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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Advice
funnyguy
Member
Member # 43192
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, April 24th (Thursday)

Ok I really need some advice
She is no asking me for a 3 days in the house 3 days out of the house , so I leave for 3 days then she leaves for 3 days , becasue she wants time alone and space to figuer out what she wants ? She thinks this is for the best also for the kids . I don't like the idea at all , we have dealing with this Since November 2013 was my Dday . And know she wants this and to see if she still wants the marriage and can't do that around me . And she can't figuer things out with me and her being around each other.

Posts: 119 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Ontario Canada
funnyguy
Member
Member # 43192
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, April 24th (Thursday)

Hi Everyone
My D day was November 20 2013 , and man has it been a struggle ever since. I found out my wife was having an affair from another person . I was also harassed by the OM via text ,emails and also a window or 2 smashed in my truck. My wife works at a gym and continues to see this guy when he comes in and works out , she also continues to workout at the same gym. My wife also has also put in minimal effort into our marriage , she admitted to only still having one foot in it to fix it , she continues to work only on herself, I have also worked on myself , we both did ID therapy but she said she isnt ready for marriage counsiling. She said she lost her lust for me and that is why she did what she did , our marriage was missing something and she went and found it somewhere else. Blaw blaw blaw
She has only focused on herself so much it has created so much distance between us , we both said we feel alone yesterday to each other and I said well once you decide if you want the marriage we won't, she then said I think I need more space to work on this . She asked me to leave the house for 3 days then she leaves for 3 days so we dont effect the kids. I did not agree to this I said I know what I want and I don't need to go. I said she should go and figure out what you want. she says seeing me hurts and she can't focus. I think it a cop out and She just wants to go to the gym and work whatever hours she wants without worring about me and the stress it brings her when she goes. We have only had sex 3 times since November and she cried 2 of the times after. she said also she is holding onto the feelings that she felt that how he made her feel. I said so then why won't you try and fix what we have. I need some good advice. I have tried to prove that the OM is the one sending all the messages about there affair to me but I can't prove it. She said no one is going to push her out of her job.


Posts: 119 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Ontario Canada
Dreamboat
Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, April 24th (Thursday)

Do not do this.

Tell her that you know what you want so you do not need time alone. If she wants to leave then let her. But also tell her that you will have to assume that she wants this so she can continue her A and therefore you will treat her leaving as her saying she wants a D and you will proceed accordingly.

You cannot force her to be remorseful or to want the M or to "get it". As a BS, that is what we try to do -- get our unremorseful WS to "see the light". But we can't.

You also cannot force her to stay. But if she leaves, then act as if you are D. You do not have to do anything to make it easy or convenient to wreck your family. Open your own bank account and move your direct deposit to the new account. Move 1/2 of all money in savings to an account in your name only. For any credit cards where you are the primary card holder, call and have her removed as an authorized user and do the same for credit cards where she is the primary card holder. When she moves, inform the post office of her new address and direct her mail, especially her bills, to the new address. If she wants to take some furniture and household goods then let her, but only allow her to take a proportion of them. What I mean is that you do not let her take the kids furniture, you do not let her take all the dishes or even 1/2 the dishes. If you have 2 kids then she can take 1/4, if you have 3 kids, she can take 1/5, etc. Do not help her buy anything for the new place or co sign for anything. Also consider putting a freeze on your credit so she cannot open any credit cards in your name.

Also draw up a separation agreement. It will not be a legal document, but rather an understanding between you and her. In it list everything that she takes from the house (except her clothes and personal items). List who is responsible for what bills. Also set up a visitation schedule and make it clear that if she moves out then she cannot take visitation in the family home.

If she chooses to leave then she also chooses all of the consequences of leaving.

The reason that I am advising you to take such a harsh stand is that many many WS use the excuse of "needing time to figure things out" as an excuse to move out and then continue with both the A but also stringing along the BS. This is called cakeeating. Do not allow her to cake eat. Close the bakery.

One more thing. If she does leave then you need to cut off contact with her. Only communicate with her regarding kids or finances and use email as much as possible. Do not chit chat with her. Do not go on date night. Do not comfort her if she is upset. She does not get any of you unless she firmly choose to be your wife and R. Otherwise she gets nothing.

