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New Beginnings
User Topic: New to the D club
No12turn2
Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, April 25th (Friday)

Divorce was final yesterday. I'm sad and relieved at the same time. Looking forward to getting my life back in order.


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 526 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
No12turn2
Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 12:53 PM, May 1st (Thursday)

8 months after the first D day and one week after divorce. I have a date tonight. Not sure if this is advised from the group, but I'm not expecting anything serious right now. Just want to get back out there and enjoy someone's company.

P.S. I've already had the rebound relationship. So many times I find I should listen the wise words spoken here and yet I'm compelled to find out for myself.


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 526 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, May 1st (Thursday)

Generally just advise that the person you are on a date WITH knows you are just looking for something extremely casual. That is how you hurt innocent people…YOU want companionship and THEY think you are looking for a relationship.

That is why I stay away from separated or recently D guys. I am at the point that I want and am looking for a relationship and I make sure to ask those type questions when meeting new guys.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4186 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
No12turn2
Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, May 1st (Thursday)

Certainly not wanting to hurt anyone. Really hard to meet women and tell them you want a casual relationship (not just sex) without plans for committing. I'm not opposed to committing or being serious, I'm just a little scared that I may not be ready to be someone's person.


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 526 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, May 1st (Thursday)

Just curious how the date came about? Are you doing OLD? I would hold off on going outa nd looking for something in that way unless you're very up front with people about what you're looking for. Also ask yourself, honestly: What are you looking for? Is this the best way to fill that need?

I too often do my learning by doing exactly what I'm not supposed to do and then realizing that everyone who tried to tell me so was right, so I get it. But really look at whether your motives are healthy.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
No12turn2
Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, May 1st (Thursday)

Yes, OLD. The need I'm trying to fill is just being around someone and enjoying their company. I plan to be honest about and will accept friendship even. I assure, my intentions are pure.


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 526 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
lieshurt
Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, May 1st (Thursday)

You need to be honest about your intention BEFORE you go on the date. Otherwise, you might be wasting her time.


Walk away from anything or anyone who takes away your joy. Life is too short to put up with fools.

Posts: 13810 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
No12turn2
Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, May 1st (Thursday)

I have been, I assure you. The comment "I plan to be honest" was in general. My date for tonight knows my situation. It's actually a rare occasion. Most women don't believe a man who says I don't want a serious relationship and it's not about sex.


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 526 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, May 1st (Thursday)

If you don't want a serious relationship, and it's not about sex,....I recommend a dog.

I'm not kidding and I'm not trying to be glib, but it's called on line DATING for a reason.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7772 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
LovelyDaffodils
Member
Member # 42822
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, May 1st (Thursday)

I don't know if it is such a bad thing. You're being up front, not looking for sex. Some companionship from a human (I spend 24/7 with dogs, so no, they are not a substitute) can be a nice thing once in a while. And doesn't have to be anything misleading about it. After what our WS put us through, we deserve to experience "normal" interaction with the other sex, I think.


BS me 49
WS 42
OW easy NSA he says he told he was single
9 mo A
DDay 1/3/14
TT 2 wks later
still waiting for the rest
Married 11 yrs
Together 20
In house S, Divorcing

Posts: 75 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Southeast US
lieshurt
Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, May 1st (Thursday)

So many times I find I should listen the wise words spoken here

^^^^Perhaps you should find that now...lol


Walk away from anything or anyone who takes away your joy. Life is too short to put up with fools.

Posts: 13810 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, May 1st (Thursday)

Personally, if you just want to be social and meet friends, with the possibility of something more, I think that meetup.com is where you should be looking. It will expand your circle, keep you busy, and keep expectations low. It's a great way to let yourself come into your own!


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Topic Posts: 12