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Just Found Out
User Topic: When do the mental images stop?
stunnedmullet
Member
Member # 42975
Default  Posted: 5:20 AM, April 6th (Sunday)

WH and I are trying to work through this. I truly feel he is being honest with me and I know he is feeling disgusted in himself (which he should). I am doing a lot better than I thought I would but I can't stop the images in my head of them together being intimate, of him laughing with her, telling her he loved her, making plans with her etc. I almost wish I had it all on camera so I knew exactly what happened and exactly what was said. I know I can't keep allowing the thoughts to overtake me so when will it start getting easier?


DD April Fools Day 2014 (unfortunately no joke)

BS (me) 40
WH 38
OW - a friend of WH for 5 years

4 month EA which turned into a 5 month PA

Us together 20 years, married 17 and 6 kids

I always thought I was enough but obviously not!


Posts: 214 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Australia
Badhurt
Member
Member # 41947
Default  Posted: 5:31 AM, April 6th (Sunday)

Stunned
It will take some time. You say he appears to be doing the right things and that you are trying to R or move towards that. Just make sure you use the old saying now , TRUST BUT VERIFY everything . Make sure it does not go underground.
There are some people on here who actually have found movies of the A . Not sure you should wish for that. It can either be helpful or make it worse depending on what you would see. Each BS needs to make their own decision on how much detail they want.
Time is somewhat of a healer. Hope all goes well and that the mind movies recede.

Posts: 1097 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Eastern USA
annb
Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, April 6th (Sunday)

stunnedmullet,

Your D-Day is very recent, a matter of a week or two?

The images will stop, but it is going to take a great deal of time and a great deal of work on the part of your WH to help you feel safe.

Keep in mind he is not trustworthy at this point, his words are meaningless, it will be his consistent actions that will give you some peace in the future and help with the mind movies.


Posts: 7595 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
traicionada
Member
Member # 10310
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, April 6th (Sunday)

As you recover from the aftermath & your spouse proves his trustworthiness, you'll find the images less & less frequent.


Real love is a CHOICE, NOT a feeling...

Posts: 3331 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Dallas, Texas
SoTired011114
New Member
Member # 43014
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, April 6th (Sunday)

((((((((Hugs))))))))))

No advice really as I'm going through the same thing....I'm 3 months out from DDay and even though I still have images in my head everyday they are getting a little less frequent it used to consume my every thought but now it pops up like every hour or two which still seems like a lot but considering everything to me those hours I get thinking about something ele are wonderful!!!......and when I do think about it I just grab up one of my babies and squeeze them or call up a friend.....it usually helps me. So sorry you're going through this


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 3 years, together 6
DDay: 1/11/2014- internet/phone EA
Status: Giving it all we've got.

Posts: 47 | Registered: Apr 2014
krispy47
Member
Member # 42863
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, April 7th (Monday)

I also am struggling with the mental movies. I cannot bring myself to enter the guest room where I found them. On a few nights, I have been unable to sleep in my own room, where I know they had sex at least once. Every red jeep I see set off flashbacks of finding OW's car parked in my driveway.

I have found that keeping busy at work is good for me during the day. In the evenings, letting off steam here or with a friend is a great way to cope. I've also been reading to and playing with my kids more often. The middle of the night mind movies are the hardest. I've been watching alot of Netflix.

Hang in there, stunnedmullet. They say we will be OK.


Me: 47 WH: 48
Married 22 years, 4 kids
DDay: 3/5/14, 7 yr LTA plus rising ONS body count
Status: currently riding the coaster from hell

Posts: 107 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Virginia
August78
New Member
Member # 32757
Default  Posted: 2:27 AM, April 8th (Tuesday)

So glad I could post here. The mental images were by far the WORST part of it. A torture that I couldn't escape from and I felt like no one understood. I felt like if I knew exactly what happened, blow by blow, it would be easier than what my mind could imagine. I constantly found myself quizzing my spouse with the same questions and it practically drove him crazy also, but here's the good news.....

It Doesn't Last Forever.

You Wont Always Feel This Way.

There Will Be A Day When You Don't Think About This At All!

I Promise.

It's been almost 3 years, and I can truly say that it was the worst thing I have ever had to deal with, but now, I don't think about them, or her, at all. It doesn't invade my every waking moment, it doesn't define my life or my marriage. In fact it really feels now like something that happened to someone else, and not me at all.

If he is repentant, you will know by how he acts. And if you both are willing, then by all means, push through this. It took, for me, about a few months until it wasn't on my mind every minute. Then about a year until I only thought about it once or twice a day. A little more time ... once every few weeks, and now very rarely do I think of it, and if so, its more like a fact then a feeling. You will be OK. You will be yourself again. You will be able to help scrape others off the floor someday too, and be thankful that you made it out. Praying for you.


BS me - 32
WS - 36
3 kids
D-Day: 5-24-2011

Posts: 19 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Sacramento, ca
Topic Posts: 7