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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: XH threatening me and to sue for defamation..
miadianna
Member
Member # 10516
Default  Posted: 2:31 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

"Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it all. And then some you don't want."

My XH sent me an angry, threatening, scary email the other night. He's going to sue me for defamation of his "character" and slander. I have never talked to anyone in his family and he lost all of his friends when he hooked up with OW. Not because of me. He said when he came back one time to get his stuff out of the garage in 2008 our neighbor just nodded to him and didn't acknowledge him like he did when he lived here. I have not responded. I've had NC with him since he walked out the door in March 2005, communication was only done through lawyers during divorce proceedings. I've been separated since 2005, divorce was final in April 2008. It's over. He has no more financial obligations to me. He waited until youngest was 18 to file to avoid child support but judge ordered he pay college costs since he was making a very high salary at the time of divorce. That was over in 2011. He's free! We had children and I left it up to them to make their own decisions regarding him and the OW, who he started bringing around three years before we were divorced and was definitely having an affair while living in our home according to my evidence. She wasn't the first. Kids are not stupid or gullible, he needs to learn this.

My daughter doesn't want to go to his wedding to OW in two weeks. He is furious with her, and now me. My son has decided to show up, and leave. He doesn't support it but said he's going. A wedding that I wanted no knowledge of, I am suddenly drawn in the middle of and being attacked. It's not my business, I really don't care what he does with his life but he seems to care about mine...a lot.

He said he is going to get "another" attorney (because I guess the attorney he hired for the back alimony he owed and I received last year didn't do her job) and take me to court and sue me for defamation of character and slander! Oh my! He said..."For eight years I've been listening and reading the bullshit, lies, inuendo, and halve truths about me on social media sites with people who know nothing of our marriage, me, you, or what transpired. I've kept my mouth shut because I didn't want to get in the gutter with you. It's amazing you take no part in the break up of our marriage..." (actually it's been nine since we separated but you know, when you are "in schmoopie love" time flies!)

There is much more to this email, he is mad!

Here's the thing...what social media is he reading? He doesn't have a FB account (or so we thought) and he's not my friend and I have never written publicly about him or our marriage. I'm actually pretty boring on there. I don't have a blog or anything like that. I have a Twitter account but I only write about tennis and tennis tournaments and that would be totally boring to someone who is not into tennis. That's why I got it.

Can I share the email if I block out names and details? I really need some advice on this. I'm a little scared and he has my daughter scared thinking he's going to drive down here and do something.

[This message edited by miadianna at 2:43 PM, May 2nd (Friday)]


Me: BS 53
Son: 27 years old
Daughter: 25 years old
D-day(s) 9/23/94 - 1/31/05
Divorced 4/10/08

Posts: 7468 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Illinois
slicerboy
Member
Member # 22202
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

If he's contacting you out of blue and threatening you, you probably should print out copies and contact your local authorities via the non-emergency number and see what advice they can give you


Me: Realizing my worth
Her: Escaping

Two children, innocent victims (14 & 15)

When I look back, we both hurt each other in so many ways and our lack of honesty and maturity coupled with poor communication led us to where we are today


Posts: 810 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Minneapolis
slicerboy
Member
Member # 22202
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

and no reponse, continue with the NC sheez he left in 2005


Me: Realizing my worth
Her: Escaping

Two children, innocent victims (14 & 15)

When I look back, we both hurt each other in so many ways and our lack of honesty and maturity coupled with poor communication led us to where we are today


Posts: 810 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Minneapolis
kg201
Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 2:51 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

Don't respond to his threats....and if you really really really must, just write, "ok".

If you have a concern about him coming near you or your daughter, then take his texts to the local district court and file a restraining order.

If he is going to file, then he will no matter what you say to him. You'll deal with it then. If he has evidence that you have said anything that isn't true, the let him show it.

Here is a summary of what defamation means...maybe he has no clue. https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/defamation-law-made-simple-29718.html

Here is my favorite part: "Someone who already had a terrible reputation most likely won't collect much in a defamation suit."

So...it is scary when someone acts so aggressive towards you...trust me, I know that feeling, I have to deal with an X who appealed a ruling that threw her false restraining order against me out of court. But she doesn't want to give up her harassment of me. If I was hurt by her attacks (lost a job, etc), then I could probably sue her, but that hasn't happened. Your ex would not only have to show you are lying about him, but would have to show evidence of being hurt by the lies. A neighbor saying hi to him in a less than enthusiastic way doesn't seem to pass muster.

Hang in there. He's probably stressed about the fact that his OW is forcing him to marry her, and live a life of forced servitude to a woman he doesn't really respect, and who, he knows, will cheat on him once the marriage begins. Sad boy is lashing out.


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 663 | Registered: Aug 2013
miadianna
Member
Member # 10516
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

Thanks. I told my son who said "Well Dad texted me and asked for your email the other night but I didn't ask why." (Son is 27 and lives on his own) and then he said "Was he drunk? Because that's a possibility." It's sad that he thought of this first.