It is hard to do all of these things. First, you probably really do not want to do any of it. You probably feel it goes against saving your M. It is hard to break the habit of communicating with your spouse. It makes you feel like the bad guy. I understand all of these things, I felt them myself. But you need to realize that you cannot save your M by yourself and if she does not want to participate in saving the M, then she cannot be considered to be a friend of the M. So you need to treat her accordingly.

Stay strong.


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17606 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
sparkysable
Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, April 24th (Thursday)

because she wants time alone and space to figure out what she wants ?
She wants time alone with the OM. She is clearly still in an active affair, and I would bet it has been going on for longer than you think.

Let her leave, and file for divorce on her ass. She wants to sit on the fence, and she wants to keep you as her backup plan. Push her off of that fence and don't let her treat you that way.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3294 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, April 24th (Thursday)

I agree with sparkysable and dreamboat.

I agree because my STBXH led me on this cake-eating merry dance for a long time. It slowed my healing right down and gave me loads of new hurts. I know you want her to figure it out and see this as a sign of hope, but it really isn''t, it''s manipulation. You see, she does know what she wants...both of you, or rather how things were before you found out. She should be going all out to win you back, but instead she''s making you chase her. Her not deciding, and sitting on the fence after what she has done? That IS a decision. A decision to not fight for your marriage.

[This message edited by Softcentre at 11:47 AM, April 24th, 2014 (Thursday)]


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - Susp EA 'The Baker'
COW - EA/PA 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
COW - Susp EA 'MiniMe'

Posts: 859 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
Klove
Member
Member # 42096
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, April 24th (Thursday)

She needs to go and you need to promptly 180.

Please listen to this because if your marriage has any chance at all- this is it!

I ignored this advice early on because I thought my love and patience would be all that my stbxwh would need to see the light. He didn't and now we're D.

Also if I had forced him off the fence sooner, I could have held on to some of my self esteem- it was damaged THE MOST during false R and the "I need space" phase.

Get her out, 180, and file.
This might be enough to snap her out of the fog. If not, you maintain your own dignity and have already taken steps to reclaim yourself.

I'm sorry you are going through this. Please listen to the people here. I didn't. I thought "surely my situation is different."
They are ALL the same. Truly.

((((Hugs))))


"But stand still is all I did
Love like ours is never fixed
Still I stuck around
I did behave
I saved you every time
I was a fool for love
I was a fool for love"

Posts: 294 | Registered: Jan 2014
funnyguy
Member
Member # 43192
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, April 24th (Thursday)

thanks everyone , the toughest part is that she still is working at the gym where the affair happened and still works out there and so does he. She alwsays says no I didn't see him but , I believe all contact needs to be cut off, He is till harrassing me , and I can't believe she is putting our family through this just to keep her job. I guess I'm putting us through this becasue I'm putting up with it.

Posts: 119 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Ontario Canada
Klove
Member
Member # 42096
Default  Posted: 1:42 PM, April 24th (Thursday)

I would ask her if her job is more important than you. If yes- out! There are other gyms and other jobs.
There will be no nc with AP if job continues. My xh worked with his ap. I didnt ask him to leave his job because I felt bad. I should have insisted he leave because the continued mandatory contact for work resparked the A.


"But stand still is all I did
Love like ours is never fixed
Still I stuck around
I did behave
I saved you every time
I was a fool for love
I was a fool for love"

Posts: 294 | Registered: Jan 2014
sparkysable
Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, April 24th (Thursday)

I was doing surveillance on my XWH before I tipped my hand. I was standing on the OW's porch looking at him sitting on her couch, watching TV.

He texted me and told me that he was at work, and that he loved me. I SAW HIM!

My point is this: they all lie when they are in an active affair. Your wife is lying. She is no longer your friend. She no longer has your best interests at heart. You need to protect yourself.

Do you have children with her?


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3294 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
ButterflyGirl
Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, April 24th (Thursday)

The CHEATER is TELLING you she doesn't want things to be "official" right now.

She gonna use the "we were on a break" cop out?

I'm sorry man. She isn't even pretending to be remorseful. And what a bitch for using an "it's better for the kids" excuse to cake eat and set up the best life for HERSELF. Now she can have her affair at your home and wherever else you guys set up? Don't you know she is promising the OM she is ending things with you? F that! Fight for what is best for YOU and your kids.

