User Topic: Is it bad to email thoughts/feelings to your WS?
Member # 38089
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday)

I just sent an email to my Wh...just venting really. Telling him my trigger and my sad painful feelings at the moment.

He will get angry or not read it or get frustrated that I am "living in the past", but if I cant share my feelings with him...who can I share them with?

BS(Me) - 32
WS(HUbbie) - 40
OW - 44 (a ugly, old, white trash horse faced Coworker)
Affair was 2 months long
3 kids - 5yr old, and twins 8 months
Dday - 12/25/12 (lots of signs before I should have seen)

Posts: 551 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 40379
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday)

I have emailed my SAWH many, many times and he's only read a couple. Part of his massive denial...

A remorseful WS owning their shit will read everything and act accordingly. We're pretty much in the endgame here - I'm done.

It's hard, but you need to express your feelings face to face. It's gone on too long for me, to be bothered with it any more. I let him rugsweep far too much. Don't, please don't, make the same mistake.

Me 44 (BS) Him 52 (SAWH)
DDay (too many to mention), but 1st 06/2011

The truth hurts, but nowhere near as much as the lies
"Sounds harsh, but she's my wife and I'm supposed to be there when she's having sex" Sal1995

Posts: 223 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: England
Member # 39440
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday)

but if I cant share my feelings with him...who can I share them with?

That begs the question: Who are the people who make up your support system, heartbroken2012?

Do you have all your eggs in one basket? Or do you engage with a strong social network?


Posts: 212 | Registered: Jun 2013
Deeply Scared
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 4:23 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday)


Going off the title of your thread.

I do feel emailing/texting such emotional topics usually leads to mis-understandings and fights that can be avoided. When you're on the receiving end of a vent about what you've done, it's extremely hard to not get defensive.

Instead of emailing a vent to him, why not email him and set up a time to sit down and talk face to face with him? Your feelings are valid and need to be released and heard...but I highly encourage you to do it face to face where words aren't mis-understood and tones and facial expressions can be seen and heard.

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.

Posts: 198282 | Registered: May 2002
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday)

Why did you use email?

The danger in using email is that you can't communicate tone of voice or body language in an email, and that opens it to easy misinterpretation. It's better, IMO, to share feelings and vent face-to-face.

fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10352 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday)

I wouldn't necessarily characterize it as bad. Or good. My thoughts are along the lines of IWantDoOver. Do you have others that you can share with as well? It is unhealthy to only have your husband as your outlet. I learned this the hard way.

Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011

Posts: 9824 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 6