He travels for work a lot and I imagine he is doing to me what he did to his ex-girlfriends while we were married. Finding them on the internet (he used to have a photo album of ex's and would sit in on the couch and look at them) and staring at their pictures for hours, thinking about them. He must be totally bored or something. He's getting married to OW, shouldn't he be busy doing other things?

[This message edited by miadianna at 2:56 PM, May 2nd (Friday)]


Me: BS 53
Son: 27 years old
Daughter: 25 years old
D-day(s) 9/23/94 - 1/31/05
Divorced 4/10/08

Posts: 7468 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Illinois
brokenblackbird
Member
Member # 29541
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

If your children are adults (that have nothing to do with him) - why is your XWH still able to contact you at all? I'd block his sorry ass from every port!

Posts: 762 | Registered: Sep 2010
miadianna
Member
Member # 10516
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

Because he wants everyone to be happy for him because he's getting married but he's been living with her for over six years and "dating" her for nine years.

He kept saying how important this was to him and asked daughter to think of a "funny anecdote or story to share with the wedding party with a toast." My daughter doesn't even drink alcohol and she said "Oh if he wants a story, I have many." But she's definitely not going now.

She will be 25 years old next month. He keeps calling them children and sent me a copy of a "judge's opinion on how to talk to your kids about divorce and not to talk bad to them about the other spouse."

And OW has blocked me on FB even though I never knew she had one and never went on it. I've never seen or talked to her! I checked after his outburst and sure enough, she blocked me. So my daughter found an blank FB page in XH's name with no picture and no friends. So she blocked everyone from me and herself and blocked OW from her phone a year ago.

[This message edited by miadianna at 3:04 PM, May 2nd (Friday)]


Me: BS 53
Son: 27 years old
Daughter: 25 years old
D-day(s) 9/23/94 - 1/31/05
Divorced 4/10/08

Posts: 7468 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Illinois
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

He's mad that his children are not willing to play supportive happy family when he's in a starring role. It HAS to be your fault- you turned them against him. He's the perfect father!

Just ask him!

He's mad nothing is working to get DD to attend the wedding of the century. And people will wonder WHY? She didn't attend because he probably made a big deal about how his kids just love her and wouldn't miss his wedding! He is running out of options to get her to attend, so he'll hold you hostage (lawsuit) to get her to attend!

If you can't remember doing anything, then you've got nothing to hide. Let him pay court fees to sue you. When you get the court documents and send in your answer, file a counter claim that if he looses he pays all your fees.

It will depend on how desperate he needs to save face about dd being at the wedding.

If you give him this, he will always use you to control your DD.

See how far he takes it, and shut him down permanently! Only way to do that is legally.

I know it's worrisome, but his issue is with DD. He's mad he can't get his way, so he's bringing you into this to control her. It sucks for all of you.

Hugs,
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5014 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
miadianna
Member
Member # 10516
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

Here is the email:

"Miadianna";

For eight years I have been listening and reading the bullshit, lies , inuendo, and halve truths about me on social media sites with people who know nothing of our marriage, me, you, or what transpired. I've kept my mouth shut because I didn't want to get in the gutter with you or expose our children to a war of words that no one will win. It's amazing you take no part in the break up of the marriage.

I've watched as you have typed this poison and alienated my daughter from me, by squarely putting her in the middle. When you degrade me the kids read it. How do you think that makes them feel about themselves. After all when you ridicule me you also ridicule half of who they are. You choose to stay in the gutter, and you keep (daughter) with you. Is that fair to her. (How is he "watching" me "type poison" if I have no contact with him? I'm so confused. And where am I spreading lies and poison?)

I have never spoken mean spirited to either of our children about you. In eight years I have encouraged them to always remember your birthday and Christmas. To always buy you a present even though your standard line was you didn't want any. I have asked them to provide info to you on FAFSA that you would have been eligible for while kids were in school. I expressed sadness over your lack of commitment to getting training for a new career... (edited). In the end I discussed elements of divorce decree.

I'm tired, I'm done. You want to continue to play the victim go ahead. I'm going to hire another attorney and we can go to court and fight a slander defamation suit. Grow up!!! Get a job! Leave our children out of it and get a life. (Apparently I have a life but not the life he wants for me. I am temporarily working for my brother's business and do other things but I've never told him because he doesn't need to know.)

Gods knows with the almost $$$$ I've given you and $$$$ I paid for college (not you) as you've implied. No, you don't need money. Take another tennis trip on me!!!! (Um, he doesn't pay alimony anymore and I took care of his kids who he never visited and house and all family expenses with that money.I am a person who doesn't need a lot of money to be happy. I have been calm and content and living within my means since he left. I don't think he can understand how I can be happy without huge material things.)
(I had not gone on a vacation or trip in our 25 years married so when we divorced I started watching and playing tennis again and it's something my daughter loves too, so we started going to tournaments and have a great time. But nobody ever told him this, I've been NC since 2005! So he must be looking at photos on my FB profile pic that is public. I have no idea, but why does he care?)

