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New Beginnings
User Topic: Next steps...annulment and engagement!!!
bpositive
Member
Member # 5981
Exclaimation  Posted: 8:01 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday)

So I'm super thrilled to say that my SO and I have gotten engaged!

I am in the process of filing my annulment, which I began before the engagement, and it is bringing up some bitter feelings. I've finished my paperwork, and gotten the pastoral counseling of not remarrying before the full process is complete (of course). I'm 39, and with my health issues, my medical team is prodding me - sooner is better than later for children. I'd prefer we get married first and then get preggo!

I cannot <STAND> the fact that my XH of nearly 7 years ago now (wow!), who is remarried, still retains some impact on my life. I worked hard to free myself of his hold over me. And that if the annulment were not granted, I would be expected to stay single, whereas he, the philandering atheist, glibly goes on his merry way.

</VENT>

I'd be interested in hearing from other annulled NB'ers and their experiences coping with these feelings.

[This message edited by bpositive at 8:02 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday)]


"If you're happy and you know it..."
1 in 3 US women die of heart disease. Take charge of your health and your life!

Posts: 6307 | Registered: Dec 2004 | From: breathe.
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday)

Congratulations on your engagement!


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4190 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday)

Congratulations, bpositive!


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25508 | Registered: Aug 2011
Gemini71
Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday)

I haven't started the annulment process yet, but I have been encouraged to. STBXH is definitely 'incapable' of living up to the requirements of marriage. He's been diagnosed SA. I have misgivings about annulment because we have kids.

If it makes you feel better, two of my good friends just had their first kids at 42. One was in vitro, the other old fashioned.

Here's hoping it goes quick and easy for you.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1797 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
inconnu
Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday)

Congratulations!!


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12151 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: TX
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday)

Congratulations on your engagement!

Annulment started, witnesses responded, added another witness and waiting for her response.

Answering the questions was very tough, but also healing. The counseling that took place during the questioning ( my advocate helped me with the questions over several days) was very helpful in seeing how both of us were not prepared for married life.

Good luck,
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5161 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
million pieces
Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday)

I'm kinda in the same shoes. My SO and I are engaged, but as he is catholic he wants and needs an annulment. And because I want to marry him, even though I am not Catholic, I need to through the process. I had said that I would do it if it meant a lot to my SO, but that was before I knew the entire process. Honestly not sure I will do it at this point.


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 11
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1251 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
bpositive
Member
Member # 5981
Default  Posted: 9:53 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday)

The process of filling out the paperwork has been freeing, and feels wonderful. And my deacon said that a civili marriage would not impact the process, but of course I would not be in communion with the church until after the annulment was approved.

I strongly recommend that if you are divorcing, begin your process two years or so after your divorce. It is quite intense, and can bring up some feelings about your relationship. My Archdioscese states that they keep the children out of the annulment process, nor does it make them "illegitimate."

12-18 months wait. Many women can and do have children into their 40's. I have two heart conditions that make my particular circumstances a little more challenging....


"If you're happy and you know it..."
1 in 3 US women die of heart disease. Take charge of your health and your life!

Posts: 6307 | Registered: Dec 2004 | From: breathe.
wildbananas
Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 12:22 AM, April 24th (Thursday)

Congratulations, b+!


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15403 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 12:30 AM, April 24th (Thursday)

My aunt used to work for the Tribunal in Brooklyn, NY. I know it can be grueling.

Congratulations on your engagement!


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20221 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
thyme2go
Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 12:53 AM, April 24th (Thursday)


-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9179 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
woundedby2
Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 1:05 AM, April 24th (Thursday)

Wishing you every happiness, B+. Congratulations!


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7818 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
little turtle
Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 7:42 AM, April 24th (Thursday)

Congrats on your engagement!!! pics? Have you started any of the wedding planning yet?

I turned in the paperwork for my annulment to the church in April 2012. My witnesses received their part I believe it was that summer, June 2012 and they had to turn in it by July 2012. The first instance of the courts was granted in March 2013 and then the annulment was granted April 2013. SO proposed in June. The process started for me a few months before I turned in the paperwork. I answered all of the questions by myself. Like you said, it's freeing and quite intense! I could only answer so many of them at a time and I left the more difficult ones to do later. XH was invited to answer the questions and share his side of the story, but he opted not to.

