SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
General
User Topic: Ws dislikes me on this site !!
Hurtgmw
New Member
Member # 42833
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, April 20th (Sunday)

I come here because it helps. It may make me feel hurt at times, bring it all back ( not that the pain ever goes, it just hides) but sometimes it makes me feel a title better.

He has just told me to come off here. I told him NO. I have no one to talk to, this is my only way I can communicate and put my feelings down.

He wants to move on ans forget all he has done. It's not so bloody easy for me sadly.


Dday 19th feb 2014
P on swinging site.
Trying to R. still love the SOB.

Posts: 37 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Wales
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, April 20th (Sunday)

He has no right to tell you what you need to do to heal.

He needs to start fixing himself.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3822 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Chicky
Member
Member # 18622
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, April 20th (Sunday)

You wouldn't be here if it weren't for HIM. Tell him that! (((Hurtgmw)))


Half of the truth is a WHOLE lie.

Posts: 550 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Somewhere Over The Rainbow
kansas1968
Member
Member # 32214
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, April 20th (Sunday)

It is not unusual for a WS to feel threatened by this site, especially if they are not owning up to their betrayal and want to "rug sweep." I don't know your story because you have nothing in your profile, but it sounds like your WS is not showing remorse and is still thinking more about himself than you.

This site will help you a great deal, no matter what the outcome of your marriage is. You need to be able to talk to people who know what you are feeling. We have all felt the kind of pain and confusion that you are feeling now.

Read the articles in the healing library on this site. There are lots of really good books out there to help you. Don't let him bully you. He did this to you and you need to heal how ever you can, with or without him.

If he is serious about saving his marriage, he will get on board with what he has to do to win back your trust. Hugs, and KEEP POSING!


Me - BS
Him - FWS
DD - December 14, 2010
Married 43 years 1/14/2011
Affair lasted 7+ years
Affair had been over for 2 years before I found out. OW sent me a letter.

Posts: 1314 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Kansas
Raspberry
Member
Member # 42853
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, April 20th (Sunday)

Ridiculous. Tell him to go scratch... you wouldn't be here if it wasn't for his actions so he has to deal with that like you're dealing with his crap. :( hugs

Posts: 135 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Raspberry
somanyyears
Member
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, April 20th (Sunday)


..sounds like a 'bully'..

..don't back down. You deserve to have the help and support of this site..

..your WH should shut his mouth and open his eyes to the damage he's done.. maybe read here himself to get him out of his fog.. that "just get over it and let's get back to normal" type fog..

..you've found a safe place here, with lots to learn and process.. sorry you are here but it's the best 'worst' club to join.

..take care of yourself and keep posting!

smy


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4125 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, April 20th (Sunday)

We hear this quite often from unremorseful WS's who want to rugsweep.


FWH was like this for a long time. He eventually came around..or gave in. This is MY safe place. If he won't talk to me..you all will.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7489 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
HFSSC
Member
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, April 20th (Sunday)

I would tell him you didn't particularly like him swinging and having sex with multiple other people, but that he didn't consult you or consider your opinion about it. And then I would probably tell him to go f*** himself.


Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2747 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
dailyflowers
Member
Member # 34210
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, April 20th (Sunday)

mine doesn't like it either. he says it makes me make what he did "bigger than it is"

cuz, you know, that whole atomic bomb he set off in the midst of our "happily ever after" wasn't *really* that big.

don't leave, post often. even when I wasn't posting and just lurking after I joined, I got lots of help by reading others' stories and how they were handling similar situations

((((hurtgmw)))


eesh-- what an 'effing mess!!!

Posts: 502 | Registered: Dec 2011
BaxtersBFF
Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, April 20th (Sunday)

Tell him to take a bit to read some of the stuff in the Wayward forum. It doesn't sound like he is anywhere near being ready to hear anything from us, but that would be his "home" if he were to ever look at SI.

Do what YOU need to do to make it through this for YOURSELF.