For my part I'm going on my first vacation in eight years. (Well when you have to impress an OW who lives with you with fancy material items, expensive dinners, a huge $450,000 house and a boat, SUVs, motorcycle, tanning bed and new furniture, expensive engagement ring, a wedding coming up I guess so...) My daughter and I go on a few tennis vacations because we are very frugal, enjoy the simple things and save for it all year.

Here's a judges opinion I thought was interesting maybe you can learn something from it.

"XH"

A Judge Talks to Divorcing Parents
“Your children have come into this world because of the two of you. Perhaps you two made lousy choices as to whom you decided to be the other parent. If so, that is your problem and your fault.

No matter what you think of the other party—or what your family thinks of the other party—these children are one half of each of you. Remember that, because every time you tell your child what an ‘idiot’ his father is, or what a ‘fool’ his mother is, or how bad the absent parent is, or what terrible things that person has done, you are telling the child half of him is bad.

That is an unforgivable thing to do to a child. That is not love. That is possession. If you do that to your children, you will destroy them as surely as if you had cut them into pieces, because that is what you are doing to their emotions.

I sincerely hope that you do not do that to your children. Think more about your children and less about yourselves, and make yours a selfless kind of love, not foolish or selfish, or your children will suffer.”


Judge Michael Haas
District Court
Minnesota

[This message edited by miadianna at 11:48 AM, May 3rd (Saturday)]


Me: BS 53
Son: 27 years old
Daughter: 25 years old
D-day(s) 9/23/94 - 1/31/05
Divorced 4/10/08

Posts: 7468 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Illinois
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

Oh puh-leeeeeeeeeeeeeze.

Your XWH and OW obviously need more drama (fuel) to continue showing everyone how it is them against the world and how they WILL overcome.

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

If he tries to sue you (which I doubt will happen), worry about it then. If people are posting things on FB or other social media, it isnt something YOU wrote.
I think he'll be hard pressed to prove anything.

He's trying to scare you (and your DD) into doing what he wants. Ignore.


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - R looks possible..

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6367 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

OMG, is he high? Does he smoke crack?

Don't even acknowledge this with a response of "okay". This reads like the ramblings of an extremely disturbed, unhinged person. A bat-shit crazy person. The kind who walks down the street & barks at people.

If you still have an attorney I would pay for an hour of his or her time & bring this to their attention. This would be laughable if it weren't so completely mentally insane.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9529 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

He is a hateful, ugly person.
Ignore him and his bitchy, whiny venom.
Don't worry about that court crap one bit until you are actually served with papers.

"Oh if he wants a story, I have many."

[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 4:08 PM, May 2nd (Friday)]


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7939 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Random thoughts
Member
Member # 2959
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

Is he by any chance related to Toronto's mayor Rob Ford?


Those three words are said too much and not enough.
Chasing Cars-Snow Patrol.
FWW

Posts: 1581 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Some where in New Jersey
miadianna
Member
Member # 10516
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

Is he by any chance related to Toronto's mayor Rob Ford?

He is still probably wondering how I know he cheated. Not sure if I should still hold it or not. I have from more than one OW: emails, chats, an email from current OW/wifestress telling him to go to a treatment center for sex addiction when they were cheating (he never did) some photos I took out of his wallet of women he was messing with.


Me: BS 53
Son: 27 years old
Daughter: 25 years old
D-day(s) 9/23/94 - 1/31/05
Divorced 4/10/08

Posts: 7468 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Illinois
TrustedHer
Member
Member # 23328
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

I agree with waiting until he files, for real, which I doubt will happen.

If it does, countersue and be sure to sue for attorney's fees. But get a real shark attorney for yourself; don't go it alone.

And I believe that during discovery, you can find out where he claims to have read all these things. Or admit he made all that up.

Your countersuit can then mention libel and slander on his part, since he has unjustly accused you of evil and criminal actions.

In fact, since your adult kids have been exposed to his poisonous lies, I believe you could sue for damages.

But until you get served, ignore, ignore, ignore. It's not real; it's the ravings of an unhinged NPD.

[This message edited by TrustedHer at 4:49 PM, May 2nd (Friday)]


Take care of yourself. There's a great future out there. It won't come to you; you have to go to it.

Posts: 5139 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
woundedby2
Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

It sounds like he was in an alcohol-fueled rage when he wrote that. He's tantruming because his children won't come to his wedding to the whore who helped split up their family.

Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. Pretend that was caught up in your spam filter and you never saw it.

What a jackass. I'd like to be a fly on the wall should he ever actually consult an attorney about his "case".

What a jackass.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7803 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
Gemini71
Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

O.M.G.!!! What a dickhead. Of course, no reply, but do document.

Now where do I start. First he says

I have never spoken mean spirited to either of our children about you
then he says
I expressed sadness over your lack of commitment to getting training for the new careers I chosen for you. In the end I discussed elements of divorce decree.
totally contradicting himself.

Did he even read the Judge's Opinion he attached? Not that there is anything wrong with what the judge said, but his inclusion of it is sooo condescending. Not to mention hypocritical.

