User Topic: Forgiving OW?
New Member
Member # 42037
Default  Posted: 8:43 PM, March 20th (Thursday)

How important is it to forgive the OW? I'm nowhere near there yet, actually I still hate her. I honestly don't know if I will ever be able to forgive her, but my hope long term is indifference. I have read that forgiveness is more for me...I'm just conflicted with forgiving her because I owe her nothing.

Just looking for other's thoughts...

Me-BS 39
Him-WS 39
EA 2+ years/PA 6 months with COW

Posts: 9 | Registered: Jan 2014
Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, March 20th (Thursday)

Never going to happen here. I gave her the chance to just acknowledge her part in the A. She scrunched up her face and in an annoying middle school voice said "soooorrrryyyyy", after telling me to get over it. No, I am trying to get to the nobody state of mind regarding her, so nobody does not need a thing from me.

Do whatever you need, for yourself.

Me 52
WH 52
Married 30+ years
Together trying to R

I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.

Posts: 1584 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, bless your heart
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, March 20th (Thursday)

Not necessary, unless it's a double betrayal situation, IMHO...
Some need to forgive those who have been an important part of their life... Others not.
I didn't know either OW. No need to forgive

his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”

Posts: 5486 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 9:06 PM, March 20th (Thursday)

I would like to forgive my H. And he has shown remorse and his actions have been right on the mark.

But forgiving the AP, whom I don't know?....she plays no role in my healing whatsoever.

Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2577 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 9:06 PM, March 20th (Thursday)

I'm in the forgiveness camp, and I believe I need to do it for me. I'm 19 months from dday and never will get an apology from any of the 5 OW. However, I know that when I think of them, I hurt. Hate and anger destroy me. I can't operate at my full potential as long as I hold on to those. For me, there is a distinct difference between acceptance and forgiveness. I explain it to my H this way. Imagine having a turkey sandwich in your lunchbox that has gone bad. If you leave it there, it continues to decay and rot. The stench of it permeates the lunchbox and even seeps out of the seams and starts to stink up other places. You can accept that the sandwich is there, and learn to live with that stench or you can get rid of the stinky thing and clean up the lunchbox. Chances are, some of that stench is gonna cling to the inside of the lunchbox and if it gets particularly hot or closed in for a long time, you're gonna get a sniff of it, but mostly, it really is gone and doesn't cause any more trouble. For me, acceptance is like acknowledging the stinky sandwich, but allowing it to sit, rot and smell up my life. Forgiveness allows me to get rid of the danged thing and really clean up after it. It absolutely doesn't mean that I'm going to let that sandwich back in my lunchbox. I'm there with 2/5. I'm really close with a third. The other two, well, they were friends of mine and this continues to be pattern behavior in their lives. That makes it harder for me. I'll get there, someday, but I'm not gonna rush it.

Posts: 1134 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 9:52 PM, March 20th (Thursday)

Forgiving someone you don't want in your life anyway, simply out of obligation to some sort of ideal, is a vast waste of energy better spent on finding ways to enjoy your day. Struggling to forgive someone that has identified as an enemy for life, that you plan to keep out of your life to avoid further damage, causes additional damage by keeping them in focus.

There is a difference between actively seeking the destruction of someone and the passive hatred that comes of not caring enough to find nice things to say.

"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7554 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 9:59 PM, March 20th (Thursday)

Don't feel it is necessary to forgive AP's. I feel long term indifference is a better goal to aspire to.

BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson

Posts: 9952 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Member # 17962
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, March 20th (Thursday)

Forgiving OW - There is no consideration of doing that. There is simply no reason of need to do it. I don't even strive for indifference. My feeling, after more than seven years, is still hatred. And, I don't see anything wrong in hating someone. But, I also don't dwell on my hatred of her. You meet people you like all the time and you don't dwell on them either.

StillGoing - You have said it exactly. I don't "struggle" to forgive her because it is not in my plan of healing for myself. I have met and talked to her three times at my H reunion dinners. I don't like her on her own merit of her values and attitudes. So, NO, it is not important to forgive. The last time I ignored her completey and it was actually the perfect direction for my healing.

Posts: 77 | Registered: Jan 2008
Member # 21183
Default  Posted: 10:45 PM, March 20th (Thursday)

I have no reason to forgive OW. OW is a non-entity to me. I don't know her, have no relationship with her - and don't intend to.
I have no reason to spend any time or energy on her.
I'm having enough problems trying to forgive my cheating husband - I'm not there, YET.

Me BS 59
WH 58
Married 19 years
D-Day Nov 3, 2005
Child: Adopted Daughter 21 College Student now

I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.

