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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: help how to respond
Klove
Member
Member # 42096
Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday)

stbxwh contacted me today saying he intends to keep the house. This is no surprise...I'm not sure how he is going to swing this- either a loan from his parents or OW is moving in.
This burns me...I built that house with him.
ANYWAYYYY- I have to move on.

However, I get a text from him saying he is going to get someone to appraise the house and will I pay 1/2?

I texted back that I had a realtor coming to appraise the house for free tomorrow (I would like to know his opinion on some of the work that needs to be done on the house.) I said I would keep him posted.

As soon as I said I had someone coming- he wanted to know who and when and that he wanted to be there?

WTF? Why? I haven't said anything back to him yet. What should I say? Nothing? Have I said too much?


"But stand still is all I did
Love like ours is never fixed
Still I stuck around
I did behave
I saved you every time
I was a fool for love
I was a fool for love"

Posts: 294 | Registered: Jan 2014
Dreamboat
Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday)

Do you plan to ask him to pay 1/2 or the work that needs done? If so then let him be there. If not, then crickets.


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17683 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
Merlin
Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday)

Appraisals for divorce purposes are different from a realtor's appraisal, in my jurisdiction anyway.

In any case , you'll both need to either agree on who the appraiser will be or have separate appraisals done.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
alphakitte
Member
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday)

An appraisal, for divorce purposes, is more complicated than getting a realtor to tell you what work needs to be done, or what an appraiser that your stbxh picks thinks the property is worth.

An in depth inspection by a certified inspector would be a good start, then getting bids on the work needed, followed by a market study of similar properties sold.

So, no, I wouldn't split this appraisal cost with stbxh.

Get thee to a lawyer, immediately, and execute your seperation, appraisals, etc. as advised.

It is crucial that you conduct your seperation in your best interest as it will affect your divorce settlement, thus your future, for a long time to come.


------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 350 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
Klove
Member
Member # 42096
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday)

Yes I know we will have to get a more in depth appraisal done...but I just wanted a starting place and contacted a realtor just to get a ballpark.
Does he have to be there for that?


"But stand still is all I did
Love like ours is never fixed
Still I stuck around
I did behave
I saved you every time
I was a fool for love
I was a fool for love"

Posts: 294 | Registered: Jan 2014
Klove
Member
Member # 42096
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday)

Ok here is something I don't get. We need to do work on our home. Not a lot- finish painting, refinish hardwood, our partially unfinished basement is the biggie.
If he keeps the house and we get it assessed should I take a lower assessment and he pays for work (which he will likely do himself if he lives there) or should we pay for the work to be done and then have it assessed and I get that evaluation?
This boggles my mind. :(


"But stand still is all I did
Love like ours is never fixed
Still I stuck around
I did behave
I saved you every time
I was a fool for love
I was a fool for love"

Posts: 294 | Registered: Jan 2014
justinpaintoday
Member
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday)

Keep it business like. You both agree on an appraiser and split costs. I know free is nice but the couple extra bucks for a legally prudent appraisal may save you later.


I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday)

These are questions for a lawyer. All of these conversations about kids, lawyer, whatever, these are things to discuss with a lawyer. I am not understanding why you continue to open yourself up to conversations with your STBX in which you are put in a position to jeopardize your position.

It is your lawyers, his & yours, who should negotiate the issue of who does the appraisal, who pays, all of that. Also, they will negotiate the timing.

You must stop letting your STBX determine everything about this divorce. Please!


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9820 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
alphakitte
Member
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday)

What Nature-Girl said x 10!

Getting an inaccurate/wrong "starting place" may cost you plenty. That includes your communications with your stbxh.

[This message edited by alphakitte at 10:16 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday)]


------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 350 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
devistatedmom
Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday)

If he is buying you out, why do you have to pay for half the repairs?? You get it appraised for what it would sell at, as is. After you minus off what is left on the mortgage, he owes you half of the equity.

Am I missing something?


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5521 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
one2ndchance
Member
Member # 14759
Default  Posted: 6:45 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday)

Agree with N_G...a lawyer should be handling issues like this.

While your free appraisal will give you a WIDE ballpark figure, realtor appraisals in the US are somewhat meaningless. Canadian law may be different than US, so your lawyer will know what type of appraisal the court will accept as the true value of the house.


Me: BW 59
Him: STBXWH 61
Married: 25 years
DDay1: 2/2002; DDay2: 6/2012
Gave him his second chance and he blew it.
Divorcing

Posts: 479 | Registered: May 2007 | From: California
Klove
Member
Member # 42096
Default  Posted: 7:18 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday)

Realtor appraisals are useless ish in canada.
And he MAY be buying me out- although I can't figure out how he will afford it..
So yes- if he buys me out assess as is blah blah...but is there ever an instance where if we did the work, the assessed value goes up beyond the costs to fix it? I want the most equity I can get outta here.


"But stand still is all I did
Love like ours is never fixed
Still I stuck around
I did behave
I saved you every time
I was a fool for love
I was a fool for love"

Posts: 294 | Registered: Jan 2014
one2ndchance
Member
Member # 14759
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday)

We had an appraisal of our home the year before we put it on the market. We then spent $10,000 to re-stucco exterior. It made only a $3,000 difference in the appraisal obtained by the buyers when we sold it.

Painting, refinishing hardwood are not going to make a difference in the value of your home. It would make it more desirable to buyers, but you aren't selling. Refinishing the basement MAY add some value depending on how extensive the remodel is, but you rarely get back MORE than you put into it.

Do you really want to live through that? Having him there working on the improvements? Helping to fix a house that he's moving into. Think about it.....


Me: BW 59
Him: STBXWH 61
Married: 25 years
DDay1: 2/2002; DDay2: 6/2012
Gave him his second chance and he blew it.
Divorcing

Posts: 479 | Registered: May 2007 | From: California
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday)

If he wants to buy you out of the house, that is great. Do not offer to pay for work. Tell your L you want an appraisal done on the house because you are willing to be bought out of the house. Let the Ls handle the rest. Do not talk to or arrange anything with him.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4683 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
alphakitte
Member
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday)

but is there ever an instance where if we did the work, the assessed value goes up beyond the costs to fix it?

No, not likely.


------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 350 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
isadora
Member
Member # 29130
Default  Posted: 11:24 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday)

I was a real estate appraiser in my former life. Realtors can do broker opinion of value, based on sale prices and asking prices. A residential appraisal is an opinion of market value, usually based on sale prices of similar properties which are in close proximity and have sold in last six months. Also appraisals have to be written for a specific purpose and identify the intended users of the appraisal. The date of value is important too especially in legal matters. Let your lawyer order the appraisal.

If you pay for one just to determine value, you will have to pay for an updated appraisal for any legal proceedings. It's a waste of time at this point. A broker opinion is a better starting point.


Me: BW Him: WH
Married: 12 yrs
2 DDs and DSs all under 10
2 Affairs - 2010 year long PA/EA, 2008 2 month online EA
Multiple D-Days

I can only control myself, no one else. I do not have that kind of power.


Posts: 4509 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Back home again in Indiana
Caretaker1
Member
Member # 42777
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday)

You need a lawyer who will get a realtor who will do in depth appraisals yes plural
One on date of marriage and one on separation, they should come in a write up all capital improvements and then do a write up for the court ....any other method is just a drive by or some cheaper alternative that doesn't get deep into the value of the home

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2014
Topic Posts: 17