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User Topic: mother's day dread
phoenixrise
Member
Member # 41745
Default  Posted: 12:47 AM, March 18th (Tuesday)

I am always thinking ahead on the holidays I have to endure! I think this will be the saddest one of all...first m day after d day I am thinking of telling my wh I don't want to celebrate it at all...I love my children of course but it's a sad reminder I had babies with such a______! (i edited) How did your first m day after d day go? Any suggestions? Every year my family goes out to dinner and all the moms wear corsages I don't know if I can bear the realization that I had 2 children with someone who didn't give a rat's behind about me or his kids...too sensitive? I mean I am not proud of having an unfaithful man being the father of my children it's embarrassing ...the corsage might as well say hello I'm the idiot wife who produced 2 children with a man who didn't love me...doesn't smell like flowers at all might as well be a poop corsage... The other part of me says it's not about him...who knows maybe he won't go out of his way at all for me sometimes I think if he was really proud of me being the mother of his kids he never would have cheated but I know I'm a good mom so that can't be it...but sure does feel like it sometimes

[This message edited by phoenixrise at 12:50 AM, March 18th (Tuesday)]


"The grass is greener on the other side because of all the shit that is used to fertilize it"
Him: WH after 8 yrs M...wow to think he held my hand during labor twice
Me: thought I was a cool loving wife
D Day: 7 mos ago RIP soul

Posts: 212 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Dante's Inferno
wannabenormal
Member
Member # 19772
Default  Posted: 1:04 AM, March 18th (Tuesday)

Why don't you take back the holiday?

You ARE a great mom. You always have plans - you can still do it without him. Go buy you and you mother's corsage, make the meal plans out and tell mom it's just you and the kids!

Don't wait on him to make a great day, it may or may not happen, so YOU make it your day.



Posts: 14389 | Registered: Jun 2008
phoenixrise
Member
Member # 41745
Default  Posted: 1:48 AM, March 18th (Tuesday)

Thanks wannabenormal I know you are right in my heart... I just have to act on it and stop feeling sorry for myself and so depressed...one thing I won't be doing this year is reminding him it's mother's day for the sake of his mom grandmother and step mom like I always have or even getting gifts for him to sign. I've done that for 9 years...now he can do it on his own since it obviously went unappreciated and it was taken for granted...Hmm I wonder if his AP would have done that for him hmmm let me think...no! It was all about labels, clown make up, and tacky looks


"The grass is greener on the other side because of all the shit that is used to fertilize it"
Him: WH after 8 yrs M...wow to think he held my hand during labor twice
Me: thought I was a cool loving wife
D Day: 7 mos ago RIP soul

Posts: 212 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Dante's Inferno
wannabenormal
Member
Member # 19772
Default  Posted: 2:03 AM, March 18th (Tuesday)

It's hard not to be upset, don't feel bad about that! It's NORMAL!

Take care of YOU and yours; let him do his thing. I know it's hard not to, since you always have - but it's time to let him stand on his two feet.

AP will probably do it, if asked. She'll feel all special with such a task. But everyone will know it's crap. You hold your head high and do your regular thing. The people it matters to WILL know. Send his mom a card from you, if you always have, you know? Don't let him rain on your parade.

Adding - all the 'firsts' are extra shitty, but it's the time to make new memories. Keep that in mind. I know it's hard, but you will get through it.

[This message edited by wannabenormal at 2:06 AM, March 18th (Tuesday)]



Posts: 14389 | Registered: Jun 2008
DragonBunker
Member
Member # 42551
Default  Posted: 2:30 AM, March 18th (Tuesday)

Well, look at it this way. You grew little babies inside of you that have turned into wonderful children because of your influence. What their Daddy did is no reflection on you or on them. The children are going to want to appreciate their lovely mummy on this day. So maybe, you tell WH that you'd like him to help your kids pick a card and a small gift, but then maybe you take your kids out to dinner. By yourself. And you can celebrate that these lovely kids are as much a part of you now as they were when they were snuggled up under your heart. That's what Mother's Day is about. Yes, the children show appreciation for you as a mother, but you also get to marvel and bask in the sheer beauty of what you created. WH does not need to be part of that meal. I think it will be lovely.


Never looking back with longing. Always looking forward with hope.

Posts: 58 | Registered: Feb 2014
charliboy321
New Member
Member # 42803
Default  Posted: 5:14 AM, March 18th (Tuesday)

the first's after DDay are hard. I agree with the other posters, mothers day is about you as a mother to your wonderful children. Dont let YOUR day be about him.
If the chidren are too young to get you anything themselves,ask a friend or your mum to do it for them. Go to the dinner with them, dont allow WH to be there and spoil your day.

You make new memories as you go along, they will be just as special to you, different to the ones before DDay but just as special.


BS 40 me
WH 41
dd1 17,ds 15,ds2 13
OW 50 3 children
met 1988,together 22 years he lives with OW and has done from 2 months after DDay
dday june 2010

Posts: 20 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: england
Topic Posts: 6