Start thinking like a single dad. Be the best you can for them and let her go..


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2095 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
devistatedmom
Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, April 24th (Thursday)

Please listen to everyone else. Also, please don't do the 3 days in 3 out thing. I fear that as soon as you left for your 3 days, she would be changing the locks stating you abandoned the home...and then you may not be able to get back in legally, plus may lose your half of things.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5411 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, April 24th (Thursday)

File for divorce & ask for exclusive use of the marital home.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9490 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
funnyguy
Member
Member # 43192
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, April 25th (Friday)

thanks everyone for all the advice.
Its gonna be a scary momment when I have to say those words , but I have to hold my ground. I just don't feel the 3 on 3 off is good for anyone but her. If she doesn't agree to leave and figuer her stiff out , I will sell the house and just move our separate ways.I have a feeeling she won't leave.

Posts: 119 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Ontario Canada
funnyguy
Member
Member # 43192
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, April 25th (Friday)

She also told me yesterday , that she said you know since all this came out all I have wanted was space to figuer out what I want. I said you have had allot of space since November, and she replied I can't heal and figive with seeing you so hurt??? i almost belived it. If she doesn't agree to leave what should I do ? I mentioned selling everything and go our separate ways for 6 months. she didn't like that idea ,

Posts: 119 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Ontario Canada
one2ndchance
Member
Member # 14759
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, April 25th (Friday)

If she doesn't agree to leave what should I do ? I mentioned selling everything and go our separate ways for 6 months. she didn't like that idea ,

You can't force her to leave...and DON'T you leave.

Stop offering suggestions to her. I understand how much this hurts, but she no longer loves or respects you. You are her Plan B.

All the talk about giving her time to figure out if she still wants the marriage is simply a way to keep you around while she continues to see the OM.

Find your self respect. You've given her 6 months to decide. It's time for YOU to decide what happens in your life. Make an appointment with a lawyer today to find out your rights and options.


Me: BW 59
Him: STBXWH 61
Married: 25 years
DDay1: 2/2002; DDay2: 6/2012
Gave him his second chance and he blew it.
Divorcing

Posts: 479 | Registered: May 2007 | From: California
Dreamboat
Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, April 25th (Friday)

What you need to do is find a lawyer NOW. I also advise that you try to find a L that specializes in father's rights.

DO NOT tell her anything about the L or your plans. Just stick by what you have already said -- if she feels she needs space then she can leave, but you will not leave. Period. Tell her that this is her problem to solve, not yours.

Your steps should be:
* Retain a L
* File for D
* Immediately get temp/emergency court orders that give you exclusive right to the house and primary custody of the kids
* Proceed with the D from there


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17606 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, April 25th (Friday)

What you need to do is find a lawyer NOW. I also advise that you try to find a L that specializes in father's rights.
DO NOT tell her anything about the L or your plans. Just stick by what you have already said -- if she feels she needs space then she can leave, but you will not leave. Period. Tell her that this is her problem to solve, not yours.

Your steps should be:
* Retain a L
* File for D
* Immediately get temp/emergency court orders that give you exclusive right to the house and primary custody of the kids
* Proceed with the D from there

Do this immediately. Did you forget that you can not believe any thing that comes out of her mouth? She hasn't made a decision because she has faced ZERO consequences, and you have allowed her to continue the same behaviors that led up to the A. You have mistakenly thought that by not being tough, or the bad guy that she would miraculously see the error of her ways, and come rushing back to your arms and beg forgiveness. That shit doesn't happen.
Things will only change when there is change thrust upon them.

See a lawyer, make her responsible for the kids 50% of the time, just like she will be if you D. DO NOT allow her to have the house. If she needs room to think, then she can move out.
Time to put you and your kids first. They are the most important thing in all of this afterall.

(((and strength)))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8144 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
ChinaCat
Member
Member # 42797
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, April 25th (Friday)

DO NOT LEAVE YOUR *YOUR* home!
This is YOUR home too!
Get an awesome lawyer and kick butt financial advisor STAT!

Do not let that person bully you!

Stay in that home for now!

(And this is coming from a woman too)


"Every time I stay out late; every time I sleep in; every time I miss a workout; every time I don't give 100% - I make it that much easier for him to beat me!"
Me: BS & Beautiful!

