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User Topic: Washington mudslide...brother and sil among the missing
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Sad  Posted: 12:26 AM, March 24th (Monday)

Please send prayers, mojo, positive thoughts, and whatever else you can spare. Their house was in the direct path and it is simply gone. Everything buried in 15+ ft of mud, water and debris.

I lost my other brother to a freak accident years ago. Don't want to go thru this again... He's my last sibling


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1107 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 12:32 AM, March 24th (Monday)

Prayers for your family Phoenix.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4516 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
woundedby2
Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 12:43 AM, March 24th (Monday)

(((Phoenix)))

Sending along prayers also.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7813 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
cinnamongurl
Member
Member # 37879
Default  Posted: 12:46 AM, March 24th (Monday)

How frightening! Sending you and your family mojo and positivity Phoenix!


Me: 36 fWGF He: 35 BBF and my heart
Together 18 yrs. "You were sick, but now you're well again, and there's work to do."
Kurt Vonnegut



Posts: 507 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: home with my heart.
sillyme08
New Member
Member # 29755
Default  Posted: 1:03 AM, March 24th (Monday)

sending prayers. Many prayers for your brother and SIL. Also, prayers for the other missing families. They are still saying search and rescue. There is still hope. We must pray and hope.


Me - BS 40
Him - WS 39
MOW - 42
2 year LTA.
2 families destroyed.

Posts: 4 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: no where
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 2:29 AM, March 24th (Monday)

Oh no! I'm praying for a miracle, an air pocket, a lucky moment.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9672 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
timeforchange
Member
Member # 27454
Default  Posted: 2:40 AM, March 24th (Monday)

Praying for a miracle ..
Hugs to you all


Me = BS aged 43
2 boys, 13 and 9
DDay 1/19/10
Confronted him 2/16/10
Finally Divorced 8/29/12

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”


Posts: 726 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Expats in Europe
HurtsButImOK
Member
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 4:16 AM, March 24th (Monday)

Positive thoughts and prayers for bro and SIL. Hoping for a positive outcome.

((((Phoenix1 and family))))


Me: Awesome - 35

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be". –


Posts: 729 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
refuz2bavictim
Member
Member # 27176
Default  Posted: 4:47 AM, March 24th (Monday)

((phoenix and family))


BS:ME DDay: 7/18/09 Last of TT 7/11/10
MOW's EA/PA all were my "friends" but one


Posts: 2372 | Registered: Jan 2010
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:24 AM, March 24th (Monday)

(((Phoenix and family)))


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37591 | Registered: Sep 2007
yearsofpain25
Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 6:22 AM, March 24th (Monday)

Positive thoughts and prayers for your family and you.

(((Phoenix and Family)))


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2081 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
Kelany
Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 6:30 AM, March 24th (Monday)

Oh my! Thoughts going your way.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
Bluebird26
Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 6:42 AM, March 24th (Monday)

Thinking of you. Hope they are ok.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1333 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
devasted30
Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 6:45 AM, March 24th (Monday)

(((((Phoenix1)))))
Praying for you and your family.

Posts: 1172 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
Kodi
Member
Member # 16237
Default  Posted: 6:46 AM, March 24th (Monday)

(((Phoenix1)))

Posts: 1345 | Registered: Sep 2007
Violated
Member
Member # 21239
Default  Posted: 6:51 AM, March 24th (Monday)

((((Phoenix1))))

Sending prayers and positive thoughts.


Divorced 10/2013

Posts: 542 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: West Coast
dazdandconfuzed
Member
Member # 11692
Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, March 24th (Monday)

(((Phoenix)))Miracle mojo, coming to WA.


Me - BW
Him - WH

Posts: 6621 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: Massachusetts
gahurts
Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, March 24th (Monday)

So sorry Phoenix1. I hope you hear from them soon. Paying that they are safe.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3415 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
little turtle
Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 7:35 AM, March 24th (Monday)

(((phoenix)))


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4166 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 7:48 AM, March 24th (Monday)

Sending prayers, mojo, everything I have for your family.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5081 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
jjsr
Member
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, March 24th (Monday)

Sending good thoughts to you and your family


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1629 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, March 24th (Monday)

prayers.

((Phoenix))


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7647 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
simplydevastated
Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, March 24th (Monday)

Oh No! I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope you hear some good news soon. Sending positive thoughts and (((HUGS))) your way.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
cayc
Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, March 24th (Monday)

Oh honey I''m so sorry. Sending prayers and hugs.

((((Phoenix))))


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3089 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
Deeply Scared
Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 8:11 AM, March 24th (Monday)

Sending positive thoughts to you and your family.


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 197773 | Registered: May 2002
AgainandAgain
Member
Member # 34835
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, March 24th (Monday)

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you and your family are going through.

Praying for your brother and SIL.


Posts: 231 | Registered: Feb 2012
dameia
Member
Member # 36072
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, March 24th (Monday)

Sending prayers for you and your family.


Me: BS
D-Day: 7/7/12

One should rather die than be betrayed. There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised. Betrayal, though ... betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope. ~Steven Deitz


Posts: 1138 | Registered: Jul 2012
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, March 24th (Monday)

Prayers ...and more prayers.

Please let us know when they are found.

((((Phoenixandfamily)))

[This message edited by karmahappens at 8:23 AM, March 24th (Monday)]


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3800 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
sadone29
Member
Member # 38597
Default  Posted: 8:29 AM, March 24th (Monday)

I'm sending prayers to you and your family. :(


DDay Feb. 28, 2013
5 year long EA (still believe PA), webcam girls, contacting hookers
Preparing for D

Posts: 713 | Registered: Mar 2013
5454real
Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, March 24th (Monday)

you are in my thoughts and prayers.

sending mojo


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2842 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
ajsmom
Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, March 24th (Monday)

Oh, my goodness.

Keeping you and your family in my prayers.


AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21051 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
Tred
Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, March 24th (Monday)

Sending positive thoughts your way Phoenix.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3929 | Registered: Dec 2011
trustagain
Member
Member # 16921
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, March 24th (Monday)

Prayers for you and your family


WH - 48
BS (me) - 50
Son - 25
Son - 17
Dday #1 - 10/31/07
Dday #2 - 12/23/07
Dday #1,000,000 - 12/23/09 - found out EA was PA
Reconciling or at least trying. We have reconciled through the A, but he still doesn't get it when it comes to p

Posts: 4472 | Registered: Nov 2007
cantbelieve
Member
Member # 22028
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, March 24th (Monday)

Praying for you and your family.


Me: BS (58)
Him: WS (58)
LTA 4 years with co-worker
DS(26)
DD(23)
DD(20)
Married 29 years
D-day1 5/08
D-day2 11/08
Status: 6 yrs and wondering if I'll ever be truly happy again

Posts: 1064 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: DFW
JanaGreen
Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, March 24th (Monday)

((HUGS)) Thoughts & prayers headed your way.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6735 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, March 24th (Monday)

(((Phoenix & family)))

Sending prayers, mojo, and everything I've got.

Posts: 35192 | Registered: Mar 2011
MinorBee
Member
Member # 17895
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, March 24th (Monday)

So sorry...


previously married for 20 years
DDays: which time?, OW's which one?

Posts: 457 | Registered: Jan 2008
metamorphisis
Administrator
Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, March 24th (Monday)

Sending love and strength phoenix.



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 44707 | Registered: Sep 2006
wheredoigo
Member
Member # 42327
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, March 24th (Monday)

(((Pheonixandfamily))

I immediately googled it. I can't imagine what you are going through. Sending prayers of comfort for you and strength for your brother, SIL and all of the other families involved.


WW(me) 33
BS(him/Jt8d) 35 | Teaches me real, true unbroken love every day.

"Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully." J. Brot


Posts: 181 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Midwest
Kalleigh
Member
Member # 1214
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, March 24th (Monday)

Prayers


I love my husband and kids, but there is something missing, LIKE MAYBE A LIFE!!!!!!!

Posts: 6505 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: Wisconsin
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, March 24th (Monday)

(((Phoenix))))


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17390 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
TrulyReconciled
Member
Member # 3031
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, March 24th (Monday)

Hope they are OK!


"In a time of deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act."

Posts: 21116 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Hell and back, way back :o)
sunandmoon
Member
Member # 10180
Concerned  Posted: 9:41 AM, March 24th (Monday)

(((Phoenix))) (((Pheonix Family)))

Many prayers for your family.

sunandmoon


Posts: 1635 | Registered: Mar 2006
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, March 24th (Monday)

((((Phoenix & family))))


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25343 | Registered: Aug 2011
sad12008
Member
Member # 18179
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, March 24th (Monday)

(((Phoenix1 & family)))

Hope you get good news very soon! You'll be in my thoughts~


You can't fill a cup with no bottom.

Posts: 3875 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: a new start together
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, March 24th (Monday)

{{{Phoenix}}}


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8005 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Going_Under
Member
Member # 11606
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, March 24th (Monday)

I am so sorry, Phoenix. We live in Western Washington and have been just horrified by this event. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Such a tragedy for so many.


BS 42 (Me)
FWH 45
M 23 years
Three Children ages 20, 17, and 8
D-Day 08/10/2004, 7-Year LTA that ended 4 months before D-Day.

Evil never thinks it's evil, it always has a really good reason. ~ Joan of Arcadia, TV Series


Posts: 4558 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: Pacific Northwest
deeplysad
Member
Member # 16590
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, March 24th (Monday)

(((Phoenix and Family)))

Sending positive thoughts.


Me: BW - I'm much too young to feel this damn old
Him: FWH - Midlife crisis with a pathetic porn wannabe
D-Day: August 2004; Lots of false R until February 2005.

It takes all kinds of kinds....Miranda Lambert


Posts: 3234 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: So Calif
AmIBroken
New Member
Member # 38434
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, March 24th (Monday)

I am so sorry, I hope that you hear something soon. Sending positive thoughts and energy your way.


Living with my bad choices and trying to heal from them and become a better person.

Posts: 16 | Registered: Feb 2013
Crescita
Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, March 24th (Monday)

Sending prayers for your family. I hope you hear something soon.

Posts: 3388 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, March 24th (Monday)

(((Phoenix and family))))


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4142 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
million pieces
Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, March 24th (Monday)

(((Phoenix and Family))))


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 11
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1246 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
MissesJai
Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, March 24th (Monday)

(((Phoenix & family))) prayers going up!


FWW - 41
Fawk you.....pay me!

Posts: 5908 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
itainteasy
Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, March 24th (Monday)

Praying..

Posts: 3383 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
lordhasaplan?
Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, March 24th (Monday)

Paying for you and your family!


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1898 | Registered: Nov 2010
MovingUpward
Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, March 24th (Monday)

(((phoenix)))


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 52199 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, March 24th (Monday)

Thinking of you and your family and sending you prayers - I hope you locate them soon.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5558 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
SpecialK
Member
Member # 42372
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, March 24th (Monday)

Praying for everyone effected by this horrible event. Hold on to your faith and know you are in our thoughts.

Posts: 263 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Florida
stroppy_wanadoo
Member
Member # 11224
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, March 24th (Monday)

(((Phoenix)))

Many prayers for you and your family. May your brother and SIL be protected and quickly rescued!


Posts: 1033 | Registered: Jul 2006
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, March 24th (Monday)

prayers, mojo and all positive things for your family.

((((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8506 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
LosferWords
Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, March 24th (Monday)

(((Phoenix and family)))

Sending mojo...


Posts: 7090 | Registered: Dec 2010
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, March 24th (Monday)

Sending good thoughts and prayers for your family and all our West Coast neighbors affected by this. Can't help but cry when I read about it in the news.

I hope that your family is just displaced.

(((Phoenix)))


I bow to those who keep their hearts open when it is most difficult, those who refuse to keep their armor on any longer than they have to, those who recognize the courage at the heart of vulnerability. - Jeff Brown

Posts: 17328 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, March 24th (Monday)

((Phoenix))) I know that area so well that this just feels so close to my heart. I'm so sorry you're family is among the missing. Lots of prayers and good thoughts.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8440 | Registered: Apr 2008
Neverwudaguessed
Member
Member # 41884
Default  Posted: 1:20 PM, March 24th (Monday)

Oh, my gosh; I have been watching the coverage. So many wonderful people have lost so much, so many people working to rescue those who are trapped. I hope that your brother and SIL are going to be O.K., Please know you have all of our thoughts and prayers…..


BW: 44 Me
WH:48
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 13
DD 11

Posts: 571 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
heforgotme
Member
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 1:24 PM, March 24th (Monday)

Omg.