Posts: 6188 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
Member # 38763
Default  Posted: 10:50 PM, March 20th (Thursday)

I have been very forgiving of all my H's OW until this last one.
I will never understand in my heart. I do in my head but my head also says no.
She was a double betrayal except that while I thought she was my bf...she had only engaged me to be my H's second wife and work me into a polyamorous relationship to which I had clearly been opposed right up front. Oh, and there's the part where she was so insanely jealous of my world that her life might have been better *cough* without me in it.
She knew all my pain and the considerable amount of abuse I'd suffered for over 20 years and she intentionally used it all against me and played devious games with my children.
After a lifetime of forgiveness, I intentionally refuse to forgive her and I sincerely hope that her life continues it's downward spiral until she is rendered as meaningless as everything about me and my life has become.
I do this so that I will never forget and let another woman who had no part in my creation and one I didn't personally create that near me again.

Me: 42 BS
Him: 38 ws
Ow: 44 head case, no obs
5 DD's: 21, 18, 17, 15, 10
Last D-day: August 2012 with lots of very blurry lines.

Posts: 264 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Washington State
Member # 42673
Default  Posted: 2:46 AM, March 21st (Friday)

Forgive ow


DD 13/1/14
Him WH
OW - what a cow
3 kids under 4

Posts: 101 | Registered: Mar 2014
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 6:57 AM, March 21st (Friday)

I forgave.

I didn't know it would happen. I hoped for indifference.

I went through years of IC, lots of personal healing.

I wish the OW would get the healing she needs. I know she is broken and broken hurts.

I don't expect others to get to where I am. It crept up on me and I never realized it happened.

It doesn't erase the actions, or the pain I went through.

But it does lighten my heart.

Everyone has to walk their own path and there is no right or wrong.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3858 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Member # 39476
Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, March 21st (Friday)

No forgiveness from me....ever, no never!
She told me that she always knew about me. Therefore, she intended to kill me. I would not forgive a murder attempt on my life. So, that pos does not get forgiveness either. At some point I'll reach indifference. But, for right now, I am still in the anger stage.

ME Doing Better
WH Trying As Best He Can
Married 23 years
Status: Working towards friendship
D Day #1 - 2007 My gut told me
D Day #2 - 2010 His D told me
D Day #3 - 1/11/2013 OW Confirmed
LTA 7 years

Both feet pointed forward; positive

Posts: 499 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Inner Peace
Member # 35004
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, March 21st (Friday)

Not happening. They all found one another on "no strings attached" sites. They all knew exactly what they were doing, including my FWH.

This was straight out risking everything just for sex. I am not obligated to forgive people who intentionally do this.

BS - 62
FWH - 60
Married 34 years
D-Day 2/12/12
Doing well with R

Posts: 1055 | Registered: Mar 2012
Member # 42105
Default  Posted: 7:43 AM, March 21st (Friday)

Lots of things I'd like to do to her...forgiving her isn't one of them. Don't feel bad about it. Don't feel like I need it. Isn't even on the very bottom of my very long to do list.

I know it is important and beneficial to some. I've read some BS say it was integral to their recovery. Everyone is different.

BTW. I think sometimes it has to do with the level of remorse the OP may have (or NOT have)

[This message edited by Shayna71 at 7:52 AM, March 21st (Friday)]

Me: BW 46
Him: WH 42
3 month EA and PA w/a mutual friend
DDay 09/20/2013
Married over 20 years
DS 26, DS, 19 DD, 18
Currently in R

Posts: 130 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Indiana
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, March 21st (Friday)

here's a different spin.

I, in my shock and despair, (and before I found SI) a little over a month after dday, contacted MOW by text asking her if she would meet with me to talk because I was going crazy and needed some answers.

She agreed to meet, although mentioned that she was not sure if she was the best one to help me.

I think now that she was also in need of information because I had forced a resignation from her the morning following dday, and there had been NC between her and my H.

She also thrives on believing she is a source of wisdom and "can read people very well".

We met and talked. I believe she answered my questions truthfully. Almost matter of factly.

She spoke as if she was an objective observer, unemotional, like a therapist. I foolishly let her see that I was destroyed. She also said some things that will be forever imprinted on my brain.

At the time, I couldn't believe someone could be so unfeeling or so self motivated as to deliberately pursue and steal someone else's husband. I tried to seek reason and understanding. I tried to put myself in their shoes. I was empathic.

At the end of the conversation I felt there was kind of an understanding between us. She never said that she was sorry for what she did, only that she couldn't change the past, but wished she could.

She even hugged me, and I let her. I needed it. I just wouldn't believe that anyone could purposely try to destroy me.

