Off Topic
User Topic: Training Bra and Gender "Confusion"
Member # 38619
DOH!  Posted: 9:33 PM, April 25th (Friday)

I have posted before about my DD8 and her desire to become a boy (or at least I think I have ) and for the most part my fWH and I have been very good with providing her a loving, non-judgmental and supportive place to be herself. However, now we are at a place where I am concerned we may say or do something to make DD8 feel otherwise. She is quickly approaching P-U-B-E-R-T-Y!!

DD8 will be developing breast soon and I have no idea how to bring up a training bra without making her feel like I am forcing her to be a girl. Now, she knows she is a girl and has never said she "feels" like a boy; just that she wants to be a boy, so there is a possibility that in the future she will change her mind but we want to make sure that nothing we say or do will make her feel that we do not have her back no matter what.

If anyone can make it thru my jumbled ramblings I would appreciate any advice or suggestions?


"If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello." - Paulo Coehlo

Posts: 415 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
Member # 7276
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, April 25th (Friday)

My 8 year old GD is the same. She's very much a tomboy, prefers boy clothes, plays hockey and other sports, etc.

None of us really give it too much thought and she's allowed to express herself any way she chooses. But the facts of life are that she will eventually develop breasts, have periods, etc. and those things need attention.

When the time comes, her mother will have a matter-of-fact discussion about those things. She will know it won't affect the clothes or activities she chooses but her body WILL change, and due to that fact, there are certain things she will have to do to accommodate those changes. It has nothing to do with wanting her to be a girl, it's all about nature and the inevitable.

I'm sure you will handle it just fine. She is lucky to have such a supportive family. Don't stress too much about it.

[This message edited by cryingdaily at 10:25 PM, April 25th (Friday)]

Me: BS 48
Him: Doesn't matter any more.
The Royal Court, formerly known as the Princess Posse:
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GD10 - Jasmine
GD8 - Ariel
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Posts: 14400 | Registered: Jun 2005 | From: Massachusetts
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, April 25th (Friday)

I think, when the time came that you decided she needed a bra, that I would just have a discussion with her. Look, I know you wish you were a boy, but your girl body is developing. Once girls have breasts, they need to wear a bra under clothing. It will keep things from showing through clothing, and help you not have embarrassing moments. We can get a few, whatever you want. If you just want plain white and kind of "forget" you are wearing them, or we can get one in your favourite colour. Not because it's feminine, but because you like the colour.

As for right now? She's eight. Even if you see buds starting, I'd just throw a couple of undershirts in her drawer. She may want to wear them herself without you saying anything, especially if she's confused about gender, because she won't really want her breasts showing, you know?

Hope others have some good suggestions for you.

BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.

Posts: 5573 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 10:27 PM, April 25th (Friday)

You can start with just undershirts and the training bras aren't much different, just a shorter version of an undershirt. That may help make the transition easier. My DD still prefers sports bras over the other ones and she's almost 15 (and blessed ).

Posts: 11791 | Registered: Mar 2008
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, April 25th (Friday)

If she is athletic couch it in keeping everything tight for the game. There's no need to get a "training" bra. Just wait for her to actually need some support and then get a sports bra or undershirt.

Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2292 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, April 26th (Saturday)

PJ. Took the words out of my mouth.
My niece who has always been more of a tomboy and is blessed wears sports bras 90% of the time.
She and her girlfriend both wear running shorts and sports bras instead of swimwear too. Smart actually nothing up your crack or slipping over your head when you jump or dive.

Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, April 26th (Saturday)

You can get matching sports bras and running shorts in some really fun patterns. DDs travel soccer team did that. It was a unifying underthing for ALL the girls no matter what gender bias they were. This was a U-17/18 team (high school).

I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5522 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Member # 38619
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, May 8th (Thursday)

I apologize to everyone that responded to this thread. Life got in the way and then I forgot that I wrote it.

DD is very worried about anyone seeing her private parts, but in her mind her private parts are any piece of skin between the knees and neck, including her shoulders. So her new soccer jersey is a small but it is HUGE on her and she feels uncomfortable wearing it because the sleeves bulge out and show parts of her upper arms and chest when she runs. I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to see if I could get her into a simple tank top. No dice. She freaked out about how it showed too much of her shoulders (even though it would be under the jersey) and that it was wwwwaaaayyyyy to tight. I'm tabling this for a while.

Just on a side note, 3 of her soccer mates are already wear training bras! They are all 8!!! It is true that puberty is happening earlier and earlier.

"If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello." - Paulo Coehlo

Posts: 415 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, May 8th (Thursday)

If she is athletic couch it in keeping everything tight for the game. There's no need to get a "training" bra. Just wait for her to actually need some support and then get a sports bra or undershirt.


My two teen daughters just about live in sports bras. Now that they are older teens they have succumbed to the lure of pretty bras.

Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2770 | Registered: Jan 2010
Topic Posts: 9