Praying.

xo


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1081 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
Edith
Member
Member # 38337
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, March 24th (Monday)

Praying for you and yours, Phoenix.

E.


Lies are manipulations. Always.

Posts: 379 | Registered: Feb 2013
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, March 24th (Monday)

I am so sorry. I hope they are ok!


(((Phoenix's family))))


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4165 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 2:05 PM, March 24th (Monday)

Keeping positive thoughts for your family.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20170 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, March 24th (Monday)

This is beyond awful. (((Phoenix)))


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9652 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
CheaterMagnet
Member
Member # 33581
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, March 24th (Monday)

(((((Phoenix!)))))

I have family and friends in that area but mercifully they are all safe.

Sending you SO MUCH MOJO, love, support and peace.


If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5

Posts: 1031 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Kailua-Kona, HI
jrc1963
Member
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, March 24th (Monday)

(((Phoenix and Family)))

Prayers for you and your family.


Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 69
DS - 13
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24511 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
knightsbff
Member
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, March 24th (Monday)

Praying.

(((Phoenix, brother, and sil)))


FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

Posts: 1428 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
Tearsoflove
Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, March 24th (Monday)

Thinking of you and sending positive thoughts.


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 4089 | Registered: Sep 2005
Pentup
Member
Member # 20563
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, March 24th (Monday)

Adding my prayers for you and your family


Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)

Posts: 6583 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 7:47 PM, March 24th (Monday)

I am praying hard, for your brother & SIL. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4804 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
LA44
Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, March 24th (Monday)

Oh goodness! My thoughts and certainly prayers are with you and your family, ((Phoenix)).


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
scaredyKat
Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, March 24th (Monday)

What a horrible tragedy! Holding all affected in the LIGHT...


Me-BS-60
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3538 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
sisoon
Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, March 24th (Monday)

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10083 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
risingfromashes
Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, March 24th (Monday)

Sending many prayers.


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1634 | Registered: Mar 2004
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 11:07 PM, March 24th (Monday)

Thinking of you.

Posts: 11671 | Registered: Mar 2008
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 11:09 PM, March 24th (Monday)

14 bodies recovered so far. The medical examiner is asking for pics and dental records.


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1107 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
woundedby2
Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 11:11 PM, March 24th (Monday)

Continued prayers. (((Phoenix)))


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7813 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 11:42 PM, March 24th (Monday)

Keeping you and your family members in my prayers.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5081 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Lyonesse
Member
Member # 32943
Default  Posted: 11:48 PM, March 24th (Monday)

Adding my prayers...


Me: BS, 40's.

Posts: 1794 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: West Coast
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 11:57 PM, March 24th (Monday)

((((((Phoenix and family)))))))


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. dating again, living in the sticks with a cat. It's taking a long time to create new dreams and a new life but it is slowly coming together.

Posts: 5815 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
TooAloof
Member
Member # 12764
Default  Posted: 12:44 AM, March 25th (Tuesday)

I'm so sorry Phoenix. I live out here too, and have been watching the coverage. It must be agony for you.
Prayers to you and your family.


The cure for anything is Salt Water; Sweat, Tears and the Sea
Isak Dinesen

Posts: 747 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: PNW
Unagie
Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 3:37 AM, March 25th (Tuesday)

My thoughts and prayers are you and yours.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."


Posts: 2736 | Registered: Oct 2012
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 6:05 AM, March 25th (Tuesday)

I am holding you and your family in my prayers.

I cannot imagine your worry and pain right now and I struggle for the right words to help you.

Although I know those words don't exist.

(((Phoenix))) please lean on us.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3800 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
sadcat
Member
Member # 8637
Default  Posted: 6:13 AM, March 25th (Tuesday)

(((phoenix and family)))

Holding you in my thoughts.


I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.

If this isn't what I consider soulmate crap, I don't know what is.


Posts: 13246 | Registered: Oct 2005 | From: GA
lynnm1947
Member
Member # 15300
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, March 25th (Tuesday)

(((((phoenix and family)))))

Hoping for a positive outcome for you. Take care.


Age: 64..ummmmmmm, no...............65....no...oh, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!

"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks


Posts: 7213 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Toronto, Canada
Undefinabl3
Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, March 25th (Tuesday)

Phoenix1 I just wanted to say how deeply sorry I am for all that is going on.

Your family is in our thoughts and prayers.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1729 | Registered: Sep 2012
EvenKeel
Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, March 25th (Tuesday)

Geez - just checking back in today to see if you heard anything. You were on my mind all evening. Prayers & Hugs!!!!


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2100 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
weeping willow
Member
Member # 22800
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)

I'm praying.

(((Phoenix & family)))


BW - me FWH - him
D Day - July 26, 2007
Married 36 years


Posts: 1793 | Registered: Feb 2009
neverdidithink
Member
Member # 40568
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)

((((((((((Phoenix1)))))))))) My prayers are with you and your family.


Me: BW 52
Him: WH 55
Married 8 years
4 20-something his and hers kids

Trying to understand the behavior of some people is like trying to smell the color 9


Posts: 337 | Registered: Sep 2013
LA44
Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)

Been thinking of you and yours today, Phoenix.


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
circe
Member
Member # 6687
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)

Oh no. I'm thinking of you and your family Phoenix1.

Posts: 3192 | Registered: Mar 2005
sadtoo
Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)

((((Phoenix1))))
Praying for a positive outcome.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 8022 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)

The telltale green roof of my brother's house has been spotted in the Sheriff's Office aerial footage sticking partially out of the mud. Emergency response were notified and they are sending a helicopter to the area. The hope is that if it IS his house, maybe there are air pockets and they made it there... we continue to hold on to hope that a miracle will occur.

I am trying to keep it together for my father, my kids, and my two nieces (my brother's adult girls), but it is becoming more and more difficult...


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1107 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)

((phoenix)) I am so sorry there hasn't been good news. praying for an airpocket and any other miracle that will help.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8440 | Registered: Apr 2008
weeping willow
Member
Member # 22800
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)

Phoenix, my heart goes out to you and your family. I will continue to pray for a miracle and that your brother and SIL will be found safe and sound.

(((Phoenix, father, kids and nieces)))


BW - me FWH - him
D Day - July 26, 2007
Married 36 years


Posts: 1793 | Registered: Feb 2009
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)

I have been thinking about this all the time. Praying that they are okay. This is such a crazy, heartbreaking story. ((Phoenix))


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4516 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
solus sto
Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)

Oh, ((((Phoenix))) Millions of prayers for you and your family.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8687 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)

Sending you prayers and positive thoughts.

(((((Phoenix and family)))))


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3604 | Registered: Oct 2011
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 8:04 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)

Sending hope and good thoughts. Keeping you and your family in my prayers.

Posts: 35192 | Registered: Mar 2011
Must Survive
Member
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)

Phoenix I just saw this. I am sending prayers and good thoughts your family's way.


Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." — Daenerys Targaryen


Posts: 748 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
BrokenRoad
Member
Member # 15334
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)

adding prayers from BR


{Him}FBH - 43 (WifeHad5)
{Me} FWW - 43
2 kids 7 & 12
Reconciled :)
Beauty and folly are old companions.--Benjamin Franklin

Posts: 10678 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Midwest
purplejacket4
Member
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 8:54 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)

Praying


Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2190 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
lost_in_toronto
Member
Member # 25395
Default  Posted: 10:52 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)

You and your family have been in my thoughts all day.


Me: BS/39
Him: WS/37
DDay: August 23, 2009
Together 14 years.
Reconciled.

Posts: 1668 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: not toronto anymore
thebighurt
Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 11:11 PM, March 25th (Tuesday)

I'm seeing updates to this story in the local paper daily and always think of you and your family. ((((((((Phoenix and family))))))). The waiting and not knowing is agony, I'm sure. Hang in there.


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2330 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 7:21 AM, March 26th (Wednesday)

(((((((Phoenix1 and family))))))


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7419 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, March 26th (Wednesday)

You are on my mind non-stop. Praying there is a positive outcome.

Hang in there.

(((Phoenix)))


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3800 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 8:18 AM, March 26th (Wednesday)

Thank you everyone. They are still missing and death toll is now 24. Trying to keep a strong front for the family, but I find myself breaking down more often as soon as I am alone.


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1107 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
jjct
Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, March 26th (Wednesday)

(((Phoenix1)))
Sending prayers and strength (((Phoenix1)))

Posts: 6581 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Neverwudaguessed
Member
Member # 41884
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, March 26th (Wednesday)

Oh, I am so sorry to hear that you are still waiting. Pure Agony, I just cannot imagine. I have not stopped thinking about you and your family, sending the most positive thoughts your way and theirs. (((PHOENIX1)))


BW: 44 Me
WH:48
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 13
DD 11

Posts: 571 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
heartbroken_kk
Member
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)

(((Phoenix))) sending you hugs and support and wishing for some hopeful news.


BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.


Posts: 1181 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)

((Phoenix)) I keep thinking about you and your family. Lots and lots of good thoughts for all of you.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8440 | Registered: Apr 2008
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)

(((Phoenix1)))


I bow to those who keep their hearts open when it is most difficult, those who refuse to keep their armor on any longer than they have to, those who recognize the courage at the heart of vulnerability. - Jeff Brown

Posts: 17328 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Rebreather
Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)

Phoenix, so hard for you. Sending you strength.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6442 | Registered: Jan 2011
Crushed1
Member
Member # 6449
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)

(((((Phoenix1, family, friends))))) prayers for everyone in need.


~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"
~STRENGTH~PEACE~HOPE~FAITH

Posts: 9716 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Texas
dreamlife
Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)

Huge hugs!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25429 | Registered: Sep 2005
DragnHeart
Member
Member # 32122
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)

I have kept the radio on listening for updates. So sad. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!

Posts: 2813 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Canada
Undefinabl3
Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)

I have been tuning into local news rather then wait for the national news update.

My prayers to all those effected. My heart just breaks for all involved.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1729 | Registered: Sep 2012
DeadMumWalking
Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)

((((Phoenix))))

Sending strength and positive thoughts for your brother and sil. I am hoping that they will make it through this disaster.

((((Phoenix & family))))


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
Limbo-ish, again (after multiple S) -- weighing my options

Posts: 2587 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
simplydevastated
Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)

Continuing to keep you and your family in my thoughts. Keep us updated.

(((hugs)))


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
getnbtr1
Member
Member # 40540
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)

Waiting and hoping for good news from you ((hugs))

Posts: 95 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: CT
punky
Member
Member # 12233
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)

Hoping for the best. I'm so sorry...


Be a lion, not a mowess...
The Cowardly Lion

Posts: 11295 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: A whole 'nother country
somanyyears
Member
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)


..(((((Phoenix1)))))))

..prayers sent for your family during this dark time.

..faith and hope

smy


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4124 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
LoveActually
Member
Member # 31030
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)

((Phoenix)))

My heart goes out to you and your family. Sending prayers.


BS (Me)
WS (Him)
D-Day 5/29/09
Married 11 yrs, together 16 yrs

Posts: 772 | Registered: Jan 2011
really trying
Member
Member # 5311
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)

So heartbreaking


Me: late 40's
XH: A parasite and that might be a compliment
My S-23, Our D-15
Married 5/93 D-Day: 11/18/03
Divorced 5/19/08

The future's so bright - I got to wear shades

Plant Seeds of Kindness


Posts: 10393 | Registered: Sep 2004 | From: California
NaiveAgain
Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 11:22 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)

(((Phoenix & Family)))) Sending prayers and positive thoughts....hoping for the best for your family....


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15227 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
IrishLass518
Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 11:55 PM, March 26th (Wednesday)

I truly hope for good news (((phoenix)))


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1754 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 3:00 AM, March 27th (Thursday)

Another day of no news. Spoke to my nieces today and tried to prepare them for the possibility that their parents may not be recovered. The number missing is listed at 90 with a possible additional 35 and 25 confirmed deaths, though more victims have been found but not recovered yet. My nieces are terrified because they depended on their parents for everything (they are in their early 20s). We are still hoping for a miracle as the searching continues, but it was heart wrenching talking to the girls as well as my brother's employer to discuss the next steps. I am spent...


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1107 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 4:06 AM, March 27th (Thursday)

((Phoenix)) Please make sure you let someone support you through this too. I hope you have answers soon.

