Just Found Out
User Topic: The park bench
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, April 7th (Monday)

Visiting my parents. I went to the park bench where I proposed to my WW. I took off my wedding ring and set it where she sat when she said Yes. I then sat on the bench and threw the ring into the pond. I sit in my car crying as another piece of my love dies.

I am healing. Today she closed our joint checking account (one dollar balance) and refuses to return text when i asked about it. I want to reach out and tell her what I did, send pictures of the bench. I just know her heart is long gone and she wouldnt feel as sentimental. So i share here. I am okay this is obviously a monster trigger.

I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
Member # 42863
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, April 7th (Monday)

I can feel your pain, and I am so very sorry. Wishing you peace and strength today.

Me: 47 WH: 48
Married 22 years, 4 kids
DDay: 3/5/14, 7 yr LTA plus rising ONS body count
Status: currently riding the coaster from hell

Posts: 107 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Virginia
Member # 42421
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, April 7th (Monday)

(((Justinpaintoday))) I am so sorry.

No advice just support.

I am so disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually start on fire.

BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo

Posts: 544 | Registered: Feb 2014
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, April 7th (Monday)

Sharing can be cathartic. Sending wishes for continual healing.

Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4027 | Registered: Dec 2011
Member # 38606
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, April 7th (Monday)

I hate the triggers. I am still really close to my in-laws. After our divorce, I went to visit them for a week (they live out of state). I slept in the room that we used to share when we would visit. I drove past the stadium where we had our first kiss. Drove past our first apartment. It is all just so hard.


BGF-me (31)-devoted girlfriend
xBF-him (30)-manipulative cheater
One beautiful dd. 14 years together (off and on). Married for 8 years, divorced, then "dating" for 3 more years.

Posts: 115 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 42372
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, April 7th (Monday)

I am so sorry you are in such a dark place right now. As hard as it is though, you need to embrace it and fight through it, you can do it. Take care of YOU, stop worrying about what she's doing or thinking.

Are your parents being supportive? If so, take them out and have a peaceful dinner with them.

Hugs and wishing you sunshine

Posts: 325 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Florida
Member # 40392
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, April 7th (Monday)

Sorry for your pain brother. I wish I had something better to say.

Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 617 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
Member # 41992
Default  Posted: 1:24 PM, April 7th (Monday)

Sending you prayers and support.

BW- me
WH - him
married over 25 years

Posts: 89 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: USA
Member # 41761
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, April 7th (Monday)

Hugs to you. Your post brought tears to my eyes. I can feel your pain in the words you wrote. Just know you are not alone. Sending you some strength today.

Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze...

ME: 31
WBF: 27
Together 7 years
1 doggie
DDay: June 24, 2013
IN R...

Posts: 565 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Member # 42758
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, April 7th (Monday)

I am so sorry....wishing you much strength today. Please know you are not alone.


BS:41 (me)
WH: 41
Kids: DD6
DDay: 12/31/2013
Married 15 years
Separated as of 01/16/2014,now divorcing...WH did not want to reconcile.

You can't rationalize irrational behavior.

Posts: 135 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: North Carolina
Member # 42856
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, April 7th (Monday)

It brought tears to my eyes too, as I read it. Stay strong - don't reach out anymore to her. This is about YOU and your healing now. (((hugs)))

Me - 42
WH - 40
Dday - 3/6/14
Married 5yrs, together 11yrs
Status - Headed towards Divorce

Posts: 332 | Registered: Mar 2014
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, April 7th (Monday)


You know what you did was allowing you to have a fresh start. While I can hear the pain you are feeling in your post I also admire you for having the strength, and the sense to no longer tolerate the disrespect, dishonor, and pain that she was bringing you.

You will heal, you will be stronger, you will be happier. It's hard to believe right now. But it is true. You have chosen to heal.

Now go do something incredibly self indulgent, and if that means going to a local watering hole and playing a few games of golden tee do it!!!

We got your back.

Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8738 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, April 7th (Monday)

Thanks all. That was rough but I needed closure. Make it clear I do not miss the WW of today. The one demonizing me and playing with other men to fill the hole of worthlessness within her.

I miss the one on the bench. The one that died a year and half ago and was replaced by the woman in a Midlife Crisis on steriods. It is hard knowing they look at you with such contempt. One breathe at a time. Tommorrow I go home and see my kids while she will run off to who knows where.

I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, April 7th (Monday)

Justinpain, I very sorry for your pain. Glad you posted here instead of texting her. I too am wondering if your parents/any others are being supportive. SI is here.

Keep posting.

Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2482 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, April 7th (Monday)

My support network is amazing. I have people coming from everywhere to support me so I am a blessed man. Few know of the infidelity, just we are getting a D. That's ok. I have no interest in hurting her or ruining the name of my children's mother.

I just wish she would move out and the D would be over. I hate conflict and have a boatload coming. It is an adversarial process. I continue to pray I will maintain my character through it all.

I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, April 7th (Monday)

Terribly sad and symbolic. I'm so sorry. I did something similar after the death of my brother. That's what this is and you are grieving. Thinking of you brother. Only way to go is up from here.

25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2222 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, April 7th (Monday)

I think these ceremonious moments to give oneself closure, revisit the past and realize the future will be different than you expected can be wonderfully cleansing. Good for you for both taking this moment to say goodbye and for coming here to share instead of telling her. Progress

Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, April 7th (Monday)

I'm so sorry you are in such pain.
Sending good thoughts your way. And strength.

D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
Member # 42971
Default  Posted: 5:26 PM, April 7th (Monday)

justinpaintoday, I am so very sorry for the terrible hurt you are suffering. Infidelity is such a horrible thing - what it does to us is beyond comprehension for anyone who hasn't lived it.

I have to say that I really felt for you when I read that you threw your wedding ring in the pond. I threw my ring in the desert the night of DDay and then my husband's ring the next day. He was pissed but mostly because it was an expensive ring. I told him I was throwing our rings out just like he'd thrown our marriage out. I don't regret it one bit. Sometimes you do the things that make you feel the best - throwing our rings out made me feel better.

Hugs to you and many wishes for your heart to find peace and comfort.

Posts: 71 | Registered: Apr 2014
Member # 42797
Default  Posted: 10:09 PM, April 7th (Monday)

Prayers and support to you.

"Every time I stay out late; every time I sleep in; every time I miss a workout; every time I don't give 100% - I make it that much easier for him to beat me!"
Me: BS & Beautiful!

Posts: 80 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: USA
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, April 7th (Monday)

I'm so sorry. I took my wedding rings off a few weeks ago. It was SO hard. Now I look at my finger and wonder how long that indentation is going to be there.

Good job. That was a huge step and you maed it through.

Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 21