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New Beginnings
User Topic: House advice, please?
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, April 9th (Wednesday)

Here's my current situation: I live in a house that my WXH and my family built. It's a high maintenance log home, in the middle of a huge field. I spend a lot of time maintaining the home and cutting grass in the summer. It has a long driveway that is frequently not passable in the winter.

It's a really nice little house, and I have a lot of equity built up in it. But, it reeks of my WXH. Just reminds me of him.

So, I founds a house that is 3.5 miles from work. I'm currently 35 miles away. It is a 150 year old Victorian that needs a ton of work. It has 6 acres in the middle of a local city. It would have city water and sewage- I currently have neither.
This house is so cool- it oozes character.

If I were to purchase it, I have enough equity to do the renovations AND be mortgage free. However, it is huge. Way more house than I need. There is enough room for a fenced in yard (gotta be concerned about the corgis!)

I am handy, as is my family. I could totally do this, have a gorgeous one of a kind house, and live in a town that is away from WXH and his drama. I have a ton of friends in that town also, and I have committed to this job for at least 5 more years.

Am I totally crazy? What am I missing here?


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7768 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
phmh
Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, April 9th (Wednesday)

Do it!!! I have a 120 year old Victorian and it is so amazing. Every single day I feel so lucky to have this house.

I am also 3 miles from work. Dropping your commute will add almost 5 hours per week to your life. That's 250 hours per year!

Mine is way more house than I need as well. Who cares? Yes! Yes! Yes!!!!!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny


Posts: 3406 | Registered: Dec 2011
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 8:04 PM, April 9th (Wednesday)

OMG. I''m so envious It sounds like a win-win.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20284 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
sheila0304
Member
Member # 25041
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, April 9th (Wednesday)

I think it sounds great. Look before you leap...get a very thorough inspection.

Posts: 1175 | Registered: Aug 2009
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, April 9th (Wednesday)

Scary to contemplate. But it would be so nice to start fresh and have a project.

Since I've cut back on datin, my mind has been wandering- I'm bored.....


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7768 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Chrysalis123
Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 8:40 PM, April 9th (Wednesday)

GO.FOR.IT!!!!!!


Don’t get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well. 

Posts: 2708 | Registered: Jan 2010
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, April 9th (Wednesday)

WM, it sounds perfect for you in every way.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4607 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
risingfromashes
Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, April 9th (Wednesday)

Big enough to have a roommate to help with a little income? Just an idea.
I recently sold my big marital home and moved into an 1861 Village Colonial. I took this risk only because the heating, plumbing and electrical had been updated.
You are not crazy but be very clear about what this house needs before you make an offer.
If it is not in disrepair then I say Go For It!


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1669 | Registered: Mar 2004
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 9:02 PM, April 9th (Wednesday)

A new house project always keeps me occupied. If you can afford it…go for it!!


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4185 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:06 PM, April 9th (Wednesday)

Oh, it's in disrepair, for sure. However, my little bucket of equity will be enough to renovate the way that this house should be done.

One of my friends went with me- she is as enamored as I am.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7768 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, April 9th (Wednesday)

Do it. And please PLEASE blog about the house and all the renovations with lots of pictures.

I'm all about old house reno porn.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25744 | Registered: Aug 2011
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, April 9th (Wednesday)

Do it!!!!!


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8459 | Registered: Apr 2008
gypsybird87
Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, April 9th (Wednesday)

Sometimes things come along that actually don't have a catch. This sounds like one of them.

How would you feel if you drove past the house tomorrow and the sign said SOLD. Devastated?

If your answer is yes, then go for it!!


Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin


Posts: 914 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
Pentup
Member
Member # 20563
Default  Posted: 11:01 PM, April 9th (Wednesday)

That is one of my dreams. I hope you go for it and share lots of pictures!


Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)

Posts: 6605 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
Dreamboat
Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 1:44 AM, April 10th (Thursday)

Is renovating a house something that you will feel "passion" for?

If the answer is yes and IF you feel like you can live in a "half baked" house

And IF you feel like you have the resources to do this (as opposed to being "house poor")

Then do it.

If the answer to any of these questions is No then I personally would not do it.

