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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: 1st court date thursday
cantaccept
Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, March 17th (Monday)

stbxwh is out of state until Saturday.

Neither of us has a lawyer. I had to email him notification of court date.

He responded, "I will not be home until 3/22"
me,"I have no control over this"
Him, "what do you think I should do?"

I had so much I wanted to say but chose to remain NC.

This court date is for sole use of home and financial assistance until final divorce.

He has not even responded to the court, he was supposed to do it by 3/11.

He will not be there but I must go. Any advice? I am a bit nervous. Is this just a waste of time?

He has not contributed anything financially since he walked out in December. I have copies of his bank statements for the last year and he earns 3x what I do.

I barely make enough to pay the basics. I had to apply for fuel assistance for oil.

Think there is any chance judge will even consider looking at this without him there?

Should I bring copies of the emails that show his abusiveness?

I have many, I saved them in a file.

Just not sure what to do, so wish I had a lawyer.


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

Divorced 8/5/14


Posts: 1310 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
Gemini71
Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, March 17th (Monday)

Bring everything just in case, especially the acknowlegement of the email you sent notifying him of the court date. Better to have it and not use it than to want it and not have it. Good luck.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1646 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Elaine2012
Member
Member # 36099
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, March 17th (Monday)

I don't really have advice for you so I'll send this((Cantaccept)) and some mojo for you on Thursday. I found the process runs rather slow and seems to take a lot of time. I'm hope you get some relief in court.


Me- 53
WH- 57
Divorced - May 22, 2014
Dday - Blindsided July 2012
Married 35 years
4 adult DD's, 2 SIL, 3 grandchildren

Posts: 285 | Registered: Jul 2012
Nomorestrength
New Member
Member # 42257
Default  Posted: 11:21 PM, March 17th (Monday)

Definitely go! The judge will be even more harsh on him for not responding or being there and will hopefully enforce some support to help you out temporarily until a final agreement.

Posts: 44 | Registered: Jan 2014
stronger08
Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 3:31 AM, March 18th (Tuesday)

Its not your job to make STBXWH show up for his court dates, in fact its better for you that he misses them. Judges do not like it when people simply ignore their orders to appear. Let him keep digging himself deeper into the hole. And don't be surprised if an attorney shows up representing him. Chances are he will get an adjournment for another date. And don't get your hopes up of an emergency order being put in place. The wheels of justice grind slowly. But if you get an order be happy as you got lucky. I have a friend who's WH plays all sorts of games with the D. He misses court dates, hides monies, has not paid a dime to support his 3 kids in over 8 months. She is destitute and trying to hold everything together on a teachers wage. It took her over a year to get a temp support order and he still has not paid a dime. But you cant force him to move things along. Its the only power he has left over you and he will not let it go that easily.

One would think these WS would want out ASAP. But for some reason most of them want to punish their BS. Its very typical for them to blame and inflict further pain and suffering. Its a power thing for them and I also feel that because they have fucked up their lives they naturally need someone to blame for it. And that someone is YOU. Because as we all know it could never be them who has caused this mess. Hang in there kiddo......


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5604 | Registered: Nov 2007
cantaccept
Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 5:31 AM, March 18th (Tuesday)

I don't think he has a lawyer, if he did I think the lawyer would have responded to the court.

I checked with the court and the clerk told me that since we don't have lawyers, I am responsible for notifying him of the court dates. I will find out for sure on Thursday.

I was very upset that I had to notify him. I have been strong about maintaining NC for a couple of weeks and had to break it by unblocking my email.

I left it unblocked for him to reply. He did reply to the message but also took the opportunity to send abusive emails also.

Even if I do get temporary support I will probably never see it. I discovered he owes about 14 years of back child support to his daughter. They live in another state and maybe the mother never pursued it.

This is all so mind boggling. I knew he did not have contact with his daughter of course. The story he told me of the break up and ensuing battle led me to believe that it was just too painful for him and not good for his daughter. He told me that she cheated on him and turned his daughter against him. He recently sent me and email "confession" of all his lies. That is not what happened. I can only imagine the true story. I wish I could contact her and find out what her truth is. I Imagine it is similar to mine.

Okay, off on a tangent there...just trying not to worry.

I think just getting free of him is the only important goal. Just the thought of having to look at him makes me ill. I have not seen him since dday#2.

I guess I am nervous. I don't like doing this without a lawyer, I am afraid I will miss something, get blindsided by him.

I just try to remember, there is really nothing for him to take from me. There isn't much left for him to hurt me with.


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

Divorced 8/5/14


Posts: 1310 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
Topic Posts: 6