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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: He's on the attack today...
nutmegkitty
Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, March 31st (Monday)

it's been a long while since I've been the victim of one of his rages, but boy howdy he was on a tear this morning and let me have it via 30 minutes of text after text...saying...

I'm a pill junkie and probably an alcholic too, and unless and until I get help I will be a terrible mother.
My dd 10 needs to give up her lovie immediately (she sleeps with it).
I am not a good role model for mu children.
I am going through life with blinders on.
I don't talk to my children about cleanlieness and manners (???WTF???).

The list of accusations goes on. I don't know what set him off but he was vicious and relentless thsi morning and it has gotten to me.

I know I'm a good mother. My children are healthy, well adjusted (I think?), get good grades, have lots of friends, smile, laugh, eat nutrituously (for the most part), bathe, brush their teeth and hair, wear clean clothes, have a clean environemtn to live in. Heis just trying to get ot me right???

And yes, I do take meds, But I'm under the care of a really good psych. I don't pop pills willy nilly. Nor do I drink to excess at all.

Oh, and now he's on my about dd10 and her picky eating. I make sure there is a fruit and a veg available at almsot every meal. I encourage her to try and eat new things, but I WILL NOT force her to eat anything.

Arch, he's gottem me all worked up, I hate when he does this. Stupid NPD asshat.

He's just spewing this junk because he needs kibbles, right? I refuse to engage, even though I do feel the need to defend myself. But I won't engage, I just won't.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2568 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, March 31st (Monday)

Ignore this idiot.
He's having a bad day and decided to take it out on you. Your kids are lucky to have a great mom who puts them first.


Me - 42
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4yrs, together 7yrs total

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
5 Furkids (3 Dogs, 2 Cats)

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

Note: I edit often for typos/clarity.


Posts: 6064 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, March 31st (Monday)

I am so sorry he is attacking you. Please know that you are a great mom and that he is inventing ridiculous accusations for his own idiotic reasons of not being able to face his OWN shortcomings head on.


(((nutmegkitty and nutmegkittens)))


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 3708 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Must Survive
Member
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, March 31st (Monday)

Nutmeg,

Take a breath. You KNOW you are a good mom. You also KNOW he is a NPD ass. If he was anyone else would you even allow them to txt you this crap? No.

Block his txt and calls. Allow only email. I don't remember how often he as custody of them, but perhaps only allow txt from him when he has them (for emergencies). All other times, block only email.

Ignore him. You know his values are not yours.


Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." — Daenerys Targaryen


Posts: 660 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, March 31st (Monday)

did he ask a question? or is he just tirading?

I'm pretty sure he can do that by e-mail. block his number


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8405 | Registered: Apr 2008
risingfromashes
Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, March 31st (Monday)

Nutmegkitty,

You are a wonderful Mom and role model! He is making statements about manners????
Ignore his idiotic dribble and go about your day knowing that you are in a good place being divorced from that jerk!


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1585 | Registered: Mar 2004
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, March 31st (Monday)

Oh,but do remember to save his texts and get screenshots. It may help in the future: parental alienation anyone? Oh, and harassment...


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - my friend 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - EA/PA - 'Fat Bottomed Girl'


Posts: 728 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, March 31st (Monday)

Ignore this idiot.
He's having a bad day and decided to take it out on you

^^THIS.

Show your dick some respect dude - at least PRETEND your life is better this way. Mine sure is.

Crickets all the way. Block his number and insist in all comms via email. At the very least I'd consider having a trusted someone vet this shit and only tell you about stuff you need to respond to. That way you won't need to even read this shit designed to get a rise out of you. I did that it for a few months until I got good at NC.

Projection much. What a fuckwit.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5401 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
GingerAle
Member
Member # 33822
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, March 31st (Monday)

I'm sorry nutmegkitty. These attacks are so hurtful, even though they are complete lies. It helps me to remind myself that he is miserable, and projecting onto me. That's what they do. They're sick.

((((nutmegkitty))))


My WH (The KISA, NPD) 6 month EA in 2010
2 other EAs in 2012 & 2013
Filed for D 7/2014


Posts: 398 | Registered: Nov 2011
Tearsoflove
Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, March 31st (Monday)

He's a jerk and he obviously doesn't know much about parenting. Your daughter needs her lovey as security because she has gone through terrible turmoil with the divorce. It's very common for children to have a favored stuffed animal or blanket for emotional well being even when they haven't gone through a divorce or have an NPD father with an immature girlfriend. The fact that your daughter doesn't need twenty of them is amazing.

As for the picky eating, that's also normal. And studies show that parents who force their children to eat or guilt them into it are more likely to raise children with eating disorders. Children will follow their biological urges to eat unless we tamper with it, most of the time. You're doing the right thing. Give her healthy choices and then let her decide how much she needs. As long as she appears to be developing normally, you're on target.

As for your NPD ex-asshole, I agree that you should block his texts and communicate only via email. But I'd definitely save copies of all the texts up until now if you can. He's harassing you and you never know when a little proof might come in handy. Definitely don't respond. Stupidity doesn't deserve a reply.


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 3946 | Registered: Sep 2005
newlysingle
Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, March 31st (Monday)

He's having a full-fledged mantrum. My 18 month old DS just had one when I made him come inside to eat lunch. Yes, kicking and screaming on the floor. This is exactly what your X is doing. So just imagine him as the toddler he is and ignore him.

He's also just trying to hit below the belt with the bad mother comments. He knows that's the way to get to you.


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 809 | Registered: Mar 2013
neverdidithink
Member
Member # 40568
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, March 31st (Monday)

He's an idiot.
My dd 10 needs to give up her lovie immediately (she sleeps with it).

