User Topic: Moderators and Admin
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, April 21st (Monday)

There is a topic on here where a Moderator has been taken to task. I can say without a doubt that they are fair and honest and really do put us first. I have had first hand assistance from these people and they have been kind but firm. I was not very nice to them but in spite of it all, they gave me a second chance. I want everyone to know how much I appreciate them. They are here for me, for us and they do an outstanding job. Thank you guys. You really are The Best!!!

And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!

Posts: 1325 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, April 21st (Monday)

Yes, they are the best. I am grateful everyday for them and this site. I can not say "Thank you!" enough. Yes, I have had to be reminded of guidelines on numerous occasions. They were nothing but kind and firm. Oh, yeah, and patient. Very patient.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Admins, Mods, and Guides)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))0

BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson

Posts: 9801 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, April 21st (Monday)

I concur!! They do an outstanding job! I accidentally posted to a Stop Sign thread a month or 2 back and DS was very kind with me.

Everyone here has been remarkable and caring.

Thank you.

25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2206 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, April 21st (Monday)

Unfortunately many of us are in really shitty frame of minds when we go through this.
Mods get that and proceed with the utmost respect and caution.
There is never a reason to treat anyone rudely here and our situations do not excuse such behavior.

I applaud their ability to balance the guidelines when there are so many varying emotions at play.

Thank you Mods.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3846 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, April 21st (Monday)

I know that a lot of veteran members are aware of this, but DS and MH put up with a TON of abuse on the regular. DS is aware of how much the membership is hurting and she has patience and compassion for people that I don't think I could grow in ten lifetimes.

This website is a GIFT from DS and MH. Fees are optional, and every cent goes to running the website - and let me tell you this, they both pay more into this website than ANY fees or advertising could touch. EVERY SINGLE MONTH. For US.

You'll never hear about that from them because they do this out of love and not for thanks, but when I see people attacking them it hurts my heart because they don't see what really goes into this place.

Edited because sometimes I forget I'm staff.

[This message edited by Jrazz at 11:51 PM, April 21st (Monday)]

Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17860 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Member # 32046
Default  Posted: 11:55 AM, April 21st (Monday)

I saw a post from one of them this weekend reminding members to check up on the boards if they had a chance. On holiday weekends people sometimes do not have the time to visit SI and there was concern for the newbies and anyone else in pain being left without support. There were several members who responded that they would be around as much as possible.

What a wonderful group of people! Mods, Admins, Guides, and members who post in support of those in pain...I appreciate all you do and respect your dedication to help others through the hell of infidelity. You are truly the best group of people in the world!

edited to add: There is a special place in heaven for creators of this site, DS and MH. Two people who have taken a painful experience in their own lives and used it to help more people than can possibly be counted. Thank you for everything!

[This message edited by jadedheart at 11:59 AM, April 21st (Monday)]

Me 45
FWH 47
DS11, DD18, DS21(they know nothing about A)
Married 23 years together 25
Dday 09/24/2010
"You can't control how others behave, you can only control your reaction."

Posts: 980 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Indiana
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, April 21st (Monday)

I totally agree with Jaded

There is a special place in heaven for the Admin/Creators/Mods/Guides of this site.

Thank you for performing such a wonderful thankless job day in and out.

DS and MH you guys are awesome....

Anyone who is rude to you all, well they will feel Karma one day too.

Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8722 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, April 21st (Monday)

I could not agree more!
The Mods, Admin, and Guides here should be considered national treasures. Seriously.

They are not paid employees. The boatloads of time that they spend on this site are because they volunteer to do so.
Whenever I see posts of people snarking, yelling, or bitching at these good people it gets my back up QUICK!

Don't mess with our Mods (and Admin/Guides)!

Thanks for all you do. You ARE appreciated and loved.

Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.

Posts: 6541 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, April 21st (Monday)

Mods and Admin, thank you for everything, it is so deeply appreciated.

Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, April 21st (Monday)

I had the same issue that poster had. It was resolved without incident. Even if it hadn't been I don't understand why it would be brought out on the general forum.


5. PRIVATE MESSAGE FEATURE: Please do not publicly post Private Messages that you've received. Also, do not share your Private Messages with other members unless you've received permission from the original sender.

That's pretty simple.


