When my mind starts to "go there" I try to see a STOP sign and try to redirect my thoughts to another place. There are days when I'm successful at "not" thinking about it, but others when it just consumes me.
Very normal.. But you have the right attitude..
You are staying strong..
If I want to change how I am feeling, then I must change how I am thinking.
If I want to change how my spouse is behaving then, I need to understand the thoughts that are driving their behaviour.
Your H's emotions actions are trying to create the emotions in you... to lead you to the actions that they want. You can only control what YOU do.. sometimes, his wants might not what is best for the relationships. But you had better make sure you look real close at yourself first. And we too must behave, react in the bsst interest of the M. If you know what your values are good and strong, you must stand your ground. Or, your misery will continue and contine.
Sometimes I wonder if the pain would subside if I was out of the relationship?
I am here to tell you the answer Yes. When you eliminate a person from your life, he will not be around to inflict emtions on you. You can deal with the memories much easier than to deal with the reality. Those pains would go away... only to perhaps, be different types of pain depending on if you are able to learn, accept, to be most happy single again.
Stronge is attractive.. Your "STOP" is strong.. feel acomplished with that fact.. STOP is strong.. taking your mind down a path of memories that are unpleasent is weak. Choose to be strong to the best of you ablity. Knowing what you can always have in peace.. eliminating those who always bring you misery from you life...
It is hard.. knowing when to let go.. and knowing when to hang on..
NOBODY deserve to be treated with infidelity. It was not your choice. But live is not always fair.. it is a given in life.. Life is not fair. I accpet that GIVEN. But I learn and leave it for what it was.. a learning experiences about unfairness. All you can now is be most wise,. cahnge to be better and much wiser.
Another given in life.. Everything Changes. People Change. Everything ends. But we can also have a whole bunch of new beginnings when something ends.