Feel free to pm me if you want to ask me anything else.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4183 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 8:05 AM, April 24th (Thursday)

Congrats!!!

Posts: 35393 | Registered: Mar 2011
getnbtr1
Member
Member # 40540
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, April 24th (Thursday)

So wonderful that you found happiness. Congrats to you both!

Posts: 95 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: CT
better4me
Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, April 24th (Thursday)

so happy about your engagement! Best wishes to you and your fiance!!


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3156 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Jeaniegirl
Member
Member # 6370
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, April 24th (Thursday)

Congrats on your engagement and new beginning.

I won't even pretend to understand the religious annulment issue but I've heard it can be really tough. A friend of mine got a divorce from her H because he cheated and the OW (never been married before) was Catholic. So my friend gets the paperwork in the mail as the ExH was marrying the OW. OW was the only daughter of a very affluent family, lots of money involved -- so they wanted the huge wedding for her, country club and all. My friend was upset as she felt the annulment would make it appear her son with the ExH 'didn't exist' on paper. There was a phone number for the priest of the parish of the OW, if she had questions. I told her to call the priest with her questions.

She did -- and felt better afterwards. Then she said ... "Funny, the priest didn't know that EXH had been married before ME!" It seems the OW didn't know the BW was the second wife either until my friend told him.

SO my friend's EXH had not told the OW she would be wife number 3.

Didn't matter, the dumb bitch married him anyway and produced three kids in three years. Now he's leaving her.

Oh what a tangled web ......... I see lots of 'paperwork' in the OW/Rich Bride's future.


"Because I deserve better"

Posts: 980 | Registered: Feb 2005
bpositive
Member
Member # 5981
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, April 24th (Thursday)

I guess my real struggle is do I do what is right and healthiest for my body, or do I do what is right by my faith? Knowing of course, that forgiveness from the church can be sought and gained.


"If you're happy and you know it..."
1 in 3 US women die of heart disease. Take charge of your health and your life!

Posts: 6307 | Registered: Dec 2004 | From: breathe.
Jeaniegirl
Member
Member # 6370
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, April 24th (Thursday)

And I hope it all works out for you! It will! Good luck!


"Because I deserve better"

Posts: 980 | Registered: Feb 2005
5674emt
Member
Member # 40012
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, April 24th (Thursday)

Congrats on the engagement. Babies later in life gave me time to pick an involved father. Our daughters were conceived naturally when I was 39 and 44 and born very healthy.


BS 53
WH 44
M 14 years at time of DD
2 young daughters
DD 12-8-12
OW=Xfriend
A-3 YEARS and her husband was an accomplice.
In R, IC, & MC Since 1 week after DD. On the mend with the help of God, Friends and Family.

Posts: 89 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Central FL
little turtle
Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, April 24th (Thursday)

do I do what is right and healthiest for my body, or do I do what is right by my faith?

What do you mean by this? Are you thinking about trying to have a baby before you're married?


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4183 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
bpositive
Member
Member # 5981
Default  Posted: 3:33 PM, April 24th (Thursday)

Married civilly, then blessed after the annulment is final. I know many people go about it that way, but I've always been such a rule follower.....


"If you're happy and you know it..."
1 in 3 US women die of heart disease. Take charge of your health and your life!

Posts: 6307 | Registered: Dec 2004 | From: breathe.
little turtle
Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, April 24th (Thursday)

Ah. I understand. I'm such a rule follower too. But only certain rules. Not all of them.

TMI question for thoughts... are you waiting till marriage before having sex? Don't have to answer it, but if you're not, then you aren't following all of the rules. Do whatever makes you (and your SO) happy.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4183 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
okaynow
Member
Member # 13813
Default  Posted: 12:20 AM, April 25th (Friday)

Congratulations!!!


Married 18 yrs, together 25+.
D-day: 2/18/07.
1 child
The story doesn't really matter anymore. Time is a great healer. Life is good.

Posts: 2431 | Registered: Mar 2007
Topic Posts: 24