Regardless, getting out of the marital home, I think, would be a good thing. I say "I think" because I have been stuck in the marital home. I cannot WAIT for DD to graduation HS (in 2015) so I can sell the fucking thing. I hate it and I trigger here. When I sell this house I don't think I will consider a fixer upper because the answer to all 3 questions is a resounding "no"

If it is right for you then do it. Just realistically consider all of the issues involved.


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17687 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
woundedwidow
Member
Member # 36869
Default  Posted: 5:58 AM, April 10th (Thursday)

I'm an old house person myself (87 yr. old bungalow), so my first response would be to go for it. However, I would strongly agree that not only do you need a home inspector, but one who is experienced at inspecting OLD houses - many inspectors are not! Mine was inspected twice before I bought it, and I still just spent a boatload of money to correct old cast iron plumbing connections and re-support the main beam. But, I love the old gal! BTW, if you do buy the house, PM me and I'll send you a link to an amazing web forum for ALL old house lovers, some of whom are nationally known for their restoration work. Good luck on your purchase!


Be careful what you wish for the most - you may get it.

Posts: 396 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: VA
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 7:27 AM, April 10th (Thursday)

OMG, can I squee over a house for you!?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13798 | Registered: Jul 2011
little turtle
Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 7:37 AM, April 10th (Thursday)

Sounds fantastic!!
Pics?


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4205 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
IWantDoOver
Member
Member # 39440
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, April 10th (Thursday)

Way more house than I need.

Ask to see the utility bills before you buy.

Look, it's a buyers market. A new house may be just what you need. But is it this house?

Why not put your log home on the market and take a day or three for your rational brain to think about "a 150 year old Victorian that needs a ton of work."


Peace

Posts: 212 | Registered: Jun 2013
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, April 10th (Thursday)

Go for it!!! You could find a renter for that extra space or AirBnB it.

You can totally be careful about energy use once there--as in meticulously careful!--and can have room to host us SIers plus you will save on gas costs from car commuting.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Newlease
Member
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, April 10th (Thursday)

Have you ever lived in a reno? I have and it was dreadful. I don't do mess and clutter very well.

My idea of heaven would be a move-in home in a good area for future selling. Your job is for 5 years, what will you do after that? Are you planning to stay in that area? Will you need to be able to sell your home if you need to move?

The Victorian, while it sounds wonderful, might be a long term investment. It would take a specific buyer to sell that house. If you are comfortable with that, then go for it.

Just be sure your eyes are wide open when going into this.

NL


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7742 | Registered: Aug 2005
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, April 10th (Thursday)

Well,.... I have not lived though a Reno, but I lived in my basement while we built our house and survived it. It was me, wxh, and 2 dogs living in 600 square feet for 2 years. While I worked full time and went to school full time.

I have 3 buyers for my home right now. All 3 have said "when you're ready to sell, don't list it - call me". One of them will pay cash. I know this.

My job is for at least 5 years-longer if I desire, and the company is still in business.

Today, I sent an email to the realtor asking for the gas bills for this winter- that has to be the worst case scenario. I also asked if the bank was accepting offers. Now way am I paying the list price for it.

So, we'll see.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7768 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Helen of Troy
Member
Member # 26419
Default  Posted: 6:11 PM, April 10th (Thursday)

I say move out and sell marital home, but keep looking around first. There might be another place for you that's an even better fit.

I'm in marital home too for about another year.
It will feel so good if this house sells quickly for fair price and can get the heck out of here.


Posts: 4715 | Registered: Dec 2009
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, April 10th (Thursday)

Ah, that's the thing. I've been looking for about 4 years. I had a full price offer in 2009 , and just couldn't do it because I couldn't find anything that I like.

So, this has been a long time coming.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7768 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
imwideawake
Member
Member # 23386
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, April 10th (Thursday)

Schedule home inspection and if its ok, go for it!, sounds lovely!


Together 17 years.
Married 15
Me: BW, now 44
Him WH
dday 9/08
3 daughters, now 19, 17, & 15
Divorced 12/04/12

Posts: 894 | Registered: Mar 2009
sunsetslost
Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, April 10th (Thursday)

Just get a thorough inspection. I left STBX a 104 year old house. Over time the flaws became more apparent to me. I'm going condo style. The guys at work are starting to complain about spring yard work. I don't miss it one bit


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 773 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
cayc
Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 9:52 PM, April 10th (Thursday)

I''d definitely like to see you less isolated in your living situation so I really hope this works out for you!