And lets not forget the

new careers I chosen for you.
He doesn't get to choose anything for you anymore. Nor does he get to decide what the best use of your money is. You are absolutely right that it is no business of his how many vacations you do or do not take.

I am pissed off on your behalf at the arrogance of this POS! I totally understand your outrage. He must be truly miserable person.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1655 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Tickingtock
Member
Member # 41411
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

IF you responded to this, the only correct response would be:

I'm sorry, who is this?


Me: 31, exBGF, now married

Posts: 160 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: West Coast, USA
miadianna
Member
Member # 10516
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

[This message edited by miadianna at 3:11 AM, May 3rd (Saturday)]


Me: BS 53
Son: 27 years old
Daughter: 25 years old
D-day(s) 9/23/94 - 1/31/05
Divorced 4/10/08

Posts: 7468 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Illinois
Dreamboat
Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

When I read the title of this post I assumed it was one of the newer members. When I saw that it was you I thought "wth? Her X does not even exist in her world anymore. Hell, she hasn't even talked to him in years and years!!"

I know the email is upsetting, but you need to ignore it. He is trying to bully your DD by threatening you. But the sad fact is that she does not want anything to do with him. And there is no way he can take any legal action before the wedding and I truly believe this will go away after the wedding.

But I have to tell you what really caught my eye


In eight years I have encouraged them to always remember your birthday and Christmas.

When he had control over the kids via money he always forced them to acknowledge OW's bday and even attend parties at their house. That all stopped when he no longer had control and he is PISSED. And NOW DD won;t even attend the wedding of the 2 unicorn farting love birds??? How DARE she! Well, he will just... just... (and here is where is breaks down because he has nothing to hold over their head anymore --- so he attacked you).

If he actually does find a L who is willing to take on a frivolous case and file suit then you will know soon enough. Until then just ignore, like you have been doing for 9 years.

(((hugs)))


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17606 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
miadianna
Member
Member # 10516
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

When he had control over the kids via money he always forced them to acknowledge OW's bday and even attend parties at their house.

Yes, he did. He used to text them and say "Tomorrow is OW's birthday and it would be nice if you sent her a text or a birthday card." They never did. They had a housewarming party for his house with OW and he threw a 50th birthday party for himself and got mad and said "I want to feel special, you're supposed to make me feel special!" when my daughter said she was working that day.

And about my birthday and Christmas, well of course they know, they lived with me for their entire life. Very condescending of him.


Me: BS 53
Son: 27 years old
Daughter: 25 years old
D-day(s) 9/23/94 - 1/31/05
Divorced 4/10/08

Posts: 7468 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Illinois
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

Please ignore this completely - dude needs a checkup from the neck up.

You can't take someone to court because your ADULT child doesn't want anything to do with you.

They are 27 and 25 - not 7 and 5. I think maybe he has lost 20 years out of his memory or something. This shit is just bizarre!!

I wonder why you are reacting to this too. Why are you so worried? Even if you had been slating him for the last 9 years what do you think will come out of it? Nothing. Zip. Zilch. Nada.

Why aren't you blocking his number? There is no need for him to contact you. You don't need to justify anything to him or even listen to his opinions about you. IT HAS BEEN 9 YEARS, FFS.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5535 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
miadianna
Member
Member # 10516
Default  Posted: 6:16 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

SBB, he has never called me or contacted me directly before this. The fact that he had to ask my son for my email address means he didn't have it or forgot it. He is a coward. I did have to see him in court last November for some back alimony that he was trying to hide and the judge ordered him to pay it to me in a lump sum. He was very angry because I caught it. But he sat on the other side of the courtroom and never approached me, but came up to my 80 year-old mother when I was out of the room and yelled at her "Your daughter is trying to take a lot of money from me." She said to him "You're a bad role model for my grandchildren." I was not even in the room when this happened so maybe it's an overflow of that. I don't know. I haven't spoken to him since 2005.


Me: BS 53
Son: 27 years old
Daughter: 25 years old
D-day(s) 9/23/94 - 1/31/05
Divorced 4/10/08

Posts: 7468 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Illinois
woundedby2
Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

...my 80 year-old mother...said to him "You're a bad role model for my grandchildren."

Love her! That's awesome.

[This message edited by woundedby2 at 6:35 PM, May 2nd (Friday)]


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7803 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
nekorb
Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

Crickets to this guy.

What a jerk!!


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1832 | Registered: Aug 2013
miadianna
Member
Member # 10516
Default  Posted: 6:44 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

I wonder what he would do if he knew the kids call OW "Voldemort" when speaking of her in my presence and not by her name. They can't even say her first name.

My clueless sister says "Well, you do have tennis pics all over your FB page..." Sorry, is that a crime? And I'm not friends with anyone from his family.

[This message edited by miadianna at 6:55 PM, May 2nd (Friday)]


Me: BS 53
Son: 27 years old
Daughter: 25 years old
D-day(s) 9/23/94 - 1/31/05
Divorced 4/10/08

Posts: 7468 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Illinois
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

Mia, are your tennis pics public? Why not go ahead and lock those down to friends only? There's an easy way to go back and bring your whole profile to Friends Only. I'll type out instructions when I'm at my computer, if you'd like.

