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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Got hit on today
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, May 3rd (Saturday)

It was quite surreal.

There I was looking a complete mess in my leggings and t-shirt trying to mow the lawn with my flymo. The grass was too long and the lawn slopes, so it was a bit of an effort (US translation: really hard work).

I was mowing one particularly difficult patch (US translation: almost impossible & thought I''d break the mower trying) when a guy delivering the local curry house menus/recycling fodder stopped me. He offered to mow the rest of my lawn for me,for free because I seemed such a lovely lady. Body language made it clear he was interested in more than my lawn.

I was very British and made excuses until he left. I felt very awkward about it all. Firstly I didn''t find him attractive at all (he was far too young, for a start!). But also, I don''t see myself as available yet and felt a bit disturbed by it all: unsolicited attention from a bloke. And I was looking SO unattractive, sweaty/smelly...what was he thinking?


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - Susp EA 'The Baker'
COW - EA/PA 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
COW - Susp EA 'MiniMe'

Posts: 1061 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
kg201
Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, May 3rd (Saturday)

Sweaty and willing to mow the lawn? Sounds like a perfectly legit start to a description of an attractive woman...IMHO.

Take his flirting as a compliment and move on. Congrats!


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 725 | Registered: Aug 2013
justinpaintoday
Member
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, May 3rd (Saturday)

Savor the moment. Good for you


I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, May 3rd (Saturday)

Sweaty and willing to mow the lawn? Sounds like a perfectly legit start to a description of an attractive woman...IMHO.

Wish I had done it willingly...I was feeling shamed by the lovely lawns of all my neighbours. I must admit that mowing the lawn does make me miss The Arse sometimes


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - Susp EA 'The Baker'
COW - EA/PA 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
COW - Susp EA 'MiniMe'

Posts: 1061 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
MadeOfScars
Member
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, May 3rd (Saturday)

I agree with kg201. Something about a good-looking woman who's not afraid to work and get sweaty can be quite alluring. Enjoy the compliment!


“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ― Rumi

Posts: 1255 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 4:45 PM, May 3rd (Saturday)

I agree with kg201. Something about a good-looking woman who''s not afraid to work and get sweaty can be quite alluring. Enjoy the compliment!

Wow, you learn a new thing everyday! Must remember that for when the D goes through


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - Susp EA 'The Baker'
COW - EA/PA 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
COW - Susp EA 'MiniMe'

Posts: 1061 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
kg201
Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, May 3rd (Saturday)

To be honest, one of the best things I ever bought was an electric lawn mower. My X started mowing the lawn from time to time because the electrics don't require the hassled of the pull cord on the gas powered mowers.

Any other attractiveness advice that you might need?


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 725 | Registered: Aug 2013
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, May 3rd (Saturday)

I''m not trying to be attractive just yet! I''m going to need a mindset change when it all goes through, though, aren''t I?

The Arse and I met in my first year of university (US translation: college) and I''ve never done the whole dating scene. Scary territory ahead. But it''s probably a step forward that I''m thinking about life post D?


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - Susp EA 'The Baker'
COW - EA/PA 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
COW - Susp EA 'MiniMe'

Posts: 1061 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
kg201
Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, May 3rd (Saturday)

Absolutely it's good that you are thinking about the future. I can tell you that I started dating early after dday for most SIers, but I have been seeing a women since November, and I don't know where I would be in my recovery if it wasn't for our relationship. She has provided an emotional stability. She is also in the process of divorcing and I have also been able to be a support for her. It has felt good to give and receive, like a healthy relationship is supposed to be. I have been lucky.

When you are ready you'll jump into it. (UK translation: "when you are ready to fall arse over tit for a guy." Please notice the lower case "a"...not your particular former Arse)


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 725 | Registered: Aug 2013
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, May 3rd (Saturday)


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - Susp EA 'The Baker'
COW - EA/PA 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
COW - Susp EA 'MiniMe'

Posts: 1061 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:02 PM, May 3rd (Saturday)

I remember that strange phase when I started noticing male attention again. I had not noticed anything but overt hit ons for almost a decade and my reflex had become to shut that shit down immediately.

I've even been hit on while carting rubbish to my apartment complex's garbage area in the midst of one of my rage cleaning sessions. When I got back into my place I walked straight to my bathroom mirror and laughed out loud. I looked like a hot mess.

All I'll say is you will get used to it again.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
marlie2014
Member
Member # 40981
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, May 3rd (Saturday)

This is awesome! It keeps happening to me, too, and I was like SBB -- don't dare hit on me, I'm married, you scum...but in literally a matter of days now I will be 100% divorced, and then it's going to be...well, like open season. I'm kinda scared, actually.

Sometimes when it happens I'll think to myself, "Oh, I'm just imagining things," but then if it happens a second time I'll think, "I already knew that person was going to hit on me, I just wasn't admitting it to myself." Singleness after a long relationship feels really weird, doesn't it?


BS: 33
WS: 35 and definitely SA
Married: 9 years
1 stepchild, now 18 years old
DDay: 9/2/2013
ONS: Multiples over at least a 6-year period, at least twenty
1 OC 5 yrs old and another on the way (by different ONS)
DIVORCED AND FREE!!!!

Posts: 211 | Registered: Oct 2013
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, May 3rd (Saturday)

Singleness after a long relationship feels really weird, doesn't it?
Word.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25765 | Registered: Aug 2011
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 11:20 PM, May 3rd (Saturday)

You go girl!!!!
It's not unusual for us to get hit on when physically exerting ourselves and sweaty. I never understood the attraction, but I've been victim to it too!


