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User Topic: Backsliding
Harriet
Member
Member # 34543
Frustrated  Posted: 1:43 AM, March 21st (Friday)

I broke NC big time. My ex was out of state and my DD had a big soccer tournament. He texted a few times asking how the tournament was going, and I did not keep it all business. The funny little messages went back and forth. And again the next day. And the next. Until I felt sucked back in, with those thoughts creeping and seeping in...you know what I mean?

So I went to the next step down the rabbit hole and look at his phone records (I haven't done it or even thought about it in a long time, which was big for me). There it is: texts between me, texts between exAP, texts between me, texts betweeen exAP. He's just keeping a finger on his exes, I guess.

I feel kind of dirty and very mad at myself. Disappointed that I could let myself be so foolish and give him those ego kibbles. It must have felt pretty good for him to have both of us sending him texts at the same time.

Once again, taking a deep breath and trying to let it go. Some day I really will "go down a different street" with no hole for me to fall in.


D-Day Spring 2008
3 years false R
Divorce Final 6/7/12

Posts: 469 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: California
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 6:38 AM, March 21st (Friday)

((((Harriet))))

No words. Just have to make a choice to not go down the rabbit hole.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4157 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Iamacrab
Member
Member # 40410
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, March 21st (Friday)

I know it's not the same as it's only a house in my situation, but I try to keep my communications to 3. I picked that as my number to send to him so I don't feel sucked in. Not 3 long messages either. Not saying you must pick a number like I did, but maybe keeping a firm end point in your mind would help. My ex will take and routinely seems to seek out ego kibbles from me, despite living w his gf/fiancée, I'm not sure exactly what she is. Still bad of him to do to her, regardless.

Posts: 103 | Registered: Aug 2013
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, March 21st (Friday)

((((Harriet)))) Don't be too hard on yourself, hon. Consider it a validation test and shake it off.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25530 | Registered: Aug 2011
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, March 21st (Friday)

The feeling of realizing you're being played is 2x4 enough. I'm sorry. I think it takes a long time to realize they are not like us--they are incapable of being genuine and crazily desperate for attention.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4190 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Topic Posts: 5