This guy doesn't deserve any kind of window into your life.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
miadianna
Member
Member # 10516
Default  Posted: 7:50 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

Thanks Amazonia. The tennis pics that are public are only those of my favorite tennis player. They are not of me, but he might have seen my profile pic which was public and it's a pic of me on a bicycle during the time I was at a tournament. I don't know how he found out I went to a tennis tournament with my daughter unless he was actively searching for it. He claimed not to have a FB.


Me: BS 53
Son: 27 years old
Daughter: 25 years old
D-day(s) 9/23/94 - 1/31/05
Divorced 4/10/08

Posts: 7468 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Illinois
Random thoughts
Member
Member # 2959
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

I don't know? Maybe he's right and you should be canning fruits and veggies in the basement or collecting stray cats.

Email him for what direction you should be taking right now!


Those three words are said too much and not enough.
Chasing Cars-Snow Patrol.
FWW

Posts: 1581 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Some where in New Jersey
Catwoman
Member
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

He can file whatever he pleases, but that doesn't mean that it has merit. It also doesn't mean he will get an attorney to take the case.

If he does, I would hire an attorney and have them file a motion for summary judgment as well as petition for fees and even sanctions for this being a "frivolous" lawsuit. I could see you getting everything to turn your way in this.

As the petitioner, it is up to him to prove his case. He can't. Hence you could go in for summary judgment and ask for your attorney fees and possibly sanctions as well.

Crickets is the only appropriate response at this point. Let him blow. He is unlikely to file, and if he does, please invite me to come and watch.

Cat


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29588 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
Lyonesse
Member
Member # 32943
Default  Posted: 7:58 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

It's not real; it's the ravings of an unhinged NPD.
This is my view, too. I can't believe the part where he was mad because you did not follow the career he chose for you?! Did I read that right???

There is not a damn thing he can sue for. He is just throwing a tantrum. Ignore.

I did wonder, though...do you think he discovered your SI posts? Could that be what he is referring to as "social media"?

ETA: by the way, your mother and your daughter are AWESOME!

[This message edited by Lyonesse at 7:59 PM, May 2nd (Friday)]


Me: BS, 40's.

Posts: 1794 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: West Coast
miadianna
Member
Member # 10516
Default  Posted: 8:00 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

Random, the best thing is OW is a bartender he met on the road traveling for work in another state. The country western bar is attached to the hotel he was staying at for a year, he only came home on the weekends. Eventually stopped coming home on weekends.

So maybe I should be a bartender who picks up married men on business trips and sleeps with them? He seems okay with that.


Me: BS 53
Son: 27 years old
Daughter: 25 years old
D-day(s) 9/23/94 - 1/31/05
Divorced 4/10/08

Posts: 7468 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Illinois
Catwoman
Member
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

There was a woman here years ago whose STBX found her SI profile and printed off hundreds of pages of her posts and took them to court. They were promptly thrown out by a judge with the admonition that if he hadn't done what he did, she wouldn't need to seek advice and comfort from an ANONYMOUS support board.

I wouldn't worry about SI in the least.

Cat


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29588 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
JerseyCowgirl
Member
Member # 41441
Default  Posted: 8:04 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

If it were me I would consider either 1) ignore his stupid ranting or 2) respond with: my attorney finds your email's to me fascinating!


Me: Divorced 2012
I know that when I truly love & honor myself I am at my best & most complete; and I will never settle for anything less from myself or from anyone else ever again!

Posts: 312 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Have not decided where to land yet!
Lyonesse
Member
Member # 32943
Default  Posted: 8:10 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

I agree with Cat - if it is SI posts, it still won't make any difference. He still has no case except in his disordered mind. I just like to think of some of these chickenshits getting to hear what real people actually think of their shenanigans.


Me: BS, 40's.

Posts: 1794 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: West Coast
miadianna
Member
Member # 10516
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

I've thought about him discovering SI. My name on here is similar but it doesn't come up if you search my real name. But if he did discover my posts, he would know I have a ton of evidence going back to 1994 when it all started and I would think if he knew that he would back off. I've never used his name on here or my name. I could be anybody.

I'm thinking when he said I am spreading lies to people who don't know "you, me, or what happened" he might be referring to the attorneys and judge. During the divorce I subpoenaed all of his financial statements and he had to highlight each check, receipt, gift, vehicle, or any marital money that went to the OW and write her name on it. He said that was "humiliating."


Me: BS 53
Son: 27 years old
Daughter: 25 years old
D-day(s) 9/23/94 - 1/31/05
Divorced 4/10/08

Posts: 7468 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Illinois
Lyonesse
Member
Member # 32943
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

He said that was "humiliating."

Yeah, that does sound cruel and abusive...particularly to a rainbow-colored unicorn who expected the consequences of infidelity to be treats.

