User Topic: I thought I was doing so well...
Member # 43226
Default  Posted: 4:59 PM, April 28th (Monday)

I have been separated for about 2 months now. I moved out as soon as I accepted that he had chosen the HW. I tried to 180, move forward and heal. There were a few slips here or there, but for the last month I have been very NC firm. And I thought I was doing really well. Got my own place, started eating healthy, taking care of myself, etc. I had to ask him about some insurance info, but figured that a formal request for the info wouldn't be too bad. no emotions, nothing personal.
Yesterday he started texting me. I know I should have ignored it. I know I definitely should not have agreed to meet him this morning. But today is our wedding anniversary, and I couldn't seem to help myself.
Long story short, I don't really buy any of the stuff he said about thinking this was the biggest mistake he had ever made. that he didn't think he still wanted to be with HW, and wishing he could come back . I am not willing to be plan-B.
But seeing him did re-ignite this tiny spark of that toxic hope.
I am requesting a bucket of water to throw on that spark.

BW early 30's

Separated March 2014
No clue what current status is.. kind of don't care...

Posts: 59 | Registered: Apr 2014
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, April 28th (Monday)

He was feeling nostalgic because it's your anniversary. Wait and see what his actions say. Does he leave HW and go NC with her? Does he start IC to figure out why he needed external validation? Or did he just go home to HW and lie to her about meeting you?

“Your actions speak so loudly, I can not hear what you are saying.”

― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.

Posts: 1866 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Member # 43226
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, April 28th (Monday)

He won't. I know him better than that. Have known him since we were teenagers.
I would tend to agree that it is just nostalgia, but it's pretty close to what he has been saying all along. I'm still not buying.
The hope makes no sense to me. Hope for what?!
My head knows. I thought my heart had started to catch up.

BW early 30's

Separated March 2014
No clue what current status is.. kind of don't care...

Posts: 59 | Registered: Apr 2014
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, April 28th (Monday)

Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5861 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, April 28th (Monday)

Don't be too hard on yourself. But don't lose sight of your progress. Remember, just because you ran a red light doesn't mean you run the next one. Wake up tomorrow focused again.

40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller

Posts: 638 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 11:20 PM, April 28th (Monday)


Oh honey, you ARE doing well. When they say the words part of us wishes were true of course it is confusing, but stay true to you. Keep your eyes on the future ahead of you. And forgive yourself for having a heart that's slow to catch up. It's so normal.

Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Member # 43226
Default  Posted: 1:08 AM, April 29th (Tuesday)

Thanks guys.
The more I think about what he said, the worse it's getting. I need to go back to my mantra of "he threw you away. He made you disposable. He doesn't want you."
I know I deserve better than the way he treated me. But if he could be that... I would go back in a heartbeat. I think that's the hitch.

BW early 30's

Separated March 2014
No clue what current status is.. kind of don't care...

Posts: 59 | Registered: Apr 2014
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 1:54 AM, April 29th (Tuesday)

In case you need a reminder, here's the Hoovering thread.

Hope is a devil of a thing - it led me to telling myself even bigger lies than he did.

If he had true remorse it would not be contingent on R or you even considering taking him back. Remember there is nothing stopping him from ending it with OW and started to do the work to fix WTF ever is wrong with him right now.

You're right - you should not be his Plan B.

This isn't a YOU problem or an M problem - this is a him problem. Leave him to his consequences now - he is choosing this every single day. Stop talking to him - for your healing and for your sanity.

Ignore his words - watch his actions.

Look how pretty their words can be? It almost disguises their ugly actions. Almost....

[This message edited by SBB at 7:46 AM, April 29th (Tuesday)]

I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 8