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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: "I am not a taxi, I am a father"...(Ok dude. Whatever.)
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 2:54 AM, May 2nd (Friday)

I hate dealing with this guy. Why can't he just be a *normal* person???

Visitation schedule for context: Stbx has the kids from 3pm Monday until 3pm Wednesday. I have the kids from 3pm Wednesday until 3pm Friday. We do EOW and this weekend is *his*. He is currently living within a one minute walking distance from me.
Also, I am ass-deep in finals right now (which means that since last Monday morning, if I'm not in bed sleeping, I've been pretty much sitting at my kitchen table writing my exams. AND the kids and I just sent the dog that we'd had for 11 years over the Rainbow Bridge last Friday (4/25). Stbx was *out of town* for dog's send-off.

So on Thursday afternoon I get a text. Here's the exchange.

Him: I would be happy to keep the boys today or tomorrow if it helps you.
Me: It would be helpful if you could give DS a ride to and from [baseball] practice tomorrow night. Are you able to do that? (He's in town since it's his weekend to have the kids and I thought he was actually being considerate but...wait for it.....)
Him: Yes, could I just keep him?
Me: No.
Him: Then no.
Me: Ok.
Him: I am not a taxi, I am a father.
<no response from me>
Him (4 hours later): How bout we trade tomorrow for next Tuesday night? I will take the boys tomorrow. You get the boys next Tuesday night. It might help you in your finals crunch time and I might have a meeting next wed that I would get a jump on tuesday night....thoughts?
Me: No.

He never does anything just to be *nice*. I *should* have known that he's always got some angle he's working.....he never offers anything unless he is going to get something in return.

The guy is NOT a father. He is a dad.
A REAL father would have been physically available when his kid's dog was *leaving* them -- even if he wasn't attending the actual event.
A REAL father would have 'jumped at' taking his son to practice since he was available to do it (evidenced by his "yes" response in the text) and not blown it off JUST because his kid wouldn't be able to spend the night at his house. (And that is what it would have literally been -- kid would have gotten home from practice about an hour before bedtime and then been on the school bus at 6:55am).

The guy needs to get the fuck over himself and realize that he has no clue about what it means to be a *Father*. Being a father is much more than the self-centered, superficial world that stbx lives in.


[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 2:57 AM, May 2nd (Friday)]


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8181 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
stronger08
Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 4:10 AM, May 2nd (Friday)

Don't allow the kids to be used as pawn in whatever head games he wants to play. Sometimes its just best to stick with the custody agreement no matter what. My XWW who I've had years of co-parenting issues with started to actually co-parent about 6 months ago. Things were civil and everything was going along great until 2 weeks ago. IDK what transpired in her life, or what if anything I did to piss her off. (Of course anything that goes wrong in her life is my fault. Because no matter what vile shit she does its always another's fault) But she is back to being an asshole once again. So its back to the custody agreement for us. Its my only source of sanity and salvation when dealing with her.

Its my weekend starting today and she texts me of some punishment she has instilled on my son. I ask her what did he do and her response is "Does it matter ?" I naturally tell her that yes it matters. If she expects me to follow through with a punishment I should be informed of the infraction. I also told her that its her legal responsibility to inform me of any issues he may be having. So she tells me finally, but not without dishing out some of her attitude as usual. It takes all of my strength not to say what I really want to say to her. Because when it happens its not going to be pretty. I'm trying to hold out until my son is 18 and in college. But if she keeps it up, it will happen much sooner. God forgive me, but I hate her at times.

Sorry for the rant and TJ. But I can relate to what your going through.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5824 | Registered: Nov 2007
suckstobeme
Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 4:52 AM, May 2nd (Friday)

Yep, whatever. He will figure out that as the kids get older and don't want to spend entire weekends with him because of their own social lives, he better become a taxi or he won't see them.

I have a dear friend who's been D for more than 10 years. The marriage didn't end because of infidelity, but it was certainly not amicable. They have two DDs. When the kids were little, they would go see their dad EOW like good little soldiers. As they got older and became more involved with friends and sports and school plays and cheer leading and boys they didn't want to be at their father's for an entire weekend. They wanted him to conform more to their schedules, which meant dropping them off and picking them up from whatever event or party they had that weekend. Their father refused to drive them around. He took the attitude that if they didn't want to be there, then he wasn't doing them (or their mother) any favors.