Sorry, I know this whole situation is upsetting for you, but he is just so...ridiculous. I'm torn between wanting him to stop so you and your daughter can have some peace and wanting him to go on because his idiocy is so entertaining. I think I will sue your husband because he is creating this terrible moral dilemma for me and I find it humiliating. Most people only know my public persona as a nice person. He is very, very wrong for bringing out the bitch in me and I will sue him for his very shoelaces.

Eta: I mean EX-Husband. Ex. Ex. Ex!

[This message edited by Lyonesse at 8:33 PM, May 2nd (Friday)]


Me: BS, 40's.

Posts: 1794 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: West Coast
nekorb
Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

...particularly to a rainbow-colored unicorn who expected the consequences of infidelity to be treats.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1832 | Registered: Aug 2013
miadianna
Member
Member # 10516
Default  Posted: 8:39 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

Someone once sent me a picture of them drunk in a bar wearing toilet paper bandanas around their head. I have no idea where it was but I never told him I saw it.

[This message edited by miadianna at 3:09 AM, May 3rd (Saturday)]


Me: BS 53
Son: 27 years old
Daughter: 25 years old
D-day(s) 9/23/94 - 1/31/05
Divorced 4/10/08

Posts: 7468 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Illinois
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:59 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

What a loser. Don't lose any sleep over that douchebag an his delusional nonsense.

I'll hold your ear rings for this one.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7557 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 10:30 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

Anything public on your profile can be seen even if the other person doesn't have a facebook.

Two quick and easy settings you can change to lock things down:
1. Click on the little lock at the top right corner, and a drop down will open. Click "See more settings" at the bottom of that drop down. Your settings page will open.

On the left side bar, click Privacy if it's not already selected. Look for "Limit the audience for posts you've shared with friends of friends or Public?" under "Who can see my stuff?" Click the linked text to the right and it'll open the section.

Click the Limit Old Posts button, and it'll lock everything that you had as Public or Friends of Friends down to Friends. Anything you had more selectively shared will stay how you posted it.

2. On that same settings page, look for "Do you want other search engines to link to your timeline?" under "Who can look me up?"

When you click the linked text to the right, you'll see a check box in the section that opens - uncheck it.

Unless you're a public figure with a public profile that you want people to see for marketing purposes, there's really no good reason to have your profile indexed on search engines. This means, if your ex (or anyone) searches your name on Google, your profile would come up and he can get to it. If you're not indexed on search engines, he HAS to go to facebook to search for you. To search facebook, you have to be logged in. Not that it's hard to set up an account, but it's one small step that keeps you a little more private.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 11:16 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

Even if you did do all of the things he's accusing you of it isn't illegal.

He's mad at you. So.fucking.what?

I don't understand why anything he says bothers you. The sad clown thinks I'm the devil incarnate. I think he's a loser. He threatened me with an AVO and all sorts of ridiculous legal action because I called him and his whore whores. It made me laugh out loud.

Nothing he is accusing you of is illegal. Ignore it and block his email so you don't even have to see it.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5535 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
miadianna
Member
Member # 10516
Default  Posted: 12:40 AM, May 3rd (Saturday)

Thank you Amazonia. I'm going to check my settings and do that now.

My daughter came home from work and said her mind was so messed up she couldn't focus on anything. This is so cruel and selfish.


Me: BS 53
Son: 27 years old
Daughter: 25 years old
D-day(s) 9/23/94 - 1/31/05
Divorced 4/10/08

Posts: 7468 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Illinois
brokenapart
Member
Member # 8309
Default  Posted: 1:41 AM, May 3rd (Saturday)

(((((mia))))))

I'm assuming that he is talking about this site - as this is the only place that you've even mentioned the xh.. he can google a line of that letter he sent and this will come up, so if you don't want him to confirm that this is you, you may want to delete that..

did you ever post a picture here?

I think that you've actually been restrained in what you've said. He is angry because he is going to "lose face" if his children aren't at his wedding. That's really what I think this is about. As the date approaches, he is panicked about his reputation publicly, and he is lashing out at you. It's also possible that when taking stock of who is actually coming to his wedding, he is having to face that fact that his "friends and family list" is not as robust as he'd like. Well, that's all on him - you have nothing to do with that. If I was his soon to be wifetress, I'd be pretty upset that he was focusing so much head-space on you..

You have done anything to "defame" or slander him.. he has no case. Your then- adult children made their own decisions about him.. and given his behavior, it's absolutely understandable.

My own daughter has come to a similar decision about her father - and has, after several years now, cut communication. She is happier with that and is remarkably insightful about all of his failings as a human being - and I never said one negative word about him to her. Your kids can see for themselves what he is like and have made decisions.. he has to live with that consequence and it isn't making him happy..

boo hoo!

ignore him. He has no case against you.


me- BS
2 great kids
Divorced & living again.

"Let go or get dragged" - beaner

Life is Good


Posts: 10652 | Registered: Sep 2005
Bluebird26
Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 5:18 AM, May 3rd (Saturday)

I expressed sadness over your lack of commitment to getting training for the new careers I chosen for you.