Posts: 80 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: USA
ChinaCat
Member
Member # 42797
Default  Posted: 5:13 PM, April 25th (Friday)

Also pull a 180!
I did and it saved my sanity.
I literally say I am 180'ing when he starts negative crap with me. I turn and walk away.


"Every time I stay out late; every time I sleep in; every time I miss a workout; every time I don't give 100% - I make it that much easier for him to beat me!"
Me: BS & Beautiful!

Posts: 80 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: USA
funnyguy
Member
Member # 43192
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, April 28th (Monday)

Well I told her I'm not doing the 3 and 3 days, she can't beive I'm not going to do that for our marriage and the kids. I said you dtill have 1 foot in this marriage and 1 out and until you have both feet in we have no marriage, she said all the guilt is holding her back. I also said you need to get out of that Gym. Its the best thing for the family and our marriage to even have a shot and she said , she can't belive I'm giving her an alitmatum. I said It amazes me you want to even out us and your self in a situation for you to run into him due to all the email and text harrasment from him, and if you can't clear yourself from him then I will clear myself from this situation. So at the end of the day she isn't gonna leave and is gonna think about quiting her job.

Posts: 119 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Ontario Canada
Dreamboat
Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, April 28th (Monday)

So at the end of the day she isn't gonna leave and is gonna think about quiting her job.

She is going to think about quitting her job?? That is the best she can do? And she says that she can't believe YOU want leave the house for 1/2 the week when she will not put in even the smallest effort to go NC? wow, entitled much?

I am still advising you to talk to a L. I don't believe for a second that she will quit her job. She only said that to placate you and buy herself more time to cake eat.


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17606 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
realitybites
Member
Member # 6908
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, April 28th (Monday)

Sadly she was never going to leave, she was setting it up so that she could eventually push you out. I am sorry to say that. Don't EVER leave the house, period.

And this 3 days on 3 days off, where did you think she or you would go on the "off days"? That does not even make sense.

Thats the crazy part of all of this is it makes you so crazy that you don't think straight.

Listen to the people here even if you don't want to. Trust us. Follow these steps and show her you will not lay down and die and you will not put up with her disrespect. STAY in that house. Even if it means an in house separation.


Posts: 5630 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: florida
funnyguy
Member
Member # 43192
Default  Posted: 12:15 PM, April 28th (Monday)

I'm to the point if she won't leave and decide if she wants this , then we sell it and go our separate ways until otherwise. I said that and she thought that was crazy ,

Posts: 119 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Ontario Canada
funnyguy
Member
Member # 43192
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, April 28th (Monday)

The OM works out everyday at her Gym and that is where my wife also works and also works out at. The OM wife already knows and is leaving him. Becasue this is his 2nd or 3rd affair. He is also the one that has sent texts and emails to me about things that her and him only know about but he keeps denying it , but no one else knows , its like he is trying to drive me right out of the marriage. The sad Part is I also was a member at the same gym and it was going on right under my nose , I quite that gym

Posts: 119 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Ontario Canada
funnyguy
Member
Member # 43192
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, April 28th (Monday)

I also have this feeling that I'm the bad guy for asking her to quite the gym so we can move on. and as usual she says its the only thing that is keeping her together and is her only independance

Posts: 119 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Ontario Canada
funnyguy
Member
Member # 43192
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, April 29th (Tuesday)

Well my latest update is she isn't leaving, and she isn't quiting her job anytime soon, So I had IC this morning, and he said seems I'm at my breaking point. What do you do when she won't leave the house this find out what she wants. I said thats fine lets sell the house and go our separate ways untill otherwise.

Posts: 119 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Ontario Canada
one2ndchance
Member
Member # 14759
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, April 29th (Tuesday)

She won't quit her job because she wants the OM...not you. She doesn't want to sell the house because she doesn't want to be inconvenienced right now. She's making her plans to leave you and you are giving her the time to do so.

If she does not want to sell the house, you will have to see a lawyer and file for divorce to force the sale.


