This is an interesting topic, and something I am struggling with.
I have friends, and my IC that try to get me to see that I need to treat myself better. That loving the self is the basis for self esteem, and lack of self esteem is what really lead me to where I am.
I bristle at the words when someone tells me that I have to forgive myself, but at the same time I understand that at some point I have to in order to really move forward. Understanding and doing it are so far apart at this point though.
Just like I need to have compassion for myself as a child who developed these un-heathly coping skills in the first place, compassion for my family that help form my FOO, I think I will also have to have compassion for myself who made horrible choices in my adult life. If I don't I am afraid I will always be stuck in my guilt, not able to truly love myself.
I do feel like there is a difference between compassion, forgiveness, and just forgetting about it.
But that I am a cheater for life in the same way an alcoholic is an alcoholic for life whether they ever drink again or not.
This is where I differ. I do not look at myself as a cheater for life. I will not let what I did define me in the future. I understand what you are saying, but I feel words have power, and to say that I am a 'cheater for life' is too negative of a definition. KWIM? Words like always, never, and for life are too power of a sentence to put onto myself, and I will not do it.
Me: fWH/BH 46
Separated transitioning to D