Seriously he thinks he gets to choose your career? What a tool! Poor little baby no one wants him to be happy. Cry me a river!


You need to go NC, don't reply to the email. Block him completely, no phone email or anything else from him. If he wants to contact you it's via a lawyer. If threats continue contact the police.

Please lock your fb down, delete anything that might be misleading.

Do you have any friends or family that might be still 'friends' with him possibly sharing things you are sharing on FB even accidently? This happened to a friend and it turned out it was her own family that were doing it as they were still 'friends' with her lying cheating ex POS.

Please block all people with the name of your ex and OW. People might inadvertently comment on something of yours and then it appears in their newsfeed.

Lock your page & photos down.

Get your children to do this as well because if they are 'friends' with them they will be able to access your info. I have my children on restricted access I can see everything they have on Fb but they can't see anything on my page except my profile pic and background picture. I did this on purpose so the ex couldn't use their pages to gain info about me.

Their is also a function in the security settings, where you can view your page as a public member as well. It's a good way to see what others can see.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1321 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
PurpleRose
Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 7:23 AM, May 3rd (Saturday)

There was a woman here years ago whose STBX found her SI profile and printed off hundreds of pages of her posts and took them to court. They were promptly thrown out by a judge with the admonition that if he hadn't done what he did, she wouldn't need to seek advice and comfort from an ANONYMOUS support board.


Yeah... the Doosh did this. Actually gave them to my boss, and then used them in court. The judge was not impressed and in the end my posts damaged his case instead of helped- complete idiot. May as well have come out to the judge and said "I cheated!!"

I know how nerve wracking it is when you are just living your life and they throw a little wrench in... Best thing to do is ignore this until you truly need to deal with him in court. Since that is unlikely, then worrying about it is only borrowing stress!

I do feel sad for your kids now being stuck dealing with their loser father.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3555 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Helen of Troy
Member
Member # 26419
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, May 3rd (Saturday)

So the summary is that he is angry no one wants to go to his wedding and he says this is your fault for talking bad about him.
You didn't talk bad about him and he's been gone since 2005.
If this is correct you have nothing to worry about.
I mean what could he really do? Your kids are grown up, there is no financial tie. If he tried to sue you for that it seems like he would be laughed out of the courtroom.

Posts: 4693 | Registered: Dec 2009
SI Staff
Moderator
Member # 10
Red  Posted: 8:23 AM, May 3rd (Saturday)

Random thoughts -

Please remember to follow the guidelines.

NO POLITICS: We have zero tolerance of discussing politics here. No names, jokes, polls or debates are allowed. Violation of this guideline results in losing your profile.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 8:23 AM, May 3rd (Saturday)]


Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
ChoosingHope
Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, May 3rd (Saturday)

Hi miadianna,
I haven't read through all these pages, but just wanted to tell you that my STBX has threatened many times to sue me for defamation. He's a lawyer, too.

He also tried to put me in jail for using a key logger I didn't use (and can prove it).

For the key logger debacle, I had to talk to criminal attorneys, who saw my proof (and actually helped me to locate/identify this proof) and then talked me through this sort of thing. It is very difficult to sue someone for defamation. I think it's safe to say that it will be thrown out of court if he really tries to do it. The only problem is that you would probably need to hire an attorney to defend you at the first hearing.

So you don't want to get into that situation in the first place. You could either hire an attorney to write him a nasty letter right now. Or, if not, I would just ignore him and his threats. Go no contact.

I do agree with the others here about locking down social media. And I'm worried about you posting here. It's always been my biggest fear that STBX would find my posts here. And yes, if he continues to threaten you, you could hire an attorney to write to him, or call the police if it gets worse.

Sigh. He sounds mentally ill, just like my STBX. I'm sorry you're going through all this stress.


Posts: 1667 | Registered: Oct 2011
hoya96
Member
Member # 28851
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, May 3rd (Saturday)

My ex and OW took me to court over this, so I'll share my experience.

They (or their lawyer, rather) printed out over 300 pages of my personal blog, as well as several Twitter posts. It is locked, as is my blog (Wordpress account that required permission to access), but my ex's job is a forensic technology expert for law firms...so essentially he is used by lawyers to find evidence that clients want to hide.

Needless to say, NOTHING of mine is ever "hidden" or "locked".

In order for something to be slander, it must be false. I never lied. Yes, I wrote about their affair, and occasionally snarked about their antics on my locked Twitter account. But it was all TRUE.

As far as defamation of character, that's *extremely* difficult to prove, particularly if what you're saying is TRUE. I go back to that old adage "if you don't want anyone to find out what you're doing, don't do it".

In my case, the judge granted a MUTUAL injunction (even though I didn't argue anything about them - I don't ever look or follow them on social media so I have no idea what they say. I was even questioned on the stand by their lawyer "and do they post disparaging comments about you?" to which I coolly replied "I have no idea. I'm not interested in what THEY write on social media. I'm too busy with my own life" - that ended her line of questioning) on FURTHER postings. Even then, she only granted it with the explanation that my oldest is getting to the age where he could possibly find my blog online, and she felt it was in the best interest of the children for all parties to not post anything disparaging about the other. I didn't get "in trouble" - I didn't even get admonished by the judge - it was more of a "let's move forward and try to be nice for the sake of the kids" type of thing.

