User Topic: Update on "I'm having a hard time keeping it together..."
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 5:24 AM, April 18th (Friday)

To pinkyxo, PurpleRose and Tesla,
I did not thank you properly on my previous thread and want to do so now. Thank you so much for listening and for the hugs!!

Update: My son almost committed suicide today. He walked away from the school and was about to jump off the bridge which is an overpass to the main freeway. He wrote a suicide note in his iPhone. Then thank God he called the suicide hotline who then called me.

He is in the psych unit. Because he is 15, I had to inform stbx which I did when I got home via email. I am praying that stbx does not make this situation harder for my son or me.

When it rains, it pours.

Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2297 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 5:31 AM, April 18th (Friday)

Oh honey- I am so sorry.

I hope he can get the help he needs to work through his pain. :( I cannot even image how scary that must be for you. Sending love and strength...

divorced the Dooosh
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.

Posts: 3628 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 5:32 AM, April 18th (Friday)

I'm sorry dmari. This is so hard. Just be ready for your ex making this about himself. Think ahead to how you want to respond if he does.


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 765 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 5:51 AM, April 18th (Friday)

PurpleRose: thank you again. I pray that he will get the help he so desperately is screaming for too.

kg201: Thank you so much for your kindness. Just be ready for your ex making this about himself. Think ahead to how you want to respond if he does. I haven't thought of how to respond ... I'm kinda just praying he doesn't do anything to make it worse.

Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2297 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 5:51 AM, April 18th (Friday)


I am soooooooo glad he called. Thank goodness he reached out so people, especially you can help.

I hope and pray your X is not ass about this. The good news is the pysch people can keep him away if he upsets your son too much.

How are you? I know your DS is the #1 priority but you were already having it tough. Do you have any IRL support helping you right now? Its OK to take a moment and not keep it together. You're going through a lot.

Lots of ((((dmari)))) healing thoughts for all of you.

But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler

Posts: 8489 | Registered: Apr 2008
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:52 AM, April 18th (Friday)

((dmari & DS))

I just can't imagine. My mamma heart breaks with yours.

I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5651 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 6:18 AM, April 18th (Friday)


I am so, so sorry. I've sent you a PM.

One hour at a time at this point. Sleep. Eat. DS is in a safe place.

Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, April 18th (Friday)

How awful for your DS and for you, I am so sorry! Try and lean on someone IRL and be good to yourself. It's a heavy burden to fear for your child. Sending you some strength and peace.

Having such a loving and dependable mom who he knows he can trust must really help him at this time, I hope you can take some pride in that.

(((((Dmari DS))))

Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4203 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Member # 42096
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, April 18th (Friday)

Sending hugs and prayers your way...

"But stand still is all I did
Love like ours is never fixed
Still I stuck around
I did behave
I saved you every time
I was a fool for love
I was a fool for love"

Posts: 294 | Registered: Jan 2014
Member # 42777
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, April 18th (Friday)

This is awful and just another example the ripple effects divorce has on families. My prayers for peace and comfort to you and your family. I also pray your ex does not respond in a manner described on this post. In times like these, the hope is everyone distinguishes what is happening and compassion and empathy and love lead the way. Please keep us posted.

[This message edited by Caretaker1 at 8:46 AM, April 18th (Friday)]

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2014
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, April 18th (Friday)

((((Dmari and son))))))

Don’t get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well. 

Posts: 2770 | Registered: Jan 2010
Member # 38271
Default  Posted: 9:00 AM, April 18th (Friday)

((( damari))) my heart is breaking for you.

I will keep your son and your family in my prayers.
Tough week at SI!


"The Secret of Change is to focus all your energy - not on fighting the old, but on building the new" ~~Lori Greiner FB post~~

Posts: 529 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Member # 27275
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, April 18th (Friday)

That is so awful.

I am so glad it had the better outcome!!

Please take care dmari and son.

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's
better to leave them broken than to hurt
yourself putting it back together.

Posts: 3115 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Canada
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, April 18th (Friday)

Oh Dmari, I'm so sorry. I hope the hospital is able to help him, and I hope he is strong enough to ask them to keep his dad out if in your son's mind he is one of the major stressors. May you all get the help you need.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.

Posts: 5573 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
Getting to Happy
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, April 18th (Friday)

((((((Dmari & DS)))))))

WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.

