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Reconciliation
User Topic: feeling down, recent trigger
reallysad2012
Member
Member # 37658
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, March 19th (Wednesday)

I think I am doing well for the most part. Got surprised by a trigger the other day, a news story about a wedding expo and a young bride was interviewed about how knew she found the right man. Guess where my mind went from there? All sorts of pessimistic places about how you can't trust anyone and vows don't matter.

I am trying to remind myself of how fWH is very remorseful and that I really do want to stay with him. I am trying to remember that I have taken the pressure off myself to get over it. I will feel better when I feel better. So it is okay that I felt bad about this. I just wonder are wedding related things always going to make me feel like this?


me BS
him WH
his A was in 2001, DDay confession 9/5/2012

Posts: 99 | Registered: Nov 2012
Morhurt
Member
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, March 19th (Wednesday)

My DDay is more recent than yours so I can't really answer... but I can say that I also have those types of negative thoughts. It hurts. I used to think weddings were beautiful but now they seem sort of fake and sappy. On the other hand, I love my husband and he loves me and I am glad that we're married, so I hope one day to return to my positive associations with marriage.


Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 883 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
unfound
Member
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, March 19th (Wednesday)

It does get better as you heal. Until then, it's good that you can remind yourself of where you are now and that you're progressing just as you should in your own time.


ka-mai
*******************
From time to time, I do consider that I might be mad. Like any self-respecting lunatic, however, I am always quick to dismiss any doubts about my sanity. DK

Posts: 14823 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
1Faith
Member
Member # 38975
Default  Posted: 4:08 PM, March 19th (Wednesday)

Dear Really

Triggers are funny little buggers. They come out of no where and slam into you like a Mack Truck.

In essence, they suck.

Will you ALWAYS feel this way about weddings. Probably not. But if it's not weddings it may be a song, or a TV show or a magazine article. The subconscious works in funny ways like that.

Just breathe and allow yourself to move through the trigger. You're human and your feelings are just that your feelings.

Hang in there and don't be so hard on yourself.

(((hugs)))


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1099 | Registered: Apr 2013
reallysad2012
Member
Member # 37658
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, March 20th (Thursday)

Thanks everyone. I just needed to share that and it helps to get support from those who know exactly what I am going through. This trigger just really reminded me of the essential problem I am struggling with, which is the loss of the specialness of our marriage. The broken vows. It makes marriage seem meaningless to me. I am working on recapturing that meaning. Talked to H about it last night. Asked him to think about how we can fix this. He feels helpless, doesn't know what to do. Okay. So I am the stronger one here. I will give him a roadmap. First, we are each other's top priority. Second, we will do more things as a family. Third, we are going to make up new vows and share them with each other. I think I may need more than those three but that is my starting point.


me BS
him WH
his A was in 2001, DDay confession 9/5/2012

Posts: 99 | Registered: Nov 2012
veronique12
Member
Member # 42185
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, March 20th (Thursday)

Reallysad, thanks for the post. H and I were just talking about my mourning the loss of specialness in our M. It's nice to hear that you are working on recapturing it. I waver between cautious optimism and deep pessimism about whether we can overcome this enormous betrayal.

Sometimes I think that maybe this loss won't matter so much over time, though now it is really painful to me. I guess it's all about perspective and that a new type of specialness can come out of all this hell, if we build on the mutual dedication we show to each other in our R. Not an easy task, but not impossible.

I'm glad to see you taking steps toward optimism.


BW: me (38)
WH: 43
OW: false "friend"
D-Day: 11/29/13 (4 month EA discovered); 12/19/13 (discovered was also PA); TT thru 2/14
Married: 2001; Together for nearly 20 years
2 beautiful young kids

Posts: 396 | Registered: Jan 2014
Topic Posts: 6