I really wouldn't worry about it. My hunch is that he's acting like a bully and trying to intimidate you.


Me: 40 and fabulous!
3 children ages 10, 12 and 14
Out of blue ex said he wanted separation 2/14/10
DDay #1: 5/23/10 18 month affair with his 22 yr old paralegal
DDay #2 9/22/10 my best friend, now his wife
Divorced: 12/10/10
Re-married a wonde

Posts: 316 | Registered: Jun 2010
NoMorDeceit
Member
Member # 23547
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, May 3rd (Saturday)

Don't even acknowledge this with a response of "okay". This reads like the ramblings of an extremely disturbed, unhinged person. A bat-shit crazy person. The kind who walks down the street & barks at people.

This. What a nutjob! Good luck to his new bride.

I would block him on everything. This is worth a couple hundred bucks to your attorney to send him a strongly worded cease and desist letter immediately. He is coocoo for cocoa puffs and he doesn't get to abuse you..he has a new bride to be to take that shit.

[This message edited by NoMorDeceit at 7:00 PM, May 3rd (Saturday)]


FBS, been through the D marathon too.
Many D Days in April 2009
Multiple affairs, LTAs, and many OWs
Reconciled... There is hope! :)


Posts: 494 | Registered: Apr 2009
smile_it_helps
Member
Member # 17569
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, May 3rd (Saturday)

My guess.

He is scaring you hoping you will show the email to your kids. He knows they will not want him to hurt you in anyway so he is hoping this will make them go to the wedding to keep the peace. As in see dad, mom didn't keep us from you. He knows your kids love you and will do anything to help and is using that angle to make them come to the wedding.

You already said your daughter is upset over this.
So if your daughter does decide to go to keep the peace and knowing she is not a drinker you may want to suggest she have a drink to take the edge off. LOl then maybe she will tell those stories.

Yes he and OW are bored. Got monotonous so started planning a wedding. Planning complete. Bored again. Need you to attack.


me bs
him fws
19 years
OW was my best friend
2 amazing kids
finding happiness again
separation 12/27/07
let him come back 3/25/08
Just had our 25th anniversary.

Posts: 382 | Registered: Jan 2008
Cally60
Member
Member # 23437
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, May 9th (Friday)

Yes. This is all about the wedding; about the fear of losing face and needing, or genuinely wanting, his children to be there.

I think he's also worried about the expense of the wedding, and perhaps about money generally. Hence the jibes about the tennis and telling you what an evil, money-grabbing ex-wife you are.

I honestly don't think you have anything to worry about. He's just trying every tactic he can think of. Think of it as a back-handed compliment. Because even though your daughter is refusing to attend, he obviously believes that if YOU ask her to go, she will.

[This message edited by Cally60 at 2:44 PM, May 9th (Friday)]


Posts: 2109 | Registered: Mar 2009
itainteasy
Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 12:46 AM, May 10th (Saturday)

See, I'm a bitch, so were I your daughter (and my parents' situation was similar--my father was/is a serial cheat),
I would GO to that wedding. I would GO to the wedding and my "funny little anecdote" would go like this:

"oh I remember the day my father brought Mrs. Slutface Whore into my life. See, he was married to MY MOTHER at the time, and he'd been cheating for a very, very long time. But, he DESERVES to be HAPPY, so here he is HAPPY with his slutty whore, Voldemart, whom I hate with every fiber of my being, and if you didn't get it, I hate him, too. I hope you both have the marriage you deserve, and by that I mean I hope you both show your true colors and cheat on each other until the very sight of each other makes you want to vomit on each other's designer pillowcases. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, and fuck you."

Then I'd probably throw my glass of champagne in their faces and walk out.

But, again, I'm a bitch, and I don't care if my father likes me.


Posts: 3355 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
sparkysable
Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 7:35 AM, May 11th (Sunday)

See, I'm a bitch, so were I your daughter (and my parents' situation was similar--my father was/is a serial cheat),
I would GO to that wedding. I would GO to the wedding and my "funny little anecdote" would go like this:
"oh I remember the day my father brought Mrs. Slutface Whore into my life. See, he was married to MY MOTHER at the time, and he'd been cheating for a very, very long time. But, he DESERVES to be HAPPY, so here he is HAPPY with his slutty whore, Voldemart, whom I hate with every fiber of my being, and if you didn't get it, I hate him, too. I hope you both have the marriage you deserve, and by that I mean I hope you both show your true colors and cheat on each other until the very sight of each other makes you want to vomit on each other's designer pillowcases. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, and fuck you."

Then I'd probably throw my glass of champagne in their faces and walk out.

But, again, I'm a bitch, and I don't care if my father likes me.

itainteasy, I am pretty sure that we are soul mates !


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3311 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Topic Posts: 55