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Reconciliation
User Topic: H's IC got an earful :)
Morhurt
Member
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, May 1st (Thursday)

I only have a minute but I want to try to get this down.

My H had IC yesterday and late last night we finally had time to talk about it. He went over the session item by item, it was a nice talk. And then the last item... alone time (for him). He told me that his IC asked what he does for himself, what he would like to do etc. He really loves mountain biking and exercising but hasn't been, mostly because I feel so uncomfortable and unsafe and his exercising was linked to his As.
Anyway, he expressed that to his IC who said "but it's different now, you see that right?" H- "yes" IC- "and Morhurt has to now too, it's different and you need this"... I was now getting uncomfortable with the recounting but kept quiet and just listened.

And then... he did it! He told his IC that he knew it was different now but after the wounds he inflicted on me there was no way that he would expect me to be able to believe that yet (if ever). He said the number one most important thing to him was my feeling safe and he wanted no part of mountain biking until it felt good to me too. He said he got a little upset at his IC and was very adamant in his response. :) His IC ended up saying "it sounds like you have it worked out in your mind, I'm glad you feel so sure" (or something like that).

My heart soared. He does get it. And he shows me every day.

p.s. his IC has been great over all but I don't think infidelity is necessarily something he knows much about, it's ok, we like him anyway


Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 919 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, May 1st (Thursday)

Wonderful post. This made me smile!

Posts: 35112 | Registered: Mar 2011
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, May 1st (Thursday)

What a great response!


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4795 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Allornothing
Member
Member # 42354
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, May 1st (Thursday)

Go Mr Morhurt, you're rockin'it!


Me- BS 43
Him- FWH 43
Married 19 years, Together 26
Kids- 23,21,15,14
D Day- 7 Sept 2013
OW- Irrelevant

Posts: 181 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Australia
heforgotme
Member
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, May 1st (Thursday)

Omgosh! Yay!

I remember one time in MC our C told me to apologize to FWH for a meltdown I had. I actually thought it was a reasonable request. FWH told her, "No, she will not apologize to ME for any of the fallout of this. Ever."

I have to say, it was pretty cool.


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1081 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
iwillNOT
Member
Member # 40605
Default  Posted: 12:56 AM, May 2nd (Friday)

Fantastic! Pull this out to remember on the difficult days. He did good:-)


Me: BS, 43
Him: WH, 44
Together 21 years
Married 14 years
Kiddos 2,6,8,10
Dday#1 2004, 3 years after EA/PA co-worker MOW
Dday#2 8-6-13, 13 months EA/9months PA with co-worker MOW - caught not confessed
Rugsweep now, pay later. Ask me how I know.

Posts: 503 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest
Morhurt
Member
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 4:23 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

Thanks everyone. It really feels like a two way street. At my IC appt this week she helped me recognize why my H had reacted a certain way to a situation, and I totally got it. When I expressed it to him later he felt so understood and loved by me he had tears in his eyes.
We didn't use to be this way. I hate what he did and I always will but I wouldn't go back to pre DDay. I love this new us.


Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 919 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 7