You are in my thoughts.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5558 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 6:04 AM, March 27th (Thursday)

(((Phoenix)))


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37591 | Registered: Sep 2007
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, March 27th (Thursday)

((((Phoenix, nieces, and whole family)))) Take care of yourself.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9652 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
suckstobeme
Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 7:56 AM, March 27th (Thursday)

(((((((((Phoenix))))))))))

Prayers and thoughts are with you and your whole family.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2794 | Registered: Jan 2011
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, March 27th (Thursday)

Phoenix, I'm holding you and your family in my prayers.

Hugs,
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5081 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
yearsofpain25
Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, March 27th (Thursday)

((((((((((Phoenix and family))))))))))


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2081 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
Undefinabl3
Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, March 27th (Thursday)

O blessed St. Anthony,
the grace of God has made you a powerful advocate
in all our needs and the patron
for the restoring of things lost or stolen.
I turn to you today with childlike love and deep confidence.
You have helped countless children of God
to find the things they have lost,
material things, and, more importantly,
the things of the spirit: faith, hope, and love.
I come to you with confidence;
help me in my present need.
I recommend what I have lost to your care,
in the hope that God will restore it to me,
if it is His holy Will.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1729 | Registered: Sep 2012
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, March 27th (Thursday)

You are in my thoughts and prayers! This has to be horrible for you and your family. I wish I could come and give you a IRL hug.

((((((((Phoenix and Family))))))))

Lord,
Please heal this family with your love and comfort, hold close your children in their time of need. Please bring their family members back to them and let no harm be done. Let them feel your embrace and send your angels to protect all of them. We know your mercy and love. Phoenix and family are waiting patiently to hear word of family, Lord, please let them hear word soon so that the family can be as one again. In your name, Jesus Christ. Amen.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
trustagain
Member
Member # 16921
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, March 27th (Thursday)

I continue to pray for you and your family.


WH - 48
BS (me) - 50
Son - 25
Son - 17
Dday #1 - 10/31/07
Dday #2 - 12/23/07
Dday #1,000,000 - 12/23/09 - found out EA was PA
Reconciling or at least trying. We have reconciled through the A, but he still doesn't get it when it comes to p

Posts: 4472 | Registered: Nov 2007
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, March 27th (Thursday)

(((phoenix)))

much love and good thoughts going out to all of you today. i keep watching the local news and wondering about you.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8440 | Registered: Apr 2008
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, March 27th (Thursday)

((( Phoenix and family )))


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - ??

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6443 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, March 27th (Thursday)

Continued prayers.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7419 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
lordhasaplan?
Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, March 27th (Thursday)

Stay Strong! Those girls will need anyone they have to love and support them. Please turn here when you need a boost. We are all praying and sending strength.


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1898 | Registered: Nov 2010
Rebreather
Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, March 27th (Thursday)

Phoenix, I wish I had words for you to make this easier. But know you have this invisible army behind you, holding you up. Hang in there.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6442 | Registered: Jan 2011
still2suspicious
Member
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, March 27th (Thursday)

Sending prayers to you and your family.

I have friends in that area.

If you need ANYTHING please let me know. I live just a hop, skip and jump from there. OK, maybe not that close, but close enough to be there quickly.

(((phoenix)))


Me: BS
Him: WH
DDay: LTEA

Posts: 1284 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
areyoukidding
Member
Member # 30528
Default  Posted: 6:12 PM, March 27th (Thursday)

Sending you strength and love. (((Phoenix1)))


BS (me) : 53 Freshly divorced and so very happy. To infinity and beyond!!


Trying to understand the behaviour of some people is like trying to smell the number 9.


Posts: 611 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Canada
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 10:46 PM, March 27th (Thursday)

I am so sorry for you, your nieces and family. (((((Peace and strength))))))


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4165 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
wannabenormal
Member
Member # 19772
Default  Posted: 11:23 PM, March 27th (Thursday)

You're in my prayers. I'm so, so sorry.



Posts: 14350 | Registered: Jun 2008
newbeg2011
Member
Member # 31892
Default  Posted: 12:52 AM, March 28th (Friday)

(((Phoenix)))
0115 and I are praying for you all..


Never forget what I have done to BS but don't let guilt make me quit. STAY IN THE FIGHT ! ! !
WS 47 me
BS 47 her
5 Great Children
DD 1/15/11

Posts: 213 | Registered: Apr 2011
BAB61
Member
Member # 41181
Default  Posted: 1:15 AM, March 28th (Friday)

((Phoenix & family)) praying for all affected by this disaster..... hope you hear soon.


Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
ray-ray
Member
Member # 29940
Default  Posted: 3:17 AM, March 28th (Friday)

(((Phoenix and family)))


So many roads

Posts: 719 | Registered: Oct 2010
SweetheartVixen
Member
Member # 4956
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, March 28th (Friday)

((((Phoenix & Family))))

I was so sad reading this. I am so sorry. Prayers.


BS/60s WS/60s Divorcing and not soon enough~!
Its nice to be important, but its more important to be nice...

DD 6-14


Posts: 3097 | Registered: Jul 2004 | From: somewhere over the rainbow
yearsofpain25
Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, March 28th (Friday)

(((Phoenix and family))) continued thoughts and prayers


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2081 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, March 28th (Friday)

Keeping you and your family close in prayer today.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5081 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
rachelc
Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, March 28th (Friday)

((Phoenix))


his Dday: 2/10
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4926 | Registered: Dec 2010
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, March 28th (Friday)

Still no news. Though we are still hopeful, and will continue to pray for a miracle, the reality is that they are probably lost to us. While the recovery of their bodies would offer the physical closure, in my heart I hope they don't find them now. That may sound harsh, but I know my brother well. Where he died was his personal paradise. He designed the home and built it with his own hands. He was going to retire there in a few short years. He went there every weekend he was not traveling somewhere in the world. That was his home, and where his heart is. To make that his final resting place would make him very happy, not some cold, unfamiliar cemetery. This is would be very fitting and would remove the uncertainty of what to do from my nieces. I can take comfort in that should it end that way. However, they are still recovering victims that need to be identified so we will have to wait and see. Such a tremendous loss for so many.


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1107 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
simplydevastated
Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, March 28th (Friday)

I am so sorry you and your family, and the others affected, are going through all this. I can't even imagine what you all are going through.

Sending my continued (((hugs))) and support.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
lordhasaplan?
Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, March 28th (Friday)

wish I could give you a real hug! but here is a virtual one (((((Phoenix)))))


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1898 | Registered: Nov 2010
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, March 28th (Friday)

(((Phoenix)))

Posts: 11671 | Registered: Mar 2008
Tred
Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, March 28th (Friday)

(((Phoenix)))


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3929 | Registered: Dec 2011
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, March 28th (Friday)

You are so strong.

Prayers continue for you and yours.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3800 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
stroppy_wanadoo
Member
Member # 11224
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, March 28th (Friday)

My heart hurts for you and your family. I admire your strength and send you much love and patience as you tackle these tough days.

(((Phoenix and family)))

Peace to you.


Posts: 1033 | Registered: Jul 2006
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, March 28th (Friday)

(((PHOENIX)))


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9672 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
LA44
Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, March 28th (Friday)

More hugs (((Phoenix and family))


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Kelany
Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, March 28th (Friday)

(((Phoenix)))


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
cass
Member
Member # 24261
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, March 28th (Friday)

((((Phoenix and family)))))


DDay - April 2008
Me - 54 and doing great. Found myself again and loving life
Him - who??

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone (Johnny Nash)

Those who stir the shit soup get to lick the spoon!


Posts: 4965 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: UK
HFSSC
Member
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, March 28th (Friday)

My prayers are with you and your family. This has got to be so unimaginably tough.


Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2734 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
AgainandAgain
Member
Member # 34835
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, March 28th (Friday)

I just want you to know I've been thinking of you and your family since you posted this. I wanted you to know that you are in my constant prayers and thoughts.

((((((((((Phoenix1))))))))))))


Posts: 231 | Registered: Feb 2012
LosferWords
Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, March 28th (Friday)

(((Phoenix)))

Posts: 7090 | Registered: Dec 2010
jadedheart
Member
Member # 32046
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, March 28th (Friday)

praying for you and your family. This is just heartbreaking for all that are suffering!


Me 45
FWH 47
DS11, DD18, DS21(they know nothing about A)
Married 23 years together 25
Dday 09/24/2010
"You can't control how others behave, you can only control your reaction."

Posts: 980 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Indiana
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 12:41 AM, March 29th (Saturday)

Mother Nature can be a bitch. I've seen reports that say that all victims of this tragedy may not be recovered due to the nature of this particular disaster.

I am so, so sorry for you, your nieces, and your entire family.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8005 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
gypsybird87
Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 1:07 AM, March 29th (Saturday)

(((phoenix)))

So terrible.... sending hugs and prayers for you and your family.


Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin


Posts: 823 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
woundedby2
Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 1:32 AM, March 29th (Saturday)

(((Phoenix and family)))

Praying for a miracle along with you.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7813 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 3:00 AM, March 29th (Saturday)

I am truly at my end. Also just found out my aunt passed away on Sunday and my great aunt on Monday.

Both my niece's true colors are showing as they are trying to gain access to my brother's money before they have even been declared deceased. I have frozen their accounts, but it sickens me and breaks my heart for my brother.

This has been the week from hell and I am just done.


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1107 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
refuz2bavictim
Member
Member # 27176
Default  Posted: 3:45 AM, March 29th (Saturday)

((Phoenix1))
I am so sorry for all that you are going through right now.


BS:ME DDay: 7/18/09 Last of TT 7/11/10
MOW's EA/PA all were my "friends" but one


Posts: 2372 | Registered: Jan 2010
risingfromashes
Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 6:17 AM, March 29th (Saturday)

((((Phoenix))))


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1634 | Registered: Mar 2004
jjct
Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:38 AM, March 29th (Saturday)

hugs Phoenix...sending strength and prayers. So sorry.

Posts: 6581 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Ellejay
Member
Member # 30498
Default  Posted: 6:46 AM, March 29th (Saturday)

(((Phoenix)))

I am so sorry. Prayers from Australia are coming your way. May you find the strength to get through this.


Ellejay


Married 25 years now divorced.
D-Day: 20/11/10
Me: 48.5 plus 10% GST
Him: mental age 6 (apologies to all 6 year olds)
Betrayal: Who cares anymore?

Posts: 1094 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Adelaide, South Australia
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:45 AM, March 29th (Saturday)

Phoenix - I can't even begin to imagine the stress, anxiety, and grief weighing on you right now. I hope you can feel all the love, thoughts and prayers we're sending you and your family. ((((Phoenix))))


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25343 | Registered: Aug 2011
gahurts
Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, March 29th (Saturday)

Oh Phoenix1, I am so sorry that you are going through all of this and it just keeps getting worse. I hope your nieces step back and focus on what is truly important and not just what they can get out of this.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3415 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, March 29th (Saturday)

((phoenix))

I am so sorry you've suffered so much loss this week. My heart just breaks for you. I know that area so well and it is truly beautiful. Your thoughts about your brother were so uplifting that it makes me so much sadder that your nieces are behaving this way.

i hope they come to their senses but all too often i've seen a loved one's death bring out the very worst ipeople. i hope that your nieces finds peace and love in each other not conflict.

lots and lots of love for all of you.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8440 | Registered: Apr 2008
BtraydWife
Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, March 29th (Saturday)

I just now saw this and I can't express how sorry I am to hear this. I'm sending my thoughts and support for you and your family.

((phoenix & family)))


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 1758 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
ajsmom
Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, March 29th (Saturday)

(((((Phoenix)))))

Continued prayers.


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21051 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
shiloe
Member
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, March 29th (Saturday)

((((Phoenix))))

I am so sorry.


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with married ho-worker. Kicked him out, he filed

Posts: 592 | Registered: Mar 2003
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, March 29th (Saturday)

I'm so sorry, Phoenix.


I bow to those who keep their hearts open when it is most difficult, those who refuse to keep their armor on any longer than they have to, those who recognize the courage at the heart of vulnerability. - Jeff Brown

Posts: 17328 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
sisoon
Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, March 29th (Saturday)

(((Phoenix1)))

I am so sorry for your losses. Yes - a week from Hell.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10083 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, March 29th (Saturday)

I hope you can feel all the love, thoughts and prayers we're sending you and your family.

I absolutely feel it, which is why I turned here. I cannot express my appreciation enough! I don't have anyone IRL to turn to as that person in the past was my brother. Everyone else looks to me for strength, so that is what I must show. Tears come in private moments.

