User Topic: I hate him
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, April 21st (Monday)

8 years ago today, my son died.

My husband forgot, apparently, or maybe he didn't forget that this is a really rough day for me- he said nothing.

He's mad at me because my daughter is clingy on me, wants me to put her to bed and hang out with her and won't let him. He feels like she doesn't like him- instead of understanding that she is five and he isn't her dad and these things take time.

He's mad because his grandma called yesterday and was mad at his mom (whole family is dysfunctional) and lectured him about how he needs to take better care of himself or he might have a heart attack.

He's drunk, and went to bed early, without saying word one to me about remembering today.

It's just as well.

I'm so mad at him, and disappointed and I just hate him so much right now. I am so mad at me. We had the shortest wedding ceremony EVER and all I can think is that was eight minutes that I can never take back. Now I'm stuck, I can't afford a divorce, and I have nowhere to go.

Vent over.

I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."

Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 42691
Default  Posted: 10:39 PM, April 21st (Monday)

(((Hugs))). Sounds like you need them.
I'm sorry about your son, I simply can't imagine.
I'm also sorry your H is inconsiderate. What an ass.

Unremorseful WH-48
M 26+ years
DS 26, DD 23
H moved out 10/3/12
IN House S, H lost job 2/7/14→now
Dday 1- 3/2002 short EA/PA w-COW
Dday 2- 2/12/14→LTA, H STILL seeing "Bi"MfCOW (OW now S too)!

Posts: 121 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: CA
Member # 37184
Default  Posted: 10:49 PM, April 21st (Monday)


I'm so sorry.

Sorry for the loss of your son and the ass you cant get away from.


Posts: 614 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: new york
Member # 34477
Default  Posted: 10:53 PM, April 21st (Monday)

((Beyondbreaking)). I'm sorry for your loss.


Me: BW (35)
Him: ExWH (31) EA/PA with MOW coworker
Married 9 years, 2 small kids
dday 3/12/2011 divorced fall 2012

My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.

Posts: 651 | Registered: Jan 2012
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 12:11 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday)

I'm so sorry for the loss of your son and I'm sorry your ws can't find the slightest bit of compassion and kindness for you on this day. I hate him too and I don't even know him.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5127 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Member # 40474
Default  Posted: 2:06 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday)

I am so very sorry for your loss. Eight years ago can still feel like yesterday. To have your husband ignore this day is heartbreaking on a very deep level.

From what I read, and I could be wrong, your husband sounds like a petulant, self-centered child.

Are you really stuck, without options, without hope? Were you stuck before you married him in the shortest ever 8 minute ceremony? Do you have absolutely NO options, no family or friend or church-community support??

Sometimes, there might be a glimmer of light for a different future if you can take a look at a bigger picture of "making this decision and following through with it (whatever that excision is)super difficult if I do this, but a light at the end of the tunnel as time passes."

I just have to comment here, and please, I mean no offense, but the quote you use in your tag line, of "Love means never having to say you're sorry" is something that I've never accepted. This is my opinion only and I wanted to share it with you. It was the Hollywood-ized catch phrase used and heard round the country, and bothered me even then.

We make mistakes, we are sorry for them, we don't go on our merry way figuring our loved one *just knows* we're sorry and we get a free pass on saying 'I'm sorry.'

A heartfelt apology IS something that needs to be spoken or written, and it shows regret and remorse, even if that is on a small level like your husband accidentally stepping on your toes. In terms of infidelity, having a person not even bother to apologize because of "Love means...." would rankle me good and proper!

Take care of yourself ! You are not alone.

Me: early 60s
Him: 65 yrs old, LTA w/a pro$titute
Married since 1980, no children
DDay: Feb. 25, 2013
Trickle Truth Days: Sept 10, 11, 13, 15 (2013)
His affair--says it was only 8 times 1x/mo, then found out it was 7 YEARS 2-3x/mo or maybe ever 4x/mo

Posts: 359 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: out west/west coast U.S.A.
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday)

(((hugs))) I''m glad that you came here to talk/vent. Please accept my condolences on the loss of your son. (((more hugs)))

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 4915 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Member # 28249
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday)


Sorry for your loss!

BH (me) 51
3 Kids 17-23
DDay1 - 01/08/08 finaly found proof but still denied all.
DD2 31/08/2009 admited 4 cheats - one total stranger
DD3 20/01/2010 admitted 3 more

Posts: 311 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Ontario
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday)

Thank you everyone for your kind words.

I am feeling much better today- not because of him but because of me.

He still has no idea he did anything wrong, or missed anything. I am SO TIRED of his "I don't remember stuff" bullsh*t. He can't remember my birthday, DD's birthday or the day my son died. He can't remember details about who he cheated on me with. And yet he remembers his ex girlfriend's middle name from 6 years ago. Convenient, selective memory.

I thought about saying something to him today- but I'm leaning more towards feeling like what is the point- all he is going to do is get defensive, blame me somehow, and forget again next year. My birthday is on Friday, and I'm pretty sure he has no idea about that either- at least I have no expectations about that one.

Before we got married (ok, before we lived together). DD and I lived with my parents. Who have since, moved and no longer have room for us to live with them. I don't make enough to support her and I and most of my friends live out of state- where I can't move without permission from DD's dad, which he won't give me. So for now I'm staying put, and saving up money little by little so that someday I can afford a divorce, and to have a life afterwards. But it will be a while. In the meantime, I guess I need to guard myself better.

I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."

Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 42863
Default  Posted: 4:54 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday)

((BB)) I lost a son too, 18 years ago this June. I am so sorry for both your loss and the failure of your WH to acknowledge your pain. That seems almost more unforgivable than his infidelity.

Thinking of you...

Me: 47 WH: 48
Married 22 years, 4 kids
DDay: 3/5/14, 7 yr LTA plus rising ONS body count
Status: currently riding the coaster from hell

Posts: 107 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Virginia
Topic Posts: 10