I am not far out of DDay, only 5 weeks.
The roller coaster of emotions really is one hell of a ride. I have gone from shock to numb, tears to anger, hate to love, D to R and so on back and forth hundreds if not thousands of times this last month.
You wonder when it will get better, when the hurt and confusion will start to subside and things can be 'normal' once again.
However, yesterday I took some time out by myself and just reflected on these past 5 weeks.
That first week I didn't eat a thing, I barely drunk anything either, week 2 I start to graze every few days, week 3 I was having something to eat every day, week 4 I started to eat proper meals again.
That first week I barely slept for fear of nightmares or missing an action my WH may do to show he was still cheating. The second week I began to sleep for a couple of hours a night. The third week I could actually go a whole night, last week I woke up and my first thought wasn't about WH and OW as it had been every day up until that point.
I am hoping to R and my WH is doing everything he should be. His A had ended by the time he told me, (3 weeks after they last met. i didn't find out he just confessed). BUT I also know that if R doesn't work I am getting stronger and better each day if only in a purely insignificant or tiniest of ways. I know I can survive this as I have survived these devastating last 5 weeks and starting to come out of the dark to realise actually whether I stay married or D I know I am going to be.
I know I won't feel like this every day but I take comfort in knowing that today I feel a whole lot better about ME than I did those long 5 weeks ago