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6099 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
Merlin
Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 8:30 PM, April 20th (Sunday)

Since he is the reason you found SI, he needs to deal with that don't you think?


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
sodamnlost
Member
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, April 20th (Sunday)

Ditto on the non-remorseful rug sweeping as the "why" behind his feelings. SAWH was like that rather bad during our 15 month false R. You do what YOU need to!

Having said that, I have noticed I need breaks from the boards at times. Sometimes, it makes things worse but not usually.


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 766 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
standinghere
Member
Member # 34689
Default  Posted: 12:26 AM, April 21st (Monday)

Yeah, I started reading here long before my wife's affair and the near destruction of my family was caused by my addiction go this site!!!!

NOT!!!

If my wife said something like that I'd remind her in explicit detail what led me to discover that this type of support group existed.


BH - Me - Late 30's (now late 40's)
WW - Her - Late 30's (now late 40's)
4 Children
Her - Love of my life...still is.
Reconciled - Partly...she can't get over it.
Her - Thunderstruck by what she did.

Posts: 999 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: USA
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 1:10 AM, April 21st (Monday)

Why, because you will get stronger, wiser, have friends validate your feelings, cry with you, laugh with you, advise you?? Yea tough shit for him. Do you recall him asking if it was ok to go on his site of choice. Don't let him bully you. I'm sure he would like you to just put it in the past but that can't happen if he's not not willing to help you do all of the above that you get here.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5066 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, April 21st (Monday)

((((Hurtgmw))))

This is BS, and he knows it. He just wants you to shut up and rug sweep the whole thing.
That doesn't work. All that will do is demoralize you, tear down your self esteem, and allow him to repeat his actions.

I disagree with telling him to join/read here. When a spouse is still so foggy you need to protect yourself. I used this place as my safe place to talk, cry, and find strength. It is because of this place I knew what to do when I was ready, and guess what, It worked.

H came later when he was out of the fog, he read some, but I do not believed he ever joined. That's ok. He knows I still check in just about every day. He also is cool with that. Because he gets it. He gets that I can offer something to folks that are hurting so bad they aren't even sure if they can make it through the next 4 breaths.

Tell him to go get bent. Seriously. Stand up and tell him he needs to understand he has destroyed your life and your world. You don't trust him, and until he can prove his worth, he doesn't get ANY say in how you choose to live your life.

((((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8594 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Losconang15
Member
Member # 42544
Default  Posted: 7:39 AM, April 21st (Monday)

My WH and I were talking about this just yesterday. I'm on this site as well as reading currently "not just friends". He also told me he didn't see the point for me to be doing all that because he feels it keeps me from moving forward and it's just making me relive it all. I told him on the contrary, it's helping me understand all the emotions I'm dealing with as well as trying to understand the mentality of not only me but him as well. I'm one that needs to have all the information on why things happen and how and because of what etc. more of the mentality aspect in general and not just from my WH. It's my way of having some kind of control and understanding which in turns helps me and that's currently what matters. He said be understands, he has never told me to never go on this site but I know he's not too fond of it either. Oh well. I'm the one that needs to function so "OH WELL!" :)


Together - 14 years
Married - 7 years
DDay- Jan 15, 2014. WH had EA/PA

Hopeful reconciliation.


Posts: 76 | Registered: Feb 2014
LovelyDaffodils
Member
Member # 42822
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, April 21st (Monday)

Mine isn't crazy about it either. He acts like I am overgeneralizing our situation from what I read here. Says that he is "different" Funny to me because all the moves he is making are text book WS who are slow "getting it" And he doesn't realize I have the play book (SI) he doesn't have and he is following it to a "T" without even knowing it...

He does understand that I get help from it, by knowing I'm not alone and crazy. He's just defensive when I mention what a WS who wants to R should be.