I told her that I forgave her. I told her that because in a weird way, I was grateful that she spent three hours talking to me, doing what I believed must have been very difficult for her.

I also thought that I would probably never see her again, and that she needed to feel that she was forgiven. I couldn't let anyone live with what I imagined would be such a terrible weight of guilt and regret.

She responded by saying that she probably didn't deserve forgiveness. I really don't remember if she said thank you. Maybe she did.

The point to all of this, is that now I know that I offered forgiveness too easily. I don't think I do forgive her now.

She can believe it. I don't care. If I hadn't said that, she wouldn't care either.

Because now, I have learned that she did deliberately try to destroy me. Not because she had anything against me personally, but because I was in the way of what she wanted.

And when I think of how she befriended my children in order to get close to them and make them like her, all the while not caring how their lives could be effected by her affair with their father, I hate her all over again.

Forgiveness is important. It is profound. It is solemn, like a vow. It shouldn't be given out lightly or it is meaningless. And it should only be given to those who are remorseful, and who ask for it sincerely.

[This message edited by FightingBack at 8:10 AM, March 21st (Friday)]

Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 809 | Registered: Feb 2012
Member # 33202
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, March 21st (Friday)

Never. The AP doesn't deserve it.

Posts: 729 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 42105
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, March 21st (Friday)

From the other side...the OTHER BS forgave my WH. They had a LONG phone conversation the day after DDay, him apologizing for hurting her and her family,telling her he would have NC w OW, ever, and answering her questions about the A... her calling him names, and making nasty comments in between questions, while also telling him the TRUTH about the lies her girlfriend told him about their relationship.

Crazy as it sounds, she forgave him. Told him it wasn't like she wanted to be BFFs but she'd speak to him in public, and have a drink with him if she saw him out (WTH?) she has since spoken to him in a friendly way on several occasions while we were all at our daughters bball games...all bball and kid related, but friendly. Go figure...

Me: BW 46
Him: WH 42
3 month EA and PA w/a mutual friend
DDay 09/20/2013
Married over 20 years
DS 26, DS, 19 DD, 18
Currently in R

Posts: 130 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Indiana
Member # 41686
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, March 21st (Friday)

Well here is another totally different spin on it.

At first I had hate for the AP, blamed him in my heart and mind, but after time & talking with my wife. I realized it was her fault 100% and not the AP's. Her poor coping skills got her to pursue an AP. See she would have found someone else if this AP wouldn't have opened up to her.

So in the end... I don't blame him, so I don't feel there is a need to forgive.

Maybe I'm the only one that feels that way.

BH(me) | fWW
2 Kids - Married 2002
D-Day TT & EA | D-Day #2 PA

Posts: 420 | Registered: Dec 2013
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, March 21st (Friday)

.. no forgiveness for OM from me.

..he 'pretended' to be my friend for 25 years.

..he died!

smy.. edited to conform with non-venting guidelines.


[This message edited by somanyyears at 12:29 PM, March 21st (Friday)]

trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf

Posts: 4134 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
Member # 42486
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, March 21st (Friday)

Never in my wildest dreams would i forgive this excuse of a human being, may she suffer and join the others in the coldest hell forever !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

me BS 56yr
Him WS 55yr
Married 34 years 2 sons 4 grandchildren

Posts: 146 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: France
Deeply Scared
Member # 2
Red  Posted: 10:25 AM, March 21st (Friday)

You guys, please stop turning this thread into a Vent thread. It's a legitimate question and if the replies continue like they have been we'll be forced to move this to General.

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.

Posts: 198792 | Registered: May 2002
Member # 38597
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, March 21st (Friday)

I try not to think about it. I'm still scared to give her any head space. I'm working on forgiving H and it seems that's all I have energy for right now.

One day I might explore the idea of forgiveness, but definitely not today.

DDay Feb. 28, 2013
"I am pretty sure enforcing the boundary is the most important part of the boundary"- Jerry Seinfeld
Can't wait to D, but stuck financially until I find a way out of this SAHM position I'm in.

Posts: 792 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, March 21st (Friday)

There is a difference between actively seeking the destruction of someone and the passive hatred that comes of not caring enough to find nice things to say.

I get this.

I've always struggled with the concept/definition of forgiveness and am a grudge holder. In saying that though, it's not something that affects my daily life. I have no problem not forgiving and yet still not have my head filled with thoughts of hate/resentment/ill will.

If forgiveness (however you define it) is important to you, then there is a time to work on it. I personally believe that that time is after your own personal healing and M healing is firmly in place or on track. Until then, your focus should be on you.

