New Beginnings
User Topic: So I'm seeing a nice guy
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 12:08 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday)

And he treats me well. And calls me. He gave me a foot rub a few weekends ago and was astounded when I told him it was the first one I'd ever had (outside of a pedicure).
When I go to his house he has wine and candles out. He LIKES candles. We talk a lot, about lots of things.
He's a little older than I am, which I think accounts for the lack of drama. He's got nothing to prove, kwim? He's secure in his career and in his parenting.
I find myself becoming very attached to him. We have not had the exclusive talk yet but I may bring it up because I want to. I don't think I want to date anyone else. I like him, a lot.

Anyway, I just wanted to share. :)

me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."

Posts: 2601 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday)


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday)

So, I guess part 2 of this post is I am still hesitant to trust my feelings. Last time I let myself like someone - a lot - I got nexted in a blindside. Which, I know now, had nothing to do wtih me and everything to do with him. (a LOT of reading on BR helped).

Anyway, I know there is a part of me that is still very scared to get hurt, which is why I think I've been taking it very slowly in letting myself feel anything for him. But in spite of myself, I do. That's a little scary.

me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."

Posts: 2601 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday)

*small squee*

Scary as shit, isn't it??

me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings

Posts: 4186 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday)

You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25777 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 35810
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday)

I so get part 2, having been blindside nexted twice recently. No doubt that hurts and is scary to think about happening again, but the only way to the one relationship that has no blindsiding or nexting is optimism, right? Cautious optimism. Paying attention for red flags, not getting too far ahead of ourselves, but also not letting those jerkface nexters steal our joy with the one who's actually right for us.

Best of luck to you! Enjoy!

Me: Former BW, 28
Divorced 10/11/12
He didn't show up for the D...very fitting, seeing as he didn't show up for the M, either : )
"What did not demolish me simply polished me, now the clearer I can see" - India Arie

Posts: 382 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Back in the Southeast!
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, April 23rd (Wednesday)

How long have you been seeing him?

I know it is hard to totally trust. I think most of us struggle with this. is huge that you are willing to take the chance.

I had to smile at your post because at some point when I was just emailing the guy I am not seeing....I mentioned that I put lemon in my water. EVERY single time I go to his house now, he has a freshly cut lemon for me.

I know this is sooo small....but it makes me because it shows someone is actually paying attention and doing that little extra thing for me.

Typing this made me laugh because I alway think of the nicknames ppl on here give their SOs....maybe I should call mine 'lemon drop'.

Anyway - just wanted to say good for you Nutmeg!

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 7:45 AM, April 23rd (Wednesday)]

Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.

Posts: 2181 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, April 23rd (Wednesday)

Let's see. I saw him the first time about the end of January. I remember it was very cold out. I know it was before February because we went out on Valentine's Day too (and I was freaking out because it was VDay and I didn't want things to be weird, lol )

me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."

Posts: 2601 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
Member # 41521
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday)

I know we're are really not supposed to be advertising things on this site, but I want to pass along some of Brene Brown's work on vulnerability.

She talks about how vulnerability is being "all-in" on something, when there are no guarantees. What that ends up giving you is something that could be fantastic. She says that being vulnerable truly is the only way to be fully happy. She says that being vulnerable is the birthplace of things like happiness, joy, pleasure, etc. If you can't be vulnerable, happiness becomes something that is not obtainable. The caveat...vulnerability can also be the birthplace of hurt, pain, fear, etc. So if you do not want to experience being hurt, you also give up the possibility of being happy. It is awesome and sucks at the same time.

Embrace vulnerability and be wholehearted in your actions and the investment could pay off 100 fold.

Check out Brene's TED talk titled "The Power of Vulnerability" if you want to delve more into it. It is only about 20 minutes, but it has really helped me. When WW and I were R, I went "all-in" for the chance at happiness with her. Unfortunately, it did not work and it hurt like hell, but I had to come to the realization that had I not done that, I would have robbed myself with the possibility of being happy. Like I is awesome and sucky at the same time.

I look forward to sometime in the future being able to be vulnerable with someone again...although I will be scared as shit.

Since D I have become DDaddy 2.0 - or better known as DevotedDaddy

“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so."

Posts: 813 | Registered: Dec 2013
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday)

Posts: 11754 | Registered: Mar 2008
Member # 32558
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday)

life and love are scary…it's the only way to go! Embrace, and enjoy.

"Sometimes on the way to the dream, you get a lost and find a better one"

Divorcing - at last!

Posts: 94 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Uk
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, April 24th (Thursday)

If you don't take chances then you miss out on opportunities to wind up in some places that are so wonderful you never knew they existed...


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor

Posts: 5984 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, April 25th (Friday)

Trust until trust is broken.

Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 725 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 13