This made me laugh. when my oldest was a senior in college, she called me crying one morning. "When I was home on break I left (lovie) in my bed. I'm sick, I'm stressed out over finals, and I NEED him. Can you please FedEx (lovie) to me?"

You've got this way under control, just ignore him. You can look at the kids for proof you're doing just fine!


Me: BW 52
Him: WH 55
Married 8 years
4 20-something his and hers kids

Trying to understand the behavior of some people is like trying to smell the color 9


Posts: 276 | Registered: Sep 2013
nutmegkitty
Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, March 31st (Monday)

thanks for talking me down. I hate that he knows EXACTLY how to get to me (he installed the buttons, right?)

I'll be ok. I will be on edge for a while because I jsut never know what else he has up his sleeves when he's in a mood like this. It gets tiring though.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2568 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, March 31st (Monday)

I hate that he knows EXACTLY how to get to me (he installed the buttons, right?)
Exactly right, honey. ((((nutmeg))))

Oh - and I don't think DD10 should take lovie to her dad's. He's likely to steal it from her in the night and burn it "for her own good" or some such NPD bullshit.

(ps: My DS20's ex-girfriend stole the bear he's had since he was born. That did NOT go over well. Police were involved, and George is now safely back in his place of honor on DS's bed. )


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24409 | Registered: Aug 2011
nutmegkitty
Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, March 31st (Monday)

Oh my god NIK, I didn't even think of that but you are right, it's a real possibility. I will have to think about what to do here with regards to her lovie. She would be DEV-A-STATED if anything happened to it.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2568 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
Holly-Isis
Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, March 31st (Monday)

Hmmm, maybe you could suggest to him that his actions have prolonged your DD's need for a lovie. "abandonment issues" "need for security" "comfort" A few key words...

Since he's such a great parent, surely he can work on the picky eating and other issues and give you his tips for success. again

Finally, I agree with the suggestion to have her keep her lovie at home, JIC. Maybe she would let you cut a piece out that she can hold if she needs to.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

❣I hope my issues don't discourage ur healing. I've buried a lot & my WH hasn't done his part in R❣


Posts: 10988 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Limbo
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, March 31st (Monday)

I agree, don't send the lovie or any other cuddly attachment "friend" over to your ex's house anymore. They're going to disappear if you do.

Sorry he's being such a dickhead.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9248 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 4:20 PM, March 31st (Monday)

I would send a stunt lovie over to his house with her - similar fabrics/shape. If it disappears she'll understand why she can't take lovie over there. If it stays then she can keep it there and the real thing at home so she is never without.

It's also good to have backups. My girls have different comforters here and at their dads - chosen by them.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5401 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, March 31st (Monday)

Fuck that guy and his whiny mantrum.

Shooting you text after text over the course of 30 minutes? What the fuck?
What sane person does this?

oh...right...he's a fucking whiny piece of NPD shit.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4543 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
courageous
Member
Member # 34477
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, March 31st (Monday)

((Nutmegkitty)). I'm sorry that he's being such a jerk. Sounds like he is feeling bad about himself so he needs to put you down to make him feel better

We all know (and you do too) that you are a great mom.

Ftg!


Me: BW (35)
Him: ExWH (31) EA/PA with MOW coworker
Married 9 years, 2 small kids
dday 3/12/2011 divorced fall 2012

My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.


Posts: 616 | Registered: Jan 2012
Tearsoflove
Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 10:09 PM, March 31st (Monday)

I would send a stunt lovie over to his house with her - similar fabrics/shape. If it disappears she'll understand why she can't take lovie over there. If it stays then she can keep it there and the real thing at home so she is never without.

That's a great idea. I remember when my sister was about 10. She left a couple stuffed animals in the living room. My NPD father thought he'd teach her a lesson by taking all her stuffed animals to the backyard, pouring gasoline on them, and having a bonfire. He went and got my sister by telling her to come out and enjoy the nice bonfire he was having. She was destroyed. He loves to tell the story of how he taught my sister not to leave her toys out... he still doesn't get that they were not just toys to her. He killed her best friends.


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 3946 | Registered: Sep 2005
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 11:09 PM, March 31st (Monday)

FWIW, I still sleep with my stuffed dog from when I was a little girl. I don't need him to sleep, and I put him away when I was living with my ex....but when I went back to get stuff, I made sure to pick up 'Rags' on an early trip! And I'm 30

It has never been an issue and I like having him around!


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 3708 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 11:16 PM, March 31st (Monday)

t/j @ TOL:
She was destroyed. He loves to tell the story of how he taught my sister not to leave her toys out... he still doesn't get that they were not just toys to her. He killed her best friends

Oh.My.God. It is horrifying that he takes pleasure in telling that story. What a sadistic bastard.

end t/j


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7685 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Tearsoflove
Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 11:42 PM, March 31st (Monday)

Yeah, Gonnabe, I try not to think about that stuff too much but then someone mentioned loveys and fire and it was a whole other kind of trigger for me.


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 3946 | Registered: Sep 2005
momentintime
Member
Member # 16394
Default  Posted: 1:18 AM, April 1st (Tuesday)

When he starts his rants, next time just reply..

Is that all you got?


BS-me FWS - him
D-day 8/04
R'd

"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl


Posts: 2901 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: New York
Tearsoflove
Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, April 1st (Tuesday)

Is that all you got?

While that is a reasonable response to a reasonable person, crickets is best with a narcissist. I can assure you, "that" is never all they got. And they really will cut off their own noses to spite their faces if it means feeling like they won.


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 3946 | Registered: Sep 2005
Tearsoflove
Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, April 1st (Tuesday)

Oops. Double Post.

[This message edited by Tearsoflove at 4:29 PM, April 1st (Tuesday)]


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 3946 | Registered: Sep 2005
Topic Posts: 27