Posts: 1144 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, April 18th (Friday)

{{{dmari and littles}}}

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

Posts: 8181 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
New Member
Member # 43095
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, April 18th (Friday)

((dmari & ds)) I'm so sorry to read this. Thank God he reached out for help.
Sending you strength and continued prayers.

One foot in front of the other

Posts: 30 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Florida :)
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, April 18th (Friday)

Oh, honey. ((((((dmari & ds))))))) I'm so very glad he reached out and called the hotline. Poor guy must be in a lot of pain to have considered suicide. He is in the best possible place to get help, and the hospital may have support services available for you and your family as well. Something to consider. I know the social worker at the psych unit my DD was admitted to was a great help for us.

Sending you strength, hon. When it pours, you really need to focus on taking care of yourself. Eat. Sleep. Water. Hang in there.

You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 26075 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, April 18th (Friday)


I hope he has landed in a good place and that you are able to take a moment to fall apart. Super huge hugs and support.

It takes so much energy to hold it together...

Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5904 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Member # 41631
Default  Posted: 11:48 AM, April 18th (Friday)

((dmari and DS))

Me: 35
2 amazing kids DS DD
almost Divorced!

Posts: 286 | Registered: Dec 2013
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, April 18th (Friday)

(((dmari & son))))

me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."

Posts: 2611 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, April 18th (Friday)

(((((dmari & DS)))))

Posts: 36391 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, April 18th (Friday)

(((dmari & son)))

I'm so glad your son is safe.

Posts: 11791 | Registered: Mar 2008
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, April 18th (Friday)

Oh no! Thank goodness he called the hotline and he's somewhere safe where he can get what he needs.

Fuck what your ex's response to you might be. I'd just make sure that he has the hospital contact info he needs to get involved if he chooses.

I wish I could swing by tonight, make you a little dinner, clean your house, and take care of whatever else you need so you can attend to your kiddos.
(((((((dmari, DD, and DS))))))

[This message edited by tesla at 4:26 PM, April 18th (Friday)]

"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4726 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, April 18th (Friday)

(((((dmari and DS)))))

BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2878 | Registered: Jan 2011
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 6:51 PM, April 18th (Friday)

Thank God that he reached out. (((hugs)))

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 5063 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
New Member
Member # 40882
Default  Posted: 7:30 AM, April 19th (Saturday)

Strength to you and your son, dmari. Hugs too.

"The liar's punishment is, not in the least that she is not believed, but that she cannot believe anyone else." -- George B. Shaw

Posts: 46 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: coldshot
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, April 19th (Saturday)

Thinking of you and your family dmari. Please update us when you are able.


[This message edited by nekorb at 12:17 PM, April 19th (Saturday)]

Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 29183
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, April 19th (Saturday)

Oh dmari, I'm so sorry!!! Praying for you and your son. Much love to you.

3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know."
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011

Posts: 2529 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: A better place
Member # 32962
Default  Posted: 4:46 PM, April 19th (Saturday)

Oh my goodness I am so sorry. Take care of you and DS and FTG!

-betrayed almost my whole almost 15 yr marriage
-divorced since 2004

Posts: 883 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 41181
Default  Posted: 11:57 PM, April 19th (Saturday)

So thankful for the Hotline! Much strength & support coming your way!

Boss A** B*tch
BS/52 Me, STBXpos/56, dd's 16&14
1st D-day 10/19/2013 EA/PA
2nd D-day 12/7/2013 LTA/Rendezvous
S 12/7/2013 No-fault state, 6 mo S, counting down the days.

Posts: 1271 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: DE
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 4:14 AM, April 20th (Sunday)

Oh Dmari, this must be so hard. Thank God your son reached out for help. ((Dmari & Son)) I hope he finds the help he needs.

"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1374 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, April 20th (Sunday)

Dmari my heart aches for you. I have been through something similar and it just takes your breath away. There is no fear like it. Hugs to you as you find your way forward in healing both of you.

40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller

Posts: 638 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, April 20th (Sunday)

It is so thoughtful for so many of you to reach out to me and my children during this time. I am speechless. The virtual hugs and thoughts have lifted me in a way I can't describe. Thank you! I'm going to post an update on my son as a new topic. I have felt so much love and hope from this forum! Thank you!

Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2297 | Registered: Oct 2012
Topic Posts: 34