Reporters have tracked me down, and I spoke to one that was a high school friend of my brother. Others have now found my workplace and I now have everyone screening my calls and running interference. My SIL's family has been in front of every camera they can find so my name has gotten out as well. I am a very private person and don't do that as it won't serve to help find my brother in any way. I really just want to run away, but must continue to be the tower of strength and primary POC for my family. Yet daily life must also go on. I am incredibly tired.

Thank you all again so very much.


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1107 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
LA44
Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, March 29th (Saturday)

Of course. You are exhausted, Phoenix. You need some time for yourself.

I am so sorry.


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
DeadMumWalking
Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, March 29th (Saturday)

Oh ((((Phoenix))))

You are dealing with SO MUCH right now, I don't know how anyone could manage this. It's bad enough in private, but now the media are in your face? Ugh....

Sending all my strength your way, and continued positive thoughts for you and your family. I'm so sorry that this tragedy has struck.

((((Phoenix and family))))


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
Limbo-ish, again (after multiple S) -- weighing my options

Posts: 2587 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, March 29th (Saturday)

To have likely lost the person you could turn to, and to now see his children be materialistic, and yet to be able to show your own strength as this goes on is inspiring. I am sorry you have to deal with this devastating situation; may we all have some of your grace and strength if we face hard times ourselves.

Sending hugs and peace and strength. I hope you can find closure soon and be given the privacy you need to mourn.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4165 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Unreality
New Member
Member # 41696
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, March 29th (Saturday)

You are in my thoughts and prayers, as is your entire family. Please be sure to take care of yourself as well as everyone else - your feelings and needs are important too.

Hugs!


Posts: 22 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: US
solus sto
Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 8:02 PM, March 29th (Saturday)

(((Phoenix)))) Still thinking of you and praying for your family.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8687 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
5454real
Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, March 29th (Saturday)

(((Phoenix))) Sending mojo and strength to endure the ongoing trials.

my condolences to you and your family.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2842 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
h0peless
Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, March 29th (Saturday)

I've been thinking about you and your family. I hope you find some moments of peace.

Posts: 1680 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
cayc
Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, March 29th (Saturday)

I''m glad you have people circling the wagons to keep the press away from you.

(((Phoenix1)))


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3089 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
simplydevastated
Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, March 29th (Saturday)

I am so sorry to hear this. That is too much for one person to deal with.

Sending you (((hugs))) and strength to carry on.

We are all here for you.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Tred
Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, March 29th (Saturday)

Phoenix,

I've got a little extra strength I don't need right now. Sending it your way. Stay strong.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3929 | Registered: Dec 2011
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, March 29th (Saturday)

((((((Phoenix)))))) You don't have to be strong here, honey. We've got you.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25343 | Registered: Aug 2011
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, March 29th (Saturday)

((((Phoenix)))))) I can't imagine what this must be like. I hope we can be a place where you can take a break from your armor. I am impressed by your strength, and by all the love and caring expressed to you here. I am sorry for all you are going through and sending peace your way...


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. dating again, living in the sticks with a cat. It's taking a long time to create new dreams and a new life but it is slowly coming together.

Posts: 5815 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
risingfromashes
Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, March 29th (Saturday)

Sending you my prayers.


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1634 | Registered: Mar 2004
sad12008
Member
Member # 18179
Default  Posted: 11:20 PM, March 29th (Saturday)

Just wanted to let you know you remain in my thoughts, Phoenix1. Sending you continued strength in this agonizing ordeal.

(((Phoenix1)))


You can't fill a cup with no bottom.

Posts: 3875 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: a new start together
Harriet
Member
Member # 34543
Default  Posted: 11:44 PM, March 29th (Saturday)

I rarely go to this forum, and I when I saw this title, my heart missed a beat. I am so sorry, Phoenix.


D-Day Spring 2008
3 years false R
Divorce Final 6/7/12

Posts: 459 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: California
thebighurt
Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 11:49 PM, March 29th (Saturday)

So sorry, Phoenix, that you have so much on your shoulders at once. And sorry for your losses and the distractions of your nieces' behavior and the press now. It's sad that you can't even try to have a normal routine by going to work without it invading.

Please keep some focus on you and your wellbeing. I hope you find the chance to take a break and just do for yourself. Maybe just coming here and seeing how many people care about you and yours is a bit of comfort to you. I wish we could all give you hugs IRL and let you lean on us.


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2330 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
caregiver9000
Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 12:31 AM, March 30th (Sunday)

I agree with all the previous posters... Come here and find your soft place. So much love and support.

(((hugs))) and tears and strength and support winging your way.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5821 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Random thoughts
Member
Member # 2959
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, March 30th (Sunday)

Phoenix, prayers sent to you and your family....you don't have to be the strong one to the point of falling ill..let go and cry and find a strong shoulder to lean on..


Those three words are said too much and not enough.
Chasing Cars-Snow Patrol.
FWW

Posts: 1593 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Some where in New Jersey
heartbroken0903
Member
Member # 27879
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, March 30th (Sunday)

Adding my prayers for your family and my condolences for your loss. I'm so sorry.


Me: XWS, 30s, 5-month EA/PA in '09-'10
Husband: XBS, 40s
No kids

Married 2.5 years
D-day 3/6/10
Divorced 5/14/10

Reconciled and remarried.


Posts: 2141 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: the cat's meow
Stillstings
Member
Member # 36549
Default  Posted: 12:53 PM, March 30th (Sunday)

I'm very sorry OP. I'm also very angry that the media won't leave you alone, especially during such a stressful and emotionally draining time. Vultures.


Love yourself. You're worth it. Face your self. You need to do it.

Posts: 360 | Registered: Aug 2012
IrishLass518
Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 1:24 PM, March 30th (Sunday)

(((Phoenix))) continued strength and support for you and yours


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1754 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
hill
Member
Member # 12166
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, March 30th (Sunday)

(((phoenix1)))

I'm so sorry, you and your family are in my thoughts.


Posts: 3152 | Registered: Sep 2006
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, March 30th (Sunday)

My son (stationed in the Army there) and his buddy (also in the Army) have been granted authorization to walk in the slide area to where my brother's house was. They are going today, and are likely there now. This is necessary, but heartbreaking for the boys. They both practically lived there on the weekends. My brother had become my son's surrogate father and they were incredibly close. Their bond started just two years ago when son got stationed there. My brother told me he would watch over my son and make sure he was safe. My son was my brother's son that he never had, and treated him as such. As avid outdoorsmen, the three of them were constantly doing things together. In return for the boys eating everything in the house (they are active young men, after all), he would put their strong young backs to work around the property doing various improvements. Their bond became so strong that DS's actual father started showing some signs of jealousy. I worry about son not allowing himself time to grieve and I am trying to work with him about that.

The weekend before the slide, my brother gave son the blueprints to the house. Son has been talking about building his own home when he gets out of the military in August and comes home and bro gave him the prints so he could start teaching son the ins and outs of housebuilding. Those blueprints were essentially the textbook bro was going to use for those lessons. Son was excited about this, and now it will never happen.

[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 4:41 PM, March 30th (Sunday)]


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1107 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
Compartmented
Member
Member # 29410
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, March 30th (Sunday)

{{{{ hugs to Phoenix and family }}}} I'm so sorry.

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Aug 2010
Stillstings
Member
Member # 36549
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, March 30th (Sunday)

Phoenix, wishing your son and his friend stay safe. Please surround yourself with as many loving people with you as possible.

I am so sorry. Hoping for the best for you and yours.


Love yourself. You're worth it. Face your self. You need to do it.

Posts: 360 | Registered: Aug 2012
little turtle
Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 6:34 PM, March 30th (Sunday)

(((Phoenix)))) still reading your story as it progresses and praying. I have a brother. I can't imagine.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4166 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
jadedheart
Member
Member # 32046
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, March 30th (Sunday)

(((Phoenix)))

continued prayers for strength and comfort for you and your family.


Me 45
FWH 47
DS11, DD18, DS21(they know nothing about A)
Married 23 years together 25
Dday 09/24/2010
"You can't control how others behave, you can only control your reaction."

Posts: 980 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Indiana
simplydevastated
Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, March 30th (Sunday)

The weekend before the slide, my brother gave son the blueprints to the house. Son has been talking about building his own home when he gets out of the military in August and comes home and bro gave him the prints so he could start teaching son the ins and outs of housebuilding. Those blueprints were essentially the textbook bro was going to use for those lessons. Son was excited about this, and now it will never happen.

You never know. Your son could end up building the same house in honor of your brother.

(((Hugs)))


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, March 30th (Sunday)

I'm so sorry your son is having to be involved. I hope it helps him feel some resolution. It sounds as if you raised a wonderful man who will be an honor not just to you but to your brother's memory.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4165 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, March 30th (Sunday)

I am so very sorry, phoenix.

I wish I could give you a hug and not just parentheses.
((((((phoenix)))))))


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4629 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
BtraydWife
Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, March 30th (Sunday)

I just read that more bodies were found but not retrieved yet. I hope your family hears some news soon. I'm not religious but I'm still praying for a miracle for your brother and SIL. Your brother sounds like a wonderful man. (((phoenix)))


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 1758 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, March 30th (Sunday)

(((phoenix)))

Sending love and hugs.


Posts: 35192 | Registered: Mar 2011
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 9:23 PM, March 30th (Sunday)

((phoenix))

I hope your DS saves those blue prints. Maybe the house never gets built but what a special connection. So many will not have many momentos left. I'm so glad that your DS and friend are being allowed to search the area by your brother's house.

lots more love and good thoughts.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8440 | Registered: Apr 2008
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, March 30th (Sunday)

DS was on-scene for about 12 hrs and he is just getting back to me with updates. The boys recovered three bodies in the vicinity of bro's house, two males and one female. The males were "pretty mangled" but he feels certain neither was my bro. Unfortunately, they are fairly confident the female is SIL. He described the horrific details of the body and what makes them fairly certain. Nothing can be said until the ME makes a positive ID. I told DS to tell everyone there (there were two other buddies with them) to never discuss these details with nieces. He said they had already gotten together and agreed to that. DS said that as awful as it was, he now has some closure and knows definitively there was nothing he could have done had he been there, and he would have died as well. He said no one had a chance. He also said mud is about 50 ft deep where bro's house once stood, and if he is at the bottom they will never find him. I am praying that is the case. DS sent me pics that speak volumes about the devastation. So sad for everyone who lost loved ones.

DS said it was a good thing his deployment prepared him for this, but it still hit too close to home. Too much carnage for a 20 yr old to go thru. It saddens me greatly, though I know how proud my brother is of his beloved nephew...

[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 10:14 PM, March 30th (Sunday)]


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1107 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, March 30th (Sunday)

How horrific. God, Phoenix1, I don't even have any words for this. I'm just so sorry... for everyone. Sending love and hugs.


I bow to those who keep their hearts open when it is most difficult, those who refuse to keep their armor on any longer than they have to, those who recognize the courage at the heart of vulnerability. - Jeff Brown

Posts: 17328 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
weeping willow
Member
Member # 22800
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, March 30th (Sunday)

I'm so very sorry.

Your son is a very brave young man.

(((Phoenix & family)))


BW - me FWH - him
D Day - July 26, 2007
Married 36 years


Posts: 1793 | Registered: Feb 2009
5454real
Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 10:29 PM, March 30th (Sunday)

I am so sorry for your loss.

you should be so proud of your son.

please know that you and all of your family are in my thoughts and prayers this evening.

sending as much strength in mojo as I can muster.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2842 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 10:30 PM, March 30th (Sunday)

I hardly ever pray and I just sent a prayer for you.

((Phoenix))


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5558 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 11:13 PM, March 30th (Sunday)

(((pheonix))) I'm so sorry for your loss.

Posts: 11671 | Registered: Mar 2008
AgainandAgain
Member
Member # 34835
Default  Posted: 11:28 PM, March 30th (Sunday)

((((((((((Phoenix1)))))))))

It's almost 1 AM here but I wanted to check and see how things are. You and your family are very much in my prayers and I think of you still throughout the day.

You are not alone in this. Everyone is here for you so remember that. I'm sure you do but it doesn't hurt in hearing it again.

You raised a wonderful DS. Bless his heart and his friends for helping out. He's showing how strong he really is.

I'm going to say another prayer for you.


((((((((((Phoenix1 and DS))))))))))


Posts: 231 | Registered: Feb 2012
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 11:33 PM, March 30th (Sunday)

You've been on my mind all week. This is close to where I live, it's just awful.