I know that a lot of veteran members are aware of this, but DS and MH put up with a TON of abuse on the regular.

In my first month here I saw an post where a banned user actually used the phrase "lily-livered" in an angry email. I mean I have seen people called all kinds of shit on the Internet but it was like George Lucas scripted a troll monologue for that one. Epic jackassery.

[This message edited by StillGoing at 12:40 PM, April 21st (Monday)]

"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7488 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Member # 37776
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, April 21st (Monday)

I have not had any issues that involved anyone from the admins on this site except for maybe a double post or something minor. I am sooo thankful for this "place" to turn to day or night. I don't post a whole lot but now that I think WH , not ready to change to FWH yet, & I are making progress in R I will try to post more often & pay it forward. A million thanks to all that put their time & energy in to this site, helped me get through many long sleepless nights. Many thanks

Jamie :)!!

BS early 50's Wh also early 50's. I am Jamie, Mom to 3 great teens/young adults. My WH and I have been together more than half of our lives and married 25+. We are in MC & going to give R our best shot, hoping and praying for a better 2013!

Posts: 112 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: USA
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, April 21st (Monday)

I have found them quite helpful, supportive and forgiving. *cough cough*

Thanks, ya'll!!

Him WH
2 ddays in '07
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6549 | Registered: Jan 2011
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, April 21st (Monday)

When I first became a MH I was so used to posting on stop signs and posting with them that I keep forgetting I couldn't anymore. The mods were EXTREMELY patient with me. Thanks guys!!

Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."

Posts: 2762 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 4:32 PM, April 21st (Monday)

I had an issue with a now banned member. Both mods and admin contacted me to see if I was okay. When I told them about her vile pm to me they took care of it immediately.

Staff here is awesome.

BS - Me
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking

Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
Member # 34836
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, April 21st (Monday)

I agree that it is a hard job being a Mod / Admin as I am the Administrator on a couple of other forums not infidelity related However, I will say that I was banned from one of the forums shortly after I joined SI, and I do understand why I was banned although I was given no warning nor a second chance. My mind was emotions were out of was beyond my perception to do such a simple thing as to read each of the different forums rules.

Good job to all of you are appreciated.

M 25 years
BW Me - 50's
WH Him - 60's
OW 25 years younger
D-Days too numerous to mention last D-day being 12-2-11 *OW went on fishing trip 5-21-13*

"A relationship is only made for two, but some bitches don't know how to count"

Posts: 354 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Colorado
Member # 32785
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, April 21st (Monday)

I agree, they are incredible people who volunteer in an almost anonymous fashion to help others. This forum has saved many of us, including myself.

But! The member who posted the topic was dealt with by a moderator, I'm sure that further guidance has been provided to the member in the form of a private message since her post was locked.

Let's let the mods do their jobs and stay out of it. If the mods decide to let her stay we have no right to passive aggressively call her out in a public forum, remember that this is a place for those that are hurting, I bet most of us have hit out in an inappropriate manner at some stage during our healing.

Posts: 516 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Hawaii
Member # 31868
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, April 21st (Monday)

I would also like to chime in with my gratitude for the owners of this site. It has been very valuable for our reconciliation. Thanks very much, MH and DS.

When you put someone on a pedestal, they quickly learn two things. The view is mighty good from up there, and it is a fine vantage from which to kick.

Posts: 183 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Hawaii
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 5:11 PM, April 21st (Monday)

Let's let the mods do their jobs and stay out of it.
Hmm. Didn't see anyone on this thread trying to do a Mod's job or call other members out. (Which is a guideline violation and flag worthy) Just a group of people supporting and high giving the Mods. I'm sure if anyone in this thread was inappropriate, they would be handled accordingly.

Thanks Admins, Mods, and Guides. Y'all are awesome.

Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

Posts: 6315 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, April 21st (Monday)

Let's let the mods do their jobs and stay out of it.
As long as you're giving us props, keep it coming. Everyone else, stay out of it.

Just kidding!!!

In all seriousness, I do this because I enjoy helping out at a site that meant so much in saving my marriage and aided in my (and H's) healing in such a huge way.

And I want to reiterate what some others have touched on. Members don't know what goes on behind the scenes. Things are always done for a reason and for the good of the site and its members. DS and MH deal with a lot of crap. Some of the emails they get are ridiculous and beyond rude. This is the stuff you don't see.