I strove/strive for indifference, but honestly, there are times that the OW comes to mind and I feel negative things....but then it's done, over and I move on with no lasting effects. It's not an active emotion anymore, only when triggered...and in time, those triggers got less and less until they are a rarity anymore.

For me, it's an acceptable thing, the way I process the feelings. Traditional thinking of forgiveness is,, and has never been a part of my processing, so I'm okay with it, and that's what's important.. what you're okay with.

If it is an important part of your healing, then it will come when it's time. Until then, don't force it...cause if it's forced, I dont' think it would be authentic.

From time to time, I do consider that I might be mad. Like any self-respecting lunatic, however, I am always quick to dismiss any doubts about my sanity. DK

Posts: 14866 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, March 21st (Friday)

IMO, ow doesn't deserve the energy it takes to forgive her. Every BS deserves to be free of thoughts of ow, so it doesn't make sense to devote any energy - positive or negative - to the ap.

For me, whatever it takes to get to the point where ow takes no internal space at all is OK. If that means forgiving her, so be it.

I haven't reached the point of 'no energy to ow', but the closer I come the better I feel.

Note, though, that it's been easy for us. NC has been established, and neither W nor I have seen her since D-Day. If either of us had to see her from time to time, my goal would be the same, but it would be much more of a struggle than it has been.

[This message edited by sisoon at 10:46 AM, March 21st (Friday)]

fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10570 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Member # 27325
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, March 21st (Friday)

I didn't know either OW. No need to forgive

yes, this is how I feel, too

Posts: 1429 | Registered: Jan 2010
Member # 28362
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, March 21st (Friday)

She is mostly out of my mind now. A disgusting thing from the past that I try not to dwell on.

Forgive her- no way in he!!. Hope the karma bus gets her again and again. She knowling got involved with a MM and was dumb enough to fall in love with him. My H was not her first victim or last.
Come on Karma!!!


Posts: 828 | Registered: Apr 2010
New Member
Member # 42037
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, March 21st (Friday)

Thank you all for your responses and insight! I've been thinking about this after a conversation H and I had about a week ago. We were talking about forgiveness and I told him I hated her and probably always will. I only knew her as an acquaintance as she was a coworker of his. I'm at a point now where H and I are in a good place. We still have an occasional issue, but are able to work through those together. His viewpoint was that forgiveness releases the burden from me and by forgiving her will somehow release the hate I carry for her. I told him that I would continue to carry that hate until it changes on it's own to indifference and that takes time. I honestly don't want to put forth the effort to go through the process of forgiving her.

I applaud all who can find it in their hearts to forgive. I'm not one of those or at least not at the moment, but maybe one day I can or just be at peace with it.

Me-BS 39
Him-WS 39
EA 2+ years/PA 6 months with COW

Posts: 9 | Registered: Jan 2014
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, March 21st (Friday)

I don't feel I need to forgive her. I don't even know her. She means nothing to me other than swooping in just long enough to damage the most important thing in my life. I don't waste my time trying to forgive people I don't care about. I think it's difficult enough to work on forgiving the ones I do care about who hurt me.

"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson

Posts: 4245 | Registered: Sep 2005
Member # 37274
Default  Posted: 5:16 PM, March 21st (Friday)

I don't think I ever will. She was my "friend" someday I hope to not care about her at all but right now I hate her. It's more energy then she deserves but I can't seem to help it right now.

On the other side OBS was wh's best friend. Ow left him for om 2. 6 months after dday OBS decided to give wh another chance and now a year later OBS and wh see each other a few times a month to hang out. He comes here for supper twice a month and was here for Christmas supper. He had a lot if anger and hatred for wh right after dday so I'm not sure how he got to where he is...but I'm giving wh another chance too so I guess I can't judge. The situation had a little extra layer for him because he is unable to father children and wh got ow pregnant, (she had an abortion) the affair with that on top....I don't know how he can even look at wh.

D-Day Sept. 14/12...R started Dec. 3/12
Together-10 years Married-5 years
Son-13 months (died July 2, 2014)
Baby #3 due Feb. 2015
4 month EA and 4 month EA/PA in 2012 with my "friend"

Posts: 252 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 34030
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, March 21st (Friday)

No chance ever forgiving this low life. She knew me and my family and I had opened my house to her so she is not alone ( no family in the area) during the holidays. I can see now why she was not invited by anyone she knew....

The second woman I have no feelings for. No chance of ever meeting her again. She said she wanted to meet me when we went to the area where she lived. We went there for family reasons. I thought it was a nice gesture. I figured out later that she only wanted to size up the competition and proceed after that. So glad I put an end to her plans....and to H's plans for that matter.