My friend saw the writing on the wall. She talked to him about it and begged him to take them. She offered several times to let him take them to weekend sports tournaments just so he could spend time with them and show them he was willing to put in the effort.

He continued to refuse.

The girls are older now and both in college. They haven't seen or spoken to their father in years.

His stubborn attitude ruined what could have been a good relationship. His bullshit idea that it's either all or nothing got him nowhere.

Your ex needs to figure out that if you don't want to become a taxi, you're going to become nothing to them. That's what happens when they get older. The car is about the only place where you get to talk to them about what's happening in their lives.

FTG. He's as entitled as a father as he was a husband.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2879 | Registered: Jan 2011
happenedtome
Member
Member # 6042
Default  Posted: 4:55 AM, May 2nd (Friday)

I knew this post was going to be from you even before I saw your name, Gonna. No one does it quite the way the Sultan does What an oozing hemorrhoid he is to pull this kind of crap when you are in the midst of exams. Best of luck on those exams.

Posts: 238 | Registered: Dec 2004
justinpaintoday
Member
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 5:13 AM, May 2nd (Friday)

sorry for u. But selfish is as selfish does. The self absorbed are so predictable yet disappointing


I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
Sadmumma
Member
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 6:20 AM, May 2nd (Friday)

I agree, totally. Being a dad is just genetics. It takes a heart and soul to be a father.


On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 536 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
Dreamboat
Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, May 2nd (Friday)

The guy is NOT a father. He is a dad.

I think you are being generous. He sounds like he is prepping to be a full fledged sperm donor

(((hugs)))
And good luck on your finals


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17695 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, May 2nd (Friday)

Your ex needs to figure out that if you don't want to become a taxi, you're going to become nothing to them. That's what happens when they get older. The car is about the only place where you get to talk to them about what's happening in their lives.

Words of truth right there!


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10006 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Gemini71
Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, May 2nd (Friday)

"I am not a taxi, I am a father"

Being a taxi is exactly what parenting is between the ages of 10 and 16 (or whenever they get their license). suckstobeme nailed it!


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Divorced 11/18/2014

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1950 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

As they got older and became more involved with friends and sports and school plays and cheer leading and boys they didn't want to be at their father's for an entire weekend. They wanted him to conform more to their schedules, which meant dropping them off and picking them up from whatever event or party they had that weekend. Their father refused to drive them around. He took the attitude that if they didn't want to be there, then he wasn't doing them (or their mother) any favors.

I see you've met my XH. ^^^^^ Was the attitude of both him and NW. I managed to get my kids place- bummed rides from friends living in his neighborhood, took them myself when needed. Did that only after the oldest 2 grades started slipping for band and chorus due to lack of attendance at evening practices. They needed the grades!

I gave up trying to parent with him, it was easier to think my kids were with an ancient uncle who didn't drive and that XH was dead, the father they knew growing up in an intact family died!

Sorry Gonna, I really wish sultan wasn't following that same path XH went on. It really is a PITA!

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5528 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

Stbx takes the kids to their activities when he has them and is fine with DS having a social life -- he often drops him off at the theater and allows him to have friends spend the night.

His *attitude* was directed at ME. You know -- he'll cut off his nose to spite his face, kinda thing.

It reminds me of a time before we had an *official* plan in place. I think he'd been out of town one week and hadn't seen much of the kids. He sent a text (or email, can't remember which and don't have time to go searching for it) that said he wanted to pick them up on Friday and drop them off Saturday afternoon. I responded with some type of query about why he didn't want to just keep them until Sunday.
His response was that he "wasn't my babysitter" and went on a rant about my *social* life being more important than the kids, blahblah. (actually I think I posted about that incident when it happened.....) ---- I later find out that the reason he didn't offer to keep the kids on that Saturday night was because HE had plans with.....a bedwarmer. (so I guess "technically" HE was the one who was using ME as a babysitter, huh?) Total projection on his part.

@stronger -- sorry your ex is being a PITA again, that sucks. You were so relieved when she was actually being civil. Stbx's *civil* times are always shortly followed up with hostility -- so I don't often 'fall' for it anymore......except yesterday. With everything that's going on I thought that perhaps he was showing a bit of *human*. Nope. Wrong. It'll be a while before I make THAT mistake again!!


I knew this post was going to be from you even before I saw your name

The <whatever> and <dude> gave me away, didn't it?

(OR I did post about that "babysitter" story and you remember.......)


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8181 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 11