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2335 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 1:41 AM, May 4th (Sunday)

I guess it''s new to me because, well, I''m not a gym bunny (too boring and too many leery men, shudder...oh, wait, now I understand! ).

I always did martial arts and the discipline is such in those classes that flirting isn''t tolerated, but I''m not into that stuff anymore. Maybe I need to find a new sport? I''m someone who doesn''t like exercise to feel like exercise, it needs to be fun.


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - Susp EA 'The Baker'
COW - EA/PA 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
COW - Susp EA 'MiniMe'

Posts: 1061 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
kg201
Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, May 4th (Sunday)

Rock climbing...and finding a climbing "partner" is half the fun.


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 725 | Registered: Aug 2013
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 7:38 AM, May 4th (Sunday)

Ooh, rockclimbing, good idea! I''ll need to build my upper body strength...who am I kidding, I have no upper body strength But could be fun!


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - Susp EA 'The Baker'
COW - EA/PA 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
COW - Susp EA 'MiniMe'

Posts: 1061 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
kg201
Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, May 4th (Sunday)

See that's one of the secrets of rock climbing, it's in the legs. Yes, upper body helps, especially in the hardest climbs, but without good foot work and strength, you'll get nowhere.

And unless there is a curry stand in the joint, there won't be any of your "type" to hit on you.


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 725 | Registered: Aug 2013
renee21
Member
Member # 27088
Default  Posted: 7:57 AM, May 4th (Sunday)

Hey look at it this way, you look good even when you think you are a mess!

I never got the sweaty mess thing either but have noticed men checking me out when I'm up front doing yard work too. Good to know though.

I know I'm just starting to notice when men are showing me attention because I spent 20 years avoiding it and ignoring it.

I'm not available yet either and it throws me through a loop when it happens.


BW(me) 36
WH-36 SA
Three kids 18, 16 and 9
Married 18 years.
Multiple D-Days, multiple OW and an OC
12/19/03,5/13/2004,12/5/2009, 2/20/2014
I am no longer a guest on the Jerry Springer Show.

Posts: 1327 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Florida
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, May 4th (Sunday)

I know I''m just starting to notice when men are showing me attention because I spent 20 years avoiding it and ignoring it.

Yes,that''s it. And if they were overt I''d just mention The Arse or tell them I was married. It was a great way to shut people down.

Quite frankly, I don''t know how to turn someone down when they''re doing the whole ''interested, flirty but not actually asking me out'' thing. It all feels very awkward. Any tips,anyone?


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - Susp EA 'The Baker'
COW - EA/PA 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
COW - Susp EA 'MiniMe'

Posts: 1061 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
kg201
Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, May 4th (Sunday)

Flirting is a game. I see it is a way to make the other person feel better, so when I flirt (and this is something I have only learned in my older age ) I try to focus on statements that can only be perceived as positive by the other person. And the flirting is not necessarily meant to seek a longer connection. So for example, I like flirting with retirees in appropriate moments (checkout lines in the grocery store). I might make a comment about how I like a shirt they're wearing, or I might play off something they said in a flirty way.

So rather than worrying about the intent, and about whether you need to turn them down, just see it is a way to connect with another human being. Flirting is a connection. Enjoy the part about having a moment with another person.

Of course if the other person gets too personal, or begins to talk about body parts as they move into creepy flirting, then point your lawn mower directly at them and threaten to trim their "grass stems" down if they do not leave you alone.


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 725 | Registered: Aug 2013
Rainbows
Member
Member # 39362
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, May 4th (Sunday)

You've still got it! It's a good sign of your healing that you're open to seeing it.

I've never understood getting noticed on days when I look random or am exerting myself. Maybe it's the pheromones?

I've been having some similar experiences and get confused by them. A friend of mine even flat out told me someone was putting the moves on me and I really didn't get it. My brain isn't used to going there.

I used to rock climb before I got married and just last night was thinking about starting back up again. I was in the best shape of my life when I was climbing and it really is a great way to meet people.

You build strength as you improve, so don't let that hold you back. Join a rock gym and take some classes.


There is always a rainbow after every storm.

Posts: 411 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
justjim
Member
Member # 41150
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, May 4th (Sunday)

You passed! LOL

Back when I was dating a little before I met the Skank, I used to joke with the ladies that I was dating that they would eventually undergo the "Wet Cat Test".

I ride a motorcycle... a LOT, so most of my dates involved a motorcycle ride. Often in the summertime in this part of the country, one encounters a thunderstorm.

Bad ones.

Inevitably, lady in question is going to get wet. Not just a little wet, but soaked to the bone. So I tell them they just took the "Wet Cat Test".

When they question that, I explain that if one were to take that beautiful white Persian cat from the cat food commercial on TV and toss her into a swimming pool, when that cat made it back to the side you would know without any doubt all you need to know about her on her WORST day. Drenched, cold, all of the frilly stuff gone, and highly PISSED OFF, if she still looks good and has a sense of humor about it... she's kind of special.

The guy saw you with the "Wet Cat" look, and still found you attractive. Take the compliment.


Follow your BRAIN.
Your HEART is stupid as shit.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Oct 2013
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, May 26th (Monday)

Ok, looks like a theme is developing here....

I was putting down a tent and a group of lads started making comments about me, but not to me, just...a bit loudly about what they thought of me to each other. Then as they passed by, loudly started talking about needing lots of loo roll (toilet tissue)

I''ve been camping all weekend at a festival. Not one look, word etc from anyone, that I noticed, UNTIL I''m doing manual work type stuff.

I seriously had NO IDEA that this could be a THING with some men?


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - Susp EA 'The Baker'
COW - EA/PA 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
COW - Susp EA 'MiniMe'

Posts: 1061 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
Topic Posts: 24