" Nobody takes advantage of you without your permission." You get the message....

And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive.But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”

Posts: 876 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Somewhere in the South
Member # 42673
Default  Posted: 5:40 PM, March 21st (Friday)

Hi Angel177
I find your post very interesting
In my story OW was my false friend and her H was my H good friend.
The OW H is still trying to keep in contact with my WH ( I don't know how he can ) but I've said I don't want any contact unless they seprate .
I guess I want to ask if you are in contact with OW H Does he ever mention the OW ?

DD 13/1/14
Him WH
OW - what a cow
3 kids under 4

Posts: 101 | Registered: Mar 2014
Member # 37274
Default  Posted: 7:12 PM, March 21st (Friday)

He would only speak of OW with me if wh wasn't in the room. Just actually the last time he was here he said her name with wh in the room when talking about getting a new truck and how the divorce debt impacts it. They don't talk about the affair and that is the only time in a year ow has really been mentioned with them and it was almost just in passing.

Our situation is definitly odd and has it's triggering for me sometimes. There are times when it feels too much like they are trying to pretend nothings changed and I have to leave the room. OBS says he triggers too but he deals with it better obviously because he never seems very bothered.

Sometimes when they are laughing and drinking together I want to just slap them back to reality and say "dude...he got more blow jobs from your wife then you did in"

D-Day Sept. 14/12...R started Dec. 3/12
Together-10 years Married-5 years
Son-13 months (died July 2, 2014)
Baby #3 due Feb. 2015
4 month EA and 4 month EA/PA in 2012 with my "friend"

Posts: 252 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 38263
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, March 21st (Friday)

I don't "forgive" in the true sense of what people think that means.

I will never sully my life by contacting the whores who slept with my husband "again"...

...I contacted all of them after DDay. Told them in detail what would happen if they came near my babies or I again. I called one at work and demanded details, just to hear her squirm. One is so scared of me its funny, because she knows I have a manila envelope full of documents detailing her affair that I have told her I will mail to her "head of the church" mommy and daddy if she attempts contact.

Do I forgive them? No. Do I think about them? No, not often. I feel sorry for them.

They have no power over me, and I give them no power. I know I can ruin them professionally (very visible and conservative field) and that brings them fear and me solace.

I want them scared. I don't care if that's not peaceful.

Forgive? For me, I don't feel they deserve it. I have peace from knowing they can't hurt me or my family or my I'm good.

I choose to thrive. I choose to be happy.

That which doesn't kill me makes me stronger...but damn, aren't I strong enough yet???

Posts: 71 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 42750
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, March 21st (Friday)

I don't feel the need to forgive the other man. Truth be told I don't think he has anything to be forgiven for. He didn't make any promises to me. He didn't lie to me. He wasn't the one who betrayed my trust. He's just an opportunist. There will always be opportunists available. I fell it's the person who made the commitment that has to be stronger then that.

me: BH 35
Her: WW 28

Married 4 years. Dating 8. Living together 7.

If a man took his time on earth
to prove be for he died
what on man's life could be worth
I wonder what would happen to the world

- Harry Chapin

Posts: 539 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: California
Member # 42276
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, March 21st (Friday)

In my situation, I don't know that I will ever truly forgive the OW, but then my situation has complications.

The OW is my husband's ex-girlfriend and the mother of his only child. They split up before he ever met me. When she found out that he was dating again, I was instantly hated without her ever meeting me.

For the entirety of our relationship she has been an unstable person in more ways than one and still is. She's still homeless and has been for over a year now (and not her first bout of homelessness in the past 4 years). Whenever her life took another downward turn, she'd try and seduce him. When not trying to seduce him, she would try and convince me that she did.

Well, she finally got her wish. They had an EA with some PA stuff but not full intercourse. Because this is the mother of his child, there cannot be a full NC situation. I have to continue to deal with this hateful woman who has treated me horribly, and do so with a smile because while the child knows his mother can't stand me, I don't want him to realize the feeling is mutual.

So, forgiveness? Not sure I will ever get to that, but I hope so. And here is why. Not for her sake, but for mine. I still carry a fair amount of anger towards her (and him, too, he could have said "no" and didn't). But her, I can be angrier at because she's been so nasty to me. I recognize that anger is not healthy. It costs ME energy to feed it, and to be perfectly honest, she isn't worth that kind of effort.

So I guess my long drawn out post is really summed up to: I might never forgive her, truly, but I can at least stop being angry at her because she isn't worth the energy to keep up such ill will towards.

Posts: 95 | Registered: Jan 2014
Topic Posts: 36