I'm so sorry Phoenix. Your son sounds like a wonderful young man, and I hope he builds that house in memory of the ones lost.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17390 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 11:52 PM, March 30th (Sunday)

I'm sorry, your family is in my prayers.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5081 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 12:05 AM, March 31st (Monday)

Stood in the shower and cried until the hot water ran out. It's a good place to have an emotional meltdown without witnesses. I am just feeling so overwhelmed with death right now. I have no where else to turn so I am turning here. I know you are all here for me. Words cannot adequately express my sincere thanks for letting me share with you. I am hurting so deeply, and this is far from over.

Tomorrow I will be calling bro's employer to make arrangements for DS to pick up personal effects. I want DS to be the first to go thru his personal files in the hope that a copy of bro's most recent Will is there (with the original buried in a safe 50 ft under mud). DS and I feel certain he would have set up a trust for nieces, knowing their financial irresponsibility. Without that Will we are certain we are going to be watching a train wreck. All bro's hard work will be squandered, and it sickens me and DS. Lesson learned here folks, keep copies of your Will in more than one location.

I am letting my father lean on me as he has now lost both sons under tragic circumstances. I've rallied the troops (aunts and family friends) to reach out to him to give him support whether he wants it or not. He will not go to Seattle until I go there, and that won't be until a recovery efforts have been called off or he has been found. There is nothing I can do right now that I cannot do from a distance.

I am just so overwhelmed and, no matter how much sleep I get (with medication assistance), I still feel utterly exhausted. Sorry for droning on and on, but thanks for being there for me. Tears have to end eventually, right?


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1107 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:10 AM, March 31st (Monday)

Please don't apologize for "droning." This is what we're here for. To lift you up and give you a hug and a shoulder to cry on.

Big big hugs tonight.

[This message edited by Jrazz at 12:10 AM, March 31st (Monday)]


I bow to those who keep their hearts open when it is most difficult, those who refuse to keep their armor on any longer than they have to, those who recognize the courage at the heart of vulnerability. - Jeff Brown

Posts: 17328 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 12:13 AM, March 31st (Monday)

(((((((Phoenix)))))))))

The tears will end - eventually. Till then, let them flow.

We're here for you, whenever you need us.

Hugs,
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5081 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
wildbananas
Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 12:21 AM, March 31st (Monday)

I am so very sorry.

(((phoenix)))


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15393 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
5454real
Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 12:29 AM, March 31st (Monday)

did your brother have an attorney?
who drew up those blueprints? maybe they will know who he had for legal representation?

again, my condolences

ETA, when I had mine drawn up, my attorney kept copy. maybe that would be a good place to start looking.

[This message edited by 5454real at 12:30 AM, March 31st (Monday)]


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2842 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 12:40 AM, March 31st (Monday)

did your brother have an attorney? who drew up those blueprints? maybe they will know who he had for legal representation?

Good questions, but he always did his own legal work. I know because he often ran things by me. He did his own blue prints, he was an engineer licensed in several states. Believe me, I am trying to think of every possible angle to protect his interests and do what I know he would have wanted, even if that means the nieces hate me for that loyalty.


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1107 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
BAB61
Member
Member # 41181
Default  Posted: 12:54 AM, March 31st (Monday)

(((Phoenix))) I am so sorry for all that you are enduring. The uncertainty just adds to the pent up feelings. I hope your bro is found. Such a horrible thing to happen. Please do not apologize, we are here for you ... still praying and keeping you in the Light.


Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
LosferWords
Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 1:27 AM, March 31st (Monday)

((((Phoenix))))

Sending more hugs your way. I am so sorry. Please continue to lean on us. We are here for you. You and your family are in my thoughts.


Posts: 7090 | Registered: Dec 2010
Shattered-Heart
Member
Member # 32165
Default  Posted: 1:33 AM, March 31st (Monday)

(((Phoenix)))
Big hugs from me as well, to add to your circle of strength here. I'm so sorry for your loss - just sounds so trite but sincerely. Your brother sounds like such a great guy and he will be sorely missed but live on in your hearts. You cry, and vent, as much as you need to, and just watch possible PTSD for your son (as I know you already are, worrying about his time to deal with all this and grieve).
Just remember us towers don't stay up without help, too, and take the time for yourself that you need as well. Thoughts and prayers are winging your way, to share some of that burden with you.
Wish there was a bearhug icon...


Me BW
Him WH
"The trick is to keep breathing." - Garbage

Posts: 180 | Registered: May 2011
DeadMumWalking
Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 2:49 AM, March 31st (Monday)

I'm so sorry ((((Phoenix))))


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
Limbo-ish, again (after multiple S) -- weighing my options

Posts: 2587 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
sisoon
Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 3:32 AM, March 31st (Monday)

I am so sorry for your and your family's loss. I send special condolences to your father - losing one child is too much, losing 2 is beyond contemplation.

Special thoughts to your son and the workers on site who are dealing first hand with the devastation.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10083 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
sunandmoon
Member
Member # 10180
Default  Posted: 6:15 AM, March 31st (Monday)

(((Phoenix)))

I am so very sorry for your loss. I continue to send prayers for you, your family and all of the victims loved ones.

sunandmoon


Posts: 1635 | Registered: Mar 2006
LA44
Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, March 31st (Monday)

There are really no words of comfort I can possibly offer. I am just so very sorry for you, your son, your nieces and your Dad as well.

May strength find its way to you Phoenix in the days ahead.


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Undefinabl3
Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 8:16 AM, March 31st (Monday)

Phoenix....What can we do for you? Other then read and offer words of love?

I wish we were friends, i would order you a pizza tonight so you wouldn't have to cook.

My heart absolutely breaks for you and your family, there are just no words and really none that are comforting enough to say anyway.

Just hugs....lots and lots of internet hugs

((((Phoenix))))


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1729 | Registered: Sep 2012
ajsmom
Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, March 31st (Monday)

Sorry yet relieved by your update.

Continued prayers.


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21051 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
metamorphisis
Administrator
Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, March 31st (Monday)

Sending love and any comfort I have to you.
Please please please use us as a sounding board. We are here for you and ready to read and respond to any words you need to get out.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 3:16 PM, March 31st (Monday)]



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 44707 | Registered: Sep 2006
stroppy_wanadoo
Member
Member # 11224
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, March 31st (Monday)

Phoenix,

I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers will continue for peace and healing for your family, with extra warm thoughts for your father and continued strength for you. I will also pray that your nieces find some decency and maturity during this very difficult time.

(((HUGS)))


Posts: 1033 | Registered: Jul 2006
TrulyReconciled
Member
Member # 3031
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, March 31st (Monday)

(((Phoenix)))

The whole thing is just awful.


"In a time of deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act."

Posts: 21116 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Hell and back, way back :o)
LivinginLimbo
Member
Member # 35004
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, March 31st (Monday)

It's unimaginable what you're facing. I am so sorry for this tragic loss.


BS - 62
FWH - 60
Married 34 years
D-Day 2/12/12
Doing well with R

Posts: 1031 | Registered: Mar 2012
Kodi
Member
Member # 16237
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, March 31st (Monday)

(((Phoenix and family)))
I'm so sorry.

Posts: 1345 | Registered: Sep 2007
itainteasy
Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, March 31st (Monday)

I have no words. I'm so sorry.

Posts: 3383 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
wanauld
Member
Member # 19045
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, March 31st (Monday)

I'm so, so sorry.


If you want closure, start with your legs.

Posts: 331 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Virginia
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, March 31st (Monday)

(((phoenix))

on a practical note -- if you can find his attorney he/she may have a copy of the will. It may also have been filed with the local court. if he set up a trust for the girls there is a reasonable chance of one or the other

hang in there. you're doing amazingly well.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8440 | Registered: Apr 2008
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, March 31st (Monday)

prayers sent, although I know nothing can ease your pain right now.

(((phoenix)))


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3800 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Edith
Member
Member # 38337
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, March 31st (Monday)

I am so terribly sorry for your unimaginable loss. Praying for you and your family.

E.


Lies are manipulations. Always.

Posts: 379 | Registered: Feb 2013
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, March 31st (Monday)

Prayers are sent,
I wish I could hug you right now and just be there for you in whatever you needed.
We are here for you ALWAYS!

I am SO sorry for your loss. And your DS is a brave young man. How hard that had to of been to find his auntie, but I am glad he is there for all the family.

(((((((Phoenix))))))


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
lordhasaplan?
Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, March 31st (Monday)

(((phoenix)))

Would the will have been filed with any custodian? Possibly a Lawyer friend?


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1898 | Registered: Nov 2010
lieshurt
Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, March 31st (Monday)

Phoenix, I'm so very sorry for your loss.

(((hugs)))


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13753 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
rachelc
Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, March 31st (Monday)

I'm so sorry to hear this..
please take good care of yourself!


his Dday: 2/10
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4926 | Registered: Dec 2010
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, March 31st (Monday)

I am so very sorry for your and your family's loss.

I hope your DS will be offered some counseling to help him cope with being up so close. Hopefully he will find closure in the experience and as he said the certainty that nothing could be done.

I hope your nieces honor their dad's memory by being respectful about the estate, and that you take as many of those long hot showers as you need. The tears will end one day, but your love for your brother never will.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4165 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Holly-Isis
Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 3:29 PM, March 31st (Monday)

(((((Phoenix)))))
I pray for peace for you and your family.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11186 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, March 31st (Monday)

I'm holding you & your family close in my thoughts today. (((HUGS)))


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9672 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
knightsbff
Member
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, March 31st (Monday)

(((Phoenix)))
My family has been keeping you and yours in our prayers.


FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

Posts: 1428 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
MissesJai
Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, March 31st (Monday)

I am so sorry Phoenix....


FWW - 41
Fawk you.....pay me!

Posts: 5908 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
justdoit
Member
Member # 25898
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, March 31st (Monday)

So, so sorry Phoenix. Your son sounds like an incredible young man who loved his uncle dearly.


Me - 60
WH - 67
Married 35 years
DDay - 5/14/09
He's reconciled, I'm in limbo.
"Stuck in the middle with you"

Posts: 159 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Rocky Mountains
gahurts
Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, March 31st (Monday)

I am so sorry for your loss Phoenix. I hope you can find some peace. Until then lean on us.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3415 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
clba317
Member
Member # 8803
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, March 31st (Monday)

I'm so sorry for all that you are going through. I can't imagine the pain and loss that you must be feeling. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs!


BS
DS9,DS5
M 11, D 8/1/05- not soon enough!

Posts: 217 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: NY
JanaGreen
Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 8:45 PM, March 31st (Monday)

I am so sorry.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6735 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
inconnu
Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 8:54 PM, March 31st (Monday)

I am so very sorry for your loss. ((phoenix))

I work at a trust company. If there are trusts set up, the trust company most likely would have copies of the wills on file. Would you know the attorney your brother might have used? If the local bank is also a trust company, that might be a place to start.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12149 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: TX
rainagain
Member
Member # 14917
Default  Posted: 10:50 PM, March 31st (Monday)

((((Phoenix and family)))))
much love


Now, faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see. Heb 11:1
I done been through the pain and the sorrow the struggle is nothing but love. Maino
Me: Divorced BS 49
DS22, DD19, DS17

Posts: 1296 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Massachusetts
yoyojo
Member
Member # 11738
Default  Posted: 3:43 AM, April 1st (Tuesday)

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, Phoenix. I am sending you strength and peace through this terrible situation.


Me-BS
H - WS
My beautiful kids, 3 innocent victims 1,4,& 5

Posts: 479 | Registered: Aug 2006
nekorb
Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 5:49 AM, April 1st (Tuesday)

Phoenix,

I'm so sorry for all that you are going through. It's un fathomable.

Lifting you and your family up in prayer.

You aren't droning. Don't even think it. Come here and purge.

(((Hugs)))


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
looking forward
Member
Member # 25238
Default  Posted: 7:38 AM, April 1st (Tuesday)

(((Phoenix)))

I am so, so sorry for your loss and the continuing uncertainty. I hope you will find closure soon.

Like your user name, you will rise up from the ashes of this personal/family loss.

You are strong!

Continued strength,
lf


Memory and hope; one looks backward, and the other forward; one is of today, the other of tomorrow.
"Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain." (Joseph Campbell)

Posts: 2839 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: Where a river runs through it
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, April 1st (Tuesday)

((phoenix))

continued prayers for you today. hope you're doing alright.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8440 | Registered: Apr 2008
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, April 1st (Tuesday)

(((pheonix)))

What's going on today?

Just know we are here for you.