Me: BW 59
Him: STBXWH 61
Married: 25 years
DDay1: 2/2002; DDay2: 6/2012
Gave him his second chance and he blew it.
Divorcing

Posts: 479 | Registered: May 2007 | From: California
funnyguy
Member
Member # 43192
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, April 29th (Tuesday)

Thank you all so much , this has been all so real

Posts: 119 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Ontario Canada
funnyguy
Member
Member # 43192
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, May 2nd (Friday)

Well everyone hear gave me the strength and I told her to go to hear moms and figuer her shit out , and come back when you want the marriage,
She said me and my freinds can't believe I'm not the one leaving so I can give her more time and space, usually its the man. we haven't really talked since ,

Posts: 119 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Ontario Canada
funnyguy
Member
Member # 43192
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, May 2nd (Friday)

The past 2 weeks allot more people know and some of my freinds have been reaching out and I have been going for a few beers and talking to them for support , and boy oh boy is she mad. She said I can't belive your going out with them and you don't even hang out with them much , I said sometimes in a crises moment people reach out to people and she said , whatever

Posts: 119 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Ontario Canada
Dreamboat
Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

She said me and my freinds can't believe I'm not the one leaving so I can give her more time and space, usually its the man

Who gives a flip what her friends think. Hell, one of her "friends" is probably OM. Besides, she is wrong. Usually the one that CHEATED is the one that leaves.

You need to just stop talking to her. Go 180 and NC as much as possible.

Stay strong!


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17606 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

She said me and my freinds can't believe I'm not the one leaving so I can give her more time and space, usually its the man. we haven't really talked since ,

RYFKM???

Sorry, you stupid, lying, cheating twit. We got this man's back. We're speaking truth into his heart. You don't get to manipulate him anymore! You're the cheater. You need to go.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9490 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
nekorb
Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

Stay strong. SHE needs to leave. She is the one that bailed on the marriage and cheated. Stay and take care of your kids.

Consult a lawyer ASAP.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1830 | Registered: Aug 2013
funnyguy
Member
Member # 43192
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

I'm trying to stay so strong but man its hard as shit, she constantly twists all my words around , Its like I can't even say one word right.Allot of things have come to light for in the recent days, for her to react like that becasue some of my old freinds are reaching out is bullshit and between all of the harrasment I think she has never let go and thats what continues to fuel this guy.its crazy the guys wife even works out at the same gym. It has been the roughest few days of my life sometimes it seems worse than DDay when you start to think of all the little things. she has not even ever givin me details of anything of when where how long it lasted.This website has been the best thing for me , I couldn't imagine where I would have been if I found it earlier. She even said to me I don't know what has gotton into you latley but you have changed . I said I finally have grown some balls.

Posts: 119 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Ontario Canada
5454real
Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

I love to hear that brother.

now, use them, file for divorce.

let her worry about s*** for a while.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2700 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

She doesn't want to face that this is all on HER so she's trying to blameshift and make it about YOU. It is crazy-making for sure! Just block her out. Fuck. That. Noise.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4082 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
craig2001
Member
Member # 55
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

she constantly twists all my words around , Its like I can't even say one word right
Get a pocket mini tape recorder first thing tomorrow and tape record every word said.

And the part where she states that she and her friends cannot believe you are not moving out, it's usually the man.

NO, NO and NO, it is usually the one having the affair and the one that wants to continue having the affair that moves out.

Kind of makes you wonder what lies she is telling her friends.

Stay strong, otherwise she will wear you down with her contradicting nonsense. She also seems to be very good at wasting time. All of this she needs time to figure things out.

That would worry me. She needs time to get her ducks in a row. You really need to get your ducks in a row now and be ready to move on. Her wasting time could be her plan and that could present a problem.


Posts: 3753 | Registered: Jun 2002
Klove
Member
Member # 42096
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, May 3rd (Saturday)

Funny- when I really started listening to and leaning on SI, my stbx went nuts asking why I had become "such a bitch"...

I told him I'm done pleasing him and I'm only worrying about myself and my boys.

After he FINALLY realized that I'm not here wailing over him leaving me (which now, I'm really not) and that I am legitimately moving forward- that's when he came sllllinking back to hoover "please come back, I miss you, blabbedy blah."

If you ever want her back- stay strong and do not back down. The problem is, most likely, when that happens you'll see her for what she is and won't want her.

Stay strong. We're all behind you.


"But stand still is all I did
Love like ours is never fixed
Still I stuck around
I did behave
I saved you every time
I was a fool for love
I was a fool for love"

Posts: 294 | Registered: Jan 2014
Topic Posts: 38