SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Posting Here Instead of Reaching to Her
DepressedDaddy
Member
Member # 41521
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, April 19th (Saturday)

I just need to post something here. I have picked up my phone at least 3 times in the last few minutes, because I just want to talk to my STBXWW. I want to hear her voice. I want to experience her again. I want to rehash all of those feelings with her. Why did she do this? Why does she believe this OM is going to be better for her? What happens if/when she realizes the mistake she is making? Why is she doing this to our family?

I am so torn. I almost want to talk with her and get her to turn back to me, but at the same time I don't want her to come back. In a way, I would love to just call off this whole divorce thing. I don't want to be a plan B though. I don't want to be used the way that I have been. I don't want to be hurt anymore.

I know it is just hard right now, but as with all of us, a piece of my heart has been permanently damaged. I just can't understand how she made a decision like this. I read some of the posts from the WSes out there on the wayward forum. Why couldn't my wife feel like some of those and do anything to get their BSes back?

Phew. I got all that out. I feel better now.


Since D I have become DDaddy 2.0 - or better known as DevotedDaddy

“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so."


Posts: 768 | Registered: Dec 2013
Merlin
Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, April 19th (Saturday)

Stay away from her.

If she is to get anything in her head straight, it will be because you are giving her the gift of missing you.

Stay 180 degrees from her, using all the love, energy and effort you put into her making yourself better, stronger.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
yestopants
Member
Member # 41631
Default  Posted: 4:23 PM, April 19th (Saturday)

You can do this! The only person who will get hurt if you reach out to her is YOU. It is so very cruel to be treated this way. It is not normal and you deserve way way better! Keep strong. 180

I talked to WH today. I was hungry. I got a bowl full of crazy and now I am starving. It won't fill you up they have no nutritional value.


Me: 35
STBXWH: 38
2 amazing kids DS DD
almost Divorced!

Posts: 282 | Registered: Dec 2013
DepressedDaddy
Member
Member # 41521
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, April 19th (Saturday)

This made me laugh yestopants! I needed that.

I talked to WH today. I was hungry. I got a bowl full of crazy and now I am starving. It won't fill you up they have no nutritional value.


Since D I have become DDaddy 2.0 - or better known as DevotedDaddy

“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so."


Posts: 768 | Registered: Dec 2013
Gemini71
Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 4:46 PM, April 19th (Saturday)

I'm so sorry to tell you, but the wife you knew is dead. Her evil twin has taken her place. All this evil twin can do is remind you of the wife you lost. She is incapable of taking her place.

It's fine to mourn what you lost, but you can never get what you had back. Even if your WW were to see the light, you would have to build something new with her.

The marriage as you knew it is dead. I found it helpful to have my own personal wake/memorial. Rituals help us to channel emotions in order to move onward. It's the closing of a chapter in your life. In some ways you sound reluctant to do this. Sometimes holding on to hope can only hurt you. Good luck.

ETA:

You did the right thing posing here instead of calling her. Keep up the good work.

[This message edited by Gemini71 at 4:48 PM, April 19th (Saturday)]


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1797 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
DepressedDaddy
Member
Member # 41521
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, April 19th (Saturday)

@Gemini - I still do have a little bit of reluctance in my heart, but it is in process of leaving. My logical mind is gone, but my heart is about 10 paces behind. We tried hard for R for over 4 months. She just couldn't get there. We are just a little over a week, since I asked for D. I look at where I was on that day to today and there is so much growth in myself. That gives me a ton of hope. I'm just normal and have these little blips on some days.


Since D I have become DDaddy 2.0 - or better known as DevotedDaddy

“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so."


Posts: 768 | Registered: Dec 2013
Klove
Member
Member # 42096
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, April 19th (Saturday)

Blips 1 week out is totally normal-but good for you for sticking to 180 and posting here!
One thing I've learned about my heart is SHE IS FOOLISH! And pure and giving and not worth giving to a wayward. My brain, however, is much more reliable right now. It's taken 2 mos, but I don't cry nearly as much as I did at your stage- not even every day anymore! Maybe every few days and it's just tearing up- not bawling.
You'll get there to. The nc helps.


"But stand still is all I did
Love like ours is never fixed
Still I stuck around
I did behave
I saved you every time
I was a fool for love
I was a fool for love"

Posts: 294 | Registered: Jan 2014
Abbondad
Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, April 19th (Saturday)

Good that you posted here instead, DD. Many were the times I did not and instead tried--yet again--to reach out, to hope, to bring her back to reality, back to me and to our family. It never ever worked and I always was plunged back into hell.

Let the emotional craving pass. Battle it if you need to. Scream. Hit something. Cry. Your emotions are your enemy for now. It gets a tiny bit easier each time you win the battle within yourself and you will heal a tiny bit more each time.

Strength.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1622 | Registered: Dec 2012
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, April 19th (Saturday)

Don't talk to her. Her answer doesn't matter because it won't be the truth. She isn't who you thought she was- they person you married is gone.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7697 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
yestopants
Member
Member # 41631
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, April 19th (Saturday)

making you laugh made me smile


Me: 35
STBXWH: 38
2 amazing kids DS DD
almost Divorced!

Posts: 282 | Registered: Dec 2013
Chrysalis123
Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, April 19th (Saturday)

(((((DepressedDaddy))))


Don’t get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well. 

Posts: 2683 | Registered: Jan 2010
freeatlast72
Member
Member # 42758
Default  Posted: 6:11 PM, April 19th (Saturday)

((DD))

So proud of you for posting here instead of calling her. You are still so raw and fresh with these emotions. I was still in denial and shock at your point after Dday.

Keep posting- we are here for you!



BS:41 (me)
WH: 41
Kids: DD6
DDay: 12/31/2013
Married 15 years
Separated as of 01/16/2014,now divorcing...WH did not want to reconcile.

You can't rationalize irrational behavior.


Posts: 135 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: North Carolina
Topic Posts: 12