Posts: 11671 | Registered: Mar 2008
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 6:55 PM, April 1st (Tuesday)

Thank you all so very much.

I am hanging in there. My DS, as primary family contact, as been contacted by detectives at the Sheriff's Office that are assisting the ME in body identification. The Det. said unofficially they are fairly certain the body is that of my SIL, but were asking DS for more information, which he has been asking me about. We gave them the dental office name, and we are all frustrated (including the Det) that the office is closed until April 7th. The Det is trying to get a hold of someone, but is not having much luck. So we may have to continue to sit on this horrible secret for a while longer. No one else in the family knows any of this and we cannot divulge until there is a positive ID. So while I am watching my SIL's family continue to post on FB about how they are coming to terms that they are both not likely to be found, I am carrying this horrible news that is going to open a wound for them that is just starting to heal.

I continue to dig for a Will, but not having any luck. Still waiting for answers from a couple of open avenues, but I am not overly optimistic.

I am now hearing my nieces are going to be talking to an attorney for suing the state, which many victims and/or their families are now talking about. This sickens me further and smacks of the "G" word: greed. This was an act of nature, my brother knew there were risks living there (a landslide occurred in 2006 that didn't make it across the river), and he accepted that. Suing the state won't bring them back, and that is something that would likely go on for many years as the state is not going to willingly open the checkbook to appease people, regardless of how tragic. I hate that so many people go after the deep pocket and easy profit at times like this. There is a geologic report going back to 1999 (I believe) that even predicted a catastrophic mudslide in this area. Yet mortgage companies did not require specific insurance coverage to cover it. My brother did not have such coverage nor did he have mortgage insurance. The property is a total loss, and dealing with the mortgage company is yet another issue I must handle.

And so it goes. *sigh*


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1107 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 7:33 PM, April 1st (Tuesday)

There are no words. Just ((((Phoenix1)))).


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4142 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, April 1st (Tuesday)

(((((phoenix)))))
(((((Dear Son phoenix)))))
((((((Father phoenix)))))


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4629 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
nekorb
Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 9:04 PM, April 1st (Tuesday)

Oh Phoenix, I'm so sorry.

This is going to be a long haul. We will be here.

(((Hugs)))


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
IrishLass518
Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, April 1st (Tuesday)

We are all right here for you whenever you need us. I am so very sorry for all your family is going through. So sorry that your nieces think that money will assuage the pain of losing their parents. (((Phoenix)))


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1754 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, April 2nd (Wednesday)

(((Phoenix)))

I find myself thinking about you, and all that you are currently dealing with frequently. I hope that your family is given some peace, and relief from your brothers debtors.
I also pray that you are able to get some closure soon. The fact that the whole community is going through the same thing has to be a tiny bit of a comfort.

Know that we are all sending you strength.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8506 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
cantbelieve
Member
Member # 22028
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, April 2nd (Wednesday)

I pray each day for you and your family. I hope at some point you can find closure. Hugs and prayers.


Me: BS (58)
Him: WS (58)
LTA 4 years with co-worker
DS(26)
DD(23)
DD(20)
Married 29 years
D-day1 5/08
D-day2 11/08
Status: 6 yrs and wondering if I'll ever be truly happy again

Posts: 1064 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: DFW
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, April 2nd (Wednesday)

(((phoenix)))

thinking about you today


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8440 | Registered: Apr 2008
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, April 2nd (Wednesday)

DS is back onsite again today, and his superiors on base let him take off time to go (they have been exceptionally good to him in that regard, for the military). The waters have receded further, but they are expecting rain by tomorrow, and Friday is the last time for family members/volunteers to help as they are going to begin moving in heavy equipment into the site.

Looks like nieces are in agreement to let me be Executor without a fight, but we stand in legal limbo until there is a death certificate for my brother since everything is in his name. They are saying the recovery efforts could go on for five more months...

It was interesting yesterday. As I mentioned previously, I had called bro's work and talked to the President of the company on Monday about having DS pick up bro's personal effects and my insistence on having DS be the one to go thru everything first as I was looking for any info that might lead to a Will. The President understood clearly what I was saying and offered to go thru bro's stuff personally and let me know if he found anything that might be useful. He did, called me back, and that is one of the open avenues I am working right now. Later that afternoon, oldest niece and SIL's bro were at the company for the sole purpose of finding out how they get their hands on bro's life insurance and 401k. Quite a disparity in goals. I am calling only interested in his Will, niece is there only interested in how fast they can get the money. The President called me to let me know they were there. Niece and her uncle asked if they could pick up bro's personal effects. President told them "no" and wouldn't even let them in his office because "they (the company) need time to retrieve all the pertinent business items first." Of course, that is a smoke screen and my DS has the green light to pick up everything and go thru all docs as soon as he is able. They are even willing to meet him after hours due to his military commitments, if necessary. Was glad the company President saw the writing on the wall and ran interference for me... little things like that help a lot, especially since I am so far away.

My phone (voice and text), email, and FB messaging have been blowing up daily and it is almost a full time job just staying on top of that. And I still have three jobs to fulfill as well as other daily life issues. Tired much? Yeah...


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1107 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
DeadMumWalking
Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, April 2nd (Wednesday)

((((Phoenix))))

Sending you more strength, I'm so sorry for all the distress this is causing.

It's great that DS is able to do so much, and that the company president is on top of things on that end.

((((Phoenix))))


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
Limbo-ish, again (after multiple S) -- weighing my options

Posts: 2587 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
Pentup
Member
Member # 20563
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, April 2nd (Wednesday)

Continuing to pray for you. praying that the right people to help keep paving your path In peace.


Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)

Posts: 6583 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
Undefinabl3
Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, April 2nd (Wednesday)

Later that afternoon, oldest niece and SIL's bro were at the company for the sole purpose of finding out how they get their hands on bro's life insurance and 401k.

So, I realize that you know these people better then we do, but if something happened to DH, my first question would be 'how long does it take to get the life insurance and retirement' Not because I am secretly hoping for him to keel and i am greedy, but I would need that money to pay the bills and to keep food in our mouths. My check is not enough at all to cover all of it. I would rely heavly on the insurances and his retirement.

While i hope that this is the case for them, and not just that they will get money - time will tell.

I send you so much strength to get through this. You have shown incredible strength and grace so far, I simply can not imagine the stress.

((Phoenix)))


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1729 | Registered: Sep 2012
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, April 2nd (Wednesday)

Not because I am secretly hoping for him to keel and i am greedy, but I would need that money to pay the bills and to keep food in our mouths.

If it were his spouse or minor children, yes, that would be the case. However, that is not the case. Nieces are adults that have been out on their own for quite some time, unfortunately. They are both into drugs, one severely, which drives many of their poor choices. Very sad.


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1107 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
ajsmom
Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, April 2nd (Wednesday)

The actions of your nieces continue to amaze me and not in a good way. Greed is such an evil monster.

I'm so sorry the bulk of the dealings in all of this is falling on your shoulders. Perhaps when the news can be shared with SIL's family, you can have some alliance with them and some help on all that still needs to be done.

Is there any chance one of them may have a copy of the will?

Oh, and two thumbs up for your brother's Prez. He sounds like a great guy.

Continued prayers to all of you.


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21051 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
DixieD
Member
Member # 33457
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, April 2nd (Wednesday)

(((Phoenix)))

I'm sorry for your loss and everything you are going through.


Growing forward

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2011
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 8:54 PM, April 2nd (Wednesday)

I''m praying for you each day. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4804 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 12:03 AM, April 3rd (Thursday)

Got updates from DS from today's search. He found many items that he could identify - kayak, four wheeler, pillows, etc. that he could definitively identify as belonging to bro. He even found what was left of bro's truck, which is only the frame with one mangled wheel attached. He also found the flag that bro had flying in front of his house. He washed it off tenderly and put it on a branch on top of where bro's house was so it could fly proudly. They found no further intact bodies, but enough body parts that, collectively, could represent four more whole bodies. He said that is all the cadaver dogs are finding right now.

If the mangling of the truck was not representative enough of the force, he also said they found a deer carcass that was completely skinned, as if someone took a knife and skinned it. The force of the slide completely ripped off the hide. Thus, as DS said, no one caught outside had a chance, and we are fairly certain bro was outside at the time. At least I can take comfort in knowing they likely died quickly.

Some clarification was obtained in that after Friday, when heavy equipment moves in, ONLY family members will be allowed in the area, no other volunteers. DS intends to keep going back, and the Red Cross is going to try to get him a gas card to help with his fuel costs in travelling. I guess DS has been a wealth of information for FEMA because he knows the area so well, and FEMA is working off of old information. He is telling them were houses were located that they do not have on their maps. Needless to say, they want him there, which is why the Red Cross is offering to help with his fuel costs to get there.

Apparently, the FBI and FEMA are now his new best buds. DS had bought and installed a motion sensitive camera in a tree that he had put in front of bro's house to help bro capture stills and video footage of a nuisance beaver that was tearing up the place. Though currently under water, the stand of trees it was in are still standing, and DS could identify them. FBI and FEMA want that footage as the camera MAY have been pointed at the actual slide. It may be the actual footage of the slide. They were at DS's side all day pinpointing the area, and they are planning to bring divers into the area with the hope that, though underwater, the camera is still attached to the intact tree. The camera is in a waterproof case. Any way, we will have to see how that plays out. Needless to say, the FBI and FEMA are now my DS's new best friends. It is possible the camera was ripped off the tree with the force. And it is still under at least 20 - 25 ft of water.

DS said he feels better about being out at the site, and it makes him feel good to help. This is bringing him a tremendous sense of closure, and for that I am eternally grateful. He sounds really good on the phone. I am SO thankful he wasn't there as planned when this happened!

He is also going to keep looking for the safe that bro kept all important documents in. There is always a chance it will be uncovered with the extensive excavation that is going on. Bro's Will is in that safe. They found a large gun safe, and even though the door was partially removed and it was full of water and mud, all guns were still inside. They were able to determine the owner so it could be turned over to his brother. Everything removed from the site must first go through extensive decontamination though as everything is heavily contaminated with septic contents, propane, petroleum products, chemicals, etc. It is quite a toxic mess.

Though I am starting the legal fallout process as Executor of bro's estate, we are still hopeful that something(s) will be found that will be beneficial in some way, whether legally or through emotional closure.

This is going to go on for a very long time, but I am glad DS is there to be actively involved, and he is willing to be involved on a positive note.

More rambling. Sorry. Just so much happening...


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1107 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 12:12 AM, April 3rd (Thursday)

(((Phoenix))) I didn't realize that your son was supposed to be there when it happened. I'm so thankful he wasn't.

It sounds like you raised an amazing son! I'm glad he's able to help and to gain some closure.

I have to admit that I don't really know what to say in such a horrific, unimaginable situation. Just know that we're here for you.


Posts: 11671 | Registered: Mar 2008
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:14 AM, April 3rd (Thursday)

(((Phoenix1)))

Checking in every day to see how your family is doing.

I can attest to how therapeutic it can be to help in times or tragedy. You must be very proud of your son. I'm glad that these organizations are letting him know how much they value him.


I bow to those who keep their hearts open when it is most difficult, those who refuse to keep their armor on any longer than they have to, those who recognize the courage at the heart of vulnerability. - Jeff Brown

Posts: 17328 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 12:36 AM, April 3rd (Thursday)

I didn't realize that your son was supposed to be there when it happened. I'm so thankful he wasn't.

DS went out there almost every weekend bro was there, and that weekend was no different. There happened to be a last minute shift change for DS that kept him and his buddy from going out Friday night, which was the usual routine. That shift change saved their lives. DS was on the phone with bro about a half hour before the slide hit and bro was teasing DS about how nice the weather was, fishing was excellent, and DS should be there to enjoy it with him. That was bro's last communication. So this could have been so much more tragic! That truly would have killed me, and I was a mess until I knew DS was safe.


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1107 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
hill
Member
Member # 12166
Default  Posted: 7:48 AM, April 3rd (Thursday)

(((Phoenix)))

I continue to think of you and your family. What an amazing son you have.


Posts: 3152 | Registered: Sep 2006
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, April 3rd (Thursday)

Phoenix,

Sending hugs and peace today.

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5081 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
jadedheart
Member
Member # 32046
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, April 3rd (Thursday)

praying every day for strength, peace, and guidance for you, your DS, and all those still waiting for answers. How proud you must be of your son! In a time of tragedy he is showing the same strength and character that you display in all your posts. That apple did not fall far from the tree. I admire you both!


