SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Why the sadness??
hopefulfourus
Member
Member # 25204
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, April 21st (Monday)

I just don't get why I am feeling so sad, for the loss of my M, the loss of the dream of growing old together, loss of our family unit ,etc. I just don't know.

Feelings aside, he is a JERK. Always thought of only himself, taking "his" vacations. Whenever I suggested we take a family trip, he always replied it was too expensive. Thinks only of himself, not his kids. Never is involved in their activities, never helps out, always is with his friends. He cheated and never really did feel remorseful about it. After a comment he made to my son (about how it was my son's fault for losing a sports tournament) It finally snapped with me, that I was DONE. I'm just waiting for the papers to be served.

I had a long talk with my FIL today which he initiated, he was very concerned about what was going on. He always said that I would be family no matter what and was sorry that his son hasn't straightened up, but that he never listens. My FIL said that he would always be there for me and my kids (as both of my parents are deceased). My FIL confirmed to me that POS is re-doing an upstairs apartment above the business that he runs (which I had a feeling about). No doubt, its for him.

Is this just an off-day?? I can't see us R, I just can't trust him. Did I have one too many glasses of wine?? Is this normal??


Me: BW. 40's
Him: WH POS. 40's
2 kids. DD16, DS14

Don't let my user name fool you...I am NOT hopeful for us at ALL!!


Posts: 51 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: New York
Tripletrouble
Member
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 6:40 PM, April 21st (Monday)

Hugs, Hopeful. It is soooo normal. Of course you are sad, but when you know, you know. There will be off days, off hours, off minutes. They will come further and further apart, and be shorter in duration.


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller


Posts: 617 | Registered: May 2013
DepressedDaddy
Member
Member # 41521
Default  Posted: 6:51 PM, April 21st (Monday)

One thing I am learning daily. You can have whatever feelings you want. Don't beat yourself up about someone who doesn't care. I can probably guarantee that he is not spending too much time worrying about you or thinking about y'all's lost future. This is the realization I am coming to. If I am spending hours a day thinking about my WW, and I know she is not reciprocating.

Stay strong.

Anxiety originates from thoughts and feelings about the future. Depression originates from thoughts and feelings about the past. If we can just remain in the present, we get a good balance of both and can just begin to move forward.

Just blaze your own path, regardless if he is along for your ride (I have to repeat this to myself daily...still struggling with it though).

Keep fighting for yourself. You are worth it.


“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so.” ― Noam Chomsky

Posts: 652 | Registered: Dec 2013
courageous
Member
Member # 34477
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday)

((Hopefulfourus)). It's completely normal to feel sad. You are grieving the loss of your marriage and for what "could have been". It is like a family member dying. It takes time. Its also very normal to continue to ride the roller coaster of emotions for quite a while.

That's great of your FIL that he plans on staying in your life.


Me: BW (35)
Him: ExWH (31) EA/PA with MOW coworker
Married 9 years, 2 small kids
dday 3/12/2011 divorced fall 2012

My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.


Posts: 623 | Registered: Jan 2012
Topic Posts: 4