assuming that without legal advice is surely a way to end up with a big mess.

You may not have to use a lawyer to D, and it may be able to be handled amicably, great. But find out the right and wrong way to do it first.

Faithful, you deserve so much more. Time to go get it.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7797 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Topic Posts: 21