Me 45
FWH 47
DS11, DD18, DS21(they know nothing about A)
Married 23 years together 25
Dday 09/24/2010
"You can't control how others behave, you can only control your reaction."

Posts: 980 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Indiana
Rebreather
Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, April 3rd (Thursday)

Phoenix, your continued journey is just amazing. I know this is so very hard for you, but you are doing so well.

It is really fascinating what your son is experiencing. I am glad the authorities are using him in a productive manner, instead of shooing him off. While I am sure it is hard for him, it is probably helping him in untold ways.

Many blessings to you all as you continue along this path.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6442 | Registered: Jan 2011
peacelovetea
Member
Member # 26071
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, April 3rd (Thursday)

Phoenix, I am in the area, so am constantly seeing the footage and thinking of you. You are so strong and I hope that as you are taking care of everything and everyone else, that you have someone taking care of you. {{hugs}}


BW, SAHM
D-Day: 6/5/09, drunken ONS on business trip, confessed immediately, transparent, remorseful but emotionally clueless
M 11 years, 3 kids
4/12 Tried to R for 3 years, have decided to D
12/31/12 D final

Posts: 542 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: PacNW
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, April 3rd (Thursday)

As you all have mentioned, I am so incredibly proud of DS and the way he is handling the tragic events and himself. I can't always talk to him on the phone due to his hectic schedule, but I sent him a text a few days ago to express, from my heart, just how proud I was of him and how so many others have seen first hand how he has risen from the occasion to show strength and character way beyond his years. He responded and said that with all the texts he has been receiving since this began, that one meant the most to him and he could easily see the sincerity in it and it touched him deeply. He went on to tell me he was not trying to do anything exceptional, just doing what he knew had to be done, and he felt some guidance from his uncle and knew he would be proud of him as well. Brought me to tears, but I am glad he knew I truly meant what I was saying. Even with his tough as nails exterior honed in the military, he really is a soft pile of goo on the inside, and still my little boy.

I have also been ruminating about some famous "mom-isms" my mother used to say to me on a regular basis. Three of her most oft used were: 1) this too shall pass, 2) it is what it is, and 3) don't sweat the small stuff.

The first two helped me get past her death a few years ago, and they guided me through my divorce as well. I think of them often now as I travel down this path I did not plan or wish to go down. She was a very down to earth and pragmatic sort of person. The third one I have used throughout my life when I stop and think about times I have fallen into the trap of making mountains out of mole hills. It helps me gain perspective. I use that one with my kids often when drama over trivial issues rears its ugly head. It now has so much more meaning to me and especially to my kids. We never know when our time is up, and wasting our energy on "the small stuff" is truly a waste when it could be put to much better use. My children now see first hand that life can end in the blink of an eye, and that "small stuff" of every day life is simply not worth getting in an uproar over. They are learning, but they are still young. This tragedy really brought it home.

Hug and kiss your loved ones often and tell them you love them. Death is part of life. And though we all are in no hurry to reach the inevitable conclusion of our mortal existence, you just never know when it is your time. Loved ones can be ripped from you instantly, and it makes you regret the woulda, coulda, shoulda moments that were missed. Those thoughts cross my mind with my brother today, and I have many regrets in that regard. But, as my mother would say to me, it is what it is...

Feeling a little melancholy today.


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1107 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
MissesJai
Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 6:11 PM, April 3rd (Thursday)

Phoenix, my heart hurts for you. All I can do is (((Phoenix & family)))


FWW - 41
Fawk you.....pay me!

Posts: 5908 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, April 3rd (Thursday)

(((Phoenix)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4804 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, April 3rd (Thursday)

((phoenix))

you're attitude is inspiring. i think i know where your DS gets it.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8440 | Registered: Apr 2008
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 10:46 PM, April 3rd (Thursday)

I am sure your brother knew he was deeply loved and appreciated by you. We could always do more to be better about acknowledging the bonds of love, whether in spending more time together or reaching out more often, but I have no doubts that he knew how much you valued your connection with him and felt blessed that you had each other. And now that you have lost him, I know that he will still live on strongly in your memory as well as in the memory of your DS. Cherish the good times and forgive yourself any lapses. You were both truly lucky to have such a strong sibling bond.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4165 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
BelleStar
Member
Member # 13515
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, April 4th (Friday)

(((phoenix)))

Your strength and compassion have me in awe.


Posts: 1127 | Registered: Feb 2007
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, April 5th (Saturday)

(((phoenix)))

thinking of you. hope you're ok today.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8440 | Registered: Apr 2008
solus sto
Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, April 5th (Saturday)

((((Phoenix)))


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8687 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
nekorb
Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 7:10 AM, April 6th (Sunday)

(((Phoenix)))

How awful your nieces/others are behaving. That's disappointing on a level beyond reasoning. I'm so sorry.


As I was reading about all that your DS is doing, I just kept thinking that he is having that "time" in his life. The before and after time that changes who you are deep inside. I'm sure it's immensely cathartic for him, but he is also helping others (recovery of victims) and helping the community on the whole. He may have footage of the slide. Really? How incredible would that be? Think about the ramifications that could have for future community planning...

Your son is making a significant impact on the WORLD right now. Not many people get that opportunity. He is embracing it and stepping up. Something tells me this tragedy is the beginning of great things for him.

Sending you strength and patience during this time with all the hugs you need.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
fraeuken
Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, April 6th (Sunday)

((Phoenix)), so sorry you have to go through this. Sending prayers and strenght.


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1253 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
dmari
Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, April 6th (Sunday)

I am so so sorry Phoenix1.


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2196 | Registered: Oct 2012
lynnm1947
Member
Member # 15300
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, April 7th (Monday)

Phoenix1,I cannot even begin to imagine what you are feeling. It defies imagination. I am so so sorry, and hope everything resolves the way you wish. And kudos to your son for helping every way he can. He is a credit to your upbringing.


Age: 64..ummmmmmm, no...............65....no...oh, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!

"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks


Posts: 7213 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Toronto, Canada
AgainandAgain
Member
Member # 34835
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, April 7th (Monday)

I am still very much thinking of you and your family. I'm also still saying many prayers for you and your family. I can not fathom how you are feeling. Just know every time I read of this or watch on tv my first thought is of you.

((((((((((((Phoenix1 and family))))))))))

[This message edited by AgainandAgain at 2:58 PM, April 7th (Monday)]


Posts: 231 | Registered: Feb 2012
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, April 7th (Monday)

Thank you everyone.

Brother and SIL are still officially on the missing list, which stands at 17 as of the latest release. Still no official word on identification of SIL.

DS had a tough weekend emotionally, especially Saturday. He was alone as all his friends/co-workers were gone or unavailable. He chose not to go out to the site on Saturday, and we spent a lot of time talking on the phone. We were talking about some of the sentimental items that were gone (the thought about lost "stuff" just entered my mind for the first time on Sat) and I asked him what he had stored in the house (there was a locked storage room I know he kept stuff in because he was always out there). He told me he basically lost everything, except his truck and motorcycle that weren't there. He kept all his belongings there because he has no room in the barracks and he spent all his time there anyway: all his fishing stuff, his dirt bike equipment, his brand new mountain bike he only rode twice, all his expensive welding equipment, all his specialty truck tools, etc. All gone, and no insurance to help him out. My nieces are going to walk away with a large sum of money, and DS just gets dumped on even more. My heart breaks for him. Stuff can be replaced, and he knows it. But this is still tough for a 20 yr old that worked so hard for what he had. He then made a statement that about killed me: "I just want to come home, mom. There is nothing left for me here." He then started blowing up my phone with pics of him and his uncle doing various things together. It was obviously a very painful moment for him. I told him when he does get home (he gets out of the military for good in July) that he can help me put together a picture collage of the family using some of his wonderful pictures for a Christmas present for my dad. He thought that was a great idea and said he would love to do it for his grandpa. At least that gave him something else to think about for a few minutes...

We were then talking about the nieces, and the old adage was never so true about actions speaking louder than words. DS drives out to the site regularly, which is a 240 mile round trip for him every time he goes. He has been out there many times, starting on the day of the incident. My nieces live about 40 miles away and have not been out to the site once, nor have they offered to help in any way. It is just so very sad.

And so I sit in my legal limbo due to lack of death certificates, trying to help DS get thru this day by day with a giant hole in my heart.


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1107 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
abbycadabby
Member
Member # 27428
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, April 7th (Monday)

(((Phoenix1 and family)))

I have no words and anything I could think up to say would seem so small in comparison to the enormity you face right now. Thoughts and prayers with you during this time.


Posts: 1250 | Registered: Feb 2010
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, April 7th (Monday)

Dear Phoenix, just want to send you strength. I am so sorry for your loss and the pain for your family. My prayers for you and your DS.
-Inner Light


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. dating again, living in the sticks with a cat. It's taking a long time to create new dreams and a new life but it is slowly coming together.

Posts: 5815 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
BrokenPieces
Member
Member # 7685
Default  Posted: 11:37 PM, April 7th (Monday)

Phoenix.. ((((HUGE HUGS))) to you sweetie. We have a friend who is still on the missing list. Every day is a waiting game to see if his body has been recovered. It is all so horrible. I'm praying for your family and so indebted to your amazing son for all he is doing to help.


BS-40
Red Headed Imps 10 & 8
DDay 1/05
Divorce final 6/21/06
My new life is GRAND.
Married my new beginning 6/09

Posts: 2290 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: Greater Seattle Area
circe
Member
Member # 6687
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, April 8th (Tuesday)

Oh gosh, Phoenix, your son is so strong, but he's still a 20 year old handling the job of 10 men. Of course he's mourning his possessions as part of the whole part of his life that vanished and smashed that day. I cried reading what he wrote to you. He's got so much to process and it's horrible that your nieces aren't contributing or even just being there for him. Your idea about the collage for your dad was such a loving one, as it gave your DS the ability to go through his pictures and his memories "for grandpa".

((((Hugs)))) to your family, and especially you and your DS.


Posts: 3192 | Registered: Mar 2005
Pentup
Member
Member # 20563
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, April 8th (Tuesday)

Just want to tell you that I continue to keep you and your family in my prayers. Your strength and grace are an inspiration. Your sons courage and strength in untenable circumstances is a beacon of what is right.

I wish I was rich so I could anonymously replace all his possessions just as a thank you for his service to the country, to the people of this town and to your family.


Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)

Posts: 6583 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 1:42 PM, April 8th (Tuesday)

((((((Phoenix DS)))))


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4165 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
still2suspicious
Member
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, April 8th (Tuesday)

You raised a truly amazing son! To do all that he has done for his love of his uncle (and aunt) is a testament to the love he learned from you.

I am sorry you still have no word. The good news is, other than some showers today, the rest of the week should be dry so, hopefully, the waters will start to recede, for more searching.

Sending strength.

PM also sent to you.


Me: BS
Him: WH
DDay: LTEA

Posts: 1284 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
jadedheart
Member
Member # 32046
Default  Posted: 4:20 PM, April 8th (Tuesday)

thinking of you and your DS everyday. I am so sorry you must endure this waiting.

(((P and DS)))


Me 45
FWH 47
DS11, DD18, DS21(they know nothing about A)
Married 23 years together 25
Dday 09/24/2010
"You can't control how others behave, you can only control your reaction."

Posts: 980 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Indiana
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 7:34 PM, April 8th (Tuesday)

((phoenix and DS))

every day I think of you. hope you're doing as well as possible today.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8440 | Registered: Apr 2008
BtraydWife
Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, April 9th (Wednesday)

(((Phoenix)))

Your son is very brave. No doubt his Uncle would be proud at how hard he is working to help everyone.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 1758 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, April 9th (Wednesday)

(((((Phoenix and family)))))


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7419 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
BAB61
Member
Member # 41181
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, April 9th (Wednesday)

(((Phoenix & DS)))


Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, April 9th (Wednesday)

((((Phoenix and Sweet Son)))).

Your son will reap what he has sowen. All that he has done will come back to him 10 folds. He is sweet, kind, has a huge heart. He takes action to help and be there. I am proud of him! and I don't know him. God is watching and smiling on your sweet boy. Good things come to good people. Maybe not right away but it will.

God was watching out for your son and his buddy that day. Your son was saved for a reason. That I truly believe.

I also wish more people thought like you and I, that people you love can be ripped from you within a blink of a eye. Have no regrets. Show them and tell them you love them. Have no could woulda shoulda's.