They invited us into their 'home', on their dime, years ago, and continue to do so. And they run the site with grace and generosity of spirit (not to mention countless hours of their day---every day).

So yeah...SI is awesome .

Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."

Posts: 38092 | Registered: Sep 2007
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 6:00 PM, April 21st (Monday)

I definitely don't intend to belittle the violation involved in publishing a private message, but if I had that sort of issue, I'd want exactly the sort of response that was published.

Personally, I'd also expect some glitches in getting the problem resolved....

I remain convinced that SI works because of good, workable guidelines and consistent but gentle enforcement. The staff have made my recovery a lot easier than it would have been without SI.

Musing ... I think every single staff member since I joined has written something that has helped me. And probably every one has written something that made me laugh, too.

fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10384 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Deeply Scared
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, April 21st (Monday)

I agree that SI is awesome!! Due to our members and extremely dedicated Staff...everyone makes this site what it is today, which is hands down the best infidelity site on the internet

I think it's very important to remember that there are real people with real feelings behind the screen names. We are all human and if someone has an issue with something on the site, we'll do our best to fix it, but we don't have to put up with rude remarks and quiet honestly...we won't.

You all keep SI moving forward and I want to thank you all for your time, effort and help!!

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.

Posts: 198331 | Registered: May 2002
Member # 37776
Default  Posted: 10:53 PM, April 21st (Monday)

Sorry for the t/j but I looove the fact that I don't have to censor my language here. I am talking about in general like being able to say my day just fucking sucked. Not to be used against any member to cause harm but to just be able to vent without worrying that I will banned for cursing. I was a part of another forum & literally if you said damn or something mild you were reprimanded:( Needless to say I am not a part of that forum anymore. Jamie

BS early 50's Wh also early 50's. I am Jamie, Mom to 3 great teens/young adults. My WH and I have been together more than half of our lives and married 25+. We are in MC & going to give R our best shot, hoping and praying for a better 2013!

Posts: 112 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: USA
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 11:31 PM, April 21st (Monday)

from DSI agree that SI is awesome!!

Well, I would hope you feel that way!!

And just to elaborate on the behind the scenes stuff that was referred to:
Any action taken to flag or reprimand or ban a user is a *group* decision. The SI hierarchy has a *meeting of the minds* and decides (as a group) what action (if any) should be taken.
(hope I didn't over-step, I just wanted to make clear that *vendettas* by admins/mods aren't a part of the process.....and if they are, the other admins/mods talk that person *off the ledge*....but no one is out to *get* anyone.)

....and now I'm off to find the thread that started this topic.......

eta: Ok. Read it. Don't really understand what happened because any time I've contacted DS over any type of *administrative* issue it's been addressed in a timely fashion. A lot of work goes into running a heavily trafficked website and I think that MH and DS do a very good job of staying on top of everything that happens here in addition to living a *real* life too.
I also wanted to add that I have a lot of appreciation and respect for the people who have taken on *administrative*-type positions here. Sometimes your own life is going to shit, but you are your support and letting someone know that his/her voice has been heard. And your concern is *for real* guys take your positions seriously and don't just *phone it in*. And so I add my "Thanks" to all of you.

[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 12:02 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday)]

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

Posts: 8088 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday)

We <3 you guys!

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 4949 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Member # 36130
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday)

Ditto, ditto, ditto. Thank you for all you do.

excerpt from an awesome quote "Forgiveness - the finishing of old business that allows us to experience the present, free of contamination from the past."

Posts: 1003 | Registered: Jul 2012
Secrets Kept
Member # 40630
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday)

Right there with everyone else on the "KUDOS to ALL the mods & admin people on this site".

I, myself, have been "reprimanded" (very nicely & tactfully, I must add) when I broke the rules learning the ropes of SI & cannot believe they take all this on voluntarily. I can only imagine all the crap they truly deal with behind the scenes, so THANK YOU so much for taking the time out of your own lives to help us with ours!!!

Marriage #1=BW-46 (now)
XWH-Deceased on his 36 bday
Divorced in 1996
Marriage #2= Married in 2003
2 kids together-DS14 & DD12
"All this time I was finding myself & I didn't know I was lost"

Posts: 219 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest USA
Topic Posts: 26