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3122 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, April 10th (Thursday)

I'd definitely like to see you less isolated in your living situation so I really hope this works out for you!

I feel the same way.

If you buy it please post pics. It's my dream to do that.

Good luck,
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5267 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Rainbows
Member
Member # 39362
Default  Posted: 11:21 PM, April 10th (Thursday)

This sounds so exciting. I hope everything falls into place easily for you!


There is always a rainbow after every storm.

Posts: 411 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
Bebba1171
Member
Member # 33857
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, April 11th (Friday)

I love the house you are in, but can't blame you for moving closer to your work.

Only thing I will mandate is that the corgi's come first in anything you do!


Divorced by Interlocutory decree in May 2012. WW had an affair with a 66 yo doctor she worked for.
D-Day Sept 16. 2011.
BH- 52 (Me) / XWW 50 - ages back in 2011
Two great kids that don't deserve this!

Posts: 727 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: USA
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, April 11th (Friday)

Bebba- The corgis being my first priority are part of what makes me so delightful!


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7768 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
IWantDoOver
Member
Member # 39440
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, April 11th (Friday)

You must do what's best for you.

My concern?

It's a high maintenance log home, in the middle of a huge field. I spend a lot of time maintaining the home and cutting grass in the summer.

Renovations are nothing but maintenance and time-intensive.

I have enough equity to do the renovations ... I am handy, as is my family.

Are you going to do the work yourself, or subcontract? Ask your family before you assume "all hands on deck."

I have 3 buyers for my home right now. All 3 have said "when you're ready to sell, don't list it - call me". One of them will pay cash. I know this.

Very, very fortunate!

All my best on this New Beginnings adventure.


Peace

Posts: 212 | Registered: Jun 2013
Rebreather
Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, April 11th (Friday)

I think it sounds awesome and you should go for it. Sometimes I pretend dream I didn't reconcile and fix up houses in my mind that I see for sale, just for me.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6549 | Registered: Jan 2011
gypsybird87
Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, April 29th (Tuesday)

Pssst....

Hey williesmom, just wondering if you made a decision on this yet? It sounded so exciting!


Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin


Posts: 914 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, April 29th (Tuesday)

I'm sill pursuing it. My realtor has contacted the lenders, asking to negotiate on their behalf. He has only heard from one of the lenders, and sent a second request to the other lender.

Since it's a short sale, this process could take a while.....


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7768 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
gypsybird87
Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, April 30th (Wednesday)

Fingers crossed for you! Keep us posted.


Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin


Posts: 914 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, April 30th (Wednesday)

I grew up in a reno - and its something you get used to. We redid our nearly 100 year old log home room by room as a kid. I learned invaluable skills doing so as well. Woodworking, Tile, Drywalling etc. The two rooms that you can't live without for very long are of course the kitchen, and bath with a shower. We spent a summer showering in the middle of the basement while we redid the main bath. My dad still showers down there, lol.

Anyway it sounds like an awesome opportunity. Could you do it with the intention of turning it into a B&B, to sell when the 5 year contract is up? Just a thought.

I would definitely get out of the old house with the old memories, and stench of old things.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8709 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, April 30th (Wednesday)

Woohoo! Excited for you! Hope it all works out.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
risingfromashes
Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, April 30th (Wednesday)

Short sales can drag on but I have seen them workout.
Sending you positive energy!


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1669 | Registered: Mar 2004
TheAgonyOfIt
Member
Member # 39114
Default  Posted: 1:05 AM, May 2nd (Friday)

hi there Williesmom,

wow, it sounds great.

i am currently in the process of selling a home that is way too big for my needs...

and it's a monster of a task.

the house was too big, too "heavy" and sucked too much energy out of me. it wound up being a burden.

not that that would happen to you. financially you seem to have less to worry about, but unless you absolutely love love love being married to "taking care" of a house, an inanimate object, however beautiful, and renovating, it may turn out to be a weight.

everyone here is so positive about "following dreams" and yes, of course. however, there is (pretty much always) a flip side, and i'm kinda living it so thought i'd post!

Hope it works out for you!!!


Me BS 49, ExWS: narcissist! Jekyll Hyde. Left in secret early July, moved states. Now homeless but getting it together. Necessary but difficult(!) transition! Sad sad sad but hopeful.

Posts: 554 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: theagonyofit
Topic Posts: 40