(((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, April 9th (Wednesday)

I really hate to bring disgrace on my own family members, but they are doing it themselves, and it makes my blood boil. Time for a vent, and some ugly details, so bare with me for a moment.

Last week SIL's brother (while he was still in WA, he went home Thursday) told me that he walked into my bro's condo (where he was staying with the nieces while he was there) and walked in on older niece having sex, right out in the open, with some dirt bag boyfriend we think she picked up at the bus stop in CA she was stranded at when this incident happened. The guy is a homeless derelict, according to SIL's bro. In fact, he stole SIL's bro's Kindle. You get the picture, a real piece of work. So it was bad enough that niece has so little respect for her parents to do that in THEIR home (it is not her home, she just flops there when she has no other couch to flop on) when their bodies are still being searched for! THAT pissed me off big time. Between that and the thick layer of marijuana smoke filling the rooms really took SIL's bro by surprise (he is very religious and said it has even tested his limits of compassion). Supposedly, oldest niece is trying to get rid of this dirtbag BF but he just won't go away (heard that one before too).

Fast forward to just a few minutes ago. I get a call from the police department where bro's condo is located. First, my heart dropped hearing it was the PD as I was expecting something about bro or SIL. That wasn't it. He was calling to advise that he is investigating and possible burglary of the condo as a male was seen climbing up over the second floor balcony to gain access to bro's unit. The officer spoke to oldest niece and she told them it was her "BF" (remember, she is trying to get rid of the guy) and he had permission to be there as he was retrieving something he left there. Oldest niece still has keys, so why is he crawling up over the back balcony?? Why was there an empty shopping cart sitting right by the front door? Yes, huge red flags, and neither the officer or I are buying it.

So I told the officer to continue with his investigation as the dirtbag BF had no lawful reason for being in the unit, nor does niece have authority to allow it as she is not an authorized resident on the lease. I gave him some background on nieces, which he pieced together based on the extensive police reports she is mentioned in (not being arrested but being involved in many situations). He is going to call her back to try to get more info on the BF, and I asked him to kindly turn up the heat on her as sometimes hearing things from an "authoritative" source is the only way it will sink in to her. He understood and he is going to suggest that if she is covering for him she could be a possible accessory to a crime, etc. I also warned him she was a master liar and manipulator and take everything she says with a grain of salt. He said he pretty much already had that picture of her.

Even though all the belongings in the condo will be turned over to the girls eventually, after probate, until then they belong to the estate and any removal is theft. The officer agrees and is going to treat his investigation in that manner.

My heart breaks for my nieces losing both their parents, but their actions, still speaking very loudly, make me want to .

My bro is surely pissed off if he is looking down at them right now. Unfortunately, this is not a surprise at all. GGGrrrrrr.

Vent over...

ETA: As of this morning's press releases, the ME has 35 victims and 31 have been identified. There are still 10 on the missing person's list. Bro and SIL are still on the missing person's list...

[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 3:31 PM, April 9th (Wednesday)]


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1107 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
refuz2bavictim
Member
Member # 27176
Default  Posted: 1:42 PM, April 9th (Wednesday)

((Phoenix1))


BS:ME DDay: 7/18/09 Last of TT 7/11/10
MOW's EA/PA all were my "friends" but one


Posts: 2372 | Registered: Jan 2010
swizzlestick03
Member
Member # 30102
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, April 9th (Wednesday)

I am so sorry Phoenix. I cannot even imagine having to deal with that nonsense on top of everything else.

You are in my thoughts and prayers every day.


Me: BW-32
Him: WS-31
D-Day #1: 16 August 2010
D-Day #2: 16 January 2011
One small kiddo.

Posts: 570 | Registered: Nov 2010
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 6:32 AM, April 10th (Thursday)

Still thinking of you ((Phoenix1))


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4142 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
still2suspicious
Member
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, April 10th (Thursday)

Know that the searchers will NOT stop until they have scoured the complete area with a fine toothed comb.

On a report yesterday they said they actually only have 5% of the area searched to their satisfaction. 5%!! They have a long way to go, but they WILL do it.

Now if they can just get that damn berm built this week while we have good weather, that will help drain the water.

Praying for your family, px. (and all of those families).

Sending renewed strength to your son.

I am VERY proud of the people here. Almost ALL the $$$$ collected have been by us ordinary people who have given $10-20. It adds up fast. It's truly amazing what we, as a community, can do. (this applies to ALL tragedies this country has endured)

Sorry about your nieces. Some people are just so mind-boggling selfish!! Stupid shits!!!!!

[This message edited by still2suspicious at 3:51 PM, April 10th (Thursday)]


Me: BS
Him: WH
DDay: LTEA

Posts: 1284 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, April 10th (Thursday)

Today's latest press release: the ME has positively identified 35 of the 36 victims they have received to date. The missing persons list is now at nine. Bro and SIL are still on the missing person's list...


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1107 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
sad12008
Member
Member # 18179
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, April 10th (Thursday)

(((Phoenix1)))

HUGE hugs to you, Phoenix1. I think of you every day, and send you strength.

[This message edited by sad12008 at 9:46 PM, April 10th (Thursday)]


You can't fill a cup with no bottom.

Posts: 3875 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: a new start together
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 10:47 PM, April 10th (Thursday)

((phoenix))

I'm sorry there is still no closure for this. You are doing amazingly well. You've raised a lovely son who has conducted himself so well in the face of such tragedy.

lots of lov for all of you.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8440 | Registered: Apr 2008
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 10:54 PM, April 10th (Thursday)

I am so sorry that you can't even get confirmation from the Mae/search efforts. I'm sure you could sorely use that sense of closure.

Maybe your nieces will have a reckoning and get themselves straight out of the huge mess that this is. I will be hoping they can become a credit to their father again.

But don't ever feel bad about needing to vent of course this behavior is hugely upsetting especially at such a time.


((((Phoenix))))


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4165 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, April 11th (Friday)

(((Phoenix1)))

Posts: 35192 | Registered: Mar 2011
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, April 11th (Friday)

((((Phoenix))))


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25343 | Registered: Aug 2011
LosferWords
Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, April 11th (Friday)

(((Phoenix)))

Posts: 7090 | Registered: Dec 2010
Ellejay
Member
Member # 30498
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, April 12th (Saturday)

((((Phoenix and DS))))

Thinking of you.


When it is dark enough, you can see the stars"- Ralph Waldo Emerson


Married 25 years now divorced.
D-Day: 20/11/10
Me: 48.5 plus 10% GST
Him: mental age 6 (apologies to all 6 year olds)
Betrayal: Who cares anymore?

Posts: 1094 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Adelaide, South Australia
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, April 12th (Saturday)

Continued thanks to everyone.

As of now the ME has identified 36 of 36 victims, and bro and SIL remain missing. DNA was obtained from nieces which tells me they are now trying to identify body parts, which were numerous based on what DS helped recover alone.

And so we continue to wait. I have an attorney that is going to try to get me emergency interim orders as POA as bro's affairs need to be tended to, including taxes. Landlord, mortgage company, etc. are all calling me, but I can't legally do what I know needs to be done. Just sucks all around.

DS is doing better after his meltdown last weekend. Thank goodness.


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1107 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
LosferWords
Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, April 12th (Saturday)

(((Phoenix)))

Sending huge hugs your way. I wish there was a way I could send you and your family more comfort. Know that I am thinking of you.


Posts: 7090 | Registered: Dec 2010
jadedheart
Member
Member # 32046
Default  Posted: 8:42 PM, April 12th (Saturday)

(((Phoenix)))

still praying for you!


Me 45
FWH 47
DS11, DD18, DS21(they know nothing about A)
Married 23 years together 25
Dday 09/24/2010
"You can't control how others behave, you can only control your reaction."

Posts: 980 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Indiana
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 1:32 AM, April 13th (Sunday)

Still here with you. Thinking about you every day.

(((Phoenix1)))


I bow to those who keep their hearts open when it is most difficult, those who refuse to keep their armor on any longer than they have to, those who recognize the courage at the heart of vulnerability. - Jeff Brown

Posts: 17328 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
ExposedNiblet
Member
Member # 30803
Default  Posted: 1:52 AM, April 13th (Sunday)

(((Phoenix)))

Thinking of you and your family.


Divorced
Me ($39.95 plus S & H)
DS1(17), DS2(15)

Enjoying this chapter in my life.
Learning that being alone does not mean being lonely.
Discovering that where I've been is not as important as where I'm going.


Posts: 355 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Right Here, Canada
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 6:35 AM, April 13th (Sunday)

Wait, so the body that your son found, that he thought was your SIL, wasn't her?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13740 | Registered: Jul 2011
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, April 13th (Sunday)

Wait, so the body that your son found, that he thought was your SIL, wasn't her?

Apparently not...


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1107 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
sisoon
Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 4:59 PM, April 13th (Sunday)

Still thinking of you. This must be Hell.

(((Phoenix1)))


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10083 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, April 13th (Sunday)

Continuing prayers for you and your family.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5081 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, April 13th (Sunday)

Thinking about you Phoenix.

((Phoenix + DS))

Hope you're doing alright this weekend


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8440 | Registered: Apr 2008
Dobegirl
Member
Member # 41837
Default  Posted: 7:27 PM, April 13th (Sunday)

Sending you prayers and hugs to you and your family


Me- BS 44 Always faithfull
Him- WS 44
2 mo. EA/PA with 25 yr. old slut that stroked his ego, online profiles, CL ads
Married 8 years-No kids together
DDay-11/21/12
False R many different times fromJan/13 till Dec/13
Divorcing

Posts: 151 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Northern Indiana
AgainandAgain
Member
Member # 34835
Default  Posted: 10:13 PM, April 13th (Sunday)

Just wanted to let you know I'm still thinking of you and your family.


((((((((((Phoenix and family))))))))))


Posts: 231 | Registered: Feb 2012
cinnamongurl
Member
Member # 37879
Default  Posted: 11:05 PM, April 13th (Sunday)

Phoenix, I come here every day to check on you, and every day my heart breaks a little more for you and DS. Wishing you both strength, peace and some closure. Our thoughts, prayers and mojo from the cinnamon household.


Me: 36 fWGF He: 35 BBF and my heart
Together 18 yrs. "You were sick, but now you're well again, and there's work to do."
Kurt Vonnegut



Posts: 507 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: home with my heart.
Gottagetthrough
Member
Member # 27325
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, April 14th (Monday)

Phoenix, I am so very sorry, I am thinking and praying for your family.

Please know that there are a lot of us who are sending positive thoughts and prayers your way.


Posts: 1381 | Registered: Jan 2010
MissMouseMo
Member
Member # 38562
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, April 14th (Monday)

Phoenix, forgive me please for discussing the financial aspect of this tragedy (be assured you and your family have been in my thoughts, but I saw a place to *perhaps* be of practical use to you).

You said your son lost all the possessions he’d worked so hard for, and I do not know your financial position, but if you are settling the estate it is expected that you will be paid, and perhaps some of that money can replace a few of the most important things your son lost?

I understand most states pay the representative on a percentage of the estate, but Washington is unusual in calculating it on the actual number of hours worked. Here:

Washington's Probate and Trust Law is codified at RCW chapter 11 (http://apps.leg.wa.gov/RCW/default.aspx?Cite=11 ).
RCW 11.48.210 reads: Compensation…The personal representative…shall be allowed such compensation for his or her services as the court shall deem just and reasonable.

Online I saw an attorney (Richard Wills, probate atty) write: “I've repeatedly succeeded in obtaining the Court's approval for the payment of $50 hourly to a lay PR, although with the Court opining ‘That's the top of the range for a lay PR.’"

Since the it is calculated by the hour, I want to urge you to start now to keep records of your time – and to begin reconstructing the time you have already spent. This *could* be contentious so I would not be coy in setting expectations. Your job is cut out for you and you should be compensated for the hard work you have done and will face.

Again, I have thought of you often and am standing quietly with you.


It is the gut-wrenching, down-to-your-soul honesty that helps so much. ~paraphrased from CancunCrushed
"I edit, therefore I am." -BionicGal

Posts: 300 | Registered: Feb 2013
Neverwudaguessed
Member
Member # 41884
Default  Posted: 11:10 PM, April 19th (Saturday)

Thinking of you everyday, sending you strength, along with everyone else here..


BW: 44 Me
WH:48
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 13
DD 11

Posts: 571 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
BtraydWife
Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, April 21st (Monday)

(((Phoenix and family)))


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 1758 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 358