User Topic: Why I have to change
Member # 41347
Concerned  Posted: 1:33 PM, March 17th (Monday)

It seems since all of this came to light, I notices it seems like I have to make all these changes.
Anger Management, Anti-Depressants, ADHD medication, and then yesterday my wife threw a new one at me. She says I have a controlling personality, because I get upset when she tells me things or does things for others. Which I can understand, and does make since, but why am I the one making all the changes...

I wish just once, she would say, you know, I really hurt you and I am sorry and I need to make some changes so I can be acceptable wife...

I been busting my butt, around the house and working on me, and I am getting exhausted and at times feel like I am getting more depressed. I wish she would come home so we can work things out. I know that seems weak and co-dependent but I still love her...

In addition I have to take blood pressure medication now and I am close to getting heart attack. I probably will die from a broken heart. I can smile and all when I around her and my daughter, but when I am home alone, just go into a depressive sadden state...

[This message edited by LostSamurai at 1:36 PM, March 17th (Monday)]

I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1041 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, March 17th (Monday)

If you are doing all the changing and she isn't then I'd say that she tagged you with her label. For if she is a controlling person and you start to take that from her, she isn't getting her way like she is used to and hence why she'll label you. Things wouldn't be about balance like it should in a relationship but about her needing the control.


Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.

Posts: 52771 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, March 17th (Monday)

Im sorry Lost but when are you going to realize that no matter what you do, it's not going to fix her brokenness.

She has to do that, and she is too busy blaming you for EVERYTHING wrong in her life to do that. Why don't you start putting you first, because she certainly is not, and now your health is even being effected by it.

You deserve more. Love or not, quit taking her abuse.

Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8744 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, March 17th (Monday)

Your first change should be to stop letting her control the conversation so it always turns to your supposed deficiencies. A remorseful WW would not keep throwing these accusations at you.

Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, March 17th (Monday)

Your all right. I am just being a doormat again. For example if something about the affair is bothering me, triggering me, should I tell her?

I am not trying to bring it up all the time, but sometimes we are together and then boom. I trigger with mental images or something I hear or she says or does.

I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1041 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 6:43 PM, March 17th (Monday)

You know, Lost, it seems to me that you are the only one in this fight. You can't fight this battle alone. Your wife is showing you who she is - BELIEVE HER.

FWW - 41
"Don't think first about the risks of speaking up. Think first about the risks of not speaking up." ~ Kerry Patterson

Posts: 5989 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
Topic Posts: 6