SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Wayward Side
User Topic: Anxiety and the great outdoors
Unagie
Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, May 2nd (Friday)

I am becoming a recluse. I go out sometimes but the fear of seeing AP or even old coworkers makes me have anxiety. So today I go for a short walk down the block to the gas station for a soda. I am waiting and rolling my eyes at the antics of the idiot in front of me (cursing, poking fun at the guy behind the window, loud....ugh) and then I grab my soda and turn to leave. As I turn directly behind me is a man and for a moment I think its AP. I freaked out and walked away as quickly as possible. I tripped and almost fell, never looked back. Im 99% sure that it was not him and rather someone who looked similarly. I really need to get better with my anxiety.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."


Posts: 2760 | Registered: Oct 2012
20WrongsVs1
Member
Member # 39000
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, May 3rd (Saturday)

((Unagie))

That sounds just awful. FFS, you can''t spend the rest of your life in your apartment. I can sympathize but not relate, not sure I''ve ever felt anxious, I''m the fearless "leap before you look" type.

Our MC would probably ask, "So what would happen if you saw AP? Or your coworkers?" It would hurt, or feel embarrassing or shameful, but you wouldn''t spontaneously combust, or become a pillar of salt. You''d survive, right? I don''t have any sage advice, here, but clearly you''re torturing yourself with fear of seeing AP, and I hate to see you do that. It''s like, you''re inflicting pain on yourself from an imaginary event hasn''t even happened.


fWW: 42
BH: 52
DDay: April 21, 2013
Sweet DS & fierce DD, under 10
"Between stimulus and response there’s a space, in that space lies our power to choose our response, in our response lies our growth and our freedom." V. Frankl

Posts: 1230 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Redneck land
mrhurt314
New Member
Member # 31872
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, May 3rd (Saturday)

I hear you on the recluse thing, times a million. I have EXTREME anxiety when I step foot outside the safety of our home. The AP doesn't even live remotely near us, so I've never pinned that as a specific fear.

I've been chewing on it, and all I've come up with is a completely irrational fear of people knowing that I'm a horrible person. That, and I hate triggers. And it's like my brain actively seeks them out. Then the spiral. Then more anxiety and panic. And then I can't get home fast enough.

My apologies, that was a long way around to saying I understand anxiety and reclusiveness.


FWH 36
BW 35

Posts: 32 | Registered: Apr 2011
tired girl
Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, May 3rd (Saturday)

Unagie,

What are you doing at this point about your depression and anxiety?


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 5060 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
Unagie
Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, May 3rd (Saturday)

TG nothing with a professional counselor. I've tried continuing with the exercises my old counselor gave me. I try to redirect my focus when I identify the anxiety. No meds and still no money for anything but bills, my life is pretty much work and bills. Its not much of a life which is contributing to it all. I have a lot of I wants with no money for any of them and I have a ton of needs that I also have no money for including getting help for anxiety.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."


Posts: 2760 | Registered: Oct 2012
knightsbff
Member
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, May 4th (Sunday)

Unagie,

Mindfulness has done wonders for my anxiety. I was pretty reclusive for a while there. It was irritating to knight because I didn't want to go shopping, out to eat, to the movies or anywhere. It was rough. I only felt safe at home and I wanted to stay in my bedroom when home. That wasn't working.

There is a lot of free information online for Minfulness and there are a few free apps that really help with practicing as well.


FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

I edit often because I make a lot of typos. ☺️


Posts: 1499 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
KBeguile
Member
Member # 38348
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, May 4th (Sunday)

Unagie,

I'm going to be a slight voice of dissent here in saying that I've completely flipped from being an extroverted "go everywhere" guy to a completely introverted "stay home" guy. My reasoning is that I can't be a help to my family when I'm apart from my family.

I only say this because it's not always a bad thing that one takes stock of one's desires in the world and finds everything he or she wants has been at home all along.

That said, the anxiety you're feeling can probably be helped, but I'm saying that, in the bigger picture, being someone who prefers to be at home rather than not isn't necessarily a bad thing.


Me: fWS 32
Her: BS 35 (HeartInADustpan)
DS: 4yo
M: 7 years
DDays: 2012/11/14, 2013/02/05, 2013/03/09
-
"Everything that happens now is happening 'now.'"
"What happened to 'then'?"
"We passed 'then.'"

Posts: 801 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
Topic Posts: 7