New Beginnings
User Topic: BF - Children's B-days
Member # 24210
Question  Posted: 9:14 AM, April 16th (Wednesday)

I have been dating someone since Jan. I have met his children but have not spent a lot of time with them due to newness of our relationship (taking it slow, etc).

All their bdays are within the month. I will not see any of them on their bdays (we live about 45 mins apart). Should I acknowledge their birthdays and if so, what is appropriate?

I do not want to go overboard (or underboard) but I do realize I am setting precedent here.

Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.

Posts: 2185 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Member # 32693
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, April 16th (Wednesday)

How old are the kids?

Her-Unremorseful, Wayward ex wife
Me-No longer a betrayed husband

Happily remarried.

"You are what you do. A man is defined by his actions, not his memory." - Kuato in Total Recall

Posts: 598 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: between Oz and Wonderland
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, April 16th (Wednesday)

My gut reaction is no. Or, maybe the next time you are spending time with them, offer to buy ice-cream or something as a birthday treat?

Next year, after you've been together a year or more?? Sure! Acknowledge away...

me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings

Posts: 4186 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 11:27 AM, April 16th (Wednesday)

They are turning 9 and 15. Part of me thinks give they something small to acknowledge it....other part thinks to let it go since it is still new? IDK - I will see them both this weekend (Dead center between both of their bdays).

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 11:28 AM, April 16th (Wednesday)]

Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.

Posts: 2185 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Member # 39847
Default  Posted: 11:06 PM, April 16th (Wednesday)

I would get them something small as a token of recognizing it. I'd find it awkward not to acknowledge their birthday - sort of the elephant in the room.

Whatever you do, make sure it is about them and not you. There is nothing worse than their father calling them over because "EvenKeel wants to talk to you". "Now kids, what do we say to EvenKeel? How about a thank you?!". "Boy kids, isn't EvenKeel great for remembering your birthday?"

Yeah Dad... She's amazing and it's clearly all about her...

BS: Me (30s)
WW: Her (30s)
10 year marriage with 2 small children.
Status: Divorced.
DDay: May 2013

Posts: 55 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: RavenWood
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 11:52 PM, April 16th (Wednesday)

I'm with RavenWood - I think it would be nice to acknowledge their birthdays with something small but nothing overboard. Maybe a Target gift card? Or treat them to pizza or a movie they've been wanting to see?

Gah, I don't know. I'm not very good at this either.

Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15417 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 12:48 AM, April 17th (Thursday)

Nothing. Too soon.

BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9188 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, April 17th (Thursday)

Ask their dad what he thinks would be best. Would a small gift be okay, or is it too soon? Then do what he suggests. Every family is don't have to figure out the rules, you can ask.

DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52

Posts: 3216 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, April 17th (Thursday)

I was thinking card and iTunes gift card, if anything.

You won't be spending their birthday with them though, will you? It seems early to be joining the family festivities.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13811 | Registered: Jul 2011
Topic Posts: 9