he didn't respond to where I could see on the bill and tonight
This is when he really needs to tell you..
Hey wife, I wanted you to know I got a text from OW today. I have banned her number. IMO, what he did was bad behavoir. This is not about the OW.. this is about YOU and YOUR H.. transparancy.
But this is his choice to make, not yours. And he did not do it the right way?
Trying to find my strength again
Ignore your fears.. if he is going to cheat,he is going to cheat.
For me today, I see a message without my wife saying something. I go get a lawyer and lay the papers in front of her to see.. But I am far out from my DDAY and perhaps you can express your values of transparancy. My wife did exactly the same thing to me about 6 weeks past dday. Said nothing after I ask her to let me know.
I know it is fear he didn't tell you. But you want a strong man, yes? That is a good value. I want a man who is masculine, mature, not afraid to face his past mistakes.
Get the strength to conflict right now. It does not mean yelling, screaming, etc.. Not a fight.. but a conflict. Ignore your feelings.
Here might be a plan for you to consider...Just a suggestion..
State the bad behavior.. Take that bill, plop in right in front of him.
Try and place him in your shoes.
Say, If I did not tell you about being contacted by my X, you would not like. I don't either.
State your value...
I am only going to live in a marriage from now on that is most transparent. You figure out what you need to do in order to be most open to me today and forever. We have made promises to each other. We can continue keeping secrets or not. I am going to be a far better wife and you are too.
Maybe a consequence?
Reset to safety..
I am going to pour me a glass of wine. Would you like to join me?
When you do it, DON'T get rattled.. make it quick! No debate argue or long discussion. He will get it.
Perhaps he is allowing his fears to rule. A poor quality in any man. But this will let him know you are not messing around.. Strenght is attractive.. This will gain you respect. be STRONG..