BS me 49
WS 42
OW easy NSA he says he told he was single
9 mo A
DDay 1/3/14
TT 2 wks later
still waiting for the rest
Married 11 yrs
Together 20
In house S, Divorcing

Posts: 74 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Southeast US
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 9:43 AM, April 21st (Monday)

Yep. Unremorseful waywards loathe this site. The sad clown called it a hate site. Posted something about when will she get over it and got a VERY gentle 2x4 challenging some of his thinking.

Boy did he go on an OTT rage about it. He would never have dared try to dictate where I could or couldn't post but he was very vocal about blaming SI for all of struggles we had.

They don't like us having a backbone - they prefer us scared and alone. Dependant. SI also makes rugsweeping very difficult.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5576 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
sisoon
Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, April 21st (Monday)

Our MC didn't like my being here at first, either - until she checked it out herself. Just sayin'....


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10166 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Itstoohard
Member
Member # 37629
Default  Posted: 7:50 PM, April 21st (Monday)

Same here. He said I was just looking for more negative things about him. Hello! You have ripped my world and been a SOB while doing so. Rug sweeping is his middle name.


BS 64
fWH 64
PA 22 yrs ago
Started as EA for 2 yrs then ONS CORRECTION Started as an EA for 8 years
Trustismyissue

Posts: 180 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: US
hobbeskat
Member
Member # 38805
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, April 21st (Monday)

Mine does too, mostly because of me needing to post on it reminds him of what he did. He can shove it up his hole, I'll read and post as much as I want to.

Posts: 308 | Registered: Mar 2013
TICKED OFF
Member
Member # 8291
Default  Posted: 8:28 PM, April 21st (Monday)

My h to this very day (10 years past now) HATES this site.
H says that this site is useless and that everyone on here is nuts and has nothing better to do with their life other than to remain miserable while listening to all the other losers My answer is always the same……I would not be on this site if it had not been for his a with our neighbor. It seems to shut him up if just for a little while. H only hates this site for one reason……that is because he would rather it all just go away than to come face to face with it and tell the honest truth for once.

I used to hide the fact that I would be here with SI, now I could care less if he sees me on it or not.

[This message edited by TICKED OFF at 11:14 PM, April 21st (Monday)]


Posts: 2445 | Registered: Sep 2005
Flourgirl
Member
Member # 40937
Default  Posted: 12:46 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday)

Add my WH to the haters club. He thinks I pain shop here. Really because I see a reflection of my pain in others. The pain he caused. Nope I have gotten some really great advice here. I have also caught him in lies because of what I read here. I'm sure he is afraid of me being stronger. I take breaks but I will never stop coming. You all are like air to me. I need to see I'm not crazy.


BS me 39
WH him 40
Dd 7/1/13. TT 7/22/13
SAHM with 4 wonderful kids

Posts: 190 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Kansas City
cantaccept
Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 5:27 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday)

My stbxwh also hated this site and any reading that I did.

He would tell me that I was filling my head with garbage and couldn't see what was really happening in real life.

He actually was right in a bizarre way, he was cheating again and I didn't see it!

I would not have survived this without SI, I have received more support and compassion from the wonderful people here than I ever did from him. It helped keep me sane.

Do what you need to do for yourself, to keep you sane, to help you heal.


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

Divorced 8/5/14


Posts: 1361 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
TICKED OFF
Member
Member # 8291
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday)

"cantaccept"…..EXACTLY what my h says over and over again. That this site does me no good because it fills my head with garbage from a bunch of losers who make it impossible for us to move on in our marriage.

EXCUSE ME…….what made this marriage a joke was when he decided to unzip his pants for our friend/neighbor/his best friend's wife. Then add to it that the little whore and her h still live 2 houses down 10 years later. THAT MY DEAR H is what makes it impossible for us to have the marriage we could have had. Throw in all the lies and stories I have had to hear over the years instead of the honest truth, and there you go. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME BEING ON THIS SITE. Me being on this site just makes him have to smell the stench that he cooked up.

[This message edited by TICKED OFF at 5:16 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday)]


Posts: 2445 | Registered: Sep 2005
Topic Posts: 25